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Parents buying a house for me? Should I be more grateful? Why am I so concerned?

583 replies

Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 01:07

This may be long. I will also change some details so it is not outing.

Over the years parents have offered to help buy a house but wanted to say where it was, know my full finances etc and I declined. I’ve not had a great 20 years financially and nearly lost a house recently due to divorce etc But 20 years have now passed. We have now moved local. Currently renting from a friend who has sold it - so we will need to vacate in 6-10 weeks, possibly 12-16 weeks. . I have some equity from a house sale. I can not afford much of a mortgage due to various reasons. So buying is not an option.

To rent a tiny 3 bed house here is £1500 or even more a month minimum, my salary is not even double that. So we were looking at moving further away again. My parents took me a see a for sale sign house and viewing 2 weeks ago and then revealed they had actually been there twice and had made an offer. The house is amazing 5 mins walk from the children’s schools etc far far better than any rental place we have seen.

Parents suggest a cash purchase. They buy it outright but want all of my savings and then I pay them an income for 10 years or if I can raise a mortgage to pay them off ie I raise a mortgage for £50 K or pay them £500 a month for 100 months - then they gift me the house. It is brought in their sole name. If they die I inherit the house - it’s a gift.

From their side - this is their entire money savings hence wanting my savings and monthly payments - but over 5-10 years they will actually be gifting a huge proportion of money to me. They want me to be liable for all bills, insurance, council tax etc and the savings I gift them 50 K -should I stop paying the £500 a month agreement and they aren’t able to get me out of the house if gives them security . They suggest buying it solely in their names on the deeds but I will give them my £50k savings although they will put it like £400 K into the house. An agreement in place, not the sell the house until youngest is 18. 10 years so a ten year plan . We are not moving from here for many reasons. Including father of my children is local.

They initially said I could put in my £50 K and they would put my name on the deeds but they changed that this evening. I’ve told them I can’t gift them my entire savings - what happens if they don’t gift me the house, or they don’t agree with my lifestyle or whatever - I’ve given it away.

They point out at paying them £500 a month should I want I could reduce the time from 10 years to 5 or even 3. The other way to look at it is renting is £17 000 a year minimum - so I’d lose more than that renting over 5 years. Ie pay x3 the rent with no hope of a percentage ownership.

From my side - I am responsible for all mantainence on the house but it’s not in my name - I said no to this. I’ve invested all my savings. This worries me. Parents want it that if they chose they could sell but would have to give me my money back. But the roof is in good repair as is the boiler and house is it good condition. I can’t move but this would be my forever dream home.

The kids are all settled in local outstanding schools etc and I have no desire to move - they need make that clear we want to live here parents are 70 odd but fit and healthy.

I know with his dad - dads brothers situation where he agreed to buy the son a house and son was going to pay them £1000 - he stopped paying his uncle and tNeither want to screw the other over but we do want to protect ourselves

In 3 years finances will be in a position where I could raise the 50 K mortgage needed at that point I could buy them out and I would aim to do it ASAP just in case they did need care etc so we would have it written it that as soon as I raise the 50 K the house is mine to avoid any issues.

There isn’t much trust not because of them or me. Dads brother bought a house for son and rented it to them to get the money back they stopped paying the rent and this meant dads brother was locked in a legal battle to either evict son or give up the house

The only that they would see first (holiday £100 K a year they have enough other assests to pay for their care if they need it. The 50 k really to ensure I am paying it and committed and giving them an income.

On one occasion they were going to gift me the house. But they are worried about income. On another they were happy for me to put my money in (much smaller % of the total cost) and then put it in joint names. Now it is theirs and I gift them my savings and pay rent but get given the house a few years down the line.

I’m so confused. We want to do them right thing.

OP posts:
Spudbyanyothername · 25/03/2021 21:15

Where you want to live, so close to schools, with update I think I’d go for it and be very glad!

Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 21:22

I don't really what to get into it. I did draft it out and then didn't go into details in my original post. They have huge amounts of other assets tied up that could be sold for care home -even if you look at £20K a month they have enough to last them a long time with selling their current house and some others. This is to secure the future for the children. I'm going to give them £50K and £120 K over 10 years for a nearly £500K house -that's pretty fair really. Solicitor said no need to worry about care home, etc they have enough and enough for IHT.
I will be loan free by 55 so I can't really complain. As for people saying 'they looked at a house how controlling' -actually I wouldn't look as I couldn't afford anything. This house I walked past my entire child hood on the way to a nature reserve it is perfect. And it is. Perfect, quiet but some neighbours, 5 min walk into town and open the back down = nature reserve. Walk down the side of the nature reserve schools for the kids -5 mins max. The house is small -but I mean small as in 1 large master bedroom which is a double -two smaller singles, but it has two bathrooms (other don't) and the ability to convert the garage and attach it to the house etc.

