Hen Party Abroad

[Strawbfields]

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

@Strawbfields you should go on a family holiday at the same time as the wedding or hen do and post LOADS of happy pictures when you get back with hushing statuses about how magical it was. Really twist the knife in. Her fiancé sounds as crackers as she does.

OP has already told her no

@Chickychickydodah

I’m sorry but you don’t need this rubbish, just tell her no !

If you click "see all" on the original post you can see all the OPs updates.

@Strawbfields

Her fiancé just messaged my OH to say it's "bang out of order" that I've said I won't go abroad for the hen. OH has sent back a thumbs up emoji

Just when I thought the situation couldn't get any funnier lol!

Bang out of order to say you can't afford £1000 for a hen do?! Er ok. Bang out of order to be poor or unwilling to take out loans I guess. Does he come from the Jacob Rees Mogg School of 'Use your other money'?

To try and get your OH to make you feel like shit is amazing. Its actually full on emotionally abusive. As if you've not discussed this or likely to make a joint decision over holiday leave and expensive solo holidays!

I pity the spineless couples who know the bride and groom and presumably are forking out the best part of £4000 on this delightful couple's wedding by the time everything is tallied up.

£50 says they are divorced in 3 years.

Love your OH's reply.

Hi @Strawbfields
I'm getting married next year (was supposed to be this year but covid had a say in things). My hen weekend is costing £150pp to say in a converted barn with hot tub. I've told people I totally understand if they can't make it and not to worry about different outfits etc as that adds cost that some can't afford. I'd like a chilled weekend with everyone relaxed and enjoying themselves not worrying about how to afford it

Say to The mother, yes I have a year to save, I also have a year of bills to pay, a house to save for, a family to think of! I am sorry but I will not be going. Hope you all enjoy yourselves x

OP you are well off out of there. These people sound toxic, not people you'd want as friends. It sounds like it's all worked out for the best as you are now also absolved from a year of no doubt endless bridesmaid demands, as well as an OTT wedding.
I was hoping that post pandemic a lot of this all-about-me nonsense (since when did a hen night become a full-blown holiday?) would have died a death but sadly seems not.

Going against the grain here but I think the message you sent to the group was a little long and unnecessary. Kind of over explaining and a little rude- especially the part about having better uses for your money. - especially as I’m sure other people in the group probably have things they need to buy but are also saving extra for this (maybe they are a little offended by this like you think your better than the hen??) I’m not justifying this kind of thought process btw- I’ve just had experiences with people like this!

If it were me I would have sent a private message to the organisers explaining I could not make it because of other family commitments. I think that would have been fair....and then maybe would have called the bride and explained. But that long message you sent I don’t think was Necessary for the whole group to see.

You obviously have the right to choose not to go.

No its not.

It is not rude to point out the bloody obvious about a pandemic and finances. Its rude to fail to consider the implications for others and then throw a full scale tantrum when you point out that life isn't so rosy for everyone and boring shit like boilers and heaven forbid the basics of your own wedding and a house of your own are more important than their princess bridezilla moment.

I geninuely hope everyone falls out with her one by one, leaves her with a massive bill and empty hotel over it. Sadly they won't because thats the level of spinelessness many people are at. They are happy to be bullied by shitheads like this and will even put themselves in debt and risk their other relationships to do it. Cos they are fucking stupid.

At this point I would just say, I've said no as I can't afford it, if you are willing to pay for me then of course I will change my mind . Failing that, it's still no and I will also not be attending the wedding. All the best, hope all goes well. Then block them all! if they post on social media about it, post screen shots, it will show you have been nothing but nice and them not so much. Let people see them ALL for the monsters and bullies they truly are! Well done OP for sticking to your guns.

Turn it around on her and her ridiculous expectations.

Sorry.

£1000 is too much, any chance you could help with some of the cost?

then see who is the real friend......

So Gemma has established that the price of her friendship is £1000. That seems outrageously expensive and... a bit cheap at the same time. Classy!

1k, and the rest to spend a week sleeping on a sofa bed with a near stranger.
No.
You would have to pay me to agree to that.
I can hardly think of anything worse than a week in marbella with these shallow grabby cows.

I find this thread quite disturbing. I agree that the money is a lot and it was probably a trip that wasn’t hugely well thought-out, but some of the language and vitriol is really shocking. We all do things that, in hindsight, we realise weren’t the best idea. Maybe the bride was just over-excited and was looking forward to having everyone there? Maybe the other hens are also secretly worrying about money and felt a bit put out, as they would like to pull out but don’t feel they can?

I get the impression you are really enjoying this OP. It’s quite tasteless.

Would we want a group of girls/women attacking our daughters online like this..?

@LibbyKate

I find this thread quite disturbing. I agree that the money is a lot and it was probably a trip that wasn’t hugely well thought-out, but some of the language and vitriol is really shocking. We all do things that, in hindsight, we realise weren’t the best idea. Maybe the bride was just over-excited and was looking forward to having everyone there? Maybe the other hens are also secretly worrying about money and felt a bit put out, as they would like to pull out but don’t feel they can?

