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AIBU?

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Parents buying a house for me? Should I be more grateful? Why am I so concerned?

583 replies

Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 01:07

This may be long. I will also change some details so it is not outing.

Over the years parents have offered to help buy a house but wanted to say where it was, know my full finances etc and I declined. I’ve not had a great 20 years financially and nearly lost a house recently due to divorce etc But 20 years have now passed. We have now moved local. Currently renting from a friend who has sold it - so we will need to vacate in 6-10 weeks, possibly 12-16 weeks. . I have some equity from a house sale. I can not afford much of a mortgage due to various reasons. So buying is not an option.

To rent a tiny 3 bed house here is £1500 or even more a month minimum, my salary is not even double that. So we were looking at moving further away again. My parents took me a see a for sale sign house and viewing 2 weeks ago and then revealed they had actually been there twice and had made an offer. The house is amazing 5 mins walk from the children’s schools etc far far better than any rental place we have seen.

Parents suggest a cash purchase. They buy it outright but want all of my savings and then I pay them an income for 10 years or if I can raise a mortgage to pay them off ie I raise a mortgage for £50 K or pay them £500 a month for 100 months - then they gift me the house. It is brought in their sole name. If they die I inherit the house - it’s a gift.

From their side - this is their entire money savings hence wanting my savings and monthly payments - but over 5-10 years they will actually be gifting a huge proportion of money to me. They want me to be liable for all bills, insurance, council tax etc and the savings I gift them 50 K -should I stop paying the £500 a month agreement and they aren’t able to get me out of the house if gives them security . They suggest buying it solely in their names on the deeds but I will give them my £50k savings although they will put it like £400 K into the house. An agreement in place, not the sell the house until youngest is 18. 10 years so a ten year plan . We are not moving from here for many reasons. Including father of my children is local.

They initially said I could put in my £50 K and they would put my name on the deeds but they changed that this evening. I’ve told them I can’t gift them my entire savings - what happens if they don’t gift me the house, or they don’t agree with my lifestyle or whatever - I’ve given it away.

They point out at paying them £500 a month should I want I could reduce the time from 10 years to 5 or even 3. The other way to look at it is renting is £17 000 a year minimum - so I’d lose more than that renting over 5 years. Ie pay x3 the rent with no hope of a percentage ownership.

From my side - I am responsible for all mantainence on the house but it’s not in my name - I said no to this. I’ve invested all my savings. This worries me. Parents want it that if they chose they could sell but would have to give me my money back. But the roof is in good repair as is the boiler and house is it good condition. I can’t move but this would be my forever dream home.

The kids are all settled in local outstanding schools etc and I have no desire to move - they need make that clear we want to live here parents are 70 odd but fit and healthy.

I know with his dad - dads brothers situation where he agreed to buy the son a house and son was going to pay them £1000 - he stopped paying his uncle and tNeither want to screw the other over but we do want to protect ourselves

In 3 years finances will be in a position where I could raise the 50 K mortgage needed at that point I could buy them out and I would aim to do it ASAP just in case they did need care etc so we would have it written it that as soon as I raise the 50 K the house is mine to avoid any issues.

There isn’t much trust not because of them or me. Dads brother bought a house for son and rented it to them to get the money back they stopped paying the rent and this meant dads brother was locked in a legal battle to either evict son or give up the house

The only that they would see first (holiday £100 K a year they have enough other assests to pay for their care if they need it. The 50 k really to ensure I am paying it and committed and giving them an income.

On one occasion they were going to gift me the house. But they are worried about income. On another they were happy for me to put my money in (much smaller % of the total cost) and then put it in joint names. Now it is theirs and I gift them my savings and pay rent but get given the house a few years down the line.

I’m so confused. We want to do them right thing.

OP posts:
LemonRoses · 25/03/2021 07:51

The greatest risk is that they may need social care at some point. If they own the house and are not living there themselves, it is a saleable asset that can be used to pay for care.
Residential care costs of £1000 per month soon eat into savings.

Then you need advice about reducing tax implications.

