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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hen Party Abroad

999 replies

Strawbfields · 22/03/2021 21:15

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

OP posts:

LadyMacbethWasMisunderstood · 23/03/2021 17:23

The amount of money on the hen do was madness. And they were wrong and immature to block you.

To be honest I would not have given excuses about how you might spend your money/holiday instead. Talk of the boiler and other things you need to use your holiday for seems a bit crass and insensitive (particularly the boiler). And whilst it’s likely they would have blocked you/taken offence anyway, it’s not possible to be absolutely sure that they might not have responded better to a more appropriate message. I’d have just said your circumstances have changed and you can’t do it now. As it stands what you have said is not that you can’t. But that you would rather spend your time/money on other things. I agree with you. But I would not have spelt it out as you did.

Anyway, on the main issue, I agree with you entirely about the cost. You are not unreasonable about that at all. As others have already said.

MimiDaisy11 · 23/03/2021 17:24

I'm imagining Gemma or her mother complaining about you to others, and just how ridiculous they will sound to a normal person. I can't believe adults act like that.

GrimDamnFanjo · 23/03/2021 17:24

Unbelievable. At least they have now showed you who they are.

theleafandnotthetree · 23/03/2021 17:27

@DeRigueurMortis

"You've got a year to save".

This really makes me froth....

Why should anyone be expected to limit their spending for a whole year to "save" in order for someone else to dictate how that money is spent?

Regardless, even if you can afford it, it's perfectly reasonable to a) have other priorities b) not fancy going.

I'll confess I've been a miserable bugger in the past refusing "holiday hen events" because despite being able to afford it I simply had zero desire to spend a weekend/week in the company of a group of women (some of which I've never met and will never see again post wedding) sharing sweat and dead skin cells in the inevitable hot tub (detritus pool), discussing what colour my toenails will be painted the next day and ending up being the sensible group member holding someone's hair whilst they vomit up a gallon of Prosecco into the toilet.

I can think of a million things I'd do with £1k than go on a hen week including using the money a fuel for the log burner.

You're well shot OP. Just block the lot of them including the bride (after sending a text to say you won't be going to the wedding after such drama) and cut the CF's from your life.

Can I just say you sound like my kind of gal pal. Don't worry, I'm not looking to share sweat and dead skin cells with you in the inevitable hot tub, nor do I wear nail varnish. A pint and a bitch about the godawfulness of these kind of scenarios would be great though!

OVienna · 23/03/2021 17:27

Bride is 'raging' cause you won't spend a grand on her. It just would have gotten worse. You're well out of it, although I know it must feel really stressful.

wetwiped · 23/03/2021 17:28

I bet you are not the only one out of that group thinking how ridiculously expensive it is and how they wish they had the guts to say so.
You are so much better off out of it.

Monicuddle · 23/03/2021 17:28

Gemma’s poor husband to be would want to make a run for it.

OVienna · 23/03/2021 17:29

@Monicuddle

Gemma’s poor husband to be would want to make a run for it.

As well. Although, I bet he's the type to have his mates on the hook for seven days in Vegas.

NextDoorKnobber · 23/03/2021 17:30

@AryaStarkWolf

Or you could say -

Thanks for the heads up about Gemma raging and don't worry I won't mention to her that you agreed with me about how crazy expensive it all is either ; )

You're well rid, OP.

NextDoorKnobber · 23/03/2021 17:30

Um... dunno why it quoted the wrong post! Sorry, @AryaStarkWolf

I meant it in response to the OP saying the bride had blocked her.

yellowlorry123 · 23/03/2021 17:34

More will drop out when the time comes to part with actual money. Wait and see

PixiKitKat · 23/03/2021 17:36

That's insane! My hen party is a weekend in an Airbnb about an hour from where I live with my bridesmaid. Will cost less than £200 each for the weekend and I'm paying for myself!

forgetthehousework · 23/03/2021 17:37

Well at least it's now very unlikely that you'll have to put up with the brides choice of bridesmaid dress (which she'd probably have expected you to pay for too ...)

