Y7 disgusting comments

[ShinyGreenElephant]

I'm 99% sure I'm not being unreasonable here but I'm SO angry and could do with some perspective/ advice.

A boy in my DD12s class has said to her today "shut your legs, your fanny stinks". This was in front of a group of kids. Shes on her period today as well so it made her feel even more paranoid and she was really upset and humiliated. A few of the boys laughed half-heartedly (all her boy mates have since said he was out of order but none of them said it at the time) and all the girls who were there went mad at him, DDs best friend slapped him across the face. DD called him an ugly little rat and walked away before he saw her crying but was then very upset and sobbing to the other girls. Shes been friends with this boy for years but hes recently turned on her a bit after hes asked her out twice and she said no. Nothing like this though.

DD told a teacher who told him off, but he wasn't sent home and hasnt apologised. The school didn't inform me about the incident. Far as I'm concerned this is nowhere NEAR good enough - I've called them and told them as much and been told they will investigate and deal with it further.

Can anyone advise on what my next steps should be? I'll be putting it all in writing tomorrow once they contact me with how they've dealt with it. What if its not good enough? Governors? What can I realistically expect - I will 100% need an apology and I want him suspended but not sure they would even tell me if he was.

Any advice welcome even if its to tell me I'm over reacting. I'm actually friends with his mum but won't contact her tonight at least as I'm so angry I know I won't be able to handle it well.

[quote Overthinking1]@GrumpyHoonMain what an absolute muppet you are.. no doubt like the neglectful parents that allowed those girls to end up on the end of the comments.[/quote]
I can’t believe your first response was ‘oh he must have been right, check your dd’s knickers aren’t smelling’. Utterly shocking the depths posters like you plumb to on here.

@23PissOffAvenueWF

Absolutely can’t believe some of the defending of the boy on this thread. Well, sadly, I can.

If my 12YO DS said something like this, I’d be utterly appalled and feel like a complete failure as a parent. He would be punished in no uncertain terms.

So glad that DD will be heading off to a single sex school next year from year 7. At least her school hours will mean she is spared this utter fucking shit behaviour from the cohort of boys and men who just can’t seem to stop themselves.

I went to a single sex school and trust me girls can say things like this to each other too.

Thosetalesofunexpected

Tone it down you have no right to name call people but you're responses are extreme over an one off incident involving a 12year isn't comparable.to a policeman in his late 30s killing a young girl and frankly is ridiculous comparison to make.

@GrumpyHoonMain ..i suggest you read what i actually said before commenting with that ridiculousness. Idiot

I went to a single sex school and trust me girls can say things like this to each other too.

I did too, and loved my school.

At least I’ll be cutting out 50% of the shit she might be exposed to. 🤷🏻‍♀️

In case anyone is wondering, I am in fact female

GrumpyHoonMain Overthinking1 wasn't being rude but it could be a genuine problem especially when starting periods. A girl I went to school with came in one day with a very strong smell of fish I don't think anyone said anything but people were aware of the smell not sure if the teachers took her aside or not. But teenagers hygiene isn't always the best I know my own ds is the same and I have to be on at him.

@23PissOffAvenueWF

I went to a single sex school and trust me girls can say things like this to each other too.

I did too, and loved my school.

At least I’ll be cutting out 50% of the shit she might be exposed to. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I hope she has a good experience like you

Not many people are defending the boy. They are just pointing out the OPs expectations re what happens to him may be out of whack. They are also pointing out the slap girl needs to be dealt with.

Bar the obvious and now deleted trolls, no one has defended the boy.

Girls might bully and make bitchy comments to each other in single sex schools, I didn't experience this but I'm sure it does happen.

However I spent most of my time at a mixed secondary feeling intimidated and sexually threatened, by the casual misogyny, verbals threats and abuse, and physical/ sexual assaults, all from boys. I ended up being quite scared of males, and it took me until my 20s to get over. I would never send a daughter of mine to a mixed school.

At least she won’t be on the receiving end of this sort of unacceptable shit.

@KurtWilde

In case anyone is wondering, I am in fact female

I assumed you were, @thosetalesofunexpected’s comments are 😱

@23PissOffAvenueWF

I went to a single sex school and trust me girls can say things like this to each other too.

I did too, and loved my school.

