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Original poster

Y7 disgusting comments

999 replies

ShinyGreenElephant · 23/03/2021 16:14

I'm 99% sure I'm not being unreasonable here but I'm SO angry and could do with some perspective/ advice.

A boy in my DD12s class has said to her today "shut your legs, your fanny stinks". This was in front of a group of kids. Shes on her period today as well so it made her feel even more paranoid and she was really upset and humiliated. A few of the boys laughed half-heartedly (all her boy mates have since said he was out of order but none of them said it at the time) and all the girls who were there went mad at him, DDs best friend slapped him across the face. DD called him an ugly little rat and walked away before he saw her crying but was then very upset and sobbing to the other girls. Shes been friends with this boy for years but hes recently turned on her a bit after hes asked her out twice and she said no. Nothing like this though.

DD told a teacher who told him off, but he wasn't sent home and hasnt apologised. The school didn't inform me about the incident. Far as I'm concerned this is nowhere NEAR good enough - I've called them and told them as much and been told they will investigate and deal with it further.

Can anyone advise on what my next steps should be? I'll be putting it all in writing tomorrow once they contact me with how they've dealt with it. What if its not good enough? Governors? What can I realistically expect - I will 100% need an apology and I want him suspended but not sure they would even tell me if he was.

Any advice welcome even if its to tell me I'm over reacting. I'm actually friends with his mum but won't contact her tonight at least as I'm so angry I know I won't be able to handle it well.

OP posts:
MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 23/03/2021 19:26

I'm horrified by the amount of people celebrating violence here.

LexMitior · 23/03/2021 19:26

[quote YukoandHiro]@LexMitior Really?? When did you go to school? Because I went to an all girls school in the 90s and despite lack of boys this kind of sexualised graphic insult - you stink of fish etc etc - was absolutely par for the course.
Now I didn't go to the best school. But it wasn't the worst either.
Lot of cloud cuckoo land on this thread.
[/quote]
We are about the same age. I went to a comp.

Seriously, this is a shit school. It sounds like a crap nightclub, except in the crappest nightclub people get thrown out for this kind of sexualised insult and hitting people.

gottakeeponmovin · 23/03/2021 19:26

Blimey. He was a shit but this is a massive over reaction. Suspended for throwing an insult at someone? I think you need to calm down love

Crocidura · 23/03/2021 19:26

thedancingbear
The assault is far, far worse than the silly comment.
Says the bloke

I'm a woman and also think that physical violence is worse than a misogynistic and insulting comment.

GoofyIsACow · 23/03/2021 19:27

It actually makes me feel sick on your DD’s behalf, what a dreadful belittling insult. Where has he heard that fgs!? I hope she is ok and I hope you are too.

Sunflowers095 · 23/03/2021 19:28

@MrsRobinsonsHandprints

I'm horrified by the amount of people celebrating violence here.
But not horrified about the boy behaving the way he did? Of course it's always women who need to be policed. Please for the love of god people like this need to get a grip.
Teardrop2021 · 23/03/2021 19:28

Burnshersmurfs appropriate sanctions not suspending or expelling a child.

echt you missed the point I'm making would the same outrage have occurred if a fellow female classmate had made that same remark. Trust me girls are fair more meaner and I've heard worse at school from girls. That's where the double standards is. Also the friend would be less likely hit another girl who would likely smack her back than a boy would just take it again double standards. Girl striking a bit because she thinks she would get hit back.

YukoandHiro · 23/03/2021 19:28

@LexMitior mine was state all girls - maybe it was shit but we still had a decent Russell group entry and all the school friends I'm in touch are now in the "professions". This kind of behaviour was totally regular at my school. Albeit me and my friends weren't generally the ones involved in it. We were a fairly geeky bunch.

Grenlei · 23/03/2021 19:29

If throwing an insult back 'fixed it' then why is misogyny so ingrained? Why are so many adult males demonstrating misogyny on a daily basis, in anything from verbally abusing a woman for poor driving, to harassment, assault and worse even? It happens because those ideas have been entrenched since childhood and never challenged.

Lilyargin · 23/03/2021 19:29

echt

Teardrop2021
YukoandHiro I'm glad I'm not alone in thinking this thread us bonkers. I wonder if a girl had made that comment it would have sparked as much outrage.
But that didn't happen, did it.

