Hen Party Abroad

[Strawbfields]

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

There's no way on gods Earth I'd ever entertained taking that amount of MY annual leave and spending £1k of MY money to give someone else a free holiday.. which is essentially what it is.
They are all bonkers & a bit gullible.
I'm putting money on the divorce being 2 years later... she's prob this bad with the poor guy she's marrying too!!
At this point I'd sigh with relief, pour myself a glass of wine and relax.
And resist the urge to really wind Gemma and her mad friends up.
I'd be pleased not to have to pay out for wedding or present either.
Winner!!

I’m embarrassed for them. How dare you have a life of your own op!.

You’re at different life stages, you grew up & they didn’t.

Holy shizzle. They sound bonkers. Sounds like you just saved yourself a world of pain. I'm pleased you can have a laugh about it OP.

YANBU. I hate abroad hen dos and the cost of this one is just crazy.

DSiS is getting married next year and I groaned when she announced an abroad hen do even though its half the cost of the one you are looking at. Luckily she is lovely and whilst I was giving myself a panic attack about how to say no she messaged me saying she totally understood if it wasn't for me as she knows that we won't be able to afford a fmaily holiday this year due to COVID impacting DH's income and that I suffer from anxiety and would struggle to leave DS to go abroad.

Like others have said be firm, speak to the bride privately and don't get over involved in defending your decision. If you are close and feel like doing so maybe suggest the two of you have a special night out / Spa or whatever as your treat (if you can afford it) to spend some time together before the wedding.

If she's a good friend she will understand. If she's not a good friend you will find out and be best off out of this early

@AryaStarkWolf

Or you could say -

Thanks for the heads up about Gemma raging and don't worry I won't mention to her that you agreed with me about how crazy expensive it all is either ; )

You are evil!

Do it OP!

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.

@Strawbfields

Bride has blocked me on WhatsApp before I had the chance to send her a message, unbelievable! How bloody immature.

I take it you will be busy on her wedding day.

I bet Gemma is the type that will now be on FB posting some cryptic crap about finding out who your true friends are and being let down, so a flood of people will respond "U ok hun?"

@murbblurb

Gemma really needs to get a life. Don't give these useless bimbos any more headspace. What a fuss about a frilly frock party.

Might be kind to message the fiance so he knows what he is getting into..

If his mother is anything to go by though...

UPDATE

Bride has messaged me and I've been demoted from Bridesmaid duties. I won't post her message word for word because it's really upsetting but she's mentioned the fact that I've missed "wedding talk zoom nights" (there has been 3, for 2 of them I was working nightshift in hospital and the 3rd I had just gotten home from a 12.5hr day shift and regrettably fell asleep) so she said my lack of interest in the wedding coupled with my "lack of enthusiasm and pessimistic attitude towards the hen" means I am not what she expects of a bridesmaid and would prefer I wasn't involved going forward. She did however say I was "welcome" to attend as a guest.

I'm waiting for a camera crew to burst through my front door and tell me I've been punked

Wow! Just wow!

My Dd2 was in this predicament , she was trying to save for a house deposit and the Brides Mum said in the beginning they were going to pay for everything. It soon transpires they were not going to pay for a thing. They also demanded an extra 50 on top of the cost of the hen party, to pay for the MOTB & the Bride to pay for them to attend the 5 day hen party in Greece for free. The wedding venue cost 200 quid a night and Dd2 would have had to stay at least 2 nights. We cost it up and in total we think the wedding , hen party, presents and cost of hotel, fuel , clothes , hair, shoes , make up , jewellery etc would be around 1500 to 2000. When the bride then said they wanted to book entertainment/hire car on the hen party on top of this Dd2 went along with it until she was then told the bridesmaid dresses were going to cost 220 each and they had no choice in them after saying they would pay for the dresses . The bride said to the bridesmaids , l realise we are going back on what we said and if anyone thinks it is too much money for them then she wouldn't take offence if they didn't want to be bridesmaid . She never dreamed my Dd2 would have some guts about her and she said very sweetly that she would have loved to still be her bridesmaid but she was saving for a house deposit and it could go a long way toward it so she would reluctantly decline . Anyway after she said that they were all extremely off with her & she has gone NC with them all. She was very close to them but she has no regrets at all. This was 2 years ago, the wedding was supposed to be last August, all postponed due to Covid. All cancelled till God knows when. I think my Dd2 has a lucky escape. Talk about CF! The good news is Dd2 has secured a home of her own with a mortgage and is really happy.