At least I’ll be cutting out 50% of the shit she might be exposed to. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well yes, who can say this is a "valuable" or "educational" experience? School of life? A lot of life can be shit for women with similar remarks - any point in starting early for girls? Break them in gently perhaps.

Its educational equivalent of saying well it happens, doesn't it. Depressing but yes, you can do better for girls than expose them to ingrates who make sexualised remarks.

@23PissOffAvenueWF

At least she won’t be on the receiving end of this sort of unacceptable shit.

Erm, let’s hope so. Again some girls tell other girls their fannies stink etc, anything to really hurt.

@MrsArchchancellorRidcully

His is why I'm glad DD goes to an all girls school. Girls can be horrible but rarely say stupid shit like this!!

The girls were worse at my school.

Are some of the people on here aware that girls insult other girls with similar comments?

All this over the top reaction is what eventually defeats the drive to assess misogyny and misandry. Extreme reactions is ammunition for the other side of the argument.

We should be teaching boys and girls to respect each other. A one-sided approach is dangerous.

[quote Overthinking1]@GrumpyHoonMain ..i suggest you read what i actually said before commenting with that ridiculousness. Idiot[/quote]
you’re the victim blaming idiot, not me. There is no way the appropriate response here is to question the victim’s hygiene. Even if she did smell the boy shouldn’t have mentioned it - what kind of children are you all raising if you aren’t teaching them EQ or how to talk to others?

@KurtWilde - I have also reported the post that was directed at you. A case of projection. What a vile comment.
This post has turned into a disguise of misandry.
I honestly wonder how this thread would have panned out if the sexes were reversed and the girl was slapped and verbally abused for making a sexist remark towards a boy

@Grenlei

Girls might bully and make bitchy comments to each other in single sex schools, I didn't experience this but I'm sure it does happen.

However I spent most of my time at a mixed secondary feeling intimidated and sexually threatened, by the casual misogyny, verbals threats and abuse, and physical/ sexual assaults, all from boys. I ended up being quite scared of males, and it took me until my 20s to get over. I would never send a daughter of mine to a mixed school.

With all due respect if you don’t know then you don’t know. I got my nose broken in a single sex school for standing up for a girl who was being badly bullied and extorted out of so much money there was a court case, girls got beaten up, abused each other, some were predatory, some would use their male friends outside of school to threaten their fellow students, some girls got robbed, some would say comments like the one this OP is about. I could go on. I left school scared of boys/men as I’d never been around them and I was really shy. I would never send a daughter of mine to a single sex school so it obviously relates to our experiences

@GrumpyHoonMain you have a comprehension problem so there is little point in engaging with you. I'm raising children that don't say those things to people and also ensuring they know how to look after themselves to not have a hygiene problem as many parents also fail to do this.

@Teardrop2021

GrumpyHoonMain Overthinking1 wasn't being rude but it could be a genuine problem especially when starting periods. A girl I went to school with came in one day with a very strong smell of fish I don't think anyone said anything but people were aware of the smell not sure if the teachers took her aside or not. But teenagers hygiene isn't always the best I know my own ds is the same and I have to be on at him.

If there was a problem (and I'm not saying that there was...) There are politer ways of telling someone!!!

When I was 12 I'd have been mortified if my mum started demanding school exclude kids that had been dicks. I was bullied a fair bit at school, but by the time you get to secondary parents shouldn't really be stepping in after a boy makes one stupid remark. I think your daughter is being a bit ott that she wants him out of school

TwinkleStar88 I said the same I said if a girl had made that remark there wouldn't be as big outcry and the friend wouldn't have likely hit another girl. Girls could be bloody awful at school I remember comments on my bra size going around the school were made by girls it was pretty mortifying saying j wore padded bras when in reality I was growing,
I had boys pulling bra straps and even one lad grabbing my boob.

After reading the whole thread there is absolutely no chance the OP is a teacher. With the attitude she has displayed in this thread, not only would she make a horrendous teacher but in all honesty, she's coming across as a pretty horrendous parent. I would be far more worried about the damage you are doing to your daughter rather than a comment someone said to her in school. I'm presuming that you rewarding her friend for physically assaulting someone means you would be happy for your daughter to do the same? I'm telling you now, if you teach your daughter to go around slapping anyone who says something mean, she will find herself in a very unfortunate situation these days.

I seriously recommend some kind of parenting classes.