Oh look, a windmill......hmm

Grin
Sunflowers095 · 23/03/2021 19:29

@gottakeeponmovin

Blimey. He was a shit but this is a massive over reaction. Suspended for throwing an insult at someone? I think you need to calm down love
Do you have sons? These boys grow up thinking it's okay because of parents saying shit like "calm down" when this is discussed and saying it's an overreaction.

Do better.

notacooldad · 23/03/2021 19:30

Parents should be inconvenienced as a result of bad parenting and it teaches a lesson
I wouldn't jump the gun and necessarly say it was bad parenting.
Kids hear shit like this from older kids and say stuff to fit in and or to save their bruised ego.
I still say, as I've said in previous post that this language needs to be nipped in the bud straight away.

I doubt things will change though. I have been hearing this crap since I was in high school in in 1976. I work with teens now and they think they are the first and so sharp to say this!

Nanny0gg · 23/03/2021 19:32

@Sirzy

School won’t tell you about punishment given to another pupil.

It was an awful comment but being suspended for one comment would be way over the top.

At My DGD's school, one of the boys (who is a troubled kid, admittedly) called his teacher a cunt. He didn't even get internal exclusion
Scubalubs87 · 23/03/2021 19:33

This thread is depressing. Just shows why misogyny is so entrenched when plenty of women defend it.
I don't know any school that would exclude a child for such a comment but it certainly should have been dealt with properly. A comment like this is in my primary school would have likely resulted in an internal exclusion.
Comments like this should not just be brushed away as boys will be boys. Oh, it's a stupid comment. Yes, it is; but it needs dealing with properly so that the boy learns that it's not acceptable.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 23/03/2021 19:34

But not horrified about the boy behaving the way he did? Of course it's always women who need to be policed. Please for the love of god people like this need to get a grip.

If the sexes were reversed, I can guarantee the focus would be on the boy for hitting the girl.

The boys comment is vile and needs challenging and dealing with. But to teach the girl that violence is OK is equally as wrong.

LexMitior · 23/03/2021 19:35

You know when people say they want the best for their kids? School is part of that too.

ancientgran · 23/03/2021 19:36

@Burnshersmurfs

This thread goes a a hell of a long way to explaining a lot of what is wrong with our society today. It’s been a real eye-opener.
Yes no wonder we see so much violence when it is just glossed over.
Lilyargin · 23/03/2021 19:36

Those of you who support this, please ask the schools your children attend why they don’t see misogyny and misogynist comments as a hate crime. Schools need to re-think their response to this behaviour. And they need a push.

MorganKitten · 23/03/2021 19:37

You seem to want him suspended, if he is then the girl who slapped him (which could be considered assault) should be suspended too.

Burnshersmurfs · 23/03/2021 19:39

But we don’t see ‘so much violence’, do we, Ancientgran? at least, not from women. Verbal abuse and harassment are a bit more common, though.

Wellthatwassilly · 23/03/2021 19:39

Sorry i think your massively over-reacting. Yes he shouldnt have said it but it doesnt warrent suspension and your DD physically assulted him so.......

Wellthatwassilly · 23/03/2021 19:41

Also why do YOU need an apology, should it not be your daughter who gets the apology?

ancientgran · 23/03/2021 19:42

@Burnshersmurfsshers Actually we do, I know at my kids school when the police did a talk on violence one thing they addressed was girls getting glassed by other girls in clubs.

Verbal abuse is wrong, he got told off. Violence is wrong but the girl seems to be getting away with it. I wonder if she will be one of the ones attacking other girls on a night out if they annoy her or her friend. Or maybe she will get a nasty shock one day when she slaps the wrong person. Not good for her to get away with it.

FelicityCentre · 23/03/2021 19:42

I agree what he said was disgusting. I feel suspension is over the top but he should definitely have more punishment than just a telling off (although maybe he has, we dont know).

However DDs best friend slapped him across the face he was assaulted in response. and I feel this child should also be punished. She also humilated him in front of his group (as he did your daughter). Which you want him punished for but not the girl involved. You say his peers should not be responsible for teaching him a lesson. Assaulting him is not teaching him a lesson. Its sinking to his level and going one lower in my opinion. She cant grow up to think she can use violence as a reaction to comments.

I understand your daughter "wants him gone out of school" for his disgusting comments. However if I was him I would want the girl gone who assaulted him.

echt · 23/03/2021 19:42

@Wellthatwassilly

Sorry i think your massively over-reacting. Yes he shouldnt have said it but it doesnt warrent suspension and your DD physically assulted him so.......
A school would have to action against both parties.