Hen Party Abroad

[Strawbfields]

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

I’m sorry but also glad about the updates OP. If you’d gone, payed out and sucked it all up, she’d still be the same crap friend.
Fwiw I wouldn’t have gone either and you are well to be out of it. Your declining invitation message was totally fine. The response was crazy and rude!

Hi @SunshineCake, I had posted some updates since your reply. My newfound friends from MN helped me get the courage to stand up for myself! (Thanks again ladies)

Also, no updates at all from the groom or any of the bridesmaids. There was a classic "you always find out someone's true colours" post on Facebook that my OH saw but the shoe fits so she should wear it

@Strawbfields

Hi *@SunshineCake*, I had posted some updates since your reply. My newfound friends from MN helped me get the courage to stand up for myself! (Thanks again ladies)

Also, no updates at all from the groom or any of the bridesmaids. There was a classic "you always find out someone's true colours" post on Facebook that my OH saw but the shoe fits so she should wear it

Re Facebook post - I fucking knew it! 😂😂 How predictable these people are. Let me guess OP, lots of "U ok hun?" "What's wrong babes?" "Don't mind the haters hun ur awesome they're just jealous" in the comments!

Well done OP! My hen do was manicures, dinner and drinks, none of them expensive. No fancy dress, props etc. My bridesmaid had just been ill earlier in the year so I did most of the organising to spare her energy. Some people came for just the dinner, some for just the manicures, and some couldn’t come. It was no big deal. The point was to catch up with my friends, and it didn’t matter to me so much where it was or what we did. It was so nice, I have such lovely memories of it. I’m smiling now thinking about it.

Nothing sticks in my craw as much as going above and beyond for unworthy friends/people.

@EarlGreywithLemon - that sounds like a lovely day out! Right up my street.

@PopcornAndWine - yeah and the best part about it was the MIL commented and said she can spot a snake a mile away. That one hurt as I've never met the MIL. I struggle to see a way back from this, they have all really hurt me.

There was a classic "you always find out someone's true colours" post on Facebook that my OH saw

I think they get those stupid messages from the same website as the begging-for-cash wedding poems.

Maybe we could combine the genres for a reply?

You saw my 'true colours', your post is so funny,
The last laugh is mine though, I'm keeping the money

Totally stunned by this OP, sorry they were all such TOTAL c*s to you.

yeah and the best part about it was the MIL commented and said she can spot a snake a mile away. That one hurt as I've never met the MIL.

I'm guessing the MIL lives in a house of mirrors.

What a lucky escape. The fiancé's text to your OH is hilarious though: "Bang out of order" for not being able to spend waste £1k and 6 days holiday on her. How dare you prioritise your family.

I'm sorry that you're so hurt @Strawbfields. It's not nice to be talked about, especially when none of it's true.

Guess you've found out that some of these 'friends' really aren't.

Glad that your DP has your back.

[quote Strawbfields]@EarlGreywithLemon - that sounds like a lovely day out! Right up my street.

@PopcornAndWine - yeah and the best part about it was the MIL commented and said she can spot a snake a mile away. That one hurt as I've never met the MIL. I struggle to see a way back from this, they have all really hurt me.[/quote]
What a pointless and spiteful thing for the MIL to say. Screw the lot of them. Sorry you are hurting

I’d think twice about going to that wedding OP! What a lucky escape. Being her bridesmaid would have been a nightmare (and being her friend generally).

They all sound incredibly immature and duplicitous.

Please don't feel hurt. They're not honest people.

I would be embarrassed if my DM or MIL carried on like that. Both are very dignified and intelligent women who would gently stir me back into reality if I ever behaved like Bridezilla or her cuntish maids.

@Ganasha

I’d be tempted to reply “no I won’t be attending your wedding Gemma. This whole thing has shown me you are a total bridezilla and not really someone I want to be friends with. Your whole behaviour has been really disappointing. You’re a bully. Not everything in the world is about you. A hen party abroad is expensive and it is optional not mandatory. You need to check your privilege. How dare you throw a tantrum because I won’t spend thousands going to your hen party. If you’d actually been a decent and considerate bride then you’d have realised Covid has hit people hard. We don’t have the money Gemma. Stop being so selfish and self absorbed. Don’t contact me again. Oh and as for “wedding zoom nights” which aren’t a “thing” you know, I was WORKING, you know, in my JOB”

You are much better off without this crazy person. She’s nuts.

