To be a true feminism, I need to address my own misandry?

[FerrisWheelTrain]

For example - are terms like LTB sexist?

Actually, for blokes it's "DTB". "Ditch the bitch." HTH.

@Pumperthepumper I am putting a stop to it! And I’m also putting a stop to her when she is unkind to her 10 year old friend! But I’m being ridiculed here for encouraging her to ‘be nice’ - as some sort of gender bias towards her as a female.

@RedToothBrush

Why do MRA get upset about telling a woman to LTB for abusive, coercive or just general shitty behaviour that treats her like an emotional doormat, sex slave, free cooking and cleaning service or punchbag?

Its hard to work this out.

Posters on MN say LTB in response to a red flag parade not just for shits and giggles.

Enjoy the screenshots.

Bewilderness's Rules:
1st rule of misogyny: Women are responsible for what men do.
2nd rule of misogyny: Women saying no to men is a hate crime.
3rd rule of misogyny: Women speaking for themselves are exclusionary and selfish.
4th rule of misogyny: Women's opinions are violence against men thus male violence against women is justified.
5th rule of misogyny: Women and Feminism must be useful to men or they are worthless.
6th rule of misogyny: Women who go around being female AT men by menstruating and breast feeding babies deserve punishment.
7th rule of misogyny: Women should always be grateful to men for everything.
8th rule of misogyny: Men are whatever men say they are and women are whatever men say they are.
9th rule of misogyny: Men always know the "real reasons" for everything women do and say.
10th rule of misogyny: The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad.
11th rule of misogyny: whatever women suffer from, it is worse when it happens to men.
12th rule of misogyny: Women's ability to recognize male behavior patterns is misandry.
13th rule of misogyny: Women are not oppressed! Rape and catcalling and objectification are all compliments, not oppression.

How many does the OP score?

Depressing but true.

It's perfectly normal for siblings to fight.

Not break bones etc but push off sofa.

Are you an only child?

[quote FerrisWheelTrain]@Pumperthepumper I am putting a stop to it! And I’m also putting a stop to her when she is unkind to her 10 year old friend! But I’m being ridiculed here for encouraging her to ‘be nice’ - as some sort of gender bias towards her as a female.[/quote]
And you’re worried she’s a misandrist?

This is boring.

@FOJN

Who's the arbiter of what a true feminist is?

Mumsnet.

'And I’m also putting a stop to her when she is unkind to her 10 year old friend! '

The one who kept smashing up her Minecraft builds...

@MistressoftheDarkSide exactly!!! I’m trying to illustrate that DD does NOT conform to gender stereotypes. She is typically the aggressor - as I was being ridiculed for encouraging her to ‘be nice’ to a male! It’s not gender specific at all!!

Why should she be nice to a boy who has smashed up her Minecraft creations?

I’m actually still not clear who the misandrist is. OP said it was herself in the title, now I think it’s the daughter. Or was in the men people breaking police bones? Or is everyone, men and women alike, misandrists because they might bully her son?

Would your DD behave the same way to someone with form for being undesirable in her social group regardless of whether they were a boy or a girl?

Same applies at before - being actively unkind for no reason is not on - not wanting someone in her social group because they have form for being disruptive or aggressive is her prerogative surely?

But in identifying attributes such as “aggressor” as being inherently male (you said she “does not conform to gender stereotypes”), then you are also propping up gender stereotypes.

@ScrambledSmegs

I love how the natural wariness of many women towards the sex that has historically designated us as chattel with no right to vote, own property or even have custody of our own children, and that even now murders, rapes and objectifies us to the point of non-humanity has been recast as irrational hatred or 'misandry'.

Yes.

I want her to treat her classmates fairly, regardless of gender, race, class etc.

If it was a girl who was interfering with your dd's friendships and smashing up her Minecraft world, you shouldn't encourage your dd to include her either.

But it sounds almost as though you are using your dd's issues with this boy as a kind of experiment in which to test out your ability to overcone your own supposedly 'misandrist' feelings, in a kind of "Hmmm... am I thinking of course this boy is behaving like that - because that's what boys do! Oh no - that's misandry, I'd better get dd to play with him!" kind of way. It's not your dd's job to assuage your conscience.

@MistressoftheDarkSide - I’m trying hard to encourage her not to relate undesirability to gender. Of course I’ll do the same for DS as he grow up - but he is only 2.

Currently DD plays with as many male friends as female.

OP stated she's a misandrist in her OP. She wants to challenge her own views.

She has said she is a dominant personality and she is like her daughter who apparently is not good at looking after the feelings of others.

Sounds to me that OP has self esteem issues and rather than tackling them is projecting them into her daughter. Almost wanting her DD to change do she's not like the OP.

Of course this is a terrible thing to do to the daughter who is only 10. And the things she has done (not wanting to play with boy who smashes builds, pushing brother off sofa) sound just really like non events. Yet the OP feels the DD personality- which she says is the same as hers- needs correcting.

It's a big old mess.

OP have you taken any steps to tackle your self esteem issues?

She has no concept of ‘I hate boys’ etc or ‘girls win/boys in the bin’ as I’ve heard in playgrounds I’ve worked in. I want this to continue as I believe this will lead to successful relationships when she is older. And same for DS at school.

@FerrisWheelTrain

Currently DD plays with as many male friends as female.

So what is your point? She has equal amount of boy and girl friends but wants to exclude one (who happens to be a boy) because he’s been harassing her in a game? And that proves misandry?

Didn't realise DS was 2. Pushing him off the sofa is out of line.

Siblings do fight though. They do this stuff. It's common. I don't understand why you think she did it because he's a boy.

There’s an undercurrent to your posts that suggests you prefer your son. Your DD may well have picked up on this which might lead her to bully him. And then, of course, you like her a little bit less. Pure conjecture on my part, I know.

It’s not fair to your DD to tell her to include someone she dislikes. It’s probably more beneficial to the boy if she doesn’t - if he wants to be included he’ll have to improve his behaviour. Your efforts to police her behaviour with friends make it less likely she’ll come to you for help should she need it.

The fact is that widespread misogyny is a cold hard fact and one of the most damaging phenomenon in society worldwide.

@FerrisWheelTrain

In the nicest possible way I think you may be over thinking things like this in regard to your children.

Being aggressive is not necessarily linked to gender conformity or non-conformity, and it is indeed this view that is causing alot of societal issues right now, so I kind of get where you're coming from.

Having said that, statistically, males as a class have a higher incidence of violent behaviour with serious consequences than women do, and it does neither sex any favours as both men and women are the victims, so it makes sense to identify and hopefully change societal and environmental factors that influence this.

Having said that, I have been aggressive myself when backed into a corner, and have experienced aggression from other females - it's not so much about capacity for aggression, but how society engineers things to apparently make it more acceptable for one sex over another.

The solution starts with teaching children that feeling these things is natural depending on stressful situations, but how it is expressed and managed is vital - neither sex should be swinging punches, or pushing or shoving.

@NiceGerbil - but this isn’t the case? She’s really happy/thriving at school/lots of friends/ working at higher achievement level in all subjects?

@FerrisWheelTrain

If we uphold a stereotypical view of men to be the norm, are we doing men a disservice?

Ok this is a joke now. Even I don't agree with some of the 'feminist' views expressed on MN, but men aren't oppressed. They're doing just fine

@MistressoftheDarkSide thank you that’s a great post.