I get the impression you are really enjoying this OP. It’s quite tasteless.

Would we want a group of girls/women attacking our daughters online like this..?

I think you need to read this thread a bit more carefully, @LibbyKate.

Unless you're 'Gemma', of course?

@LibbyKate

I find this thread quite disturbing. I agree that the money is a lot and it was probably a trip that wasn’t hugely well thought-out, but some of the language and vitriol is really shocking. We all do things that, in hindsight, we realise weren’t the best idea. Maybe the bride was just over-excited and was looking forward to having everyone there? Maybe the other hens are also secretly worrying about money and felt a bit put out, as they would like to pull out but don’t feel they can?

I get the impression you are really enjoying this OP. It’s quite tasteless.

Would we want a group of girls/women attacking our daughters online like this..?

Id hope that i would raise my daughters not to be selfish, entitled bridezillas and then situations like this would not occur.

@LibbyKate

I find this thread quite disturbing. I agree that the money is a lot and it was probably a trip that wasn’t hugely well thought-out, but some of the language and vitriol is really shocking. We all do things that, in hindsight, we realise weren’t the best idea. Maybe the bride was just over-excited and was looking forward to having everyone there? Maybe the other hens are also secretly worrying about money and felt a bit put out, as they would like to pull out but don’t feel they can?

I get the impression you are really enjoying this OP. It’s quite tasteless.

Would we want a group of girls/women attacking our daughters online like this..?

I certainly wouldn’t want to raise a daughter who thought this bride’s behaviour was in any way acceptable.

Odd post.

@LibbyKate

I find this thread quite disturbing. I agree that the money is a lot and it was probably a trip that wasn’t hugely well thought-out, but some of the language and vitriol is really shocking. We all do things that, in hindsight, we realise weren’t the best idea. Maybe the bride was just over-excited and was looking forward to having everyone there? Maybe the other hens are also secretly worrying about money and felt a bit put out, as they would like to pull out but don’t feel they can?

I get the impression you are really enjoying this OP. It’s quite tasteless.

Would we want a group of girls/women attacking our daughters online like this..?

No. Its not disturbing.

If the others lack a spine why is it the OP's fault.

If the bride is behaving like a bully, why should the OP take that lying down rather than give a two fingered fuck you response in a thread like this.

The bride's behavior has lost all sight of anyone else. Why should the OP stop and feel guilty for it? Why shouldn't she take an attitude of well if she treats me like shit, the only thing I can do because its hurt me is to laugh it off.

Also. Are you the Bride or one of the spineless Bridemaids who has just found this thread? Sure sounds like it!

Would we want a group of girls/women attacking our daughters online like this..

Would we want to have raised a daughter who was so entitled and self absorbed as to think she could dictate how other people spend their time/money just so she can be a princess?

I am so glad you stuck up for yourself!

It's all very well to be raging that others don't want to go abroad for your hen do when for you it's free because everyone else is covering the cost!!!!!

I'm sure if you don't get invited you will be relieved that you will be able to have more money to do other things.

I didn't even bother with a Hen Do!

‘Disturbing’, indeed.

You’re funny, Libby.

Being female doesn't give you a free pass to behave in such an inconsiderate and grasping way towards your supposed friends @LibbyKate.

Ha! I think the Daily Mail has been tipped off but their hapless hack only found a thread where the hen was a relatively bargainaceous £250, plus dress etc...

I have to say the ultimate Fail Thread would have the Bride or Bridesmaids turn up and kick off.

dreams

@PintPot

Ha! I think the Daily Mail has been tipped off but their hapless hack only found a thread where the hen was a relatively bargainaceous £250, plus dress etc...

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-9394843/Woman-pay-540-attend-friends-wedding-hen-party.html

Gosh they really are slacking.

*I get the impression you are really enjoying this OP. It’s quite tasteless.

Would we want a group of girls/women attacking our daughters online like this..?*

Surely we wouldn't want our daughters to act like the bride/bride's mother and the bridesmaid? I think if you act childish it's not on the person who has to suffer from it to be meek and to think about it from your POV when the whole situation has arisen due a lack of empathy from the bride and others.

There's being excited and wanting people to come and then there's sending nasty messages and blocking people.

I think the OP is just not submitting to demands and not feeling bad about the way she's been treated and a part of that can be laughing at the ridiculousness of how others have acted.

I would hope, @LibbyKate, that if I did have a daughter and if she did get married she'd be thoughtful enough to choose something within grasping point of most people - not the equivalent of a short honeymoon without the groom!

All this 'must go away for the hen do' stuff is getting out of hand. I only got remarried 15 years ago but, even then, it was a night out at a nightclub come cocktail bar a couple of weeks before the wedding. Then my sisters, who were bridesmaids, and I had a facial and massage spa the following weekend (which I paid for as I'd organised it).

Some people need to get a grip on reality and remember the reason they are actually getting married.