Would you not have /put off having DC due to money?

[NewAgeWiccan]

I am 30 this year, and while I would like to have a child, I'm not sure if I will ever be able to due to finances.

I've never heard of anyone who has not had children due to money - from what I've seen, people tend to just do it anyway, even if it means they will struggle. But the thought of struggling terrifies me - I worry we wouldn't have enough to pay the mortgage. bills and buy food.

Has anyone not had children due to money (even though you wanted them)? I worry I will regret not having any, but maybe my maternal urges just aren't strong enough if I'm worrying about this?

Do you think your financial situation can improve in the next decade? If so then you can wait to have a child. I don’t have children but I would personally consider how much we could afford and the financial impact on our lives as a big factor in deciding whether to have one or not

No I wouldnt bring a child into this world knowing I couldnt afford it. Not fair to the child to be knowingly brought into poverty.

You're only 30 though. Can you not spend the next few years sorting finances out? I had my first at 32 and last at 35 and you regularly see posters on mn who are upwards of 40 having kids.

We didn't start trying until we could afford a child. I think it's ridiculous that people intentionally bring children into the world when they can't afford to provide for them.

Finances are the reason we only have 1 child. We could afford one, and that calculation included needing to spend £1000 a month on childcare between 9 months old and the September after DD turned 3 so 3 years of £12,000 a year costs.

While we could have had another once DD started school we would have had to factor in additional mortgage costs to move to a larger house if we had a boy and they couldn't share, we decided that we would rather save that cost and use it for being able to afford holidays and days out for DD as well as saving for university/house deposit for her.

Yes, 100%

We were really really poorly off, post my parent’s separation
It was grim. I made sure I was as financially sorted as I could be before we tried.
It doesn’t stop bad things happening but I had a buffer of a yrs salary saved. I know not possible for many but saving definitely help, even if just a little

It would depend on what you are thinking of as being able to afford a child. If you go with what a child needs rather than dream lifestyle there is a huge difference.

They don’t need a pony, private school and three weeks skiiing each year. They don’t need lots of bottles and a steriliser, a Moses basket, a baby bath or pushchair that transforms into a jet to

They need a roof over their heads, sufficient money to feed and clothe them and not to face the impact of huge relationship stresses because of money.

Would I bring a child into the world if I couldn’t offer a stable home? No. Would I choose to raise a child in poverty? No.
Would I mind second hand clothes and baked beans on toast? No. Would I be content with walks to feed the ducks and books from the library rather than Toddler Gym and Aquababy? Absolutely.

We waited until we were in a good financial position. I couldn’t have had a baby knowing we would struggle, it wouldn’t be fair on the baby. I wanted to make sure we would have enough to give our child a decent life.

Yes absolutely, it's the reason we waited until DC1 was in school before having another as 2x childcare fees are so expensive.

Absolutely. We didn’t start trying for children until we knew we could manage - it was a stretch for the first two years but we’d worked out what we needed and waited until we could afford it.

Yes. I had my children at 34 and 39 which was when my husband and I felt we’d be able to manage well financially.

I grew up in poverty on benefits with my mum scratching around for money. It was awful and I’d do everything I could to avoid that for my children.

Yes as a PP said it’s the reason we only have one. Childcare costs are extortionate.

I waited to have children until I could afford it and have pushed my self in my job to move to better pay scales after having children or ensure we were more secure financially. I'm so glad I did as my husband was made redundant and it was tough being on one salary but would of been impossible had I not had a decent job.

I now have three children and work full time which none of my friends with kids in primary school do but it means we can afford holidays and day trips and nice toys / clothes etc

Yes, when we had our first we did wait until we could (just) afford it. By then we had been together for 10 years and married 5. We had to wait until I got my professional qualification until we could buy a (small) house - that happened the year before we TTC. I had done the sums and found out what our local nurseries charged per week before we started trying. Even so, with the new larger mortgage it was only just doable. We were the archetypal "squeezed middle" in the south east - didn't qualify for any tax credits etc but once we had mortgage and nursery fees there was barely anything left over, even though we were both professionals. I went back to work FT after 4 months once my full pay ran out - surviving on SMP was not a possibility. For the first couple of years I had £15 disposable income a week and some weeks that disappeared on taxis getting to nursery on time if my train was late.

I suppose though that had we been poorer then ironically we could have done it earlier with top ups from benefits. We saw people doing just that, including having "oops" babies and felt a bit envious as for a long time we were worse off overall and we couldn't have another child until the first one had gone to school. (It paid off in the end though.)

