To wonder if giving up the booze was really worth it?

[SnafuButGreyNow]

Last summer I stopped drinking. I'd been drinking too much and too regularly, was feeling crappy most days, etc etc, so I cut it out completely. I had two glasses of champagne on Christmas Day but apart from that, nada.

But...I'm not convinced it was worth it! I've lost no weight, my skin isn't clearer, my eyes aren't brighter, I don't really have any more energy. Ok, I don't wake up with a hangover any longer but due to a chronic pain issue I still need painkillers most mornings so I don't feel as if I've gained 'freedom' much there.

DH still has a couple of glasses of wine most days and tbh I miss sharing a bottle with him whilst we cook dinner. Summer is approaching and I feel a bit sad that I won't be mixing up the Aperol Spritz or making a lovely g&t with lots of ice and cucumber, or opening a fridge-cold bottle of Picpoul.

I find it hard to moderate and I don't like 'mocktails'. Alcohol-free 'booze' mainly tastes crappy. Part of me just thinks, fuck it, why bother, just drink if you want to. And to be really honest, whilst I completely understand the ridiculousness of our cultural obsession with equating drinking with having a good time, I do feel a bit boring and puritanical when I'm not drinking .

So AIBU to think, meh, what was the point?

[bluebellation]

OP, if you like bitter drinks, I can recommend Fevertree pink tonic water- it actually has a dash of Angostura Bitters in and is lovely with ice and a slice. Not QUITE as nice without gin, but you can kid yourself - up to a point

[IceCreamAndCandyfloss]

The health benefits alone of not drinking daily will be good for your body and immune system.

Maybe find other things to do at night and when socialising find an alternative you do like or just don’t serve alcohol.

We were never big drinks (wouldn’t have dated someone who drank a lot) and so there’s rarely anything alcohol wise in the house. Having grown up around big drinkers I didn’t want that role model for mine.

[lifeinlimbo2020]

@BIWI

You have shown that you can exert considerable willpower, by giving up for so long. Why not use that willpower in a different way? So drink only at the weekends, and stay dry during the week?

I find that once I start, it's difficult to stop - so there's no such thing as 'just one glass' for me! But Mon-Weds here is alcohol-free (unless we go out, obviously - remember going out?!). Generally speaking we would only be going out at the weekend anyway.

I haven't found an alcohol-free wine that is palatable, but I have found a beer - Brewdog's Nanny State is really, really good. It has that nice bitter taste that I think you're also after. Like you I don't enjoy sweet drinks.

On alcohol-free nights I might have one of those as my 'marker' drink, when I'm cooking dinner, and then after that I'm happy to drink sparkling water. We do have two sugar-free cordials that we use as well - PLJ, which stands for Pure Lemon Juice, and is nice and sharp. DH likesTeisseire sugar-free grenadine, which I like when it's very weak. It is sweeter though.

@BIWI I love Nanny State too. Brew Dog now do about six different ones and they're all pretty good just fyi. Found them online on their website. I also love PLJ but get the lime one and have it with sparkling water 👍👍

[ThatOtherPoster]

I missed the unbridled joy that a lovely drink brings, the relaxing feeling and the living in the moment feeling.

The weird thing about booze is, the first drink or two gives you the euphoria. So why doesn’t anyone stop there? We all carry on, despite knowing subsequent glasses will bring all the crap - the loss of coordination, slurring, etc.

[BurbageBrook]

It sounds like a mindset issue and a self-fulfilling prophecy -- you believe life was preferable before you quit and that alcohol made life more pleasurable and so you of course feel deprived now. But it's mainly a psychological thing. If you want to stay sober, I would recommend reading some sobriety books like This Naked Mind, Quit like a Woman or the Unexpected Joy of being sober, to reset your mindset around alcohol.

Alcohol is strongly associated with many cancers so you've never lost anything by quitting - even if just for a bit. The benefits aren't necessarily always visible.

[Meruem]

I read this naked mind and did not relate to it at all. The woman had this high flying career, sociable lifestyle and loving partner. I have none of those things. If someone can recommend a book by at eternal singleton, few friends and a blah job who manages to quit then I'd be interested in reading it!

[Hazelnutlatteplease]

Do you have children or anyone who depends on you? If you die young would it matter? Is it better to live a shorter hedonistic life or a longer stoical one?

[BurbageBrook]

@Meruem, you may find Catherine Gray's 'Unexpected joy of being sober' better. She's single, though her job isn't 'blah' - but I liked it. My favourite one I read was Jason Vale though. I wasn't even a huge drinker, just needed support to stop doing it so often.

[BurbageBrook]

I should say though that a friend of mine who was a VERY big drinker & an alcoholic managed to quit completely after reading the Jason Vale book. I stopped for a bit but now drink again in moderation.

[ColouringPencils]

Just popping in to say I understand! I did dry Jan, got through Feb and half of March and then started 'worrying' about the lovely glasses of wine I couldn't have on a warm summer's day or that buzzy feeling of going out for a drink before a lovely restaurant. It wasn't even warm and the pubs and restaurants were closed, I just felt like I was missing out. I've started drinking again, just at the weekends.

