To wonder if giving up the booze was really worth it?

[SnafuButGreyNow]

Last summer I stopped drinking. I'd been drinking too much and too regularly, was feeling crappy most days, etc etc, so I cut it out completely. I had two glasses of champagne on Christmas Day but apart from that, nada.

But...I'm not convinced it was worth it! I've lost no weight, my skin isn't clearer, my eyes aren't brighter, I don't really have any more energy. Ok, I don't wake up with a hangover any longer but due to a chronic pain issue I still need painkillers most mornings so I don't feel as if I've gained 'freedom' much there.

DH still has a couple of glasses of wine most days and tbh I miss sharing a bottle with him whilst we cook dinner. Summer is approaching and I feel a bit sad that I won't be mixing up the Aperol Spritz or making a lovely g&t with lots of ice and cucumber, or opening a fridge-cold bottle of Picpoul.

I find it hard to moderate and I don't like 'mocktails'. Alcohol-free 'booze' mainly tastes crappy. Part of me just thinks, fuck it, why bother, just drink if you want to. And to be really honest, whilst I completely understand the ridiculousness of our cultural obsession with equating drinking with having a good time, I do feel a bit boring and puritanical when I'm not drinking .

So AIBU to think, meh, what was the point?

Only you can decide. I drink 1-2 glasses of wine 3 times a week. May go for that dangerous 3rd glass of a weekend

This is an interesting perspective, OP! Similar to you, I have worried that I should moderate my drinking but I don't suffer any immediate/obvious ill effects as a result of it.

I have been drinking Sanbitter in lieu of a glass of wine sometimes (with a little dish of olives/nuts), and it's a reasonably satisfying.

I have also tried Martini Vibrante and I agree that it's great! One of the best subs I've found!

OP, I am very similar to you. I haven't had a drink for 3 months now (8 months is brilliant, well done!) and I am thinking about whether to try and re-introduce it on 'special occasions' or to carry on until I feel I really want a drink.

I have always enjoyed a glass of wine and was brought up with it being perfectly normal (which it can be), however my glass or two every few days gradually crept up to a glass or two every evening with lockdown and becoming a single parent. Like you, I started using a glass of wine to signal the end of work, to replace my commute and wind down time. Problem is, I finish at 4pm!

Anyway, the benefits to me have been quite big but that's more because I also started eating more healthily without the 'fuck it' mentality that comes with a couple of glasses if wine and that meant my running became easier and more enjoyable so it was a bit of a domino effect.

I think part of the problem is that there are no decent wine alternatives. I also hate sweet drinks and get bored of diet coke! Summer will be hardest so I need to decide weather I can stick to the occasional drink or not.

Try a company called Square Root for good non alcoholic cocktails

It sounds as if you know, deep down, that you're not going to be able to moderate and that could end badly. I wonder if it's a mindset thing i.e. you're holding on to a romanticised view of wine when actually it wouldn't make you any happier, quite the opposite...

Have you read some 'quit lit'? E.g. 'Unexpected Joy of Being Sober', 'We are the luckiest', This Naked Mind and Alcohol Explained, Clare Pooley's sober diaries, Quit like a woman?

I found reading really helped changed my mindset so that when I'm not drinking I don't feel I'm missing out.

I still drink a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend but have cut down massively and do long periods AF and feel much better for it. Can't say it's changed my appearance but I am much less anxious generally and all the stuff others have said re reduced cancer / dementia risk etc is very true. I think eventually I'll stop altogether.

For AF alternatives, have you tried 'Seedlip'? Non-alcoholic spirit - nice with a fancy tonic water

if it makes you feel happier , drink, I am a one glass of wine every night person, and i love it. I have the odd night with a cup pf tea but i am happy with the wine. I had a health check a while back and was in good health so not worried. If you can drink moderately then do so? I am impressed you gave up for so long, i could not!