I'm so sorry she's such a massive cow. My sister was uninvited to her oldest friend's wedding and demoted from bridesmaid when we had a death in the family and they died on the day of the hen do then never asked how she was. Blessjng in disguise when people show exactly what pieces of selfish shit they are, I'd watched her give to her for years

You’re well rid

Lucky escape - I think you will be busy the day of the wedding of the year !

@Strawbfields personally I would reply along the lines of:

"I'm so sorry you feel this way. Unfortunately it was difficult to revolve my shifts at the hospital around your 'wedding chats'. I think it might be better for both of us if I don't attend the wedding, as I wouldn't wish to impose upon your special day when you are clearly so upset with me. I hope you have a long and very happy marriage that is full of love, tolerance and consideration for each other. All the best, Stawbfields"

Mwah x

@Strawbfields

UPDATE

Bride has messaged me and I've been demoted from Bridesmaid duties. I won't post her message word for word because it's really upsetting but she's mentioned the fact that I've missed "wedding talk zoom nights" (there has been 3, for 2 of them I was working nightshift in hospital and the 3rd I had just gotten home from a 12.5hr day shift and regrettably fell asleep) so she said my lack of interest in the wedding coupled with my "lack of enthusiasm and pessimistic attitude towards the hen" means I am not what she expects of a bridesmaid and would prefer I wasn't involved going forward. She did however say I was "welcome" to attend as a guest.

I'm waiting for a camera crew to burst through my front door and tell me I've been punked

'Sorry im no longer able to attend. Im cleaning the shit out of my life that day'.

I can't get over the fact that she thinks you still want to come!

Is she expecting you to come grovelling and apologising to her or something!?

@Strawbfields

UPDATE

Bride has messaged me and I've been demoted from Bridesmaid duties. I won't post her message word for word because it's really upsetting but she's mentioned the fact that I've missed "wedding talk zoom nights" (there has been 3, for 2 of them I was working nightshift in hospital and the 3rd I had just gotten home from a 12.5hr day shift and regrettably fell asleep) so she said my lack of interest in the wedding coupled with my "lack of enthusiasm and pessimistic attitude towards the hen" means I am not what she expects of a bridesmaid and would prefer I wasn't involved going forward. She did however say I was "welcome" to attend as a guest.

I'm waiting for a camera crew to burst through my front door and tell me I've been punked

Oh fuck her! Entitled, self indulgent twonk! Has she been reading too many American wedding stories on Pinterest? You’re well rid. Get them ALL blocked, pronto.

Speechless!

WOW WOW didnt realise there was people out there like that
wedding zoom nights what the f*k are they?
am so sorry Op that you have been put through this. it is absolutely shocking. I know it hurts but you have had a lisvky escape she is not a real friend. allow yourself to cry and a bottle of wine tonight. but then concentrate on your own life you are far bigger and better than them.

She did however say I was "welcome" to attend as a guest.

Do you actually want to go to the wedding? How much will it cost to attend?

Under these circumstances I'd be tempted not to go.

Do not respond! Do not feed the drama! (well, maybe a thumbs up emoji might be fun - but nothing more ) No need to burn your bridges.

Once it has all blown over a bit then you might be glad of a party to go to, and you'll have none of the stress of being a bridesmaid.

Honestly I feel absolutely fine about it although I did allow my OH to pick us up a takeaway and a bottle of wine lol!

I have definitely dodged a bullet. I can't tell you how much I needed this from you all. It's all well and good having my mum and OH agree with me but to have so many others on my side helps me to see that I'm not the unreasonable one. I have no doubt that the passive Facebook posts will be being drafted as we speak but I couldn't care less. I have my family, a great OH, a job that I love and good friends. I need her crap like I need a hole in the head!

Oh god, that's awful.

Don't go to the wedding, it's not worth it.

Hope you're ok.

Oh this is hilarious.

I’m sure with the brides understanding nature she’ll make a super wife.

She did however say I was "welcome" to attend as a guest

oh thank you so much - how much are the tickets?