Would you not have /put off having DC due to money?

[NewAgeWiccan]

I am 30 this year, and while I would like to have a child, I'm not sure if I will ever be able to due to finances.

I've never heard of anyone who has not had children due to money - from what I've seen, people tend to just do it anyway, even if it means they will struggle. But the thought of struggling terrifies me - I worry we wouldn't have enough to pay the mortgage. bills and buy food.

Has anyone not had children due to money (even though you wanted them)? I worry I will regret not having any, but maybe my maternal urges just aren't strong enough if I'm worrying about this?

We have one and number 2 on the way, we've been a low income family until a year ago - now our combined gross income is about £45k. We did delay having no.1 a couple of years until we felt we could afford it and likewise we delayed TTC no.2 a year and a half or so than we would have liked for financial reasons. I'm not sure people don't have any kids for financial reasons but people definitely have less kids than they'd prefer or delay when they have the kids for financial reasons. We are unlikely to have more than 2 primarily for financial reasons as otherwise I think we'd quite like 3 or 4 but I think our quality of life would have to reduce significantly for a third and I doubt we'd want to do that to our existing children.

If I knew I couldn't meet their welfare needs then wouldn't have them.

If I could, but couldn't afford stuff like schools trips then I probably would.

There a world of difference between the two.

In terms of OPs costs, there is a point in you working because of NI contributions and staying in the game for promotions etc.

You could work different hours to your husband.

It's only really hard in your context for the first few years.

@CreamFirstThenJamOnTop

I do find the concept of “finding a way” quite difficult to identify with.

For us, we had very very little disposable income and weren’t leading an extravagant lifestyle so there wasn’t really anywhere to cut back.

No entitlement to anything other than child benefit - no tax credits etc. Nor would we be if either of us gave up work. We were only just getting by on 2 salaries.

Where on earth would money for a baby come from?? Childcare costs the same as our mortgage every month, it’s insane. Plus nappies, food, basic equipment etc.

I completely agree. I don't have kids as yet. I hope so someday soon.

However me and DP are in the squeezed middle.

We wouldnt be entitled to any tax credits or anything yet don't earn enough to pay full childcare fees, mortgage and bills and be okay.

Can't "make do" if the money is not there. Its not about cutting back or foreign holidays. If there's no maths doesn't add up, how is it possible?

Even if one of us gave up work, then we still wouldn't qualify for government help and we wouldn't be able to pay our bills and mortgage.

So I don't know what we'll do really.

Well, when dh and I decided to have our first, we were newly married. He had started a graduate job that did not make much money at all (like we just barely didn't qualify for benefits) and I was a postgraduate student with an unpredictable income. We were in a small rented cottage and we had two very old secondhand cars and not much savings.

Assuming you aren't desperately poor, you'll find a way. That was 9 years ago now. Our household income is now over 100K. We are very financially comfortable. I got a PhD in the intervening years between kids. We are still in a (much larger) rented house - thanks, COVID, because our house purchase fell through - but we have a very big deposit and lots of savings.

The main thing you need to consider is how you'll pay for childcare for the years between end of mat leave and when 3 year funding kicks in (that will be about 2 years). All the rest of the costs are relatively minor after that.

Yep. We have enough to support a child if we wanted to, but frankly I'd rather spend it on retiring early.

@NewAgeWiccan

Thank you for all the replies. For us. the expense would be either childcare or reduction in hours (so less salary). Things like nappies etc are minuscule compared to that. Full time childcare costs around £15k a year where I am, and I don't earn much more than that after tax. Yes, I know it's a joint expense, but the point is it would be wiping out the equivalent of my salary and once you take petrol costs etc into consideration I would be working for almost nothing. My husband earns more than me, but if we lived on only his salary it would be just about doable but we would have little disposable income after all the bills and food etc. But I wouldn't want to give up work totally, but it wouldn't make any financial sense for my husband to go part time as he earns more. So either way, the costs would either be less hours (so less salary) or very high childcare costs.

If in your job there is potential for career progression and increased salary then I would pay the childcare and take the hit as ultimately, long term you will see the benefit. If your salary is what it always will be then I'd give up or go part time around DHs hours to reduce childcare costs as much as possible.

I was in the lucky position that I knew if I returned full time and did what I needed to at work I would progress, and that's seen me double my salary in 6 years and put us as a family in a much stronger position.