I love this reply.....please send it x

@Strawbfields in few weeks when it's all gone quiet...and even after wedding and marriage has been and gone and all this has died down...

and the friendship remains unreconciled.........

....I hope you'll still be proud of how you stood up for yourself! Add it to your mental list of 'times I really showed up for myself' and pat yourself on the back xxxx

I've been reading this thread over the last couple of days and am just astounded that people this self-centred and entitled and lacking in any basic human empathy clearly can't see themselves for what they are.
I can't begin to imagine how they are justifying their behaviour amongst themselves (although you can bet your life they are), but what a truly unpleasant bunch of people they have shown themselves to be. Unfortunately it does seem to be the case that weddings (and particularly being The Bride) seem to bring out the worst in certain types of people.
I really just wanted to say sorry you've had to go through this @Strawbfields. It's horrible to be portrayed as the "bad one" when it's actually you who've been treated appallingly. The "snake" comment is particularly nasty. I hope you're managing to shrug it off. You sound like you've got your head screwed on right and are able to see this for what it is and move on; but it's still a hard way to lose a friendship and realising that someone is not what you thought they were is never pleasant.
Friends don't make immovable demands of friends like this. Friends listen and have empathy for their friends circumstances. I don't see how someone this self-centred can really be a friend to anyone at all.
As pretty much everyone has already said - I think you've dodged a bullet there (and saved a grand too - hey!!)
(Btw, I've never spent a grand on a holiday in my life, it would take me well over a year to save that kind of money on my income and if I was about to spend my year's savings and use up a significant chunk of my annual leave I think, like most of us, it'd be family first. What kind of person assumes they can demand this from anyone is beyond me).
I've had a somewhat naive notion that people will move on from this hard pandemic year we've had with a greater sense of the importance of the core things in life, the simple things - like the bonds of family and friendship for instance. If some people haven't "got it" over this past year they clearly never will.

OP - you've done completely the right thing. You've been up front, honest and reasonable and they have behaved appallingly.

Closer to it, when balances are due to be paid, you can bet your life some others will have to, or choose to drop out and the cost will continue to rise for the others. Those who do drop out will continue to be treated shockingly, without anyone actually addressing the real issue - the self absorbed Bride and her mother and MIL who are setting themsleves up for a future of appalling behaviour from her!

I'd just been thinking that with Covid over the past year, we'd been spared Bridezilla threads and surely no-one could justify being a Bridezilla during or after a pandemic like this - then up pops this thread!
@Strawbfields - you've done absolutely the right thing for your self-respect and also for your family, and how appalling of the MIL. You are well out of this and I hope you get to tell the Bridezilla you won't be attending her wedding before she decides to rescind her invitation to you.

[quote Strawbfields]@EarlGreywithLemon - that sounds like a lovely day out! Right up my street.

@PopcornAndWine - yeah and the best part about it was the MIL commented and said she can spot a snake a mile away. That one hurt as I've never met the MIL. I struggle to see a way back from this, they have all really hurt me.[/quote]
So the MIL spots snakes in her spare time! What an odd lot they are :)

A teacher friend of mine (married to a vicar) was once called something like this on FB. She and the vicar spent a happy tea-time trying to decide which snake she was most like.

They do seem to mind A LOT that you have opted out.

Clearly you are a VIP but it does make you wonder what other bills you might have found yourself responsible for if you had stayed.

YANBU- just explain to the bride that unfortunately you can't go as you can't afford it but would be happy to do something different with the bride such as lunch for you both instead. A good Friend will understand- if Bride does not understand then what have you lost?

@Wotsnewpussycat

Maybe check out the OPs updates.

They do seem to mind A LOT that you have opted out.

Presumably they have to pay more to cover Strawbs contribution!

[quote FoonySpucker]@Wotsnewpussycat

Maybe check out the OPs updates.[/quote]
Hi, I'm doing that now, not read the whole thread yet :)