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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen Party Abroad

999 replies

Strawbfields · 22/03/2021 21:15

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

OP posts:
User133847 · 23/03/2021 21:58

@Strawbfields

Hey, I'm trying to tag the person who said maybe the bride is upset that I didn't let her know first but the only reason I didn't was because she isn't part of the group chat. You're right though, I probably could have messaged her first but honestly I don't think it would have made much of a difference.

For what it's worth, and it's totally off subject, but I've had a little health scare resulting in numerous tests and oncology appointments but I'm thankfully okay, she never once asked how I was doing. I should have seen the light of day sooner!

I think we can relate to having a friend like that at some point.

You said yourself in the OP she's self absorbed and presumably highly narcissistic and materialistic. She'll lack empathy as a result and won't be able to see anyone's point of view but her own.

It's a sign you're mature, as you're not going to be a doormat to someone who ultimately isn't a true friend anyway.

cerealgamechanger · 23/03/2021 21:58

What's wrong with 'sorry, I can't afford it. Hope you all have a lovely time' ?

User133847 · 23/03/2021 22:01

@cerealgamechanger

What's wrong with 'sorry, I can't afford it. Hope you all have a lovely time' ?
Simpler, but I doubt it would have made much difference. They said in the reply to her "you have a year to save".
MarieDelaere · 23/03/2021 22:08

Groom's mother: you have a year to save.

Bridesmaid flying monkey: you have a year to save.

It's a fucking cult.

Quaagars · 23/03/2021 22:08

Say you won’t be able to go. And you hope she has a lovely time. Maybe meet up and see the pics when she gets back

This.
She wants to go abroad, fair enough, but she surely can't expect everyone else to easily be able to, especially at the moment.
Just keep repeating this quoted bit if she goes on!

Notaroadrunner · 23/03/2021 22:14

@Quaagars

Say you won’t be able to go. And you hope she has a lovely time. Maybe meet up and see the pics when she gets back

This.
She wants to go abroad, fair enough, but she surely can't expect everyone else to easily be able to, especially at the moment.
Just keep repeating this quoted bit if she goes on!

RTFT, it's long since moved on from being polite.
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 23/03/2021 22:15

Unless she is able to apologise to me and take the first flight back to reality.

She needs to take a one-way ticket to fuck.

WisnaeMe · 23/03/2021 22:24

I hope the Meanie Bride and Meaner Bridesmaids read this, so they know that we all think they're knobs 🤣

MarieDelaere · 23/03/2021 22:26

So.

A £1000 abroad hen, which will morph into £2000 because of the lies / Marbella / hidden costs / your money siphoned off.

A UK hen which will = £500 probably.

A further UK hen = £200?

Wedding itself = another £1000 easily including the venue's profit from you and the cash wedding gift expected.

Bride and the groom - who is not guiltless here - get all the above for free, plus free honeymoon, plus gifts.

Landofthefree · 23/03/2021 22:26

The nuclear reply would be to say ‘sorry I can’t be there at your wedding, I’ll try to make the next one’ Smile

It’s probably better to just say nothing!

Original poster
Strawbfields · 23/03/2021 22:27

Her fiancé just messaged my OH to say it's "bang out of order" that I've said I won't go abroad for the hen. OH has sent back a thumbs up emoji Grin

Just when I thought the situation couldn't get any funnier lol!

OP posts:
AnaofBroceliande · 23/03/2021 22:28

@Strawbfields

Her fiancé just messaged my OH to say it's "bang out of order" that I've said I won't go abroad for the hen. OH has sent back a thumbs up emoji Grin

Just when I thought the situation couldn't get any funnier lol!

😂😂😂

I like your OH!

murbblurb · 23/03/2021 22:29

Oh well, at least two arseholes are matched rather than being set loose in the community.

'waahh! You won't pay a fortune to come to my party!! Waah!'. Silly bint. Waste no more headspace.

BRB2021 · 23/03/2021 22:29

@Strawbfields

Her fiancé just messaged my OH to say it's "bang out of order" that I've said I won't go abroad for the hen. OH has sent back a thumbs up emoji Grin

Just when I thought the situation couldn't get any funnier lol!