It’s generous and seemingly sensible, but there needs to be a proper legal agreement drawn up to protect both parties.

Mylovelyhorsee · 25/03/2021 07:52

I’d only say yes if your name goes on it too.

Gingefringe · 25/03/2021 07:53

You wouldnt be able to raise a commercial mortgage on the property if it is in their name.

harknesswitch · 25/03/2021 07:54

So they're not actually buying you a house. They're buying themselves a house, which YOU pay for. Sorry, but that would be a no

This is the absolute crux of the matter here.

It's a no from me too.

JustLyra · 25/03/2021 07:58

You need proper legal advice.

There are huge potential pitfalls in this- if your parents need care, if the die or if they divorce.

There is no automatic seven years where care costs come in. If it’s seen as deliberately getting rid of money to avoid care costs it can be gone after. Seven years is IHT and people often thing it applies to both.

If your parents were to go bankrupt your home would be at risk.

If they were to divorce your home would be at risk.

If they need care your home would be at risk.

If they did your home would be at risk.

However, the biggest pitfall here is that they don’t even have enough respect for you to include you in discussions. they have decided what house you will live in, they have decided what offer will be put in on that house and they have decided that you’ll give up all of your savings to them.

That will be their house. You will be beholden to them. You’ve been reluctant to get involved in them owning the house you live in before for good reason.

Do not do this without proper legal advise, and tbh I’d say do not do this with people who don’t even consult you before making an offer on a house they expect you to live in.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 25/03/2021 07:59

When my grandparents died my dad used his inheritance to buy me a flat. We had a Declaration of Trust drawn up and that says that I will pay him back OR should I sell the flat he gets whatever he's still owed first. The flat is in my name only. If your parents want you to stay in the area you need to get your parents to sign something similar. Having them owning your home with conditions is a bad idea.

Kpbffyjjgfi · 25/03/2021 08:01

We did similar to this. But....... The house is in my name. My dad bought our first home for us and we paid him £500 a month. We have moved twice since then to larger properties since having the children and he put the extra money to it for us. I stopped work after the children and he suggested we pay £200 a month instead. So incredibly generous and we are so very lucky. It gives us that security that we can never lose our home due to debts etc, and are able to pay an amount lower than any rent or mortgage. My dad uses the £200 a month for his social pub spending money! (pre covid)
But.... As I say, the house went into my name. And also my husbands. We also had something called a Declaration of Trust drawn up by the solicitor to place percentage ownership to husband and I, more for me as its my family money. Husband contributed zero but he is the one that pays my dad monthly.
I remember at the time my dad not knowing which way was best and whether he also wanted to be on the deeds aswell, but he decided not too and the solicitor agreed because I'm his only child and all inheritance will come to me anyway, and he wanted to "get rid" of some money anyway to reduce capital gains tax etc when he dies. (has to be gifted longer than 7 years)

In your situation, I think your parents are completely wrong expecting you to give them your entire savings because this could leave you in dire straights in the future if you lost your job for example. You really need to keep some savings. If you do give them the 50k you need to be added on to the deeds with a percentage ownership!! DO NOT DO IT OTHERWISE.

MsHedgehog · 25/03/2021 08:01

One more thing to think about is whether it could affect inheritance tax. I have no idea how it works but if it passes to you on their passing as a gift, could you be liable for inheritance tax?

GalleryGirl · 25/03/2021 08:02

Far too many strings to be a gift.
DP's parents bought him a house, that he pays them back for.
He put down a deposit (which was all his savings) , they paid the rest and he pays them back each month. But they've said recently to stop paying, as they want to gift it.

Either they buy the whole thing in their name and you pay rent OR its in your name and you pay deposit and repayments.

Classic wanting cake and eating it situation.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 25/03/2021 08:03

Hard pass from me unless on the deeds in some form

mulberry69 · 25/03/2021 08:03

No

Why can't you buy a house on your own 50k is more than enough for a deposit

Weatherwarnings · 25/03/2021 08:03

Say no Op. unless house is in your name with a contract to pay them back.

