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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen Party Abroad

999 replies

Strawbfields · 22/03/2021 21:15

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

OP posts:
orangecinnamon · 23/03/2021 19:12

Wow - seriously can't believe what I have just read. Some people are so self centred - what absolute utter cowbags.

PattyPan · 23/03/2021 19:12

Agree you’ve dodged a huge bullet. Don’t reply - it will drive her mad

Nanny0gg · 23/03/2021 19:13

@Strawbfields

It's insane isn't it? I'm laughing out loud as I write this, the damn cheek of it all!

I don't know the bridesmaid very well. I've met her 2/3 times briefly although she seems friendly and was the one who privately messaged me weeks ago to agree that it was a heck of a lot of money etc. So for her to be the one to lambast me has shocked me.

Hey, I'm sure their Instagram pages will look great at the time. I hope when the time comes for me to have children that they never grow up to be spoiled little brats!

I think you've done the right thing...however - I wonder if you should have messaged the bride first before telling the other girls you weren't going?

Maybe that's part of her problem?

icdtap · 23/03/2021 19:13

That reply was so rude.
Do they think everyone can afford to save 1000 in a year? It's 83 quid a month. That's a lot of money. I have nowt left over at the end of the month now thanks to fucking COVID. And even before COVID when I was managing to save a couple of hundred quid a month I wouldn't be saving it just so I could go on some stupid hen do abroad.

Nanny0gg · 23/03/2021 19:18

Okay. Having read your final update, she's a rude cow and it wouldn't have mattered how she found out.

Bullet -dodged

thatsgotit · 23/03/2021 19:19

OMG the brass neck of some people!!

For them to be saying you've got 'a year to save' is breathtakingly entitled, how the heck do they know what other, more essential things people might need to be saving for?! Ugh. And with covid still wreaking havoc on people's finances too. Extraordinarily insensitive.

Bloody hell I felt guilty that I was even asking friends to travel to where I live in the UK and stay in a hotel for my actual wedding! (and I paid for my bridesmaids' rooms!)

DunderBlue · 23/03/2021 19:20

Be firm. Say no. Always thought it was ridiculous when people say you should just do what the bride wants because it's "her big day"
The wedding is her big day. Her hen do is supposed to be a fun night before with her friends, if you can't afford it and don't want to go for that long simply say no, for those reasons. Learning to say no to friends really helps you feel a lot more free in life.

NotSorry · 23/03/2021 19:23

OP has already said no

Notavegan · 23/03/2021 19:24

You have been amazing and they are a total embarrassment.

BeaLola · 23/03/2021 19:25

Well done you - as others have said I wouldn't engage - calm and dignified

True genuine friends would understand fully not start demoting your role because you are not prepared to spend a week of your annual leave and a £1K on her henfest

At the end of the day as you yourself have said you have a lovely OH, lovely job and dear family and friends - you don't need her and her demands
A

Original poster
Strawbfields · 23/03/2021 19:29

Hey, I'm trying to tag the person who said maybe the bride is upset that I didn't let her know first but the only reason I didn't was because she isn't part of the group chat. You're right though, I probably could have messaged her first but honestly I don't think it would have made much of a difference.

For what it's worth, and it's totally off subject, but I've had a little health scare resulting in numerous tests and oncology appointments but I'm thankfully okay, she never once asked how I was doing. I should have seen the light of day sooner!

OP posts:
BlowDryRat · 23/03/2021 19:29

I thought the other bridesmaid's message was fine TBH. The bride sounds like a PITA though! Fancy daring to miss her 'wedding chat Zoom calls' (Confused) to work in a hospital during a pandemic that's caused the biggest national crisis since WW2? I bet she did the clap as well.

TopTabby · 23/03/2021 19:29

Glad you're ok, it all sounds really stressful. What a complete cow!
Well done for standing up for yourself & enjoy your wineWine
And no way would I be attending the wedding (shudders)

itwa · 23/03/2021 19:30

I hope you know someone else on the WA group who can pass on details of the forthcoming implosion. I mean, they can't all have a grand to chuck at this, can they?

Original poster
Strawbfields · 23/03/2021 19:31

@Strawbfields

Hey, I'm trying to tag the person who said maybe the bride is upset that I didn't let her know first but the only reason I didn't was because she isn't part of the group chat. You're right though, I probably could have messaged her first but honestly I don't think it would have made much of a difference.

For what it's worth, and it's totally off subject, but I've had a little health scare resulting in numerous tests and oncology appointments but I'm thankfully okay, she never once asked how I was doing. I should have seen the light of day sooner!

Just to add, I didn't share that for any kind of sympathy or poor me posts, we all have our worries. I just wanted to give an example of her newfound self absorbency!
OP posts:
Shnuffles · 23/03/2021 19:32

She doesn't sound like a friend, OP. Unless she came back with a sincere apology, I don't think I'd bother going to the wedding. Especially since you say her message to you was hurtful. There's no need for that.

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 23/03/2021 19:33

‘Thanks for letting me know. I’d have loved to remained your bridesmaid as you our friendship is so important to me. I admit I find it sad you place financial ‘muscle’ above xx years of friendship; I could save all year and still not afford the holiday. However, I accept it’s your choice to have the Hen and Wedding you choose and I wish you all the very best. With A FUCKTON OF PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE LOVE, OP X

(Optional Ps: You ain’t Billie Faires)

Unsure33 · 23/03/2021 19:34

How mean of them . Tbh I don’t think anyone should have to explain their private finances or what they can afford or why. It’s totally out of order . It your business what you spend your money on and how you prioritise it .

I think you are better off without the drama . They are acting like spoilt brats .

Roszie · 23/03/2021 19:35

👍🏼

That's all that's needed now.

MzHz · 23/03/2021 19:35

Well this was positive- god rid of these awful people from your life!

thebabessavedme · 23/03/2021 19:36

'wedding chat zoom calls' shudder!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/03/2021 19:36

I really hope this is not real cos it's so fucking depressing to realise there are such selfish attention-seeking people, devoid of all empathy, in the world. Even if you could afford it, who REALLY enjoys those things, having to spend all that time with some people you may know, but half of whom you don't know and will never see after the wedding? Making small talk with people reminiscing about the hen's childhood.

Add COVID changes in and I can scarcely believe OP is real. I wish stag and hen nights would go back to being just that. One night. Not an opportunity for a Hello shoot for Z-list reality TV people. Somewhere local for most people.

I actually hate them. The herd mentality of them. "Let's all wear this" or "everyone - here's a willy straw" (that no-one's ever seen before Hmm).

Original poster
Strawbfields · 23/03/2021 19:38

Hey @CurlyhairedAssassin - I wish it wasn't real! Sadly it is, but I've had a lucky break. I'm not going to lose sleep over it.

OP posts:
CurlyhairedAssassin · 23/03/2021 19:38

@YellowandGreenToBeSeen

‘Thanks for letting me know. I’d have loved to remained your bridesmaid as you our friendship is so important to me. I admit I find it sad you place financial ‘muscle’ above xx years of friendship; I could save all year and still not afford the holiday. However, I accept it’s your choice to have the Hen and Wedding you choose and I wish you all the very best. With A FUCKTON OF PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE LOVE, OP X

(Optional Ps: You ain’t Billie Faires)

I would be "I could save all year and still not afford the holiday" to "I could save all year and still not want to spend that much money on your extravagant hen celebrations which are all about the Insta likes, let's face it".
Crazycrazylady · 23/03/2021 19:42

Dear God

You'd have to imagine that when the bridezilla fog lifts from the bride, she'll reflect on this with absolute mortification

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