That's priceless - brilliant reply!!!
Tessateacup · 23/03/2021 22:29

😳 oh my...i read your updates, she is Bridezilla! Imagine what a whole week abroad would be like with her...no thanks! After all those snotty messages i wouldn't bother with the wedding. Someone should run a few bets on how many of them will fall out before the wedding. In fact, i wouldn't be surprised if the wedding gets cancelled cos the the groom has legged it.

AcornAutumn · 23/03/2021 22:30

@Strawbfields

Hey everyone,

Unless she is able to apologise to me and take the first flight back to reality, I don't think I'll be going to the wedding.

Like many of you mentioned already, the venue has a policy in place where X number of rooms have to be taken etc, it's miles away from where we live and in the middle of nowhere so we'd be forced to take the car (not a big issue, but big enough on this occasion lol) and also again not a huge issue, but she's chosen a really extravagant venue but the bare bones package so no drinks included etc and I had a check online and a glass of Prosecco is £9.75 so like someone mentioned, I'll be sitting with my OH in a paddling pool throwing our fivers in the airGrinGrinGrin

"First flight back to reality"

Permission to use please OP. love it! 😂

MimiDaisy11 · 23/03/2021 22:31

Wow, just caught up with further updates. I'd be glad to be demoted.

Being her bridesmaid would be no fun and just stressful. Also, I can't believe such self-absorbed unempathetic people exist. As well as taking days off for the hen, did she also expect you to change your shifts at work to accommodate zoom calls? LOL. It's crazy.

Can she really be enjoying this? She just spoilt a friendship over her stupid demands. I've also read a lot of the thread and seen a few stories where people lose friendships over wedding and hen plans. Crazy!

CourchevelCornichon · 23/03/2021 22:32

I can't believe how bridezilla-ey she is being Op! Her behavior today has been awful. And to think she considers you a close enough friend to be a bridesmaid and then to treat you like this.

As PP have said, when the bride/crazy fog lifts, she'll reflect and be embarrassed by her behaviour.

I had 2 good friends become absolutely knobs around their weddings, they're back to being good people again now!

Nanny0gg · 23/03/2021 22:33

@Strawbfields

Hey, I'm trying to tag the person who said maybe the bride is upset that I didn't let her know first but the only reason I didn't was because she isn't part of the group chat. You're right though, I probably could have messaged her first but honestly I don't think it would have made much of a difference.

For what it's worth, and it's totally off subject, but I've had a little health scare resulting in numerous tests and oncology appointments but I'm thankfully okay, she never once asked how I was doing. I should have seen the light of day sooner!

That was me.

But you're right, however you had handled it wouldn't have made a blind bit of difference to such a selfish, self-centred person.

Glad you're doing okay Flowers

ElderMillennial · 23/03/2021 22:35

Your friends and her bridal party sound awful OP. You did the right thing - well done.

MarieDelaere · 23/03/2021 22:36

Yeah, they're after your money to fund their wedding pantomime that they can't afford.

I said before your update that the groom wasn't guiltless.

Cheeseandlobster · 23/03/2021 22:36

She is definitely lacking in class and grace. Expecting everyone to spend a fortune on her but won't reciprocate with the wedding package. She is a cf of the finest order.

Trust me op. When the added costs like eye wateringly expensive beach beds / drinks packages start to manifest themselves things will fall apart. It so easy to spend someone elses money eh Gemma when you don't have to pay a penny?

DdraigGoch · 23/03/2021 22:36

@Imnotbent

Wow no one else will drop out now, she is effectively bullying them into submission, school ground behaviour.
Not until the last minute when the final payments are due. Then they'll drop like flies.
Cavagirl · 23/03/2021 22:37

@Strawbfields

Her fiancé just messaged my OH to say it's "bang out of order" that I've said I won't go abroad for the hen. OH has sent back a thumbs up emoji Grin

Just when I thought the situation couldn't get any funnier lol!

🤣 your OH sounds great!!!
YouKnowItsTrue · 23/03/2021 22:40

PopcornAndWine

Maybe tell her she is 'welcome' to shove her wedding up her arse...

This

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