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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Y7 disgusting comments

999 replies

ShinyGreenElephant · 23/03/2021 16:14

I'm 99% sure I'm not being unreasonable here but I'm SO angry and could do with some perspective/ advice.

A boy in my DD12s class has said to her today "shut your legs, your fanny stinks". This was in front of a group of kids. Shes on her period today as well so it made her feel even more paranoid and she was really upset and humiliated. A few of the boys laughed half-heartedly (all her boy mates have since said he was out of order but none of them said it at the time) and all the girls who were there went mad at him, DDs best friend slapped him across the face. DD called him an ugly little rat and walked away before he saw her crying but was then very upset and sobbing to the other girls. Shes been friends with this boy for years but hes recently turned on her a bit after hes asked her out twice and she said no. Nothing like this though.

DD told a teacher who told him off, but he wasn't sent home and hasnt apologised. The school didn't inform me about the incident. Far as I'm concerned this is nowhere NEAR good enough - I've called them and told them as much and been told they will investigate and deal with it further.

Can anyone advise on what my next steps should be? I'll be putting it all in writing tomorrow once they contact me with how they've dealt with it. What if its not good enough? Governors? What can I realistically expect - I will 100% need an apology and I want him suspended but not sure they would even tell me if he was.

Any advice welcome even if its to tell me I'm over reacting. I'm actually friends with his mum but won't contact her tonight at least as I'm so angry I know I won't be able to handle it well.

OP posts:
thosetalesofunexpected · 23/03/2021 20:39

Really sorry your daughter has experienced such a humiliating experience as this !

What a shit thing to say !

He this boy sounds like a Arsehole !

You Really need to Link this incident with misygonstic attitudes ,(about this boys attitude links the very kind of attitudes that is very Disturbing especially with issues of women/girls safety that are very Topical issues !
As this boys attitude if this Carry's on could lead to Domestic abuse /harassment stalking even worse to Rape,

Please Don't Allow School mimise Be little this in Any way .!
Link this boys attitude to the very recent murders of male violence to women!

Essentially make them Realize how seriously they the school need to take this !

Also is the PSHE subject still happening about real life issues such as Sexism etc!
then in school then?

It really needs to be .

XelaM · 23/03/2021 20:39

You're SO overreacting! You want him gone from school for this when your daughter's friend was the one who slapped the boy? You're extremely unreasonable.

Teardrop2021 · 23/03/2021 20:40

Ladydayblues1 I know its crazy isn't it and op is a y6 teacher rewarding physical violence. Lets hope the boy doesn't have an older sister.

Ilovegreentomatoes · 23/03/2021 20:41

How about turning comments around and telling boys their dicks stink? How would they feel if girls started to retaliate with similar comments?

XelaM · 23/03/2021 20:41

How about suspending your daughter's friend for violence? I guess that's ok in your class because it's girl on boy violence? I have a daughter btw.

Coolandclamy · 23/03/2021 20:41

Oh and you seem to suggest that misogyny only applies to white woman?

Do we know whether the OP’s daughter is white or black or ... and the race of the boy? You assume only white women can be at the receiving end of sexism? You compare racism to sexism as if there is no intersectionality.

This thread is too depressing for me.

thenewduchessofhastings · 23/03/2021 20:41

@ShinyGreenElephant

I completely understand where you're coming from as my DD (year 10) has had to deal with a pair of misogynistic little turds over the past week.

It started with them standing behind my DD and her friends in the lunch queue talking loudly about how they'd like to eat a girl in their years pussy and "spread her legs and ram her hard" 🤢

Then this pair started asking girls to touch them on the back.

Yesterday they told my DD she was the perfect girl because she's meek and quiet and then asked her to touch them on the back.My DD told her head of year and told him she objects to her and other girls bring objectified by these 2 little perverts.

People might say it's just typical teenage boy behaviour but this shit is where it starts;it needs nipping in the bud.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 23/03/2021 20:41

[quote KitKatty55]@ShinyGreenElephant - It’s strange how you’re focusing on this boys behaviour but completely dismissing your daughters and her friends behaviour to the situation as well?
Why is it ok for your daughter and her friend to verbally abuse him and slap him?
Should they be excluded too?[/quote]
So are you saying that girls/women can't defend themselves/ each other?

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 23/03/2021 20:42

@Teardrop2021

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy she only slapped him because he was male and knew he wouldn't get hit back would she have slapped a girl for the same comment its highly unlikely.
...???

Oh my god you’re so right, this is clealry gender-based violence 🤦‍♀️

XelaM · 23/03/2021 20:42

@Ilovegreentomatoes That would be a million times better than slapping him!