Lsquiggles · 23/03/2021 17:37

Omg I'm cringing at all these grown women pandering to the brides every whim, at the cost of 1k+ each

HollowTalk · 23/03/2021 17:37

So you won't be going to the wedding, will you? I think that friendship has had its day, OP, and you've had a narrow escape.

babbaloushka · 23/03/2021 17:38

You've definitely dodged a bullet there, she sounds like an egotistical prick, and the others to boot. While they're licking each others arses you can spend some lovely time with DM and DH, looking forward to your new home!

MrsKoala · 23/03/2021 17:38

"You've got a year to save”

Why should anyone be expected to limit their spending for a whole year to "save" in order for someone else to dictate how that money is spent?

Regardless, even if you can afford it, it's perfectly reasonable to a) have other priorities b) not fancy going.

I totally agree with this. I have £200 per month after bills as my spends. If I were to save £1000 that would mean not going out, no haircuts, no presents for anyone, no skincare/make up etc FOR A YEAR. Why on earth would anyone live like that FOR A YEAR to go on someone’s party for 4 nights? It’s utter madness.

Do you think you are now uninvited from being a bridesmaid and attending the wedding OP? I expect the way they’ve behaved will ensure that anyone else who was also thinking of saying it was too much will now just shut up and go along with it, as to not be excluded and bitched about like you are. I hope this gets picked up by the media and they get a taste of their own medicine!

VivaDixie · 23/03/2021 17:42

She has blocked you??!! Fuck that. As OP said she could have at least phoned you to get the story then rage at you like the insane bridezilla that she is.

I do wonder what story she has been told. And what if the others who decline, will they all be blocked too?

Bonkers. You are well out of it lovely

Hamhockandmash · 23/03/2021 17:43

I’d be screen shorting the other bridesmaids chat and send them to said bridesmaid and remind her of what she said to you previously....just to make her quake in her boots

Redglitter · 23/03/2021 17:45

@Strawbfields

Bride has blocked me on WhatsApp before I had the chance to send her a message, unbelievable! How bloody immature.

Proof, no that it was needed, that you've done the right thing. You don't need friends like that. It's sad people behave like that, clearly she's no friend if she can't understand why you can't go.

I'm so glad my friends all got married when it was just hen nights people arranged

MrsCBY · 23/03/2021 17:46

@Strawbfields

Bride has blocked me on WhatsApp before I had the chance to send her a message, unbelievable! How bloody immature.

I’m presuming you’re now uninvited from the wedding too, which is just a bonus really - extra money towards the house/family holiday/your own wedding in Cyprus.

And you don’t have to waste any more energy ever on your narc “friend”.

Win-win!

Bobbybobbins · 23/03/2021 17:49

It is utterly pathetic that they have responded like this. My SIL had to pull out of my hen fo last minute due to money (it was a night in Bath but things were very tight for them then) and although I was disappointed that she couldn't come and missed her, we never would have fallen out over it. I can't understand how people expect this expense! Unbelievable!!

FoxgloveBee · 23/03/2021 17:50

Absolute bunch of dicks. I hope they're reading this and know how completely ridiculous they are!

I don't understand the level of entitlement to expect you throw money and time at a nothing celebration of week long extravagances.

If you'd have went, it would have been rubbish - you're well shot of the lot of them!

One of my old "friends" stopped speaking to me because I didn't go to her abroad hen do (in fact the whole motley group did) and another because I didn't send her a wedding present that I was uninvited from because I didn't attend the hen do. It's all so exhausting and pointless.

Charmatt · 23/03/2021 17:53

When I was my SIL's bridesmaid, I had to take 4 days off work in all (with no pay as I was a student and it was a part-time job) to attend dress fittings. When she was mine, she couldn't even turn up to have her hair done on time!

Some brides just take the !

firedog · 23/03/2021 17:55

@RedToothBrush

I have to say this thread is FailFodder.

I am having a chuckle at the idea of the bridal party reading about themselves online...

This - hilarious

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