[Nuitsdesetoiles]

@longestlurkerever

This is an interesting thread. I'm a bit the same op, I have never given up for as long as you but when I've done things like dry Jan I've been surprised by how much I do actually miss drinking. Life does feel a bit flat and bleak and I do feel more socially awkward and self conscious. The only real benefit I see is feeling virtuous about my long term health because alcohol doesn't really have negative impacts on my life at the moment and I genuinely enjoy it. But I do know I would be healthier if I drank less. It's ultimately a question of how much good health is worth. On one level everything of course, but not on every level. Death still comes to the most virtuous after all. I dunno.

I'd be interested to hear what you decide.

This completely this. I've done a few extended periods, I'm always bored out of my brain and feel miserable. X 2 pregnancies just hated it. Hated socialising. I recognise now I'm older it affects my sleep and concentration too much to drink when I have work the next day so I just save it for weekends. I've been on spa days, sober yoga retreats, done loads of excercise all of that, ok but it's not as fun as enjoying a glass of rose at a café in the sun in a European city somewhere or sharing a bottle of red with a mate over a nice dinner, beers with a BBQ, and Xmas and New year without booze is dull as hell. I also feel uncomfortable drinking around ex drinkers who wax evangelical about how much it's benefitted them, like I'm being judged. It's just not the same vibe. I also find ex drinkers who've found themselves like to talk at length about themselves. I know that doesn't apply to everyone just the majority of the ones I know in RL

[Sssloou]

I also feel uncomfortable drinking around ex drinkers who wax evangelical about how much it's benefitted them, like I'm being judged. It's just not the same vibe. I also find ex drinkers who've found themselves like to talk at length about themselves. I know that doesn't apply to everyone just the majority of the ones I know in RL.

I agree with this to a degree - although I don’t feel judged. It’s just as tedious as people who yap on unsolicited in a monologue about their life enhancing yats milk turmeric latte whilst you tuck into an Egg McMuffin.

It’s just rude, condescending, smug, and socially inept.

These types were total bores and socially inept when drinking - same when sober.

And it all about finding the right balance for you personally. No one is saying be teetotal, alcohol plays a joyous part in many people’s lives. But when it becomes problematic for you and/or your loved you need to be able to decide if you want to adapt your intake and if you are able to moderate or if you want support and encouragement.

[FirsAndFairylights]

I've found this a really interesting read. I'm 13 weeks sober now and have similar feelings, OP. For me, the most helpful thing is to 'play the tape to the end', and be realistic about where drinking leads me - nowhere catastrophic, just crappy hangovers, awful emotional feelings, embarrassment about my overly open and loud drunken declarations etc, and ultimately it never feels worth having that much-craved drink.

The only thing I 'miss' is the ceremony of opening or pouring that first drink, it's always downhill from there but I can't trust myself to remember that or make good decisions after even one drink because I get so bloody carried away with the lovely feeling of the alcohol in my body. I really wish I wasn't like this. But I think it's time to accept that I am.

[Flowers24]

@ThatOtherPoster

I missed the unbridled joy that a lovely drink brings, the relaxing feeling and the living in the moment feeling.

The weird thing about booze is, the first drink or two gives you the euphoria. So why doesn’t anyone stop there? We all carry on, despite knowing subsequent glasses will bring all the crap - the loss of coordination, slurring, etc.

I do stop after 2 but thats only because i dont feel the urge to go on further, i know some might

[Mummadeze]

I have drunk twice in the past 15 months and it has been a revelation for me. I haven’t lost weight but I have been happier, felt healthier, done more exercise and have even written a novel. I have had one spot on my face in all this time too. I just want to keep it going so much but just don’t think I will be able to once my social life starts again. I can’t see how I could go for drinks with my friends and not have drinks. They won’t like it and I will feel out of place. I don’t want to lose all my friends but am scared of binge drinking again as I find it hard to stop once I have one. I am an all or nothing person unfortunately.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe]

Leftturnstaightahead, it is always the drinkers who call non-drinkers 'boring'. It's the defence of the drinker but most non-drinkers couldn't care less whether other people are drinking or not - just as long as the alcohol doesn't impact to the detriment of people around them.

It's not that I wouldn't get invited out with drinkers, I do, the drinkers that I do go out with wouldn't call me sanctimonious, pious or any other names because I'm not. The only people who would are those who have a problem with their drinking.

I mix with drinkers and non-drinkers, I can have sparkling water with a slice and ice, looks exactly the same as any other drink and why would anybody care?

Quite honestly, if anybody's ability to be 'fun' is dependent on what's in their glass then that's pretty sad. I've seen my share of drinkers who think they are 'fun'. Babbling incoherently, interrupting, unable to focus and very loud; it's absolutely not what they see though.

It doesn't need to be 'them and us', it's a bloody drink ffs, alcoholic or not, it doesn't define us.

[Delatron]

It’s all about moderation. If you can moderate.

Research has shown moderate drinkers live longer than heavy drinkers and teetotallers. What they don’t know is why. Do moderate drinkers moderate in all areas of life? Are they slightly wealthier. Etc. You can’t separate all those facts out.

