My cat just had a shit in my fire.

[LAgeDeRaisin]

So I've just got my 1 year old to nap, I've got horrible all day morning sickness, and it's my day off work today. I'm exhausted.

I decided to go to bed for a nap with the baby monitor and was nearly asleep when I hear this scraping noise from across the room.

The cat had managed to open the bedroom door, come in, and was digging around in the ash at the bottom of the fireplace to have a shit. I tried to pick him up but he was mid squat and it was midway out. He then became outraged and ran out traipsing soot all over the carpet. He is 9 years old with no health problems.

AIBU that he is a massive arsehole? He has a catflap which he has free access to and always goes outside. He 100% did this to spite me because I wanted 30 minutes to myself in bed.

Stories of your own arsehole pets requested please; it may help me feel better.

My cat was scratching the couch and I shouted at her. She carried on, so I got up and shooed her out of the room. A little later I went into my bedroom to make my bed and she had taken a shit on my pillow.

My female cat is booked in to be spayed in a couple of weeks. Meantime, she's come into season and is peeing everywhere to try and attract a mate. She has so far always pooed in her litter tray, but I spend far too long hunting for the source of the smell, armed with wipes. Her favourite places include the bath and sink, which does make cleanup easier than along the skirting boards.....

If you cat is toileting in a completely different manner like this, it could be a serious health issue and you should take him to the vets.

Our cat tried to wee on our sofa on Boxing Day evening we took her to the emergency vets and she was diagnosed with cystitis and needed treatment and pain killers. It was well worth the money to get her sorted out.

We made the mistake of putting our twat cat in a cattery so we could go on holiday for a few days. On the way home she totally deliberately shit in the basket to punish us. It worked too, we now let her stay at home and ask people to come in and feed her.

Why are all these cats shitting and pissing everywhere?
I have two now who have never gone anywhere except in the litter tray. Their predecessors lived 14 years and always went in the tray. The only time one of them shat somewhere was when he had had an anaesthetic and it resulted in diarrhea. He just splatted it out in the middle of the lounge floor and was shocked as the diarrhea took him by surprise!

Cats shouldn't be shitting and pissing everywhere. If they are it could be that they are physically ill. They could be stressed or their litter tray might not be clean enough or they don't like sharing a tray with another cat and more trays are needed.

They're arseholes.

Years ago DH came home from work early, sick, and put himself to bed with a bucket. I was away working and got a thoroughly hacked off text later on that day to say the cat had come in, jumped up onto the bed, vomited something that looked like scavenged chicken curry all over the duvet and then fucked off again.

Our cat usually likes to use our garden. Obviously wherever the most vulnerable or expensive plants are of course.
However when it was freezing in January/February she got used to a warm toilet and used her tray. But sometimes, to mix it up, she used the dustpan.
Roll round the day of my beloved grandmother's funeral. This meant a long journey and all of us being out of the house all day.
Which madam isn't used to now.

Came back, no wee in the dustpan. Hurrah. Trek and and out unloading car, go back to utility where litter tray and dustpan is. She has done a massive lake of wee all over the floor. Neither clean tray nor dustpan good enough apparently. There was gallons of it.

So I bought her a new lidded tray, extra large. And got rid of the dustpan.

Who would like to guess how many times her beautiful and commodious facility has been used?

@Dashel they want you to think they're ill. Actually they're just playing with you. I bet she perked up no end of after the vet trip. That will be because she spent the journey there and back thinking 'darn, took it toooo farrrr'

When one of our cats was a kitten he peed in the tumble dryer. The tumble dryer that contained the washed and dried school uniform I was about to iron for ds and dd and this was at 7am on a Monday morning when dd starts breakfast club at 7:45

Changed my bedding about 9pm on Sunday night
10:30pm cat threw up on my bed

One of my DCats threw up on the hall floor this morning. I’ve got fatigue and had a splitting headache all day.

DCat always has a window open, but chose to be sick on the floor instead

I win. My (now deceased) cat had sickness and diarrhoea on my wedding dress, after it had come back from the dry cleaners. (The dress, that is....not the cat)

I had put the dress, inside it’s protective bag, on the bed. Popped out to the shops, came back, bag covered in D & V, which had seeped through.

I threw the dress away.

After reading some of these I've decided I'm never getting a cat!

I've had my pissy one at the vets several times, at one point I had six litter trays for three cats, I've tried everything, worried she was ill or unhappy.
Nope, Pissy just like to piss in corners.

She's actually called Jemima and I adore her, this is her on Saturday night which is right next to where I was sitting.

My cat pooed on my pillow once 🙈

If we leave any kind of box or container open, the cats will use it as a toilet. A few days ago I left a plastic storage container open by accident, came downstairs to find it had been soiled. One of them even went in their carrier when we left the door open - they hate the carrier so we thought they'd never willingly go near it. How wrong we were!

I lost a tent to a cat once. I'd come back from a camping trip with a wet tent, so put it up again in the garden to dry. Cat took offence and spray pissed all over the side. It stank to high heaven, and changed the tent colour. Scrubbing, soaking, disinfectant... nothing could shift it. They'd discontinued that tent too, so I couldn't buy another. Shame, as it was an excellent tent.

That's a result - mine did a sloppy one on the bathroom floor on Monday evening. It was vile.

My friend bought a new ironing board cover. She keeps her ironing board in her bedroom. That night she was woken up by her cat bringing up a furball on the new, expensive, ironing board cover. Why????? As far as she knew, her cat never jumped on the ironing board. Cats are so bad. A few weeks ago, I got a new front door installed at vast expense. My darling cat pissed on the door the next day. They know what they are doing for sure.

My dog is an absolute dick. He’s waited until both my small DC are consistently sleeping through the night to become nocturnal. He wakes up about midnight and potters around the house all night, crashing about, keeping me awake. If I shut him in the porch so I can get some sleep, he protests by causing mayhem in there. He’s an utter tool.

Ours tipped his food and water bowls upside down the other night because he didn't like the food. He had somehow mixed the water into the meat, and covered it with his bowls and mat. When u lifted them up, I uncovered a disgusting soggy mess 😷😂

Dead mouse in slipper. Low ceiling + early morning start + slipper were put on before reaching for the light switch.

End result - bashed head, dents in ceiling and lots of new swear worlds from DH.

Cat vaguely amused at the result, from what she considered to be very little effort from herself.

My beautiful and much missed old girl used to shit over the side of her box and routinely scoot around the floor trying to get rid of poo necklaces sticking out of her arse. In her younger days she used to spend a lot of time on top of the fridge and also sitting on radiators and would frequently vomit off both of them. Quite a spectacular effect from the top of the fridge and if timed correctly the radiator puke would form a lovely crust from being heated before we discovered it.

I'd give anything to have her back.

On a long car trip. Two cats and two cat baskets. Baskets side by side in back seat. One cat manages to projectile vomit through both sets of bars (cage type baskets) and all over the poor cat in the other basket.

Drive completed with both driver and passenger windows open.

My cat is a knob for many reasons but his sister who is owned by my mum is worse,she has access to a cat flap constantly and still insists on doing her business in my mums bath.