RebeccaCloud9 · 25/03/2021 08:04

As pps have said, what if one of them dies and the other remarries? My fil remarried a year after my mil died, sold the family home without telling his children and moved away and is now no contact. We don't expect any inheritance from him and his new wife - all this was unimaginable whilst mil was alive. Things can change. Massively.

jessycake · 25/03/2021 08:08

People on this site are obsessed with care home fees , they are trying to do a nice thing for their daughter, get her into a secure home, and want protect themselves if their daughter can't pay for any reason. Likewise their daughter wants to protect herself too , I think it requires legal advice .

jessstan2 · 25/03/2021 08:09

lampaperiwinkle, I think there is too much 'baggage' associated with your parents' offer, frankly, though I expect they mean well.

You will get there on your own eventually so it is probably not a good idea to accept. I expect others here have said the same, I haven't yet read the whole thread.

It smacks of trying to control you. If I could afford to buy somewhere for my offspring, or help them buy, I would but with no strings attached. When a gift is given, that's the end of it and the recipient is free to do as they please. I also wouldn't tell anyone else about it. Anything else would be like me trying to control.

If your parents have actually gone ahead with purchasing the property, could you rent it from them? That is if you want to. They would have a guaranteed income from the rent, they wouldn't rip you off but you could pay a decent amount like you do at the moment and be able to save a bit. Sorry if that has already been suggested.

RandomMess · 25/03/2021 08:11

Why can't they just loan you some money in the same way that a mortgage works? The loan is secured against the house, loan is legally sound, you pay them interest and perhaps capital monthly just like a mortgage.

It could still cause bad feeling but the money on both side would be protected.

Lalliella · 25/03/2021 08:13

Have a look at the thread about the FIL buying a cabin in the SIL’s garden in Skegness. There’s a lot of good info on that about selling properties to meet care home costs. If your parents needed care you could lose your house. Can they not lend you the money and have a shared ownership with you getting a mortgage?

CombatBarbie · 25/03/2021 08:15

The only way I'd accept their offer is if deeds are in both names. And you get a mortgage for what you can afford ie 100k plus your 50k deposit and they put in 300k as I'm not sure you can be gifted 300k without them being seen as deprivation of assets....I could be wrong though. But they receive no income from you because of the mortgage... If they want to gift you it then they will not have an issue with this.

Having it in their names alone would be a massive no no.... They could sell from under you, what if they need care? It would be sold to fund it.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 25/03/2021 08:15

I would investigate the legal side of things very thoroughly and only do this if it could be done in the most arm's length/above board way possible.

Eg can you have a proper agreement drawn up whereby you own the relevant % for your 50k at the outset, and there's a clear mechanism whereby you make regular payments to buy out more of your parents share over time? This gives you and your parents both protection.

EwwSprouts · 25/03/2021 08:16

They are not giving you a huge financial gift if only their names are on the deeds. You place yourself in a more precarious situation. Even if they are good people if they need longterm care at some point then that asset would need to be sold to pay for it.

ChikiTIKI · 25/03/2021 08:17

I think the property needs to be held in a trust. It can't then be sold unless everyone agrees, and you all have your set share. Your share could be increased at predetermined agreed dates if you have met the conditions of the agreement.

Moondust001 · 25/03/2021 08:18

I can see both points of view here - nobody is rich and everyone wants to protect their money for very good reasons. I think that you should all take proper legal advice as to the possibilities, not the opinions of well-meaning but uninformed anonymous internet posters. Then make a decision

Alcemeg · 25/03/2021 08:18

I would be inclined to say that I love them too much to let our relationship be eroded and poisoned by all the stressful crap that is obviously just an accident waiting to happen in a situation like this.

Penners99 · 25/03/2021 08:20

No, no and thrice no!

RB68 · 25/03/2021 08:22

I wouldn't do this - financially you are too tied. They can't tie you to the house and not them - you have no security, tied to the house for 10 years and they swipe any financial independence from you without your name on anything. If they pass away it goes into probate and there will likely be IHT to consider as well - they just need to do a monetary gift to help you purchase and if that means in 3 years so be it. Even a monetary gift could be problematic to be honest

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