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DS is owed money. AIBU to increase the pressure?

173 replies

supersop60 · 23/03/2021 23:02

My DS, now 17, is owed some money by a (former) friend.
The girl has made excuses for TWO Years why she can't return it to him, and after having promised, yet again, she would return it last Monday, it didn't appear.
I wrote to the parents, and after a week I got an email back saying they would bring the money to our house this evening. It's 11pm, and there's no sign.
WIBU to go to the house and demand it? (the email actually said if I had knocked on the door, they would have given it to me there and then)
It's £50, and the girl has acknowledged that she needs to return it.

OP posts:
Shrivelled · 24/03/2021 09:40

Are you even sure this happened? I’d want to know from the school if they handed out £50 cash to 15 year olds after a school trip or if there’s some other reason a 15 year old thinks and old “friend” owes them that kind of money.

ekidmxcl · 24/03/2021 09:42

Some people are rotters.
I would leave this and have your ds learn a lesson.

diddl · 24/03/2021 09:46

I think that it's your son who owes you the £50 tbh.

He's reasons for handing it over seem pretty spurious.

Mylovelyhorsee · 24/03/2021 09:48

Why didn’t he put it in his pocket!? This makes no sense.

LagunaBubbles · 24/03/2021 09:50

Its strange you didn't do something about it 2 years ago!

MoveOnTheCards · 24/03/2021 09:55

If he lacks the wherewithal to simply put it in his pocket (makes no sense, is the origin really legit?) I can see how she counted on never having to hand it over. I would let it go after 2 years.

billy1966 · 24/03/2021 10:03

I wouldn't let this go.

So dishonest.

Cadent · 24/03/2021 10:04

@MoveOnTheCards that’s unfair, sometimes I’ve just got a hoodie on and don’t feel comfortable putting money in pockets as it often falls out as soon as you put your hand in for a tissue or or something. I can see why he thought it would be safer in a purse, sadly it turned out to be a thief’s purse.

MoveOnTheCards · 24/03/2021 10:05

Pocket, shoe (as suggested earlier by a pp)... there are alternatives to handing it over to someone else.

MoveOnTheCards · 24/03/2021 10:06

I’m not saying he deserves to lose the money. But he made a bum call on that one. Then to leave it so long.

Tigerchips · 24/03/2021 10:08

"Most schools have been "cashless" for a good while now"

Never heard of a cashless school.

PandaFluff · 24/03/2021 10:10

They've invited you to go round and get it so I'd do that.

MRex · 24/03/2021 10:10

I don't understand why you didn't follow up at the time. Nor why your DS couldn't put the money in his pocket or bag at the time, that's weird too. I suspect there's a little more to this story.

Anyway, you can go round there in the day and ask for the money. I doubt you'll get it, and that's the point when you have a long chat with DS about how to handle money.

IHaveBrilloHair · 24/03/2021 10:12

Is it worth this much stress?
You've managed without it for two years.

Norwaydidnthappen · 24/03/2021 10:15

It doesn’t sound like her parents really care. I’d be totally mortified if my child stole money, however much it was and I’d have been round to yours like a shot to replace it. There’s very little you can do, I’m unsure how long you can keep chasing her for £50.

GreenWillow · 24/03/2021 10:16


“ Point out this will affect credit rating.”

This is just simply not true.

It absolutely will, if they fail to pay a CCJ within 28 days of the judgement, it will have a devastating effect on their credit rating.

If they work in a regulated industry, it will impact their ability to fond work too.

CCJs are a huge deal, and stay on your credit file for 6 years even after settlement.
diddl · 24/03/2021 10:22

If he was given the money at school it doesn't make a lot of sense that he didn't have a bag or anything at all that he could put the money in to keep it safe.

mcmooberry · 24/03/2021 10:28

I definitely wouldn't let this go and am commenting so I can check back to see how you get on.
I would go round to the house . Although I would have done well before now to be fair.

andyoldlabour · 24/03/2021 10:33

She is a thief and if she is let off, will keep doing it again and again and again. I worked with someone like this, very pretty "sugar and spice and all things nice", except she wasn't. She had a string of short term "boyfriends", who she "borrowed" money from and never paid them back.

FatCatThinCat · 24/03/2021 10:46

Waiting 2 years is crazy, you should have intervened as soon as it wasn't forthcoming. If you still want to chase it, go round and get it. But I'd be chalking it up to experience after 2 years.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 24/03/2021 10:49

Is it worth this much stress?
You've managed without it for two years.

Sorry, but that's the classic CF mindset - wondering why the rightful owner actually needs their property back rather than asking why they should simply get to keep it. A PP said that the family might be struggling - this could be true, we don't know; but why is the girl's family any more or less likely to desperately need the money now than OP's family?

I can believe this happening. CFs are brilliant at manipulating situations and constantly kicking them into the long grass - plus the last year has put a whole load of things on pause. For all we know, OP's DS might have gone to put the money loose in his pocket after commenting that he should have brought his wallet and then the girl could have seized on this and 'insisted' on looking after it for him, playing up the risk of putting it loose in a pocket.

Even Mexican House Thief tried to insist until he was blue in the face that he'd been 'looking after, checking up on and doing maintenance', like HE was the good guy, and never actually came out and admitted that he was a lying thief, plain and simple.

Inability/unwillingness to repay a loan is one thing - of course, it still does need to be repaid; but a loan involves the agreement that the borrower will take ownership/agency of the money until the time comes to repay it. When you're only looking after it for somebody, the money should either still be safely waiting there in her purse, ringfenced with a clear 'Right, now, that's NOT mine, so I won't touch it' mindset or - as you'd expect - returned to the owner a long time before now.

earthyfire · 24/03/2021 10:50

My first thought was why didn't you follow up with the school? Two years on you're not going to get it back so adding interest is not going to help! I'd see it as a life no one!

grieving321 · 24/03/2021 10:53

Why didn't you go round with him and get it 2 years ago. Why are you now all aggro about it thinking about going round at 11pm? Don't do that, you are going to look like a headcase.

Someone very famous now owes me 50p from when we were at school. Still irks me now 🤣.
Why can't they do a bank transfer anyhow?

supersop60 · 24/03/2021 10:54

I appreciate all your comments.
To answer your questions: Yes, the teacher actually refunded pairs of students with 120Euros between them. My DS didn't want to put it in his pocket, so friend looked after it in her purse. They agreed that she'd give him £50 in cash when they got back to school.
The girl kept 'forgetting' to bring it to school, or her purse was 'stolen', or her parents were too busy to bring her round to ours etc etc She has acknowledged in several texts that she owes DS this money, and he has been asking her periodically over the two years.
I offered to get involved early on, but he didn't want me to.
£50 is not a small amount in this house.
The parents have acknowledged that the money is due.
After the no-show yesterday I emailed asking when I could expect it.
The father replied with an apology and said he'd bring it this evening.
Let's see.

OP posts:
FoxgloveBee · 24/03/2021 10:54

Bizarre. To answer this I need to know why he didn't put it in his pocket / bag / suitcase on the trip (presumably he had luggage).

Are you sure there isn't more to the story?

And why have you waited two years?

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