Hen Party Abroad

[Strawbfields]

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

Imagine having to spend a (really expensive) holiday with people who are this lacking in understanding - and who care about you so little!

Yes - bullet dodged. You can have a really great boiler instead - it will keep you warmer than a week in the sun :)

The bride is right to be angry in a way... your actions show that you don't care for her enough to give her a year's savings. How insulting!

[quote Strawbfields]@MarieDelaere hey, we have a group chat and when I voiced my concerns (along the lines of "look, I can't take 6 days off work for a hen party when I'm already taking 2 days off for the wedding and I also can't afford to spend £1000 on a jolly abroad because we are in the process of house hunting" I was basically told by the grooms mother that I have a year to save for it, and the bride "desperately wants to go abroad, no ifs or buts" [/quote]
"Sorry, but it's an unreasonable request. I'll be saving for a home, not your daughter/future DIL's jolly."

Grey rock them all - ignore, ignore, ignore. Don't unfriend, just unfollow, then you won't see any passive aggressive stuff on Facebook.

Sadly it is unusual these days if a bride-to-be DOESN'T turn into princess bridezilla.

I have a blanket no rule on weddings and hens abroad. Hens in the UK must be local and £200 max.

Upsets a few people along the way but...tough. Your wedding isn't the centre of my year/world/finances.....

Sorry, OP, you'll get no camera crew telling you "Punk'd"!

all you'll get is a mention in a documentary narrated by someone with a tone like David Attenborough

"Preparations for the peacocking have been intense. The bride has been training her bridesmaids with the intensity of a drill sergeant at West Point Military Academy. The resulting display is gleaming with highlighter and vast quantities of contouring powder.

Sadly, not all recruits can survive this intensive training". Cut to shot of you, happily washing your hair.

What a bitch! I would just message her back and say thank god for that I have just realised I am working that day so can't make it!

In no way would I be attending the wedding, fuck that shit!

@OnlyHerefortheBiscuits

Sadly it is unusual these days if a bride-to-be DOESN'T turn into princess bridezilla.

I have a blanket no rule on weddings and hens abroad. Hens in the UK must be local and £200 max.

Upsets a few people along the way but...tough. Your wedding isn't the centre of my year/world/finances.....

My rules are

No hen at all

No wedding unless local and less than £50.

Tbh, that second one has got me out of every wedding because I have only been invited to one local wedding. The bride, a neighbour, said freely that she had a drop out and would I like to enjoy some nice food.

I was on a work training thing anyway. Ironically, it's the only wedding I could have got a cheap cab home.

Omg you have dodged a bullet there, do not go to the wedding!

Bloody hell my first use of ‘dodged the bullet’ ever and there are bullets and dodgings going on all over this thread - DODGE CITY

I would not spend any more time and energy on her and I would personally not even go to the wedding because the bridesmaida for sure will create an atmosphere for you. Why put yourself through that.

The fact the bride blocked you, which is really childish, then unblocked you says its not exactly a friendship id want to be putting lots of effort into.

Just focus on your own goals and other friendships that are more meaningful

I wonder how many other hens will get tired of the bride's behaviour before the wedding.

It sounds to me that she wants a "wedding" rather than she wants to marry the love of her life.

I’m sorry they have been so horrible! I can’t get over the other bridesmaids passive aggressive ‘even though you have a year to save’ line. It’s so rude! I’d want to tell her to f*ck off! They really don’t seem to understand that maybe people don’t want to choose to spend £1k this way, take all that time off etc.

It’s so sad the bride is being such an awful friend, she’s being so selfish and a bit bridezilla like! You are definitely not being unreasonable. Enjoy your takeaway and wine and try not to let it upset you too much

@AcornAutumn

No wedding unless local and less than £50.

Tbh, that second one has got me out of every wedding because I have only been invited to one local wedding. The bride, a neighbour, said freely that she had a drop out and would I like to enjoy some nice food.

I was on a work training thing anyway. Ironically, it's the only wedding I could have got a cheap cab home.

That bride wins prizes for friendly honesty!

Wow! What self-absorbed, bitchy hyenas! I really hope that they all get the total shits on their hen and that it rains every day. Then on the day of the wedding, I hope the bride accidentally walks in on one of the bridesmaids giving her brand-new hubby a blowie and her whole wedding day is an unmitigated disaster, with a shite make-up artist, drunk hairdresser, terrible caterers and someone else having drunk their bar dry, while her wedding dress has a huge skid mark at the back.

You have dodged a massive bullet. I’m sure that there must be others in the hen group who are envious of your spine.
I’m also sure you would have been asked to pay for your ( not your choice and probably vile) dress, hair, shoes, makeup, night in the venue, large present and so on. All of this would be even more £££.
To be honest if this is how she treats her friends - (particularly those who work in the NHS at this time) I would be stepping right back and be reconsidering even attending the wedding.

There is a simple solution. say privately to friend. It sounds amazing but I can't afford it. I hope you have a great time. Then don't discuss it.

The only down side to all this is it sounds like your friendship is over and you're going to decline the wedding invite.

So we won't be able to have regular updates on her decent into wedding madness and any drama on the day.

OP rest assured you will not be the only one to wish to pull out of this ridiculousness, but are the only one brave enough. I think you have had a very lucky escape, and now you will be appallingly slaughtered on the group chat if even as a warning to anyone considering pulling out too. Poor them I say, and you enjoy your freedom OP. 🤣🌺

p.s. I wouldn't be attending this Showpiece Wedding either.

Queen "That bride wins prizes for friendly honesty".

Yes. Another lady from our block was asked and she was honest enough to say "I asked Acorn first". Sensible not to lie. The neighbour had a lovely time, apparently food was lovely and venue was lovely.

we looked at photos one day at mine with a pot of tea and biccies. Nice. No bridesmaids. Not that kind of wedding!

My godddaughter's parents were the same. I was out of work at the time so they offered to pay my train and hotel. I said no but appreciated it. I think it was 30 people. No gifts. Lots of food, no waiting around hungry.

I can't imagine what this lady's wedding will be like.

What are other people saying?

It's completely reasonable of you to say you are not prepared to pay that. If they want to do something more in budget, great, otherwise you won't be going.

I also would put good money on either one other hen turning down the trip and/or at least one massive bust up on the hen trip.

I call these weddings "circus weddings".

Say nothing anything you say will break twisted and some how your fault just leave it .
Silence is more dignified and will deffo piss her off even more.

Wow no one else will drop out now, she is effectively bullying them into submission, school ground behaviour.