Y7 disgusting comments

[ShinyGreenElephant]

I'm 99% sure I'm not being unreasonable here but I'm SO angry and could do with some perspective/ advice.

A boy in my DD12s class has said to her today "shut your legs, your fanny stinks". This was in front of a group of kids. Shes on her period today as well so it made her feel even more paranoid and she was really upset and humiliated. A few of the boys laughed half-heartedly (all her boy mates have since said he was out of order but none of them said it at the time) and all the girls who were there went mad at him, DDs best friend slapped him across the face. DD called him an ugly little rat and walked away before he saw her crying but was then very upset and sobbing to the other girls. Shes been friends with this boy for years but hes recently turned on her a bit after hes asked her out twice and she said no. Nothing like this though.

DD told a teacher who told him off, but he wasn't sent home and hasnt apologised. The school didn't inform me about the incident. Far as I'm concerned this is nowhere NEAR good enough - I've called them and told them as much and been told they will investigate and deal with it further.

Can anyone advise on what my next steps should be? I'll be putting it all in writing tomorrow once they contact me with how they've dealt with it. What if its not good enough? Governors? What can I realistically expect - I will 100% need an apology and I want him suspended but not sure they would even tell me if he was.

Any advice welcome even if its to tell me I'm over reacting. I'm actually friends with his mum but won't contact her tonight at least as I'm so angry I know I won't be able to handle it well.

*About the friend who slapped the misogynistic little shit - maybe she has the foresight to understand that his type only back off when someone overpowers them physically, sadly. Stop him in his tracks early and everybody is a winner, including the boy.

I don't condone violence but a slap is not quite the same as a hard punch, and that attitude will hopefully save this girl no end of grief later on in life. Well worth getting in a bit of bother at school at the age of 12.*

No, she's a little shit who gets physical when someone, says something she doesn't like. Instigating violence usually either gets you the shit beaten out of or in trouble with the police.

OP is definitely NOT a teacher. Not only rewarding violence but then going on to justify it further by saying she would be happy for her daughter to be slapped as a suitable punishment is she had done something similar.Absolutely beggars belief. The "all men are rapist/murderers" mob are out in force, one PP even wanting to punch the child. I haven't read many comments where the boy's words are being defended,and hopefully the social justice has had an impact.Surely education is the answer, just not from "teachers" like the OP

I'm not surprised misogyny is alive and well reading some of the comments here.
And if boys are taught this is acceptable from a young age (which going by this thread a lot of them are) then I feel there is little hope for the up and coming generation of men.

KurtWilde*

Well OP I hope you're thoroughly thrilled at having a 12yo boy crucified all over mumsnet tonight. Perhaps you should treat all of your online supporters to a pizza too.

That's enough internet for tonight

Completely agree. I hope this doesn't make the daily mail or the boys mum reads this some appalling assumptions made about a 12 year old child over one incident.

Not forgetting that this kind of behaviour against girls can lead to body hang ups when older and ingrained belief that womens bodies are dirty and unclean.

I haven't read many comments where the boy's words are being defended,and hopefully the social justice has had an impact.Surely education is the answer, just not from "teachers" like the OP

Exactly, I think most people have said that this boy - and all boys - need education as to why that's wrong. The boy is probably just repeating something he's heard and doesnt really understand the implication other than it sounding horrible. You can be both disapproving of that comment and the girl slapping him - which was no some sort of self defense or honourable gesture, it was assault.

I personally couldn't give a shit about the ugly rat comment, I think that was totally fair and warranted.

@Ilovegreentomatoes who said it’s acceptable? It isn’t but neither is crucifying a 12 year child. We weren’t there, we don’t know what happened. We are adults, they are children and there are grown women on this thread who want to punch him. I find what the boy said abhorrent but what I find worse is a group of grown women willing to destroy a child. Education is key with children not labelling them rapists and misogynists.

Actually a lot of the posts have said that girls can be worse.

Boys are not taught that this is acceptable. Girls are not taught that violence is acceptable either.

Both boys and girls throw out vile comments. It’s horrible but it’s never been any different.

I feel like there is little hope for them eithe when so many are willing to string up a 12 year old boy and watch while he’s beaten by a 12 year old girl.

Completely agree. I hope this doesn't make the daily mail or the boys mum reads this some appalling assumptions made about a 12 year old child over one incident.

I don't know, might be interesting to see what OP's 'school' would make of her views here should she be unmasked.

👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻 👏🏻

Oh do leave off with the hyperbole.

One poster made that comment about punching.

There's been a lot more posters trying to victim blame the OPs DD or suggest she is lacking resilience, or dismiss this is as no big deal.

When in fact it's the start of a slippery slope if this ignorant child isn't taught to have respect for women. Unchecked he is definitely a future misogynist in the making. I'd be very concerned if he was my child and do everything I could to ensure he understood how wrong his actions were.

This is still a child we are speaking as a mother of a 12 year the language used to describe him is utterly appalling, hes just a kid who makes mistakes.

@Grenlei agree on every point.

@Teardrop2021 I despair.

He's 12 not 6. Whilst he might be uneducated, I doubt he made this remark in complete ignorance, he clearly wasn't just parroting a phrase like a young child would - he knew to target it at a girl rather than a boy. This needs addressing now, before he's 15 or 18 or older, and still saying the same, or worse.

I think you may need to lay off the hyperbole yourself

Ilovegreentomatoes what he did was wrong he needs educating on what he did wrong, detentions isolating not expelling or suspension. His future should not be written off because of one incident. He's a child. The way some posters have spoke about him is equally appalling referencing sexual abuse, one poster even murder. No regard for the fact someone assaulted him.

This is absolutely mental.

Oh shut up, its people like you that's make me despair of the future. I have a brain thank you, thats why I can see that this post is ludicrous, it was an awful comment from a silly 12 year old boy, not a f*cking sexual harrasment case

God help this world 🤦‍♀️

Okay, having read this whole thread, I can almost (I said almost!) begin to sympathise with the girl who slapped him. After all, it is becoming painfully obvious that the boy was never going to face any effective official sanction for his vile misogyny. Now, that still does not excuse the violent reaction, but it does start to go some way to explaining it.

20:50 Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

That was aimed at this idiot

100

Adios2011 Its madness isn't this is a child they are speaking about.

I love how you all feel that ‘your’ school would’ve dealt with it differently. Really?

They are dealing with violence, truancy, self harm, suicide, poverty, and god know what else - this is a minor comment from a young boy who was assaulted.

Hardly the crime of the century.

I agree with you op