Y7 disgusting comments

[ShinyGreenElephant]

I'm 99% sure I'm not being unreasonable here but I'm SO angry and could do with some perspective/ advice.

A boy in my DD12s class has said to her today "shut your legs, your fanny stinks". This was in front of a group of kids. Shes on her period today as well so it made her feel even more paranoid and she was really upset and humiliated. A few of the boys laughed half-heartedly (all her boy mates have since said he was out of order but none of them said it at the time) and all the girls who were there went mad at him, DDs best friend slapped him across the face. DD called him an ugly little rat and walked away before he saw her crying but was then very upset and sobbing to the other girls. Shes been friends with this boy for years but hes recently turned on her a bit after hes asked her out twice and she said no. Nothing like this though.

DD told a teacher who told him off, but he wasn't sent home and hasnt apologised. The school didn't inform me about the incident. Far as I'm concerned this is nowhere NEAR good enough - I've called them and told them as much and been told they will investigate and deal with it further.

Can anyone advise on what my next steps should be? I'll be putting it all in writing tomorrow once they contact me with how they've dealt with it. What if its not good enough? Governors? What can I realistically expect - I will 100% need an apology and I want him suspended but not sure they would even tell me if he was.

Any advice welcome even if its to tell me I'm over reacting. I'm actually friends with his mum but won't contact her tonight at least as I'm so angry I know I won't be able to handle it well.

@KurtWilde I hope you get some rest. I agree with everything you’ve said. It’s really gotten under my skin too. Xxx

Wow I am shocked that a girl slapping another child because of something is acceptable and if it was your daughter doing the same you would celebrate with her! Disgusted is a understatement. Would you feel the same if it had been the girl making the same remark and boy slapping her???!!

Let’s hope the girl who did the slapping gets pulled up on her behaviour, because if she doesn’t learn that she is wrong now then she could be arrested for assault if she did it again to the wrong person.

If my son had been slapped like that I would been down that school asking for her to be excluded and if that wasn’t taken seriously I would be contacting the police myself. Violence is NEVER acceptable ever!

@KurtWilde I agree with everything you have said, too.

Yep me too - very well said, KurtWilde. Women are rightly very very angry about misogyny and male abuse and violence against women. That's no excuse for turning into a baying mob over a single remark by a 12yo child and encouraging or endorsing physical violence as a response.

Are you sure your daughter wants him suspended rather than just saying that to make mummy happy?

Rofl, I was called a p more than several dozen times when I was at school*

When I was at school that was an acceptable word, it isn't now, things change and hopefully for the better in the 10/15 years since you were at school.

When I was at school it was practically a perk of the job for teachers to have relationships with students, it certainly isn't acceptable now.

I think class or year wide pshe lesson about misongynistic language and why it's not OK would be a good result of this. One to one directed talk between them including apology and chance for each to explain what they were thinking and feeling too.

@KurtWilde

You can't and shouldn't apply adult rationale to immature brains. Misogyny is ingrained hatred of women. The boy is 12, not even a teen. Nothing much is 'ingrained' yet!

Was the comment repulsive? Yes 100% vile.

Did it show a hatred of women? Hardly.

Should he face consequences from the school and be educated on respect? Absolutely.

BUT so should the DDs friend for slapping him, otherwise the school itself would be condoning assault on a fellow pupil and that should never be overlooked.

She has just as much chance of carrying on slapping boys who offend her as the boy does carrying on saying disrespectful things to girls. Neither are right. Both need addressing before it does snowball into something that will follow them until adult life. If we cannot agree that there was wrong on BOTH parts then our quest for equality is a joke.

The fact some posters see this as a 'win' for feminism is appalling.

The fact that 'women can't really hurt men physically' bullshit is STILL being bandied about is appalling.

The fact that the OP says she's a teacher yet is rewarding her DDs friend for assaulting a fellow student is appalling.

Sorry for the overuse of the word appalling but it was a very long night and I need my sleep.

I've said all I can say on this thread and I'll be leaving it now.

Agree with every single word of this!!

@Carouselfish

I think class or year wide pshe lesson about misongynistic language and why it's not OK would be a good result of this. One to one directed talk between them including apology and chance for each to explain what they were thinking and feeling too.

Yes agreed. Education is the key, starting young.

But also anti violence education and why it is NOT the answer whatever the circumstances.

If OP was really a teacher then they would know that the sanctions given to this boy are none of her business

Some of the comments on this thread are disgusting.

Condoning slapping but criticising a comment made by a 12 year old child

The boy should absolutely be suspended. The school should use this opportunity to make an example to their students that vile, sexist comments will NOT be tolerated.

As awful as it no doubt was for OP's DD, incidents like this are a bloody gift to the school. A chance (the best chance they can get) to show their students how shit like this will be dealt with.

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

I really wonder what has gone wrong for some women to think that men being sexually abusive to women is ok or just not a big deal, and that it doesn’t even merit talking about. To think that the biggest, most worrying societal issue we face is a girl defending a bullies girl physically, as opposed to the sexual bullying. You do realise that people are more likely to react physically because of people like you, who don’t think the boys should face any other, more suitable consequences?

If we minused the slap, said it never happened—would it just be “get over it girls, boys will be boys”? Just take it, meh they’ll do worse to you in the future!

OP's daughter didn't need defending physically.

The hyperbole about what the boy said is being ramped up in an effort to justify the slap. But nothing can justify the slap. In the same way that nothing can justify what the boy said. Both actions were obviously and objectively wrong.

They are children, and children make mistakes. When they do wrong, they should learn to make amends. The boy has apologised three times. The slap-happy friend is being rewarded with a fucking pizza.