OP posts:
Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 21:23

Sorry typos -I don't really want to get into it! I actually know I'm beyond lucky I could not have afforded it on my own.

OP posts:
Iamaperiwinkle · 25/03/2021 21:24

Bloody hell!! Sorry open the back door =nature reserve. Bus stop into the nearest city -1 min walk away. Lots of parking and garage and large drive and the road has little parking on and is wide.

OP posts:
JustLyra · 25/03/2021 21:57

@AlwaysLatte

The care fees and deprivation of capital is still an issue (and there is no time limit on that!). Just out of curiosity, I can't find anything about this. At what age are you supposed to stop spending money in case you need it for care later? Genuine question, only I see here on MN perfectly fit and healthy people being told they shouldn't spend their money in case they need it to pay care fees sometime in the future.
It all depends on your circumstances and you local council as well.

The timing is important. The council will look at when you reduced your assets and see if, at the time, you could reasonably expect that you would need care and support. The local authority must decide based on all the case facts and clear reasons, which could be challenged.

It’s very open to interpretation, but people should be aware more local councils are going down this road.

There’s one in my village where the children are horrified that the council are fighting it because the money (an inheritance) was given away quite a long time ago. However, the parent had significant health issues and is disabled. The council have said that it was very very clear they’d likely need care. It’s going to be interesting as more councils make the decisions and more people challenge them.

People do need to know that the seven years thing is only related to IHT.

JustLyra · 25/03/2021 21:57

Sorry the bolded bit is from age uk

WisnaeMe · 25/03/2021 22:00

@Iamaperiwinkle

Sorry typos -I don't really want to get into it! I actually know I'm beyond lucky I could not have afforded it on my own.

It's fortunate they are able to help you OP, but protect yourself too. You're doing the right thing and taking the advice of a Lawyer 🌺

Skyliner001 · 26/03/2021 07:42

Just a quick one, it would be very difficult to prove deprivation of assets if I see original poster says there are multiple other assets to cover care for number of years. I don't think that is anything to worry about.

Congratulations! It sounds like you've got a gorgeous deal on a wonderful property. And it also sounds very fair, but also gives you the opportunity to have ownership. The house itself was probably worth a lot less than your parents day, and I'm sure it will give them an enormous amount of pleasure knowing that you are secure.

Enjoy the move, my parents did something very similar, and it's been really wonderful 💐

Alarae · 26/03/2021 07:51

Following your recent update, why don't the parents buy the house but then put a charge on it for the 50k they want? Essentially they would be akin to a mortgage lender?

Seems to solve the problem of them worrying about not getting any money back as if things went really tits up (complete family implosion) then they could apply to court to force you to sell.

Maybe a charge is what the solicitor meant when suggesting a (secured) loan.

JackieWeaverFever · 26/03/2021 07:55

@Iamaperiwinkle

I don't really what to get into it. I did draft it out and then didn't go into details in my original post. They have huge amounts of other assets tied up that could be sold for care home -even if you look at £20K a month they have enough to last them a long time with selling their current house and some others. This is to secure the future for the children. I'm going to give them £50K and £120 K over 10 years for a nearly £500K house -that's pretty fair really. Solicitor said no need to worry about care home, etc they have enough and enough for IHT. I will be loan free by 55 so I can't really complain. As for people saying 'they looked at a house how controlling' -actually I wouldn't look as I couldn't afford anything. This house I walked past my entire child hood on the way to a nature reserve it is perfect. And it is. Perfect, quiet but some neighbours, 5 min walk into town and open the back down = nature reserve. Walk down the side of the nature reserve schools for the kids -5 mins max. The house is small -but I mean small as in 1 large master bedroom which is a double -two smaller singles, but it has two bathrooms (other don't) and the ability to convert the garage and attach it to the house etc.
They are loaded. With multiple properties. Why do they need all your savings and 1k pm rent ?

I'd keep talking to them and get legal advise but honestly I don't get it.

RandomMess · 26/03/2021 08:38

That's great news that the solicitor put them right, presumably the loan will have a contract too then everything is above board.

Zenithbear · 26/03/2021 09:05

If they have a huge amount of assets what on earth do they need your savings and a substantial amount of rent money for?
This 'gift' Hmm

billy1966 · 26/03/2021 09:19

If they have huge assets, why the need to take every bit of your savings and the security they provide for a disaster.

Keeping 5,000 emergency money would be great if you can.

Be very wary of them.
Sounds like your gut is right.
Glad the solicitors have advised your name on the deeds.
Their suggestion was shocking.

Flowers
Saz12 · 26/03/2021 09:53

It sounds great, OP.

