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DS is owed money. AIBU to increase the pressure?

173 replies

supersop60 · 23/03/2021 23:02

My DS, now 17, is owed some money by a (former) friend.
The girl has made excuses for TWO Years why she can't return it to him, and after having promised, yet again, she would return it last Monday, it didn't appear.
I wrote to the parents, and after a week I got an email back saying they would bring the money to our house this evening. It's 11pm, and there's no sign.
WIBU to go to the house and demand it? (the email actually said if I had knocked on the door, they would have given it to me there and then)
It's £50, and the girl has acknowledged that she needs to return it.

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 24/03/2021 08:08

It’s very hard to connect with this until I understand how a school would give cash to pupils and until the delay of two years is somehow explained.
You’ve got choices -
They said they would give it to you if you had come to their door. Go to their door and ask for it.
Report on non emergency police line. It is theft or a form of theft (there are a lot). They will be interested in the delay but that cannot of itself afford a defence of ‘no dishonesty’. If she were to say ‘I assumed they didn’t want it back’ that would be unlikely to be accepted. Police likely to think small amount long delay but easy for quick visit to resolve.
Forget about it. That may be difficult if the girl and your ds are still in school together etc.
I know I would report this and seek advice. I’d be ready to forget about it if that seemed wisest given my own delay in pursuing it.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 24/03/2021 08:08

I’d send a text saying you’d like to keep the matter out of the hands of the school, but that girl is leaving you with little choice. Give a PayPal address and a date

You really think school would be interested in this now? Don't be daft!

I wouldn't let it go OP but I'm also confused as to why it's been allowed to go on for two years. Why didn't you go to the parents as soon as she didn't give it back the first time?

KaptainKaveman · 24/03/2021 08:09

You either turn up and demand the cash, make yourself a nuisance and so on, or else you drop the matter and forget about it. They have absolutely no intention of repaying the money. You will only obtain it if you force their hand.

KatherineJaneway · 24/03/2021 08:30

You sound very annoyed but you've let this go on for 2 years.

Tal45 · 24/03/2021 08:35

Go round, don't text them beforehand or they won't open the door. Make sure they don't see you coming. Why should she get away with theft. I'd be mortified if it was my child that stole the money. Be prepared for a barrage of excuses though as it doesn't sound like they give a crap.

MessAllOver · 24/03/2021 08:36

This is theft. I would ask the parents or I would report have reported to the police a long time ago. Let them know you're going to make a police report.

HedgeOwl · 24/03/2021 08:45

2 years?
But yes rock up this morning and tell them it’s now or the police

HeronLanyon · 24/03/2021 08:46

Meant also to say good luck also. None of the options are particularly easy now either to do or to live with.

makingmammaries · 24/03/2021 08:51

Lockdowns started a year ago so I can kind of see how this could have dragged on so long. Go round today. They will probably claim not to have the cash. You may need to repeat it a few times.

TwinkleStar88 · 24/03/2021 08:54

It is theft, are her parents not embarrassed by their daughter stealing from your son? I’d be mortified!

Twoforthree · 24/03/2021 08:56

Knock on the door

mytwocats · 24/03/2021 08:56

It's not in the scheme of things a huge amount,thank goodness,but this is one lesson to be learned,never lend any money to anyone,without some sort of written statement,this has at least some foothold for the lender.
I have done it all my !ife,even to my own family,if they want money,without the aggrement & they whinge,tell them to borrow somewhere else,it works.

Magnificentmug12 · 24/03/2021 08:59

If it was my daughter who took money, you wouldn’t even need to come and knock, I’d be straight round with it plus a personal apology from my daughter.

Some parents are just shot and don’t want to accept responsibility for their kids.

MimiDaisy11 · 24/03/2021 09:05

I don't think the advice people are giving about borrowing and lending really makes sense here. The school put the pupils in an awkward position by giving out money and the boy didn't have somewhere to put it.

Rathmobhaile · 24/03/2021 09:07

The girl is wrong to have kept it and maybe your son two years ago was simply too young to successfully be able to get it back. But you've left it too long to chase it. The time to do this was when the girl let him down in payment arrangements the second time. so the second time she said to him she'd be paying it back soon or on a specific date and then didn't. The time then was for you as the adult to approach the girls parents with a firm but friendly "Your daughter seems to be struggling to pay this back. Could you please address this with your daughter thanks". You've missed your chance in letting it go 2 years. Take it as a lesson learned.

Wondergirl100 · 24/03/2021 09:08

I literally cannot believe this is still occupying your mind. Teach your son a lesson and let it go.

tcjotm · 24/03/2021 09:10

He didn’t have anywhere to keep it? Next time tell him to put it under his foot in his shoe.

GoryGilmore · 24/03/2021 09:11

Whilst she shouldn’t get away with stealing, the fact that this has gone on for two years is completely ridiculous, it should have been dealt with at the time.

Crinkle77 · 24/03/2021 09:11


I'm in the let it go camp. It was two years ago, you aren't going to see your money again.

Me too. Yes it's wrong but police and small claims court over £50. Seriously? There's no proof this ever happened. It's her word against your son's. You've got no chance.
Crinkle77 · 24/03/2021 09:13

Ah just seen that they've acknowledged they owe the money but still think police/small claims is madness.

FlyingBurrito · 24/03/2021 09:13


I literally cannot believe this is still occupying your mind. Teach your son a lesson and let it go.

The lesson being that he can give away money that doesn't belong to him? If I've read it right it's the OP's money that's been lost, how does that teach the son anything?

As the parents have said for you to go round for the money I'm not sure why this is even a question, just go and get it
ThatOtherPoster · 24/03/2021 09:14

Oh FFS, just go round there. “Hello! I’m DS’s mum, I’m here for the £50.”

Why aren’t you going round there - are they rough and scary?

aprilanne · 24/03/2021 09:17

If you start harassing the parents you could be charged IRS the daughter that owes bot her parents. Folk have been dying this past year a horrible death and you are caring about 50 pounds from two years ago .I don't think the police will even care .christ who cares after this time the time to go was the day after not two years

AlexaNeverListens · 24/03/2021 09:24

If this happened two years ago when your DS was only 15, why didn't you do something about it then?
The £50 is gone I'm afraid. Time to move on ....

MrsIsobelCrawley · 24/03/2021 09:25

Two years?

Why are you getting worked up about it now?

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