To wonder if giving up the booze was really worth it?

[SnafuButGreyNow]

Last summer I stopped drinking. I'd been drinking too much and too regularly, was feeling crappy most days, etc etc, so I cut it out completely. I had two glasses of champagne on Christmas Day but apart from that, nada.

But...I'm not convinced it was worth it! I've lost no weight, my skin isn't clearer, my eyes aren't brighter, I don't really have any more energy. Ok, I don't wake up with a hangover any longer but due to a chronic pain issue I still need painkillers most mornings so I don't feel as if I've gained 'freedom' much there.

DH still has a couple of glasses of wine most days and tbh I miss sharing a bottle with him whilst we cook dinner. Summer is approaching and I feel a bit sad that I won't be mixing up the Aperol Spritz or making a lovely g&t with lots of ice and cucumber, or opening a fridge-cold bottle of Picpoul.

I find it hard to moderate and I don't like 'mocktails'. Alcohol-free 'booze' mainly tastes crappy. Part of me just thinks, fuck it, why bother, just drink if you want to. And to be really honest, whilst I completely understand the ridiculousness of our cultural obsession with equating drinking with having a good time, I do feel a bit boring and puritanical when I'm not drinking .

So AIBU to think, meh, what was the point?

[littleloopylou]

Another good product! I have tried the red Aecorn booze sub before and enjoyed it, and opened a bottle of the green kind yesterday. It's very dry and aggressively herbal. I had it with tonic and it really hit the spot.

[Sssloou]

@SnafuButGreyNow

Well I totally agree with this:

It's an astonishing marketing triumph - soooooo many things from birthday cards to pyjamas have messages that good times = alcohol

But...I'm not sure I agree with the idea that my evening in the garden with DH (or a night out with friends) is actually completely unaffected by whether there's an alcoholic drink in my glass or not.

I'm absolutely not saying 'with booze' is always automatically a better experience than 'without booze' - but it is different. And the point is that sometimes it's a different that I'm ok with and sometimes...I'm not ok with it.

Maybe that’s where your moderation boundary lies - can you value and treasure those precious times heightened by alcohol with family and friends - so it’s always specific celebrations or social situations .......but it doesn’t cross into it being yet another week night slobbering on the sofa half cut if that’s not where you want to be?

And have you tried to do something like this before - separate out all of the drinking opportunities?

[SnafuButGreyNow]

Well I totally agree with this:

It's an astonishing marketing triumph - soooooo many things from birthday cards to pyjamas have messages that good times = alcohol

But...I'm not sure I agree with the idea that my evening in the garden with DH (or a night out with friends) is actually completely unaffected by whether there's an alcoholic drink in my glass or not.

I'm absolutely not saying 'with booze' is always automatically a better experience than 'without booze' - but it is different. And the point is that sometimes it's a different that I'm ok with and sometimes...I'm not ok with it.

[Notagain20]

The other thing I like about not drinking is that it's just fewer decisions to make! Fewer things to be moderating and keeping an eye on, I have enough to think about with sugar/carbs/water/vegetables and every other bloody thing we're supposed to do more or less of! Was easier to make the booze decision once rather than every drinking opportunity

[Notagain20]

@Theshoepeople

OP I saw it mentioned inthread but have you read this naked mind by Annie Grace?
The reason why I ask is she unpicks all the reasons why we think we want to drink, and lays them out for what they are - advertising and association, rather than the actual booze itself.
The things you say you're missing remind me a lot about how alcohol is shown in TV adverts etc - sure we all want to have balmy summer evenings in gardens with friends, but would it actually make that much difference if what was in our glass was alcoholic or non alcoholic?

This is such a good point, and I gota lot from that book too. I absolutely love the thought of evenings with friends, summer lunches, laughing and talking for hours, but I realised it's not the booze I want, it's the rest! None of it relies on what's in my glass. Friends don't care whether I'm drinking or not.

It's an astonishing marketing triumph - soooooo many things from birthday cards to pyjamas have messages that good times = alcohol

[Montsti]

I used to have a glass or 2 every night but I decided to give it up completely Mon-Thurs and it means I look forward to Friday evening and the weekend so much more...I haven’t lost any weight but I never do when I give up alcohol (I only drink white wine and champagne) but it has made the weekends much more enjoyable 😀

[Theshoepeople]

OP I saw it mentioned inthread but have you read this naked mind by Annie Grace?
The reason why I ask is she unpicks all the reasons why we think we want to drink, and lays them out for what they are - advertising and association, rather than the actual booze itself.
The things you say you're missing remind me a lot about how alcohol is shown in TV adverts etc - sure we all want to have balmy summer evenings in gardens with friends, but would it actually make that much difference if what was in our glass was alcoholic or non alcoholic?