@MNWorldisCrazy

The boy should absolutely be suspended. The school should use this opportunity to make an example to their students that vile, sexist comments will NOT be tolerated.

As awful as it no doubt was for OP's DD, incidents like this are a bloody gift to the school. A chance (the best chance they can get) to show their students how shit like this will be dealt with.

How would you deal with the slapping @MNWorldisCrazy?

@KurtWilde

You can't and shouldn't apply adult rationale to immature brains. Misogyny is ingrained hatred of women. The boy is 12, not even a teen. Nothing much is 'ingrained' yet!

Was the comment repulsive? Yes 100% vile.

Did it show a hatred of women? Hardly.

Should he face consequences from the school and be educated on respect? Absolutely.

BUT so should the DDs friend for slapping him, otherwise the school itself would be condoning assault on a fellow pupil and that should never be overlooked.

She has just as much chance of carrying on slapping boys who offend her as the boy does carrying on saying disrespectful things to girls. Neither are right. Both need addressing before it does snowball into something that will follow them until adult life. If we cannot agree that there was wrong on BOTH parts then our quest for equality is a joke.

The fact some posters see this as a 'win' for feminism is appalling.

The fact that 'women can't really hurt men physically' bullshit is STILL being bandied about is appalling.

The fact that the OP says she's a teacher yet is rewarding her DDs friend for assaulting a fellow student is appalling.

Sorry for the overuse of the word appalling but it was a very long night and I need my sleep.

I've said all I can say on this thread and I'll be leaving it now.

This!!!!!!!!!!! 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

@bendmeoverbackwards Like KurtWild said, at minimum a few days suspension/detention. I think it also must to be something that shows other students that despite being done in defence of another, it is still wrong and will be punished.

@MNWorldisCrazy

The boy should absolutely be suspended. The school should use this opportunity to make an example to their students that vile, sexist comments will NOT be tolerated.

As awful as it no doubt was for OP's DD, incidents like this are a bloody gift to the school. A chance (the best chance they can get) to show their students how shit like this will be dealt with.

No he shouldn't. Children make horrible comments to each other every day in every school. They would just be making an example of this one boy because OP's mum kicked off. Furthermore it would be ludicrous to suspend the boy and not the girl who slapped him.

What the school should do instead is ramp up their efforts in educating children as to why this behaviour is not acceptable (both the comment and the slap) and let children know that in the future, such incidents may lead to suspension. If this boy, or indeed any other child then makes similar comments, it will be fair and appropriate to suspend them.

*The boy should absolutely be suspended. The school should use this opportunity to make an example to their students that vile, sexist comments will NOT be tolerated.

As awful as it no doubt was for OP's DD, incidents like this are a bloody gift to the school. A chance (the best chance they can get) to show their students how shit like this will be dealt with.*
Then the girl who slapped would also have to be punished the same ? Or in your world is that ok
Surely education is better actually someone talking , explaining
Mn is so full of people who just don't seem to exist in real life or maybe just wouldn't say the things in real life
Kids are still learning so education is key

@catpoooffender

1. I'm not saying he should only be suspended BECAUSE OP kicked off, I'm saying that's what the school should be doing anyway.

1. If you read my comments, you'll see I've said that the slapping friend should also be suspended.

People get raped &/or murdered every day in this country but that doesn't make it ok! What an appalling thing to say

@MNWorldisCrazy so what about the girl who slapped what would you suggest her punishment is

@donewithitalltodayandxmas

*The boy should absolutely be suspended. The school should use this opportunity to make an example to their students that vile, sexist comments will NOT be tolerated.

As awful as it no doubt was for OP's DD, incidents like this are a bloody gift to the school. A chance (the best chance they can get) to show their students how shit like this will be dealt with.*
Then the girl who slapped would also have to be punished the same ? Or in your world is that ok
Surely education is better actually someone talking , explaining
Mn is so full of people who just don't seem to exist in real life or maybe just wouldn't say the things in real life
Kids are still learning so education is key

What? Don't put words in my mouth! I went on to say that the girl absolutely SHOULD be suspended also. Please read the full thread!

[quote donewithitalltodayandxmas]@MNWorldisCrazy so what about the girl who slapped what would you suggest her punishment is [/quote]

@MNWorldisCrazy your escalating a kids comment up pretty quick
Suspension in schools is not that easy and not always the answer and if OP is really a teacher they would be fully aware of that
Instead of suspending both and sending home why not sit them down and educate them on what they have done wrong , is that not more effective ?
Anyway it seems the kids have pretty much sorted it out amongst themselves, as adults we sometimes interfere to much
You have parents getting involved in 6 year old squabbles these days

I think we’ve been minimising / excusing verbal and physical assaults on women and girls that it has just become “part of life” in schools. Similar racist language would (quite rightly) not be allowed and would be dealt with very seriously so why is misogynistic abuse deemed ok and why can’t girls rely on schools to create a safe, respectful place for girls to learn? For too long this has been minimised and it needs to stop.

@MNWorldisCrazy your comments didn't make it that clear as I am not the only one to of missed it.
I still disagree with suspension thats just over the top for a one off incident and won't overly teach them anything other than miss some eduction

I think we’ve been minimising / excusing verbal and physical assaults on women and girls that it has just become “part of life” in schools. Similar racist language would (quite rightly) not be allowed and would be dealt with very seriously so why is misogynistic abuse deemed ok and why can’t girls rely on schools to create a safe, respectful place for girls to learn? For too long this has been minimised and it needs to stop.
Have you been in a school recently ?
Girls can be quite nasty and say horrible things to the boys as well
It doesn't always have to be boys v girls or men v women