Without that promise of financial security there's no way I could have justified the time away from DD that I would have gained by being a SAHM or working part time.

Yes and no. DD was an accident and we had a very low income when she was born and really struggled. We will have quite a gap between her and number 2 as I’ve done a degree, want to buy a house and be in a good job before we TTC.

We only got DD after we were sure we are able to afford the basics with just one salary in case I wouldn't be able to go back to work.

We also only have one as there was no way we could afford two childcare bills and I didn't want a large age gap. PND took care of that decision as well.

If you are on a low salary then there is help with child care costs.

All I can say is there isn’t a right or wrong time to have children. I think for a lot of people it is a case of jumping in with both feet and making it work.
If you wait there will always be a different reason why you can’t get pregnant at that time.

Yes, I do not have kids by choice but I realised that if I had a lot of money and could afford child care help and help with house work etc, I would have been more likely to do it. I struggle with finances, housework and work etc as it is. Adding a child to that would have made life unbearable.

Yes we sat down and looked at all our finances before we decided to try for our first. We timed the second so that her arrival co-incided with our son getting his 30 free hours at nursery but we also looked at finances again and worked everything out. This was pre-covid and furlough though. I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks before lockdown 1

I got pregnant with both of mine when we were on income support. If I had waited till we could afford a child I wouldn’t have ever got pregnant.

@LemonRoses

It would depend on what you are thinking of as being able to afford a child. If you go with what a child needs rather than dream lifestyle there is a huge difference. They don’t need a pony, private school and three weeks skiiing each year. They don’t need lots of bottles and a steriliser, a Moses basket, a baby bath or pushchair that transforms into a jet to

They need a roof over their heads, sufficient money to feed and clothe them and not to face the impact of huge relationship stresses because of money.

Would I bring a child into the world if I couldn’t offer a stable home? No. Would I choose to raise a child in poverty? No.
Would I mind second hand clothes and baked beans on toast? No. Would I be content with walks to feed the ducks and books from the library rather than Toddler Gym and Aquababy? Absolutely.

Totally agree!

I had my DS relatively young by today's standard, I was 26. It was before either me or DF had big promotions at work.

We rented, I drove a cheap lil hatchback, we shopped in Lidl, I bought a lot of toys at the carboot... you get the picture.

Kids need: a warm dry home, love, food and clothing with a few toys!

They do not need what the 'Jones' have!

I still drive a cheap car, shop at Lidl and buy his toys second hand 🤷🏻‍♀️I'm happy with it.

We were in a comfortable position when we had our baby, we actually had a surprise pregnancy but had been planning on ttc later in the year but we had stable jobs, and savings etc. We were however renovating our home entirely when we found ourselves pregnant so the gap between huge works and maternity meant I couldn't build up my savings buffer again. However that being said we were still in a comfortable position and could maintain a good quality of life (we are both quite low maintenance in terms of spending, dont have flashy cars or like expensive things so that probably meant the feelings of having less weren't as much as they would have been were). However of those of us that have had children I dont think extensive conversations were had over finances, more are we stable and comfortable enough to bring a baby into the mix?

also agree with above, we got a lot second hand and were lucky enough to be gifted things for the early days. I'm not fussy on things being brand new and buy second hand for myself as well. Same with books, as a complete book worm the library was a favourite place, also very outdoorsy and you can have hours of fun out exploring so in terms of our lifestyle it worked not over thinking it and our child has never gone without. We just didnt keep up with the Jones's

I waited until I was financially and emotionally secure enough to have children....ironically the children eroded both

The people I know who have more "middle class lives" waited until 30's, good careers, married, on housing ladder ect

My friends from school, living "working class lives" had children in Early twenties irrespective of finances.

I think some people wait because of money but the majority wait for everything else related to that; career in the right place, own home, car, married.

You can have children whenever you want, and no there is never a perfect time. But there are certainly times that are more sensible and more secure.

Personally if I could go back I would have had children more in my teens/20s rather than late 30s/40s

The women I know who did seem to be more successful than those who waited till their careers were at the right place, had 2 or 3 quite close together because time was running out and then imploded their career because they couldn’t afford the childcare so took on being a SAHM and then getting a p/t job around their children’s schooling