Hen Party Abroad

[Strawbfields]

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

Christ they are NOT your friends!

My hen do was a takeaway and cake at home cost about £50 for like 30 people.

My sis on the other hand had three hen dos - a U.K. one (nightclub weekend), an abroad 4 days and a home afternoon tea. I have school age children and couldn't go abroad (I haven't even been abroad with my kids yet), I didn't go abroad. But sis took it ok, explained we were both very different wanted different things for our hen experiences and accepted it.

@Strawbfields the hen do chat I was a member of descended into an argument over a £60 meal therefore YANBU. Well done for sticking to your boundaries, which are totally normal btw.

I’d tell her that I hope she has a lovely hen do and you’ll see her at the wedding. Then don’t turn up.

Only thing I can say, that's already been said, is you're well fucking rid.

The DM will probably publish this thread...
in a way it might be a good thing!! Let them read all the comments and realise how selfish and ridiculous they are!!
And how well you've behaved in comparison.
Pretty much every poster here is on your side. Team Rational and Realistic.

@rwalker

Say nothing anything you say will break twisted and some how your fault just leave it . Silence is more dignified and will deffo piss her off even more.

This ^^ advice is the best. They can't twist your silence.

Christ I pray the DM don't publish this. I'd be sick with worry!!

I think you should reply ‘oh fuck off you self indulgent twat’, and just be done with it. How is her wedding dress going to fit when her head is rammed so far up her arse?

I can’t believe the audacity !! You had a lucky escape.. do you honestly want to stay friends with her ?

‘She will take it personally’ .... “I walk on eggshells”.......
She’s the dysfunctional person in the group, and the dysfunctional person usually gets her own way, because all the decent folk, try and accommodate her unreasonable, self serving demands. She’s an arse. Friendship isn't about being dictated to by a wholly unexceptional spoilt brat who doesn’t pay her own way, but wants everyone else to. Her mother sounds awful, and lest we forget, the average marriage lasts less than 12 years. Nearly 50% end in divorce, so tred warily and be outraged at her selfishness: for every pound you spend you have to earn 2, every day spent on the Hen reduces your holiday entitlements. Be honest and just say “I cant justify spending this amount of money or precious holiday leave on a Hen and I know you’ll understand because you're a good friend and a decent person”. Be normal and expect normal. Don’t indulge emotional bloodsuckers it’s a waste of time.

I just dont understand why you just dont say no thanks, too expensive too long and quite simply you dont want to go, easy peasy

OP work out how many hours you have to work on night shift for her hen party - put it in perspective

@MiriamMargo Well, I just don't understand why you haven't even bothered to at least read OP's posts... She's already said no.

I've been in this situation twice now and both times I've just said no

Nobody can make you go

Put your foot down

Chances are they will have a "home do" anyway!

Sounds like a bunch of arse licking sycophants
Stay firm op

You’ve made a great choice- best to be the first one out the door. It’ll be much harder for any others and the costs will only spiral anyway.

On the weekend of the actual hen do you can sit in a paddling pool with your OH throwing fivers in the air! You’re a grand up AND you don’t have to spend any time with twats!

Also OP - can you imagine how not fun that holiday would have been with that group of people - gritting your teeth as you fork out ££££ for some stupid "forced fun" activity each day with a bunch of unpleasant women. Would have been the worst waste of 1k ever!

You've dodged a bullet there OP! The bride is a bully and no kind of true friend to you. Cut your losses and do something extravagant that you enjoy on her wedding day.

PS Tell her you can't make this wedding, but you'll got to her next one.
#igiveitayear

Imagine the years of your life you have saved by finding out what a twat she is now Well done on standing your ground. PS: does the groom need an intervention? 😁

PS Tell her you can't make this wedding, but you'll got to her next one

I love that!

Bride has messaged me and I've been demoted from Bridesmaid duties. I won't post her message word for word because it's really upsetting but she's mentioned the fact that I've missed "wedding talk zoom nights" (there has been 3, for 2 of them I was working nightshift in hospital and the 3rd I had just gotten home from a 12.5hr day shift and regrettably fell asleep) so she said my lack of interest in the wedding coupled with my "lack of enthusiasm and pessimistic attitude towards the hen" means I am not what she expects of a bridesmaid and would prefer I wasn't involved going forward. She did however say I was "welcome" to attend as a guest.

'New number. Who's this?' 😄

From @Cavagirl

Well OP I'm glad you are mature enough to be laughing and seeing it for the absolute ridiculousness that it is..... absolutely bullet dodged.

Gemma is not mature enough to be married. The End .

@AnotherKrampus

Wow! What self-absorbed, bitchy hyenas! I really hope that they all get the total shits on their hen and that it rains every day. Then on the day of the wedding, I hope the bride accidentally walks in on one of the bridesmaids giving her brand-new hubby a blowie and her whole wedding day is an unmitigated disaster, with a shite make-up artist, drunk hairdresser, terrible caterers and someone else having drunk their bar dry, while her wedding dress has a huge skid mark at the back.

Bless you, you have given me the best laugh I have had in a very long time

What a shower of cunts. You're well rid. You could send the thumbs up emoji as a response. However I think I just wouldn't respond at all. Don't give her any more reason to contact you ever again. She, her mother and her other bridesmaid are vile. Best of luck to the remaining bridesmaids - they are in for a hellish time ahead!

Will you go as a guest or are you done with the lot of them?

'Welcome' to go to the wedding? Good grief. Are you going? I'd rather spend the day having the boiler serviced. The mum sounds like a massive bitch