The “other assets” are tied up - so I’m guessing partly their own home, maybe a holiday home, maybe business venture or hobby they’re not ready to stop yet. So they don’t want to use those assets to give an income, therefore need rent to top up income.
The £50k is because they’re worried she’ll stop paying the rent for whatever reason, OP said as much in one of her earlier posts.

CheesyMother · 26/03/2021 10:45

If they want an income and have the cash to buy the house outright, why don’t they lend you the money to buy the house in your name? They can set it all up just like a mortgage without too much difficulty if you aren’t also having an actual mortgage (so they have a charge over the house etc and you have a legal agreement to make repayments etc). Then you would be buying it with a £50k (or less) deposit and a mortgage, but the lender is your parents rather than the bank. They then get an income (the mortgage repayments) and get to keep some of their cash savings, as you will be putting in a deposit.

I get that they are wary about this due to the other family situation that stopped working, but if it’s set up properly from the start as a loan secured on the house then even if you do stop paying it will be very easy for them to get their money back. They will have the right to take possession of the house and sell it, just like a bank would if you defaulted on your mortgage.

They can also chose to write off part of the loan in the future if they want to gift it to you at that stage.

You’d need to get some advice about what would happen if they needed to fund care, and you’d need to be aware that it would be difficult for you to get a mortgage from a bank unless you were getting one large enough to completely pay them off.

CheesyMother · 26/03/2021 10:48

@CheesyMother

If they want an income and have the cash to buy the house outright, why don’t they lend you the money to buy the house in your name? They can set it all up just like a mortgage without too much difficulty if you aren’t also having an actual mortgage (so they have a charge over the house etc and you have a legal agreement to make repayments etc). Then you would be buying it with a £50k (or less) deposit and a mortgage, but the lender is your parents rather than the bank. They then get an income (the mortgage repayments) and get to keep some of their cash savings, as you will be putting in a deposit.

I get that they are wary about this due to the other family situation that stopped working, but if it’s set up properly from the start as a loan secured on the house then even if you do stop paying it will be very easy for them to get their money back. They will have the right to take possession of the house and sell it, just like a bank would if you defaulted on your mortgage.

They can also chose to write off part of the loan in the future if they want to gift it to you at that stage.

You’d need to get some advice about what would happen if they needed to fund care, and you’d need to be aware that it would be difficult for you to get a mortgage from a bank unless you were getting one large enough to completely pay them off.

Sorry - I hadn’t read your updates before posting this! It sounds like this is exactly what the solicitor is suggesting.
alreadytaken · 26/03/2021 11:39

Any solicitor should basically be advising you to bite their hand off now, even if you have to hand over every penny of your savings - and you could probably talk your parents out of a small amount for emergencies in exchange for an extra year or so on the repayments.

As for the parents want some money back - there are a lot of entitled brats here! Assets tied up or just wanting to be sure that the OP is not taking their good fortune for granted/ will have a stake in the property - either should be fine.

HamFisted · 26/03/2021 14:22

Any solicitor should basically be advising you to bite their hand off now, even if you have to hand over every penny of your savings

Based on your extensive legal training, I presume?

WisnaeMe · 26/03/2021 14:49

@alreadytaken

Any solicitor should basically be advising you to bite their hand off now, even if you have to hand over every penny of your savings - and you could probably talk your parents out of a small amount for emergencies in exchange for an extra year or so on the repayments.

As for the parents want some money back - there are a lot of entitled brats here! Assets tied up or just wanting to be sure that the OP is not taking their good fortune for granted/ will have a stake in the property - either should be fine.

🤔 😳

TonTonMacoute · 26/03/2021 15:04

I'm glad you have both taken legal advice OP, and what the lawyers have suggested sounds much better and fairer than the original offer.

Enjoy your new home! 💐

alreadytaken · 26/03/2021 15:09

@HamFisted - apt name. Based on knowing the advantages of being in the property market and just how much of a financial benefit the parents are passing on. Only a fool would refuse.

CombatBarbie · 26/03/2021 15:54

I am so confused as to why you are repaying 120k if the house is a "gift". That's £1000 a month, but if your happy with the new terms then that's all that matters.

Are you an only child?

Ch0c0latechops · 26/03/2021 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Holly60 · 26/03/2021 16:59

If your parents want to buy a house and rent it out to you that’s fine, but why would they ask you to gift them £50,000???? That is essentially what they are proposing. If they want you to contribute to the purchase of the house, you need to be put on the mortgage somehow. It doesn’t sound like your parents are really considering your best interests.

Iamaperiwinkle · 26/03/2021 19:14

@Zenithbear

If they have a huge amount of assets what on earth do they need your savings and a substantial amount of rent money for? This 'gift' Hmm
Their money is tied up in property.
OP posts: