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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU for only wanting a TV in the living room?

175 replies

MsHardy · 24/03/2021 21:45

My DH has talked about wanting a TV in our bedroom and in the kitchen since we met years ago. In our old house it wasn't possible (kitchen too small) and I said no to having one in our bedroom as I like our bedroom being an intimate space.

DH's beloved TV started to break a few years ago and he began to talk about getting a new 4K one. So as a birthday gift I bought him a new one- incredibly expensive and a model I knew he wanted. As far as I was concerned, we were just replacing our one and only TV with a better one and that was it.

We are 4 months into decorating our new house, about to finish, and tonight he has suddenly produced the old TV and wants it in either the kitchen or our spare bedroom. (He kept it because it is 3D-enabled, so he will use it to watch 3D films, despite the screen being messed up, hence me buying the original replacement!)

I really don't want more than one TV in our small house because I feel it's unnecessary - our kitchen/living room is sort of open plan so feels weird to have two and a 60 inch TV in a small bedroom feels weird. I don't know why it bothers me so much - I guess I feel our intimacy will suffer?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Grenlei · 25/03/2021 02:47

YABU - I never understand the MN obsession with not having TVs in bedrooms...we have one in every bedroom, the lounge, kitchen and a projector in the gym. We don't have one in the dining room as that room isn't used regularly. Also none in the bathroom though all the wiring is there for one if I wanted to install it but tbh we tend to have showers rather than baths so it would be a bit pointless.

I've had a TV in my bedroom since I bought my first house in 1997, not having one now would seem very odd! Luckily DP has always had a bedroom TV too, so feels the same way.

Cattitudes · 25/03/2021 06:12

We just have one TV, people use phones if the main TV is in use. 14yr old probably watches the most and moans the most if chucked off it, but doesn't hurt them to go and do something else. I think in a spare room it would be OK, wouldn't want it in bedroom or kitchen though.

Aprilx · 25/03/2021 06:21

I had a TV in my bedroom when I was a teenager, so over 30 years ago, but otherwise no, I don’t think TVs belong in the bedroom. I relented once when we had a spare TV and had it in the bedroom for two years or so (this was before tablets) but I was glad to get rid in the end.

We wouldn’t have space for a TV anywhere else, DH sometimes wants to watch things whilst he cooks and he uses his iPad. It doesn’t sound like you have any suitable space for a spare TV, I would keep arguing no.

MaryIsA · 25/03/2021 06:25

Remember hotels? Loved it as a treat when away with work or on holiday to lie in bed an watch TV.

At home, just no.

We don’t have any kids at home though....

Just one ridiculously large tv in the sitting room that dh chose.

mummylovesthesunshine · 25/03/2021 06:31

Yanbu. We have one tv in the living room for the dc to watch some YouTube or Netflix. The grownups don't care for tv.

NerrSnerr · 25/03/2021 06:37

I think you need to find some kind of compromise as it's his home as well.

Shoxfordian · 25/03/2021 06:50

Yeah you should compromise
It sounds like he’s expecting an argument so that’s why he hid the old one

PutItInNeutral · 25/03/2021 06:51

@steff13

From the OP, he's not suggesting it goes in their bedroom, he's suggesting it goes in the spare room. I don't see why that's a problem
This. It seems like the DH is compromising with this suggestion. You already have the TV. My DH and I sometimes want to watch different things, so we do something similar.
rwalker · 25/03/2021 06:52

The thing is isn't just upto you

Marmite27 · 25/03/2021 06:57

YANBU. We have one in the living room and one in the spare room / office.

If anyone is unwell they can watch tv in bed in the spare room.

The kitchen has no need of a tv, we’d sit and watch it at meal times rather than talking to each other.

I said no to one in our bedroom as DH suffers from insomnia, and the noise and flickering light of a tv all night used to disturb my sleep. I know he found it difficult not sleeping, but I shouldn’t have to be disturbed too. He can also go in the spare room if he wants. Funnily enough since this rule 15 years ago he’s slept better.

Occasionally I long for watching tv in bed, we did discuss it this time last year, but ultimately came down on the no side of the decision.

Sparklingbrook · 25/03/2021 07:00

I have a massive bedroom telly. It’s so nice and relaxing to lie in bed and watch something before going to sleep. I also put it in on in the morning and have a cuppa before getting up. It’s on right now-the news.
Sometimes I even have toast too Shock

RevolvingPivot · 25/03/2021 07:07

We have one downstairs and 3 upstairs. With phones / iPads it would make a difference whether the kids had one anyway.

Bluntness100 · 25/03/2021 07:07

How often is the spare bedroom used? I think that as it’s his home too he has an equal right to choose and it’s not your bedroom it’s the spare one, so I don’t understand how it will impact your intimacy?

We have two living rooms so two TVs, and I think it’s a great idea, if you wish to watch different things occasionally. We don’t have them any where other than living rooms.

I do think living together is about compromise. Not one dictating to the other, and the spare room seems a good compromise to me.

Kottbullar · 25/03/2021 07:13

YANBU we lived out of a bedroom for years longing for a sitting room to watch television in and vowed we'd never have one in the bedroom again.
His family think we're weird because we don't have televisions all over the place, particularly as when we moved in to our current here was one in the main bathroom and we got rid of it.

TheOnlyKoiInAPondOfGoldfish · 25/03/2021 07:13

Well exH was a "no tv in bedroom" guy - once we were divorced tablets and on line media had arrived so I saw no need to change that - just watched on iPad- but I did like a tv in the kitchen while preparing meals. The teen dc had TVs in their rooms.

I've now moved to a smaller place and no room for a tv in the kitchen so I put it in my bedroom - what a joy! I'm at an age (nearer 70 than 60!) when I was getting fed up of sitting in the living room watching a prog I really enjoy, then realising it's 1am, I'd fallen asleep before the end, tv has turned itself off, I can't remember who done it, and now have to get up, get undressed, clean teeth and go to bed. By which time I'm wide awake again.

So now, once it gets to about 8:30pm I can get into bed and watch. If I fall asleep then no problem, it's bliss! I'm up at dawn with the dogs anyway so can't really do late nights.

BeeDavis · 25/03/2021 07:15

I think YABU. We have a telly in the kitchen and pur bedroom and it doesn’t affect intimacy one bit!!!

Diamondnights · 25/03/2021 07:17

I’m with you OP on not wanting TVs in the bedrooms. It’s not just your house though, so you can’t just state your preference and demand that it is so (sadly).

DynamoKev · 25/03/2021 07:23

@riotlady

I don’t get why a tv in the bedroom would destroy intimacy but tablets/laptops don’t?
Agreed DP has a no tv in bedroom “rule” so I gave away the old one.

Now comes to bed and watches stuff on laptop or phone - what the fuck is the difference?

folloyourarro · 25/03/2021 07:26

It's his house too, your say doesn't trunk his, if you're precious about the bedroom I'd compromise with the kitchen. I find it odd your intimacy is so fragile a TV would spoil it?! We have a TV in our bedroom, I only watch it when DH is working away. Our intimacy is just fine.....

folloyourarro · 25/03/2021 07:27

*trump

Houlyerwhisht · 25/03/2021 07:28

This kind of thing is difficult when you're in a relationship. I am single and I love TV! I like to watch the news in the morning while I'm getting ready for work. I watch catch-up stuff downstairs while I'm having my tea and during the winter I like to sit in bed to watch stuff quite early. I'd miss having a TV in my room.

Arbadacarba · 25/03/2021 07:30

I can see why it would be a good idea if there was frequent conflict over what to watch - one of you can watch in the bedroom, problem solved.

I'm rarely that bothered so it's not necessary to have more than one in my house. Years ago when I was ill my husband set up an old TV in the bedroom for a couple of weeks but that was in the days of analogue TV and we live practically on top of a TV transmitter so we didn't need to use any kind of external arial.

userxx · 25/03/2021 07:30

I could happily live without a tv, there is one in the bedroom but it's not really used.

LoveDrunk · 25/03/2021 07:30

Agreed DP has a no tv in bedroom “rule” so I gave away the old one.
Now comes to bed and watches stuff on laptop or phone - what the fuck is the difference?

That would really piss me off. He’d arrive home to find a lovely new big TV on the bedroom wall. 😬

yoshiblue · 25/03/2021 07:31

I was brought up with TVs everywhere - lounge, dining room, kitchen, all bedrooms, Dad even had a portable one for decorating!!!

I know this was 30 years ago, but family conversation suffered and I never really read as a child, which affected my education. Worth thinking about if you have or are planning children.

Now I'm a mum, we only have a tv in our lounge. I couldn't imagine having ones elsewhere, I couldn't bear it. One the rare occasion I want to watch something while cooking eg coronavirus briefing (!) I'll use my MacBook.