Would you not have /put off having DC due to money?

[NewAgeWiccan]

I am 30 this year, and while I would like to have a child, I'm not sure if I will ever be able to due to finances.

I've never heard of anyone who has not had children due to money - from what I've seen, people tend to just do it anyway, even if it means they will struggle. But the thought of struggling terrifies me - I worry we wouldn't have enough to pay the mortgage. bills and buy food.

Has anyone not had children due to money (even though you wanted them)? I worry I will regret not having any, but maybe my maternal urges just aren't strong enough if I'm worrying about this?

There's a huge difference between people having a go at financial planning then finding out that kids are far more expensive than you'd ever guess and those who just have children without any thought whatsoever as to finances because they either don't care or expect that someone else will pay.

I do find the concept of “finding a way” quite difficult to identify with.

For us, we had very very little disposable income and weren’t leading an extravagant lifestyle so there wasn’t really anywhere to cut back.

No entitlement to anything other than child benefit - no tax credits etc. Nor would we be if either of us gave up work. We were only just getting by on 2 salaries.

Where on earth would money for a baby come from?? Childcare costs the same as our mortgage every month, it’s insane. Plus nappies, food, basic equipment etc.

Regardless of all else I am staggered by how few people research the cost of childcare before getting pregnant.

My childcare (1 child, I waited until DC1 was in ft school before having DC2) is more than my mortgage.

Please forgive my ignorance as I don’t know a huge amount about social housing and how it works, but is it the case then that once a family has been put into a property then they will not be moved? What about if you have more children - do you automatically get moved to a bigger house in the same area so that schooling isn’t interrupted? What about home improvements or garden design- are you allowed to do that? And finally, what happens when the children get to 18 or move out - does this affect housing provision? (My children have continued to ‘come home’ at various points during their adult lives for different reasons and it would have been awful if we hadn’t had room for them). These were all concerns for us and were reasons we wanted to buy a house before we had children.

You can be moved in social housing, some areas it's far more difficult than other. Also, it's not everyone's priority to have 'a room per child', unless they're different sexes. As for home improvement and gardening, why wouldn't you be allowed? Structural changes are much different obviously, but painting and decorating out if your own pocket would be encouraged if anything. My grandparents had a small allotment in their back garden, grew fruit and veg. I think bedroom tax is still a thing, so you don't have to move out of a 3 bed council house if it's just you but you do have to pay more. This encourages single people to downsize and let younger families move into the bigger places. It's actually a very fair system, but not always in practice.

It's the lack of social housing that's the biggest issue. It pushes poorer and vulnerable families into private rentals with housing benefit, that's where the 'stability' aspect really starts affecting people. Some private landlords are horrendous - never fix a thing, up rent at a whim, can kick you out for minimal reasons. Social housing tends to come with much more protection. All is expected is that you pay rent and not be a social deviant.....

I first met my husband end of April 2014, I'd just turned 21 when we met, he was 29. I was a student and he worked full time for minimum wage so we had nothing really but we still made it work, and couldn't be happier. Paid for the wedding ourselves (cost between £4000-£4500). We made it happen because we wanted to.
We became a couple 9th may 2014. We decided to start trying for a baby in July 2014, we moved in together in October 2014, I got pregnant in November 2014, we found out I was pregnant 19th December 2014. We got engaged 13th January 2015, and got married 9th April 2015. Baby was due 30th August 2015, was actually born on 5th September 2015.
So we had been together exactly 11 months the day we got married. I know it's very quick, being married and expecting a baby within less than a year of being together, but it worked for us. We had discussed marriage and both agreed it was what we wanted, but we weren't officially engaged. But when we found out I was pregnant we both knew it was important to us to be married before the baby was born, and I didn’t want to be showing if possible, so we made sure we were. It was perfect. Some people might think we only got married because I was pregnant, but that was never the case at all.

@BrumBoo

Please forgive my ignorance as I don’t know a huge amount about social housing and how it works, but is it the case then that once a family has been put into a property then they will not be moved? What about if you have more children - do you automatically get moved to a bigger house in the same area so that schooling isn’t interrupted? What about home improvements or garden design- are you allowed to do that? And finally, what happens when the children get to 18 or move out - does this affect housing provision? (My children have continued to ‘come home’ at various points during their adult lives for different reasons and it would have been awful if we hadn’t had room for them). These were all concerns for us and were reasons we wanted to buy a house before we had children.

You can be moved in social housing, some areas it's far more difficult than other. Also, it's not everyone's priority to have 'a room per child', unless they're different sexes. As for home improvement and gardening, why wouldn't you be allowed? Structural changes are much different obviously, but painting and decorating out if your own pocket would be encouraged if anything. My grandparents had a small allotment in their back garden, grew fruit and veg. I think bedroom tax is still a thing, so you don't have to move out of a 3 bed council house if it's just you but you do have to pay more. This encourages single people to downsize and let younger families move into the bigger places. It's actually a very fair system, but not always in practice.

It's the lack of social housing that's the biggest issue. It pushes poorer and vulnerable families into private rentals with housing benefit, that's where the 'stability' aspect really starts affecting people. Some private landlords are horrendous - never fix a thing, up rent at a whim, can kick you out for minimal reasons. Social housing tends to come with much more protection. All is expected is that you pay rent and not be a social deviant.....

I have absolutely no problem at all with social housing and think it is a very important element of the welfare state. Of course one cannot always plan these things, however I’m afraid nothing you’ve said would convince me it would be sensible for one to plan to have children before owning one’s own house.

Of course one cannot always plan these things, however I’m afraid nothing you’ve said would convince me it would be sensible for one to plan to have children before owning one’s own house.

From personal experience, unless someone owns their home outright when they have children then it's only a tiny factor in stability. It is categorically not an essential (and from what I understand not the norm expectation outside the UK).

