Hen Party Abroad

[Strawbfields]

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

Wedding talk zoom nights!! Jeez, that's hilarious 😂😂😂😂

Seriously though, a wedding is supposed to be about celebrating with the people who are important in your life. Not some 'look at me!' sideshow.
I also think grown women wanting bridesmaids is a little bit 😳🤨

Well done OP. Honestly, I suspect the only reasons you are still “allowed” to be a guest are either a) she has a ridiculously expensive gift list and is banking on you forking out for something from that too AND/OR b) she’s booked one of those exclusive wedding venues where she needs guests to pay for the hotel rooms otherwise she foots the bill in full.

The tragedy of this is, the bride will need you to be a guest as she's still got to flog about 30 rooms at £200+ a night (room only) for 2 nights to be able to afford her venue.

And all guests will be required to pay for towards the honeymoon holiday and perhaps have a little look at the wedding gift registry too.

So yeah, you'll get an invitation with menaces.

And you'll shortly get an invoice for 'pulling out of hen' charges.

I see @CaveMum and I are on the same page!

Great minds and all that @MarieDelaere

"I'm sorry but due to the pandemic etc, I just don't have the cash to spare for this. I hope you all have a great time and If you can, I'd love to go for a few drinks to catch up with you when you're back"

One day I'll RTFT before I post...
Honestly, I'd have plans on the day. Do you know the day? If you haven't RSVPd yet I'd send "an Apologies but I have a prior engagement" and fuck off out of it.

What an absolute arse wipe she is, and the friends too.

The whole thing is so tacky.

You are well rid of them. You have your family, partner, and the whole of the internet on your side, OP.

I'm absolutely speechless aside from you have maintained your dignity here while all others haven't.

I hope your own health issues are soon resolved and you get the house you've got your eye on.

The only respond I'd send to the bride's rant would be a link to this thread. But then I'm mean.

send "an Apologies but I have a subsequent engagement" and fuck off out of it.

Another vote for link to thread.
Shame there isn't a klaxon to alert the daily fail!

I was basically told by the grooms mother that I have a year to save for it, and the bride "desperately wants to go abroad, no ifs or buts"

Utterly fucking grim selfish cunts.

No way I'd have them in my life. Sorry OP.

Biggest world-wide pandemic since 1918 but it's all about "Me me me".

Zero EQ.

Honestly I think you might have fared better if you hadn’t tried to justify your decision quite so much. If you had simply reiterated that you don’t have the annual leave and can’t afford it, I think it would have been better received. You didn’t have to expand on exactly why.

It might have been better to keep the vague notion of buying a boiler out of the equation as a reason to pull out for example, as well as the fact that you’d rather go on holiday with your family. You didn’t have to say any of that, particularly in the group chat. Confirming that you don’t have enough leave and can’t afford it, would have sufficed.
I know you were shooting for honest and straightforward but I suspect you have inadvertently come across as a bit ‘anti’ by cheerfully announcing that you’d rather spend the money and annual leave on something (anything) else. You don’t answer to them and they don’t need to know any of that stuff.
Does that make sense?

@Strawbfields

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to reply. I'm grateful for the responses.

I agree with many of you, I need to be straight up and just say no. I just wish I wasn't crippled with the anxiety of what everyone will think of me but hey, that's on me.

I read somewhere that you shouldn’t see it as saying yes to this- but rather that you’re saying no to a lot of other things. By going along with this, you’d possibly be saying no to your own family, no to the chance of a house move in the time frame you’d like, no to time with your own loved ones because you’d used your A/L up on this hen. If you imagine saying all those ‘no’s’ to the people you actually love, it might make it easier to say no to this spoiled bridezilla? 🤷‍♀️

In hindsight, I think pictish is right. No-one wants to know that a boiler takes precedence over their big day. Hearing that is likely to provoke a defensive / knee-jerk reaction.

No need to get into details at all.

Anyway, you have ultimately done the right thing by pulling out early.

Hey everyone,

Unless she is able to apologise to me and take the first flight back to reality, I don't think I'll be going to the wedding.

Like many of you mentioned already, the venue has a policy in place where X number of rooms have to be taken etc, it's miles away from where we live and in the middle of nowhere so we'd be forced to take the car (not a big issue, but big enough on this occasion lol) and also again not a huge issue, but she's chosen a really extravagant venue but the bare bones package so no drinks included etc and I had a check online and a glass of Prosecco is £9.75 so like someone mentioned, I'll be sitting with my OH in a paddling pool throwing our fivers in the air

Sounds like you have dodged a bullet! Well done on not being pressurised into spending £££!

She's rich and yet has chosen a cheap package? What a cheap person. Be glad you've escaped that, the next year or so until the wedding will be hell for the poor remaining bridesmaids. I bet more end up 'fired' and will come to you crying.

Your message was perfect . Message her from another phone to tell her what a dick she is? I’d have to have the last word. Make sure you tell anyone you know what happened. It’s a great ‘ cheeky fecker’ story and might even make it back to her.

And tell her you have the money but you just didn’t want to spend it on her.

Saying no is a bit of a skill to develop. It helps if you’re confident and concise. As soon as you begin explaining or justifying yourself, you’re inviting a critique of your decision. Offer as a done deal, don’t volunteer an explanation.
In this case, if explanations were going to be offered they should have been kept for a conversation with the bride.

They sound awful. Personally I wouldn’t have referred to buying a boiler as reason not to go but nobody has the right to tell you how you should allocate your savings. Well done OP.

Invitation with menaces 😂 oh I’m stealing that for all future events I don’t want to go to.

If it’s the bare bones package they can’t really afford it. We had a good venue and I paid for the top package because I wanted my guests to feel comfortable on the day.

Well done OP! You've done the right thing. And I'm 😲😲😲 that they've gone for a cheap package at a 💲💲💲 venue after insisting on a pricey hen- really not classy.