I'm a one glass a night person too. I do find it difficult not having that glass so am dependent on it I know. Now it's a small glass only, more like half a glass. I always used the one bottle a week method and if I started needing more I'd drop it again. I had a large glass last night and woke with a headache so knew I'd over done it! Back to the half glass!!
I could never stop for that long op, you must have a willpower of steel!

I am two years booze free and I don't look any better and I'm definitely knackered all the time. But I know I'm not damaging my liver and ingesting a known carcinogen. Yes even moderate amounts are still a risk.
I also know I would be back to drinking heavily after a few weeks pretending I can drink moderate amounts. I know this because its happened before.

@metooaswell just had a look at the sentia link. I'm a bit confused, it's a mood-altering drink without ethanol? I can appreciate that it doesn't carry some of the health dangers of alcohol but presumably it still has the potential to be addictive? How do you feel when you drink it by comparison with how you feel when drinking alcohol?

I'm not a drinker but I equate this with fags. I smoked for 20 years, stopped - had a few tough weeks and missed it for a few months - but was then free. I will never ever have even one because I know I would start again and I don't want to.

My mum gave up smoking at the same time, didn't smoke again for 10 years and then decided to start again. And now she can't stop.

People are addicted in different ways and to me it sounds like you'd like an excuse to start again, you're looking for all the reasons to drink and ignoring any tiny positive signs that your body gives you, for not drinking.

The thing is, your husband can moderate. You, by your own admission, can't. It's not a value judgement, it's a fact based on what you've said here.

Why did you stop drinking in the first place? There must have been some impetus there. Why isn't it there now? I think that's what I'd be considering.

Alcohol/fags... same shit, different bucket. Addiction is addiction.

Shocked at how many people have a drink every evening! And I used to be a really big social drinker!

OP as PP have said there will be lots of invisible internal benefits. My dad is in his 60s and has been drinking most days for the past 5 or so years. He is now starting to have serious health problems and it’s really worrying. We’re trying to persuade him to give up entirely as he doesn’t seem to be able to limit to sensible frequency.

If you think you could limit your drinking to 1-2 drinks a night on weekends only then go for it. But a drink every night is not normal or Ok!

You said yourself you were relying on it on a nightly basis to go back to work. That's a problem, whether you're ready to admit that or not, it's a problem.

You know you can't moderate. You would be a little foolish I think to start again, once you go back into an addiction its even harder to stop the next time round.

Have you had a look at the rest of your lifestyle? Do you exercise regularly? Get enough sleep? Eat properly? If you don't do those things, then no you'll notice no difference except a lack of a hangover.

deathbyprocrastination

Yes, but I don't think it's addictive, it certainly doesn't feel like that physically, and given it doesn't have any health dangers I don't think it matters apart from it being a bit pricey.

It's hard to describe how it feels, not like alcohol, but I personally feel a bit like I 'get a break from myself', if that makes sense. Like I'm looking at life from a little distance, in a good way. Sometimes the effect feels stronger and sometimes subtler. With alcohol the effect is stronger and it accelerates, whereas with Sentia it's sort of like a state of being, that drifts away at some point. And the effect plateaus at I think about three shots so there is no point in drinking any more of it.

Yeah I've read lots of quit lit - I really like The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober, for example. But the thing with it is that it's mostly written by people whose lives really were blighted by drink so the benefits of giving up are really magnified. I drank more than I 'should', undoubtedly, but not to the extent written about in those books.

i just don't know if I can face 'reasonably satisfying' when I could be drinking 'absolutely delicious' but I might give that Martini stuff a go.

I gave up smoking 18 years ago and would never, ever start again. It repulses me. I don't agree it's the same addiction.

but yeah, I am looking for excuses to start drinking again because I miss it.

You have shown that you can exert considerable willpower, by giving up for so long. Why not use that willpower in a different way? So drink only at the weekends, and stay dry during the week?

I find that once I start, it's difficult to stop - so there's no such thing as 'just one glass' for me! But Mon-Weds here is alcohol-free (unless we go out, obviously - remember going out?!). Generally speaking we would only be going out at the weekend anyway.

