Hen Party Abroad

[Strawbfields]

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

Maybe tell her she is 'welcome' to shove her wedding up her arse...

God what a PITA. Some people really do think the world revolves around them. Stuff her and her wedding, sounds like a clique of year 11 girls!

I hope she enjoys her hen party with her mother and MIL.

Ridiculous demand.

If you REALLY want to stir the pot, post on Facebook that you had a lovely busy day researching your foreign 5-star hen and wedding...

Jesus wept! When did being a bridesmaid become a second job? Scheduled wedding zoom nights for crying out loud! Just be thankful you're well out of it before the full horror of the bridesmaid dress fittings rolled around.

Dodged a bullet, mate. Seriously. My BFF ( who is still actually my BFF) chose not-me as MOH or bridesmaid and after the initial surprise of that I realised I was off the hook. She knew I wasn't 'girly' wouldn't be into all of that.
I had a lovely, relaxing, fun time at her wedding and she's no longer in touch with the MOH or the bridesmaids as they all fell out over this and that.
If you value her friendship, I'd just leave it for a bit. Some people really do let their sense of perspective go out the window over weddings... she'll look back one day and hopefully realise what a twit she was. It's a ear away, is she really expecting to be the centre of everyone's attention and to be talking about her bloody wedding for a year??

Come to think of it, you could reply with the MN classic line:

"I'm sorry. Did you mean to be so rude?"

Always a winner.

@Strawbfields

Honestly I feel absolutely fine about it although I did allow my OH to pick us up a takeaway and a bottle of wine lol!

I have definitely dodged a bullet. I can't tell you how much I needed this from you all. It's all well and good having my mum and OH agree with me but to have so many others on my side helps me to see that I'm not the unreasonable one. I have no doubt that the passive Facebook posts will be being drafted as we speak but I couldn't care less. I have my family, a great OH, a job that I love and good friends. I need her crap like I need a hole in the head!

She's no friend. Cut her loose, good riddance to bad rubbish. Someone who have to walk on eggshells with is no friend. I'd delete her from my life.

I have no doubt that the passive Facebook posts will be being drafted as we speak but I couldn't care less.

Hide all post from them, so you don't have to see any of this

I’d just tell her to fuck off at this point OP.

‘No thanks, I think I’ll give it a miss, sounds like it would be hard work mate’

Oh wow OP. However upsetting her message was you are SO well out of that!
Personally I wouldn't go to the wedding if she paid me, but do get her a really naff, nasty and very cheap wedding present

Huge congratulations on your dodged bullet !

OP as an ex events manager who came cross far too many of these types of things, please don't feel pressured into this.

That's a massive amount of money for most families following Covid and let's be honest a huge amount anyway. Just be firm and say it's not within your budget, but you'd happily participate in a UK based party.

I honestly fail to understand when it became acceptable for friends to be bullied into these never ending extravaganzas. Quite often by the time I came to meet bridesmaids there had been many fallouts due to exactly this type of scenario.

You won't be alone I promise you. Save your money and spend it on those and things important to you x

Get her a wedding present though - something suitably naff and nasty!

My goodness, she sounds so self-absorbed. She only likes to have rich friends then?

Daily Mail please print this story.

My BFF often says she wishes she'd chosen me as her MOH, and I often tell her that while I would have been proud to etc. I'm really, really glad she didn't... not least because I then could just have my Dsis as bestwoman and that was it. No pressure to involve BFF or anyone else.
Oh, and hen was a night out, running around London gay bars with my lovely boy and girl friends, doing shots, dancing and singing. Best.time.ever.

I'd probably start distancing myself from her TBH.

I read this thread & it's like looking into your future...

Unreasonable reaction to a baby shower? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4196306-Unreasonable-reaction-to-a-baby-shower

OP well done for being honest and courageous- I am afraid “Gemma” sounds entitled and lacking in empathy. It is perhaps a forlorn hope that your actions will give her a reality check. You have well and truly shattered the eggshells! Try not to be hurt by any petty comments- you are clearly a sensible person and were right to speak up!

Op I feel a weight is off my shoulders so absolutely can I understand your relief. Bloody hell - her use of ‘pessimistic’ is astonishing. Do you think her mum dictated it for her or was it a family effort. You’ve been brilliant throughout and dodged a bullet (I have never used that phrase before but thinks this warrants it!).
Here’s to your family meet ups and new boiler. Have fun.

God, that is a brilliant response from the bride. I don't know if you're meant to be distraught and begging for a second chance but the fact she's sacked you for missing 'wedding chat Zoom calls' (WTF are those) merely to work in a hospital during the worst public health emergency in a century shows an admirable sense of proportion.

However, for both the bride and the hens, the thing that will annoy them the most is absolutely no reaction whatsoever from you. Whatever provocation they offer on social media or WhatsApp, an unconcerned silence is by far the best revenge.

To the bride's message I would simply respond 'Thanks for letting me know'. Nothing else, not one word. She will be spitting feathers.

Fuck me, with friends like that who needs enemies!!! I had bridezilla drama last year, I was bridesmaid to a "friend" who let me know very clearly me loosing my job overnight was extremely inconvenient for her hen do plans (how fucking rude of me right)

This year has made me realise who my true friends are , and by the sounds of it you have dodged a bullet! I'd have your wine and celebrate!!!

What gets into people to turn them into such arseholes the minute a wedding is on the horizon??? WTAF!! Well, her loss.

I doubt you will be the last causality

She sounds exactly like her mother, being insulting and making personal remarks when she can’t get her own way. She has shown her true colours. Use the money you would have spent on a wedding present on a night in a swanky hotel with your OH. Don’t let her have any of your brain space!

You've definitely done the right thing! And leave her hanging on a reply, it'll be driving her mad that you haven't responded with a grovelling apology begging to be a bridesmaid again. I can assure you that a) she will regret this and come crawling back with her tail between her legs at some point and b) other people will drop out of the hen party. Guaranteed.

It's very sad to fall out with you over this but it's absolutely her loss - you sound lovely!