Original poster
ShinyGreenElephant · 23/03/2021 20:42

@Bingowingslikeashieldofsteel yeah it probably is enough now I've calmed down. When DD came in so upset I was absolutely livid, and I'm still not satisfied the school has done enough. But as long as his parents have been told and its on record so that it isn't allowed to escalate then thats enough yes. I was so bloody angry before because all I could see was that she had rejected a boy, for the simple reason that she only just turned 12 and isn't interested in boys and shes been verbally abused and humiliated for it. Shes got a lifetime of worrying about men's bloody egos she doesnt need to be dealing with it at 11 years old and it breaks my heart. But hes not evil, hes a stupid kid who obviously hasn't been brought up properly and his behaviour has hurt himself more than her.

And to whoever asked - yes, I would reward DDs friend for slapping him, as I would be rewarding DD for doing the same for one of her friends. And if DD was racist or homophobic and got slapped for it I wouldn't be angry with the slapper id be angry with myself for bringing up my child to be a scumbag

OP posts:
TheSparkleJar · 23/03/2021 20:43

She rejected him so he's setting about dismantling her self-esteem. He's a rather early starter at 12 though. Make sure your DD understands that that is what is going on, because there will be plenty more of it in her school life. But knowing that it's down to his inadequacy, not hers, may help.

As for the ridiculous comment up thread about the violence coming from ' a good place' I despair. So would that be quoted the next time a man slaps his wife because he's angry with her. Real double standards there.

We're talking about a 12 year old girl here. And good for her. Perhaps he'll think twice next time he wants to humiliate a girl who is just minding her own business and hurt his pride by not wanting to be with him.

Fembot123 · 23/03/2021 20:43

Does she think there actually was a smell? 😨

KurtWilde · 23/03/2021 20:44

The misandry on this thread is shocking. This lad is a 12 year old CHILD ffs. Of course he said a shitty thing and no one is defending that, but some of you are sure as hell minimising the fact that he was physically assaulted by another student. And the OP - a teacher nonetheless the less - wants to REWARD this assault.

Fucking mumsnet at its worst.

blackrimmedspecs · 23/03/2021 20:44

He should be suspended

thosetalesofunexpected · 23/03/2021 20:45

Also you 100 per cent need to tell this boys mother !

Either you vist her and tell her straight what her son said etc!

Or and you want her up the school
Both his parents too.!

I really feel like I want to punch this boys lights out

I am so fucking Angry
On your daughters behalf

I was a real shy kid at school

This sexual harassment should not be allowed at school Never !

Tell the school sexual Harassment issue Comment

It is totally not Acceptable!

You need to tell them that you want a appointment to see the Headmaster

XelaM · 23/03/2021 20:45

And to whoever asked - yes, I would reward DDs friend for slapping him, as I would be rewarding DD for doing the same for one of her friends. And if DD was racist or homophobic and got slapped for it I wouldn't be angry with the slapper id be angry with myself for bringing up my child to be a scumbag*

This is batshit coming from a Y6 teacher! Whqt on earth?! 😳

KurtWilde · 23/03/2021 20:46

@Ilovegreentomatoes

How about turning comments around and telling boys their dicks stink? How would they feel if girls started to retaliate with similar comments?
They already do! Why do some people seem to think only boys are capable of insults?? Confused
HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 23/03/2021 20:46

Excellent post @Bingowingslikeashieldofsteel

Ladydayblues1 · 23/03/2021 20:46

We're talking about a 12 year old girl here. And good for her. Perhaps he'll think twice next time he wants to humiliate a girl who is just minding her own business and hurt his pride by not wanting to be with him

Okay so when a 12 year boy is humiliated by a girl, he can hit her then and you'd be cheering him on and saying the same will you? I doubt it.

XelaM · 23/03/2021 20:47

@KurtWilde

*The misandry on this thread is shocking. This lad is a 12 year old CHILD ffs. Of course he said a shitty thing and no one is defending that, but some of you are sure as hell minimising the fact that he was physically assaulted by another student. And the OP - a teacher nonetheless the less - wants to REWARD this assault.

Fucking mumsnet at its worst.*

THIS!!

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 23/03/2021 20:47

You need to tell them that you want a appointment to see the Headmaster

Oh the irony.

Teardrop2021 · 23/03/2021 20:47

KurtWilde

The misandry on this thread is shocking. This lad is a 12 year old CHILD ffs. Of course he said a shitty thing and no one is defending that, but some of you are sure as hell minimising the fact that he was physically assaulted by another student. And the OP - a teacher nonetheless the less - wants to REWARD this assault.

Fucking mumsnet at its worst

It disgusting isn't it and op is proud as punch.

Adios2011 · 23/03/2021 20:48

Yes the comment he made was awful, but he's been punished enough now and the way you want this boy to suffer makes me worry for any children you teach.

You shouldnt be rewarding the girl with pizza, that's over the top. You say the boy isn't evil, just immature! I imagine your daughter is going to grow up to be a complete 'princess' about everything 🙄

Your whole attitude is over the top and quite frankly disturbing, you sound like a right pain in the a**, as a teacher, a mother and general person.

Maybe you need a hobby?

DdraigGoch · 23/03/2021 20:48

The slap was probably the best response.