But what that says to me (who is able to moderate) that I don’t need to give up completely. Life is short. Moderation in all areas is key. Now if you don’t like alcohol/get awful hangovers after one glass/ have issues with alcohol then of course abstaining is best. Just not necessary for everyone.

Also light drinkers were shown to be less at risk of cancer. But again it’s unclear why.

[Wineless]

This is so interesting! I've been alcohol free since January - and name changed because I'm in some of the threads on alcohol support where people are comparing their amazing achievements after quitting... And I just don't feel anything! Okay, I do sleep better but it happened straight after quitting so I kind of have forgotten! And my weight is the same, my face looks the same and what is worse my mood is all over the place. I can't find happiness in anything and I definitely haven't run a marathon lol

How you used to drink sounds exactly like me, glass, two or sometimes three pretty much every day. Wanted to cut back but at the same time didn't. It must be so hard to understand if you haven't my been there!

Like you, I've been thinking I might just as well just crack open but this has really been a good read. Health reasons are good ones.

I enjoyed Annie Grace's book and I might read it again. I agree it wasn't massively relatable but it did something to my brain and it helped me through the first weeks.

[Leftturnstraightahead]

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Leftturnstaightahead, it is always the drinkers who call non-drinkers 'boring'. It's the defence of the drinker but most non-drinkers couldn't care less whether other people are drinking or not - just as long as the alcohol doesn't impact to the detriment of people around them.

It's not that I wouldn't get invited out with drinkers, I do, the drinkers that I do go out with wouldn't call me sanctimonious, pious or any other names because I'm not. The only people who would are those who have a problem with their drinking.

I mix with drinkers and non-drinkers, I can have sparkling water with a slice and ice, looks exactly the same as any other drink and why would anybody care?

Quite honestly, if anybody's ability to be 'fun' is dependent on what's in their glass then that's pretty sad. I've seen my share of drinkers who think they are 'fun'. Babbling incoherently, interrupting, unable to focus and very loud; it's absolutely not what they see though.

It doesn't need to be 'them and us', it's a bloody drink ffs, alcoholic or not, it doesn't define us.

I think you missed my point - people who go on about not drinking and how amazing you are/it is are boring...I'm happy for you if people you know just love to listen to you bang on all night about how much you don't drink and how great your life is as a consequence. You have found your people!

[ZenNudist]

I managed dry January and dry February then have been having one or two on a Friday or Saturday. Last weekend I drank half a bottle of red wine on a Friday night which made me feel rough. The weekend before I had a margarita which made me feel yuk the next day.

I have not lost any weight despite also giving up on sugar as well.

But I do feel it's better for my health to be largely teetotal.

If you could have 1 or2 and enjoy it that would be great but if you want to do it every night thats really not good. I figure from a cancer causing perspective its best to stay dryer.

How about an Aperol spritz on a weekend eve? Leave it the rest of the time. Get those small bottles of prosecco from Aldi so you're not tempted to go in for more.

A work colleague recommended the small bottles of wine from m&s but clearly you dont need that as you're resisting DHs.

It annoying my DH is drinking more in lockdown and I wish he wouldn't but I exercise diet and have healthy habits for me so I can't get hung up on what he does.

[girlofnow]

I don't think you do it for looking better. I think you do it for health. I drink about three bottles of wine a week and whenever I've given up for a period of time (including when pregnant) I've put on a shed load of weight through eating sugar to compensate and looked like shit. There is no glow. But your liver will be happier.

[drainrat]

I had to have a medical for insurance recently and despite being older and fatter (lockdown foodie) my diabetes risk marker had gone down on the previous year. I haven’t done anything except quit alcohol. Even though you can’t see it on your skin, your doctor can see it in your pancreas .

[Leftturnstraightahead]

@girlofnow

I don't think you do it for looking better. I think you do it for health. I drink about three bottles of wine a week and whenever I've given up for a period of time (including when pregnant) I've put on a shed load of weight through eating sugar to compensate and looked like shit. There is no glow. But your liver will be happier.

Just make sure you stay away for High fructose corn syrup - it's not too good for the liver either - it will must certainly not be happy and it's used in loads of sweet junk as a cheap substitute for sugar.

[ThatOtherPoster]

@Mummadeze

I could have written your post! I’ve found it easy to not drink during lockdown as I was never a big one for drinking at home. But most of my friends are big drinkers, and we always ALWAYS get smashed when we’re together. It’s probably what drew us all together.

It’s been an eye-opener during lockdown to meet up for virtual drinks, where I’ve just had a cup of tea and they’ve all been on the booze. That’s been fine, but what do you do when you’re out out??

I think it won’t be as bad as I’m thinking, though, as none of us REALLY pays that much attention to what other people are drinking. If it’s just two of you, then yes. But not in a big group. Hopefully.

[fluffythedragonslayer]

I hear you. I haven't had a drink in 4 months and I've been eating healthily. I've lost a grand total.of 4lb, my skin is still awful, I'm still exhausted all the time. I'm enjoying not having hangovers but I miss having a drink and I feel crap a lot of the time snyway. I keep thinking any day now I'll.start feeling better. But actually, I think I'll just start drinking again once pubs open!