[AllTheWayFromLondonDAMN]

I identify with this. I used to LOVE drinking. Arguably too much, although I was very much a weekend boozer but I’d get on it. Then I got with my now DH who doesn’t really drink, I developed a chronic pain/auto immune issue and we had kids so I tend not to drink anymore really. Do I feel better? No, not really. Still wake with a headache or pain a lot so haven’t won there. And I do miss it. But I don’t miss the worry that I’m spiralling into problem boozing and I don’t miss worrying I was embarrassing the next day.

I drink moderately sometimes, more in the summer. There’s probably a middle ground for you too. But I sympathise.

[LolaSmiles]

I felt loads better not drinking and haven't looked back. I didn't get the sudden skin improvements but I think people maybe make too much of that sort of thing and expect miracles.

Bythemillpond
I found the same with some work friends. The social nights were good fun, but once I stopped drinking I realised we didn't have that much in common.

[Bythemillpond]

I have never really drunk alcohol as just a tiny amount can have me dancing on the table. A teaspoon can have the room spinning.

So I gave up many years ago.
I found it wasn’t about the alcohol that made a good time but the people. I think it took about 10 years to find the people I now have as friends. None of us drink but it doesn’t stop us having a good time. I mean proper belly laughing can’t move or catch your breath type laughing every time we are out. We probably only saw each other 4 times per year but it was a day and night we all looked forward to.
I just found going out with friends who drank quite boring.
It took me a bit of time to realise that it wasn’t me who was boring without alcohol but the company I was keeping.
I have friends who drink with are still interesting and funny people but sometimes once you stop drinking you realise the only reason you are “friends” with someone is because your relationship is about drinking alcohol. Take the alcohol away and you have nothing in common

[Shortiemyboo]

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[buckeejit]

I'm also a big drinker. Could easily get in the habit of a bottle of wine per night to myself & was on this amount from December on.

I attempted dry Jan as another drinking friend was trying it. I ended up doing dry Jan & dry Feb & now trying to limit myself to weekends though if there's wine leftover in a Monday, I won't waste it!

I had a couple of small glasses on Paddy's day so having (attempting), a dry weekend this weekend.

I'm trying to lose weight also but there's very little to look forward to atm without eating & drinking. I'm hoping to smooth it out when society starts again.

[Changemaname1]

Sorry to be annoying but I have found the opposite , weight dropped off n skin is clear and totally line free Now . I was drinking a lot tho . Waking up without a hangover ever is awesome

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe]

That's the thing, Leftturnright, I don't have to talk about it, why would I? There are other things to talk about. Talking about drinking or not drinking would be a really short conversation, what's to say about it?

You sound very defensive but nobody's attacking you or judging you so yes, I'm definitely missing whatever your point was.

[Ritasueandbobtoo9]

I try to keep drinking to two nights - half a bottle max and under 14 units. I think this works well but I don’t keep booze in the house just buy what we want each week.

[fluffythedragonslayer]

I hear you. I haven't had a drink in 4 months and I've been eating healthily. I've lost a grand total.of 4lb, my skin is still awful, I'm still exhausted all the time. I'm enjoying not having hangovers but I miss having a drink and I feel crap a lot of the time snyway. I keep thinking any day now I'll.start feeling better. But actually, I think I'll just start drinking again once pubs open!

[ThatOtherPoster]

@Mummadeze

I could have written your post! I’ve found it easy to not drink during lockdown as I was never a big one for drinking at home. But most of my friends are big drinkers, and we always ALWAYS get smashed when we’re together. It’s probably what drew us all together.

It’s been an eye-opener during lockdown to meet up for virtual drinks, where I’ve just had a cup of tea and they’ve all been on the booze. That’s been fine, but what do you do when you’re out out??

I think it won’t be as bad as I’m thinking, though, as none of us REALLY pays that much attention to what other people are drinking. If it’s just two of you, then yes. But not in a big group. Hopefully.

[Leftturnstraightahead]

@girlofnow

I don't think you do it for looking better. I think you do it for health. I drink about three bottles of wine a week and whenever I've given up for a period of time (including when pregnant) I've put on a shed load of weight through eating sugar to compensate and looked like shit. There is no glow. But your liver will be happier.

Just make sure you stay away for High fructose corn syrup - it's not too good for the liver either - it will must certainly not be happy and it's used in loads of sweet junk as a cheap substitute for sugar.

[drainrat]

I had to have a medical for insurance recently and despite being older and fatter (lockdown foodie) my diabetes risk marker had gone down on the previous year. I haven’t done anything except quit alcohol. Even though you can’t see it on your skin, your doctor can see it in your pancreas .

