My cat just had a shit in my fire.

[LAgeDeRaisin]

So I've just got my 1 year old to nap, I've got horrible all day morning sickness, and it's my day off work today. I'm exhausted.

I decided to go to bed for a nap with the baby monitor and was nearly asleep when I hear this scraping noise from across the room.

The cat had managed to open the bedroom door, come in, and was digging around in the ash at the bottom of the fireplace to have a shit. I tried to pick him up but he was mid squat and it was midway out. He then became outraged and ran out traipsing soot all over the carpet. He is 9 years old with no health problems.

AIBU that he is a massive arsehole? He has a catflap which he has free access to and always goes outside. He 100% did this to spite me because I wanted 30 minutes to myself in bed.

Stories of your own arsehole pets requested please; it may help me feel better.

Current three kittens perform alarm duty every morning. Regardless of what shift you are on. 7am all three race into the bedroom with their toy mice, where they decide to use the bed as a trampoline whilst bouncing the mice of the head of whoever wanted to sleep.

I thought this said 'in my face' so actually not too bad

My cats shat on a rough door mat.

One of them also broke into the cupboard where The cat foods kept and ripped open 9 packets of food. Then had the nerve to cry for food when I found him.

At 9 he’s middle aged and probably isn’t so keen on going out to toilet (none of us have gone back to outdoor toilets).

You need a couple of trays and some soft ultraclumping litter so he doesn’t make a habit of it.

I lost one to cancer a couple of years ago, he had to be picked up and cuddled at all times, and he was huge, half Maine Coon, but like a giant kitten.

@Dagnabit

I read that as “face” at first so you got off lightly!

Same here

My cat ignored his litter tray to shit all over the carpet and plugs and wires for the computer .... I couldn’t face cleaning that one, I had to leave for DH to clear up.
He also shat all over DS’ bed and mattress once which was totally beyond redemption- new bed required. He wasn’t allowed upstairs after that.
Also without fail he has shat on or next to every new item of furniture we get, sofas, table and chairs and carpet. It’s like we aren’t allowed anything ... cats are total dicks !!

My elderly female cat is bullied by the other two house felines, and, as a result, she is often too scared to use the litter box. Ruined all my rugs, my hardware floors, my couch, etc. I can't buy a couch until she dies! However, she is also fond of peeing on me when sitting in my lap. I guess that I'm lucky that it isn't poo.

That’s awful she’s scared @DulciUke. Can you provide more trays?. I’d hate it if I was bursting and an aggressive human was stopping me use the loo.

My cat’s dug up loads of mini daff bulbs because that’s the spot she now wants to shit in. She’s a beautiful little creature but my god does she produce massive turds

MAJOR UPDATE: I AM THE ARSEHOLE.

Have just been through to the snug to finally collapse now that child is in bed. Cat still miaowing and being weird. I look over to the door only to realise I had pushed a stool up against his catflap this morning at 8am to stop my baby pulling herself up on it and falling over. 😧

The fire shit was a message!!! He might even have been trying to shit the words 'cat flap' before he was interrupted. The poor old sod has been shut in all day.

DH and I now making bets as to where we will discover the covert cat shit.

Significant emotional catmail occurring now. Dreamies have been administered.

The 17% of people who voted IABU are correct!

My cat is always being a dick. If I get up in the night she will run out of the bedroom, then sit in the hallway until I go back to bed. She then miaows really loudly until I get up again to let her back in. Such unnecessary hassle.

We had a cat who used to pee in the bath plughole.

We caught him in the act and foiled his behaviour by leaving a plug in.

He must have been doing it for a while because shortly afterwards the bath waste pipe started leaking due to being corroded.

When we got our cat she had previously been an indoor cat, and happily used a litter tray. After a few weeks we started letting her out into our garden, and she decided she preferred to do her business outside. We still have two litter trays, but if she is really desperate (she’s in overnight) she will go in the bath rather than use one. If we go away MIL comes to feed her twice a day, and the only solution is putting a tray in the bath. When we had really deep snow earlier in the year I thought she was going to physically burst because she refused to go out or use a tray - DP ended up clearing a patch, digging it to make it soft, then carrying madam out like a queen. (He didn’t wait for her, which she was really displeased at.)

She is very rarely sick, but on the few occasions she has been, she has actually gone in the bathroom then too, which I thought was pretty smart of her.

That’s awful she’s scared @DulciUke. Can you provide more trays?. I’d hate it if I was bursting and an aggressive human was stopping me use the loo.

I will shut her in a spare room with a nice cat tree and window (and litter box) but she doesn't want to spend all her time there.

@AmandaHugenkiss

Dickhead cat in our household uses his litter tray religiously for neat little cat poos, EXCEPT when he has diarrhoea and chooses to shit under the dining table on the only carpet in the house and then walk it through to the couch and wipe it all over there.

How does anyone put up with this? Baffled and 🤮

@LAgeDeRaisin

The 17% of people who voted IABU are correct!

Because they are cats.

One year my cat sat quietly watching me dig a hole in the garden for a new plant. I turned away to pick up the plant only to turn back and find my cat finishing a poo in the freshly dug hole. He then proceeded to fill in the hole to cover it up. I was laughing too much to be angry with him!

My cat was sick on my dad's shoes in the front room. My Dad hates cats and this did not improve matters

One of mine was sick in my slipper.
That was a lovely surprise first thing in the morning.

@Mellonsprite

Cats have slaves .... slaves are not allowed possessions. Just saying. 🐾🐾

Snap AnneElliott!! Although I do love them anyway.

DCat has always been extremely clingy.

He’s now no longer used to being left and if I have to go out for a few hours, he panics. I found him sitting crying in a puddle of his own wee after a Christmas shopping trip last year. DH had to get the mop while I cleaned poor scared DCat with baby wipes.

I’ve now got some calming tablets from the vet so he doesn’t get so upset and just sleeps.

BoyCat peed in the pack of loo rolls last night. Quite an achievement really- he must've climbed on top of it and tinkled very carefully, because there wasn't a drop anywhere on the floor around it.

Fortunately one escaped unscathed, which was just as well because it was needed to replace the very empty loo roll holder...