Hen Party Abroad

[Strawbfields]

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

Well done for stating your standpoint. Different people have different priorities not only for their money but also for their annual leave. I have never understood why a hen / stag do became anything more than a night out with friends.

I would love to see 'Gemma' post in AIBU here to ask if she has a right to be raging

@Strawbfields

It's insane isn't it? I'm laughing out loud as I write this, the damn cheek of it all!

I don't know the bridesmaid very well. I've met her 2/3 times briefly although she seems friendly and was the one who privately messaged me weeks ago to agree that it was a heck of a lot of money etc. So for her to be the one to lambast me has shocked me.

Hey, I'm sure their Instagram pages will look great at the time. I hope when the time comes for me to have children that they never grow up to be spoiled little brats!

Maybe Gemma had to approve the reply she sent you............ If Gemma is vetting these messages maybe send one back to her saying "I'm surprised to hear you say that considering you were telling me only a couple of weeks back how outrageous you thought the money being asked of us was"

How horrible, entitled and fuelled by social media this all is. You’re well out of it. Sounds like the cringey and expensive Christmas works dinner no one wants to go to, x 1000.

Such a bitchy reply and no understanding that you have your own life and priorities. That someone else's wedding isn't the focus of your whole existence. They obviously crafted that message with Gemma.

My bridezilla cousin who i mentioned above was angry because her other bridesmaid's father died. Apparently they weren't that close so she shouldn't be upset and my cousin felt the other bridesmaid's grief took from her day

The only time you would be a hypocrite is if you did a similar thing when you got married and had an expensive hen yourself.

I can’t believe the message you had back! How friendly are you with the other women in the group? Money and time are finite resources and I wouldn’t let people bullying into spending that much money or time on something I didn’t want to do.

I find these hen holidays ridiculous. What happened to a nice meal with your friends or a pub crawl for the more adventurous?

I think a nice relaxing lavender shampoo would be lovely

Honestly PLEASE message Gemma if she's spitting feathers this much. If you are being warned off messaging her, then its a massive invitation to exactly the opposite.

If Gemma is raging perhaps she should have the guts to do it to your face rather than get others to do her dirty work.

Its primary school level.

@yomommasmomma

If you want a hen party or a wedding abroad, that is fine as long as you pay for all your guests to attend.

Abd even then guests should be free to say no, without being pressured or questioned. It's still time off work, time away from home, and still incurs some costs, etc.

What do brides say when their friends say, 'I can't afford it'?

I said that to a bride who id been friends with for ten years, been through all sorts with. She was having a wedding in Italy and a hen do in Spain. Long story short, none of that friendship group spoke to me again. It’s now been nearly 18 months, LOL.

@Thesheerrelief

Such a bitchy reply and no understanding that you have your own life and priorities. That someone else's wedding isn't the focus of your whole existence. They obviously crafted that message with Gemma.

My bridezilla cousin who i mentioned above was angry because her other bridesmaid's father died. Apparently they weren't that close so she shouldn't be upset and my cousin felt the other bridesmaid's grief took from her day

Whaaaat

Posters saying social media

I had these issues before social media

Definitely filters out rubbish from your life.

It's probably good you were the first to cancel. Imagine being one of the other bridesmaids thinking of cancelling and then seeing how you were treated. Mind you I'd still cancel. It's ridiculous.

Absolutely pathetic bunch! I'd actually make a point of calling Gemma up and asking her what the rage is about, and tell her to stump up half and you'll be able to go if it means so much for you to attend!!

@AcornAutumn

I think a nice relaxing lavender shampoo would be lovely

Oh I meant for washing hair on the wedding day! meant to quote OP.

@MimiDaisy11

It's probably good you were the first to cancel. Imagine being one of the other bridesmaids thinking of cancelling and then seeing how you were treated. Mind you I'd still cancel. It's ridiculous.

Maybe they could find a spine and tell Gemma that she's being an unreasonable bitch to you whilst they do.

It will be fascinating to see who has your back and who feels the need to be a suck up to the Queen Madam of BridezillaLand.

I bet quite a few people take courage from your stance and pull out now too. That's why Gemma is raging. Someone's called her on her unreasonablness and now the cracks will start to widen.

Well done. You're better off out of it all.

@QueenOfPain

What do brides say when their friends say, 'I can't afford it'?

I said that to a bride who id been friends with for ten years, been through all sorts with. She was having a wedding in Italy and a hen do in Spain. Long story short, none of that friendship group spoke to me again. It’s now been nearly 18 months, LOL.

Great friends.........

Are these people for real?! That's insane OP you're better off without them!

Reply with just a

I love the passive aggressiveness of it.

Many years ago, pre children, I said I couldn’t go to a good friend’s hen do abroad because of the cost and the leave.

We were also getting married a few months later so needed to save some leave, plus my dh had just been made redundant so we were having to watch our outgoings.

“Friend” didn’t take it well, despite me explaining the above. We were still invited to the wedding but were relegated to the back table with older long lost relatives! It was quite awkward at the wedding as the guests on our table were saying how they were surprised to get an invite as they’d not seen or heard from the couple for years! So that was our punishment!

You don’t have a year to save anyway, it’s not like you pay for flights at the airport

Thank goodness you stood your ground, can you imagine wasting all that money to spend time away with that bunch of cowbags?! Wow.

This is the reason I'm no longer friends with my ex best friend. Her wedding cost me £1500 + an unpaid day off work because she booked it for a Friday. I hated the bridesmaid experience.

@Roszie

Reply with just a

I love the passive aggressiveness of it.

Please do this.