[girlofnow]

I don't think you do it for looking better. I think you do it for health. I drink about three bottles of wine a week and whenever I've given up for a period of time (including when pregnant) I've put on a shed load of weight through eating sugar to compensate and looked like shit. There is no glow. But your liver will be happier.

[ZenNudist]

I managed dry January and dry February then have been having one or two on a Friday or Saturday. Last weekend I drank half a bottle of red wine on a Friday night which made me feel rough. The weekend before I had a margarita which made me feel yuk the next day.

I have not lost any weight despite also giving up on sugar as well.

But I do feel it's better for my health to be largely teetotal.

If you could have 1 or2 and enjoy it that would be great but if you want to do it every night thats really not good. I figure from a cancer causing perspective its best to stay dryer.

How about an Aperol spritz on a weekend eve? Leave it the rest of the time. Get those small bottles of prosecco from Aldi so you're not tempted to go in for more.

A work colleague recommended the small bottles of wine from m&s but clearly you dont need that as you're resisting DHs.

It annoying my DH is drinking more in lockdown and I wish he wouldn't but I exercise diet and have healthy habits for me so I can't get hung up on what he does.

[Leftturnstraightahead]

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

Leftturnstaightahead, it is always the drinkers who call non-drinkers 'boring'. It's the defence of the drinker but most non-drinkers couldn't care less whether other people are drinking or not - just as long as the alcohol doesn't impact to the detriment of people around them.

It's not that I wouldn't get invited out with drinkers, I do, the drinkers that I do go out with wouldn't call me sanctimonious, pious or any other names because I'm not. The only people who would are those who have a problem with their drinking.

I mix with drinkers and non-drinkers, I can have sparkling water with a slice and ice, looks exactly the same as any other drink and why would anybody care?

Quite honestly, if anybody's ability to be 'fun' is dependent on what's in their glass then that's pretty sad. I've seen my share of drinkers who think they are 'fun'. Babbling incoherently, interrupting, unable to focus and very loud; it's absolutely not what they see though.

It doesn't need to be 'them and us', it's a bloody drink ffs, alcoholic or not, it doesn't define us.

I think you missed my point - people who go on about not drinking and how amazing you are/it is are boring...I'm happy for you if people you know just love to listen to you bang on all night about how much you don't drink and how great your life is as a consequence. You have found your people!

[Wineless]

This is so interesting! I've been alcohol free since January - and name changed because I'm in some of the threads on alcohol support where people are comparing their amazing achievements after quitting... And I just don't feel anything! Okay, I do sleep better but it happened straight after quitting so I kind of have forgotten! And my weight is the same, my face looks the same and what is worse my mood is all over the place. I can't find happiness in anything and I definitely haven't run a marathon lol

How you used to drink sounds exactly like me, glass, two or sometimes three pretty much every day. Wanted to cut back but at the same time didn't. It must be so hard to understand if you haven't my been there!

Like you, I've been thinking I might just as well just crack open but this has really been a good read. Health reasons are good ones.

I enjoyed Annie Grace's book and I might read it again. I agree it wasn't massively relatable but it did something to my brain and it helped me through the first weeks.

[Delatron]

It’s all about moderation. If you can moderate.

Research has shown moderate drinkers live longer than heavy drinkers and teetotallers. What they don’t know is why. Do moderate drinkers moderate in all areas of life? Are they slightly wealthier. Etc. You can’t separate all those facts out.

But what that says to me (who is able to moderate) that I don’t need to give up completely. Life is short. Moderation in all areas is key. Now if you don’t like alcohol/get awful hangovers after one glass/ have issues with alcohol then of course abstaining is best. Just not necessary for everyone.

Also light drinkers were shown to be less at risk of cancer. But again it’s unclear why.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe]

Leftturnstaightahead, it is always the drinkers who call non-drinkers 'boring'. It's the defence of the drinker but most non-drinkers couldn't care less whether other people are drinking or not - just as long as the alcohol doesn't impact to the detriment of people around them.

It's not that I wouldn't get invited out with drinkers, I do, the drinkers that I do go out with wouldn't call me sanctimonious, pious or any other names because I'm not. The only people who would are those who have a problem with their drinking.

I mix with drinkers and non-drinkers, I can have sparkling water with a slice and ice, looks exactly the same as any other drink and why would anybody care?

Quite honestly, if anybody's ability to be 'fun' is dependent on what's in their glass then that's pretty sad. I've seen my share of drinkers who think they are 'fun'. Babbling incoherently, interrupting, unable to focus and very loud; it's absolutely not what they see though.

It doesn't need to be 'them and us', it's a bloody drink ffs, alcoholic or not, it doesn't define us.