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AIBU?

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Original poster

Hen Party Abroad

999 replies

Strawbfields · 22/03/2021 21:15

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

OP posts:
PuggyMum · 23/03/2021 17:03

I would definitely message Gemma if you're bridesmaid and she's a good friend.

Along the lines of..... Claire said you were raging with me for not being able to afford the hen do abroad and pulling out.
Just to be clear I haven't pulled out of anything as these were all discussions at this stage, but I cannot afford the money or the time off work when I also need 2 days for your wedding.
I don't know Claire very well but am heartbroken she's messaged me to tell me you're upset with me and not to contact you but as we're meant to be such good friends that I'm bridesmaid I'm sure if this was the case you'd want to speak to me about it?

wandawombat · 23/03/2021 17:03

Not an ounce of empathy or understanding there, to think you could have spent all that money and been blocked at the next time you stepped out of line.

Atalune · 23/03/2021 17:03

She’s blocked you? That’s next level ‘zilla right there.

Omg! I’m cringing.

Guess you’re not going to the wedding either now???Grin

WhereamI88 · 23/03/2021 17:03

The bride sounds awful and the way they are treating you is horrible beyond words. I would be distraught first and then angry and then be happy to be rid of them. The bride is not your friend. That's a tough realisation but you're better off without them. Absolute despicable behaviour.

RedToothBrush · 23/03/2021 17:03

I have to say this thread is FailFodder.

I am having a chuckle at the idea of the bridal party reading about themselves online...

Alreadyinmypyjamas · 23/03/2021 17:04

I hope the DM picks this up.

Folklore9074 · 23/03/2021 17:05

Hahaha - well at least you know where you stand. Who needs a friend like that, eh?

CallmeHendricks · 23/03/2021 17:05

You are totally not being unreasonable here, and well done for your well-crafted email.
I would hazard a guess that the radio silence on the WA means they've all defected to a new group and are busy discussing it!

ChronicallyCurious · 23/03/2021 17:06

What an awful response!

I honestly don’t think the bride is doing anything wrong by having an extravagant hen do but by doing that you absolutely have to expect that not everyone can go and understand that people cannot afford or simply do not want to go to something that costs that much.

I was invited to Dubai on a hen do a few years ago and the bride did a quick “how many would be up for it” and around 60% of those she asked said yes so it went ahead. No questions to the other 40%. That is shockingly immature. Oh well, less money you have to spend on attending her wedding now!

PuggyMum · 23/03/2021 17:06

Oh gosh just seen your update about being blocked. Obviously not a good friend after all.

Email her the thread......it'll hopefully either wake her up to what a bunch of cows they are and give her chance to save a friendship. Or not. In which case you've had a lucky escape.

GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 23/03/2021 17:06

OP - I can guarantee you will not regret this. When I was younger I went along with a few expensive follies designed around other people and I always felt poorer and more spineless afterwards.

You are far and away the winner here.

CallmeHendricks · 23/03/2021 17:06

Oops, just seen the the thread has refreshed whilst I was reading it/composing my post.

cruisecrazy · 23/03/2021 17:07

Just say no. A house is far more important than a hen do. She and her mother are just self centred bullies. Stick to your plans, she is no friend if she wont accept no.

MargosKaftan · 23/03/2021 17:07

Oh and I don't think there's anything wrong as such with overseas hen dos, in the same way I dont see theres anything wrong with groups of friends going on holidays (which is something my parents generation didn't do due to costs of travel being high and most people they knew getting married young). Travel is relatively cheap, couples get married and have babies later, so there's a few years when many people do have enough disposable income and holiday leave to do trips away with friends and well as their partners.

The problem is aways when not everyone you want on your hen / stag do is in the same boat financially/responsibility wise.

Cavagirl · 23/03/2021 17:08

@PuggyMum

I would definitely message Gemma if you're bridesmaid and she's a good friend.

Along the lines of..... Claire said you were raging with me for not being able to afford the hen do abroad and pulling out.
Just to be clear I haven't pulled out of anything as these were all discussions at this stage, but I cannot afford the money or the time off work when I also need 2 days for your wedding.
I don't know Claire very well but am heartbroken she's messaged me to tell me you're upset with me and not to contact you but as we're meant to be such good friends that I'm bridesmaid I'm sure if this was the case you'd want to speak to me about it?

So I originally agreed with this

Then I thought - imagine if one of my bridesmaids said, did you know other bridesmaid has pulled out of your hen do? She said it was too expensive and you're a bridezilla/whatever.

My first thought would be - what? I need to speak to my friend.

Not - I'm absolutely raging, and I'm blocking her!

Her actions speak far louder than any words, I wouldn't waste any time on trying to smooth it over!

And I also hope they read about themselves in the fail!!!

Nancydrawn · 23/03/2021 17:09

OP, this is hilarious. At some point, they will grow up, and then they will be mortified. Or, they won't grow up, and they'll be stuck in perpetual adolescence, embarrassing themselves for decades.

I'm sure it's not entirely fun to go through, of course, but please know that actual grown-ups don't behave like this and that you've done nothing wrong.

Such dickheads.

AryaStarkWolf · 23/03/2021 17:09

And on the bright side, think of how much you will safe that you would have spent at the wedding and on her gift.........

CupoTeap · 23/03/2021 17:10

I'd book something ow to do the weekend of the wedding

CallmeHendricks · 23/03/2021 17:11

The other bridesmaid has quite a line going there with the old passive aggressive "such a shame" shite when you've got a year to save up!
Hell, it could be 5 years to save up, or you might have tens of thousands in the bank already, but that still doesn't mean you would want to budget any of it to spend time with this bunch of vipers.

PuggyMum · 23/03/2021 17:12

I'm with you now @cavagirl
I started my message and went to make a brew and missed the blocked bit!!

DeRigueurMortis · 23/03/2021 17:13

"You've got a year to save".

This really makes me froth....

Why should anyone be expected to limit their spending for a whole year to "save" in order for someone else to dictate how that money is spent?

Regardless, even if you can afford it, it's perfectly reasonable to a) have other priorities b) not fancy going.

I'll confess I've been a miserable bugger in the past refusing "holiday hen events" because despite being able to afford it I simply had zero desire to spend a weekend/week in the company of a group of women (some of which I've never met and will never see again post wedding) sharing sweat and dead skin cells in the inevitable hot tub (detritus pool), discussing what colour my toenails will be painted the next day and ending up being the sensible group member holding someone's hair whilst they vomit up a gallon of Prosecco into the toilet.

I can think of a million things I'd do with £1k than go on a hen week including using the money a fuel for the log burner.

You're well shot OP. Just block the lot of them including the bride (after sending a text to say you won't be going to the wedding after such drama) and cut the CF's from your life.

Atalune · 23/03/2021 17:14

I think I overlooked the part where you’re a bridesmaid.

I think you should have rang the bride and told her straight. However I am old so maybe I’m out of touch with etiquette.

Gemma still sounds bonkers.

feemcgee · 23/03/2021 17:19

Flowers Hope you're OK OP, it's horrible when grown women act like bitchy schoolgirls.

Mulhollandmagoo · 23/03/2021 17:20

Wow! She doesn't sound like she's very nice. FWIW, that hen do would have been hell for you, it's going to completely implode once they all get together and the prosecco starts flowing, trust me!

Newkitchen123 · 23/03/2021 17:22

You're better off out of that one!
Can you imagine how much spending money you'd need! How out of touch with reality some people can be is quite shocking.
When my friends organised my hen, my only stipulation was that no one would be left out due to finances. Had the best house party in friend's house! Think they all chipped in about £30 each. Still one of the best nights out I've had!

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