I work in the sector dealing with budgets, benefits, debts etc. I've seen the impact having children can have on a financial situation when it hasn't been thought out. I see the years it takes to recover from that and the hard choices some parents have to make to afford things for kids.

If i was facing a lifetime of struggling to pay for things, christmas on credit and finance, to have a child. Then no, I wouldn't.

I'm not saying anyone is wrong if they would, i just dont want to struggle for a decade or two.

Our first was not planned. Our financial situation was not great but we made do. There was a big gap between DC1 and DC2 while we both worked, saved and became more comfortable. We've stopped at 2 due to finances (partly, other reasons also). It's not that we couldn't afford another child, quite frankly you just make do. There are essentials and then nice extras. A baby only needs the essentials. But if we did have another child we would be taking away from the children we already have which isn't fair.

Don't have a child if you can't afford it. They are hideously expensive and you will be paying for them for the next twenty to thirty years.

Unplanned pregnancies aside, everyone I know has made sure that they are in a financially stable situation before having children. This has meant things like being in a stable job that they can go back to after maternity leave, expense house stuff paid for (so can be frugal in early years) and a pot of savings to fall back on.

In real-life most people just crack on and have children if they want, or accidentally (don't prevent them) have them and work the money out as they go along. Millions have children knowing they will be reliant on state benefits either for top up credit or solely on benefits- I'm not saying that to be nasty, just stating an obvious fact. Actually, if you are very very poor and not working, then being single is very difficult due to extremely limited benefits. State support for families is not generous but it's adequate in some senses. I have friends who survive on those amounts, either through disability and not being able to work, also if I am completely honest a couple also work cash in hand and that's very common in the gig/non-permanent/zero hours contract economy where people have little financial security.

You don't say what you mean by financial worries though, are you earning? Do you have a partner? What can't you afford? If it's private school, crack on, if it's food that's a whole different level of poverty and you might need to think not only whether it would be ok for the child, but also whether the stress on you would be very high trying to make ends meet especially if you don't have much earning power for whatever reason.

Unplanned pregnancies aside, everyone I know has made sure that they are in a financially stable situation before having children. This has meant things like being in a stable job that they can go back to after maternity leave, expense house stuff paid for (so can be frugal in early years) and a pot of savings to fall back on

I didn't have any of these things, as I had to have children in my fertile window, and getting on the property ladder and out of rental, getting a permanent as opposed to short term contract, and having a savings pot have come to me later in life. I only started saving a year or two ago and my children are late teens! My earning potential was good, however, so I felt justified in taking a chance. I honestly don't agree you need all that to jump and have children, it's stupid to wait til 40 when you have obtained all that and find out you have fertility problems. There's no such thing as a permanent job these days, my sector which seems safe and secure is making redundancies. My lovely friend was made redundant twice in the past three years. I would carry on and have children unless there is literally no hope of you or your partner ever earning ok, as indeed most people do.

It’s irresponsible to have children if you can’t afford to care for them. Nursery is incredibly expensive and I’m always surprised when a friend expresses outrage at costs that they really could (and should) have looked at before TTC. Same goes for parents at school, who’ve got 3/4 kids and you can see they’re struggling with uniform and constant PTA donation requests. I don’t know why they’d put themselves in that position. I’ve had a surprise baby myself, but that’s because we were careless with contraception (knowing we were fine to have a second DC at some point). If I didn’t have the comfort, I’d be doubling up on contraception

Really? The majority of the couples I know planned their children for when they were the most financially ready rather than just saying 'F it' and doing it regardless.

I'm in two minds about this. We waited until we were in a really good position financially - had bought the family home, accumulated enough savings to cover a year's mat leave etc. Then we tried to conceive and it didn't happen. We eventually adopted our son so it all worked out in the end but a small part of me does wonder what would have happened if we had started trying to conceive sooner, rather than waiting until we had our finances in order.

But it is due to finances that we won't be adding to our family. Having just one child will allow us to give him a really good quality of life and having a second would mean spreading ourselves too thin. I grew up in poverty and it was grim. Plus childcare is expensive!

Does anyone ever feel ready though? Financially/ emotionally etc!!

To be honest no. I can’t imagine not having children and I don’t think they are a luxury for the well off.

But money does make life easier. So that’s a consideration.

What is your current situation OP?