I haven't found an alcohol-free wine that is palatable, but I have found a beer - Brewdog's Nanny State is really, really good. It has that nice bitter taste that I think you're also after. Like you I don't enjoy sweet drinks.

On alcohol-free nights I might have one of those as my 'marker' drink, when I'm cooking dinner, and then after that I'm happy to drink sparkling water. We do have two sugar-free cordials that we use as well - PLJ, which stands for Pure Lemon Juice, and is nice and sharp. DH likesTeisseire sugar-free grenadine, which I like when it's very weak. It is sweeter though.

And you feel like you're having a real treat when mixing it with a nice posh lemonade, ice and lime or something.

The other thing to add is that it's also all about creating a new habit. So on a Monday, for example, it never occurs to me to have a drink - I genuinely don't think about it. It's just part of our routine.

I just have to keep thinking about my lovely shiny healthy liver, I suppose.

I was drinking too much, a bottle of red or more every night. I didn’t want to stop completely so I did try cutting down a few times and struggled. But then I tried again and it stuck. Now I drink on Wednesdays (for a midweek pick me up!) and Saturdays. Rest of the days are AF. Like you, I don’t feel any “better” than I did when I was drinking every night. But I know from a health perspective it’s obviously a lot better for me. My finances are healthier too!

Everyone always advises cutting out booze completely if you are drinking too much but moderating does work for some people. I don’t want my whole life to be AF, I enjoy a drink.

@SnafuButGreyNow I know what you mean, I found it hard to relate to the really extreme stories in those books but I do now think that a lot of the pleasure that I thought I got from booze was just social conditioning. I tried doing the thing that Annie Grace suggests in This Naked Mind where I actually timed the buzz from a drink and it was so short-lived and then I just felt really flat, hence having another drink to perk myself up again and so the cycle continues. I now feel that getting drunk is just a colossal waste of time. I hate the next morning groggy feeling and just generally I find alcohol sucks away some of my life force somehow. I feel a bit less hopeful in the morning if I've had even a small amount to drink the night before.

@metooaswell sounds interesting!

Alcohol is a carcinogen. When I wonder why I gave it up I just remember that and then I don't really fancy a drink any more!

But I sympathise with feeling disappointed that I'm not suddenly running marathons and starting my own business, with dewy skin and trim figure!

My eyes are definitely clearer and brighter, but that's the only thing. And I've had zillions less calories, spent less.

And alcohol causes cancer. That's my Why

Snafu, I don't know if you read 'Easy Way to Stop Smoking' to get it done, but that's what I read. I was cynical but not resistant and I was staggered by some of the observations about what the body does to trick you into feeding the addiction. That's what struck me anyway.

I think alcohol is the same addiction as it's not essential to the body - is counterproductive to health (there's the difference - up to a point, it's ok - whereas smoking does nothing but damage).

Why did you stop drinking? That is the thing - what was the thing that you thought/did that decided you to stop? Is that 'thing' still there?

Absolutely no judgement from me, I am/was an addict myself, have alcoholics in the family and perhaps that's what shied me away from it.

It's always a positive thing to be able to look at a behaviour you're doing or thinking of doing, before you do it, rather than being a 'charge right in' sort of person like me.

All the best to you and I do have very much sympathy.

@BIWI, I think I'm a bit all-or-nothing though. I don't know if 'weekends only' or whatever would work for me. I do have fabulous willpower when I'm in the 'zone' but I can't do moderation.

(I used to be on your LCHF threads years ago and was a total evangelist for it. But I now eat A LOT of sugar and bake bread and cakes every single weekend. All or nothing )

If it helps, Sanbitter is the nonalcoholic aperitivo of choice in Italy, so you can feel elegant and continental while you drink it. Sometimes I add a dash of bitters to enhance the bitterness, plus it's nice with an orange slice.

I usually have Martini Vibrante with some lavender and rosemary tonic.