You must know very different people to me then op, as I don't know anyone who didn't consider finances before having a child. It was all to do with delaying though, rather than not having; ie waiting till we mid thirties, had a good chunk of the mortgage paid, savings to cover childcare etc

I'm single and if I got pregnant would have to terminate as I can't afford a child so yes, money factors in to it (I have a coil so don't plan to!)
Do I want a child? Yes. But I'm getting too old I think and unlikely to be able to cope financially

@BrumBoo

Of course one cannot always plan these things, however I’m afraid nothing you’ve said would convince me it would be sensible for one to plan to have children before owning one’s own house.

From personal experience, unless someone owns their home outright when they have children then it's only a tiny factor in stability. It is categorically not an essential (and from what I understand not the norm expectation outside the UK).

Ever been a child who has had to move house every 6 months like most poor kids whose families don’t qualify for social housing do ? My friends were and they’re still recovering from the instability.

@BrumBoo

Of course one cannot always plan these things, however I’m afraid nothing you’ve said would convince me it would be sensible for one to plan to have children before owning one’s own house.

From personal experience, unless someone owns their home outright when they have children then it's only a tiny factor in stability. It is categorically not an essential (and from what I understand not the norm expectation outside the UK).

I agree that it is only one element, but I would argue it can provide a cornerstone for everything else that is necessary for a stable childhood. It is also indicative of how far you can provide the other elements. Correlation not necessarily causation, granted, but still an indicator.

Finances are the reason we stopped at one too. We want to be able or have and give him a decent standard of living. I don’t think I could have not had any at all though, unless I was on the breadline.

Don’t forget there’s child benefit and universal credit to help though.

@GrumpyHoonMain if you notice my pp, have have specific mentioned how lack of social housing and an awful private sector for those in low income is a big problem. I was defending social housing in general, the lack of it is one of the biggest issues in this country. Having and growing up in a council house is not indicative of poor stability or a reason not to have children.

Depends how bad the finances are really. Dh convinced me we couldn't afford it when I was really desperate to have one and I did the sensible thing and waited and it was so hard.

And now I accept its totally not his fault but 2 years later he had a cancer diagnosis and is now thankfully cancer free but completely infertile. No sperm banking etc was offered because he didn't have chemo. So now we can't have them at all.

I still struggle with resentment about it sometimes but then I wonder at how I would've coped with a little one and the cancer all at the same time with no support as we lived away from our families at the time.

We are considering adoption but its a very different type of parenting and I'm not sure we're suited to it at the moment although possibly when we're older as currently early 30s.

At 30 we were renting and on reasonable salaries but I still wouldn't have felt 'comfortable' trying for a baby.

4 years later and a couple of promotions and a house purchase I feel in a stable enough place for our situation to start trying. I'm very risk averse though and wanted to ensure that we can provide the best quality of life for any future children as possible, whatever that might look like.

I did the maths to make sure it was affordable. It was but tight - no savings. We probably can't afford a second child.

It's concerning you'd be so anxious, are you only just getting by as it is? Maybe you can tell us a little more about your circumstances?

You have to make sacrifices and there is the idea your income increases over time.

I would put off if we knew waiting could make it happen but I wouldn't never do it because of money. It may stop me having more than 1.

Thank you for all the replies. For us. the expense would be either childcare or reduction in hours (so less salary). Things like nappies etc are minuscule compared to that. Full time childcare costs around £15k a year where I am, and I don't earn much more than that after tax. Yes, I know it's a joint expense, but the point is it would be wiping out the equivalent of my salary and once you take petrol costs etc into consideration I would be working for almost nothing. My husband earns more than me, but if we lived on only his salary it would be just about doable but we would have little disposable income after all the bills and food etc. But I wouldn't want to give up work totally, but it wouldn't make any financial sense for my husband to go part time as he earns more. So either way, the costs would either be less hours (so less salary) or very high childcare costs.

Many people get help with childcare costs OP. You may have to go part time? Or compress your hours? Do nights & weekends. The under 4/5 stages fly by!

Well, if living on his salary would be doable you could consider doing that for another year or two and saving yours. That way you’d have a chance to see whether you realistically can manage on one salary and you’d have a decent cushion in savings for when you have a dc.

Yes. I’ve been that child and it isn’t fun. I’d never do it to a child. Financially providing for a child should be a parenting basic and there shouldn’t be an opt out system of doing that imo.

I wouldn’t ever go ahead if I couldn’t provide financially for a child and had no savings for a rainy day. Outcomes for children are affected along with other factors.

If you can manage on his salary, then you could save aggressively for a year to build an emergency fund. It also gives you a chance to practice living on that budget without the stress of a child added to the mix. Or perhaps do it for 6 months, show it is working, then continue while ttc and through pregnancy.

That's a good idea from MethodicalMeerkat. If you can do it now and save, you'll have a cushion for emergencies too. I don't know which country you're in, and not sure if it's the same in all UK countries, but I think you get free childcare (is it 30 hours?) once they're two. So there's a 15 month gap between maternity pay running out and free childcare kicking in. Once you get the childcare you could return part-time. Or maybe if you have family who could help out you could return before this if they would cover two days a week? Or work some evenings like PP suggested?

There are cheaper options for childcare, childminders tend to be cheaper and you also have the govt scheme of if both working you can get 20% up to 2K a year

It's sensible that your thinking about it sensibly. If I was you then I would save for a bit then it's 9 months pregnancy.
It's worth looking at your work maternity policy as well. If it's a generous one then you can also save large chunks then.

My DH cut down to 4 days a week and I work ft but flexible hours. It means my son is in nursery 9-3 which also reduces the cost so what initially looks like 1k a month fees for ft is cut to £500 a month due to hours and the 20% scheme.