Hen Party Abroad

[Strawbfields]

Hey,

I am a bridesmaid for a good friend who is absolutely insisting on having a 4/5 night hen party abroad in the summer holidays next year. Like the majority of us, I have been unable to get away with my OH or family due to the pandemic and I'd rather prioritise my family. The cost is looking to be in the region of £1000PP by the time we factor in the holiday cost, spending money and all the added extras that come with hen parties. (The brides DM is covering the brides cost)

I just think with everything that we have all gone through over the last year, it would be far better to hire out a lodge with hot tub etc and have a great time in the UK at a 1/4 of the cost.

It might also be worth mentioning the wedding has been postponed by a year due to the pandemic and a few of the girls circumstances have changed. If the wedding itself was abroad then that would be completely different, but I think it's a bit much just for a hen weekend. AIBU?

@WisnaeMe

Am I alone in being too invested in the 'anticipated responses' 😳

No

How pathetic they are!!

Wow!

Nope. I'd just say that I will be spending that money on a family holiday next year and won't be able to afford both. At least you are not being asked to chip in for the brides part of the money aswell I suppose. I organised a coach trip to a West End show for my hen night - It was about £40 each and I paid for myself...

How well do you know the other bridesmaids? That is a very, very rude response and I think you are well out of it. I think your wedding invitation may get ‘lost’.

I'd reply telling them this isn't high school and the bride/bridesmaids need to grow up.

I'm aware this isn't the best idea and I'm not advising you do so.

@WisnaeMe

Am I alone in being too invested in the 'anticipated responses' 😳

Haha yes! I'm curious. Although since they've all read the responses I wonder if there are any conversations about it going on outside the group chat.

Gosh. So many brides can be total arseholes

If she and her MIL want to do it, good luck to them but understand that not everyone will come along.

Personally, I'd rather have a night at pizza express and spoons, where everyone could come and feel comfortable with the expense, rather than an exclusive wanky Marbella trip which is all about the insta photos anyway

@Strawbfields

Hey ladies, so I've been removed from the group chat. This is the message I just got from one of the other bridesmaids

"Thanks for letting us know. No worries, shame you can't make it when you have a year to save but fine. We are going to remove you from the chat now as we are keeping this chat specifically for those attending the hen. If we decide to do a UK one, we will add you to that nearer the time. Spoken to Gemma* this morning and she's raging that you've pulled out so I prob wouldn't message her for a few days. Cheers"

I am mortified and embarrassed but on their part, not my own. What absolute cows! I think I'll be washing my hair on the day of the wedding at this rate lol

Oh the passive aggressiveness of it all! Tell you what OP, you're better off out of it if that's their attitudes. Why should you be using your spare cash to save for a hen party instead of your new house? They should be ashamed of themselves. How many others are in the group? I wonder if anyone else will decline?

Omg how crazy! Let Gemma rage all she wants I wouldn't bother texting her full stop let alone leaving her for a few days. I bet some of the others wish they had had the balls to do the same lol

@Strawbfields

Hey ladies, so I've been removed from the group chat. This is the message I just got from one of the other bridesmaids

"Thanks for letting us know. No worries, shame you can't make it when you have a year to save but fine. We are going to remove you from the chat now as we are keeping this chat specifically for those attending the hen. If we decide to do a UK one, we will add you to that nearer the time. Spoken to Gemma* this morning and she's raging that you've pulled out so I prob wouldn't message her for a few days. Cheers"

I am mortified and embarrassed but on their part, not my own. What absolute cows! I think I'll be washing my hair on the day of the wedding at this rate lol

I wouldn't waste another thought about this lot.

Clearly they only value others who have more money than sense and expect others to put a fucking hen do before their family.

You aren't losing anything if this is their attitude. They are remarkably selfish, self absorbed and completely lacking in awareness of the world.

You are best shot of them.

Its done you a favour in the long run.

Also you didn't actually "pull out" did you, did you ever actually agree to go?

It's insane isn't it? I'm laughing out loud as I write this, the damn cheek of it all!

I don't know the bridesmaid very well. I've met her 2/3 times briefly although she seems friendly and was the one who privately messaged me weeks ago to agree that it was a heck of a lot of money etc. So for her to be the one to lambast me has shocked me.

Hey, I'm sure their Instagram pages will look great at the time. I hope when the time comes for me to have children that they never grow up to be spoiled little brats!

Wow, that's such a rude response you received! You're better off without them. I just can't get into the mindset that I could have the right to decide how someone else's money is spent - even if they have a whole year to save for it. So cheeky!

I guess if anyone else is thinking of pulling out they now know what to expect! Poor bridesmaids. Glad most of my friends are men LOL.

I would message Gemma btw just to watch her implode at this point. I would go on a full on wind up and tell her how devastated you are that they are all a bunch of materialistic twaszaks and don't they know there is a panademic on.

Honestly if she's raging, I'd go full on troll now for the shits and giggles. She's a cowbag.

My god, the bare-faced cheek of that reply, and so passive-aggressive! Do they have e literally no appreciation of the fact you may have other things you need to save for over the next year? You are better off out of it!

Wow what a load of cows! You have a year to save? What the fuck has that got to do with anything? It’s up to you what you spend your money on! My god....

@RedToothBrush

I would message Gemma btw just to watch her implode at this point. I would go on a full on wind up and tell her how devastated you are that they are all a bunch of materialistic twaszaks and don't they know there is a panademic on.

Honestly if she's raging, I'd go full on troll now for the shits and giggles. She's a cowbag.

@RedToothBrush hahahahaha I almost choked on my cuppa

You did the right thing, @Strawbfields

You have nothing to feel bad about. They sound bananas - incredibly juvenile and self-absorbed.

I don't understand why they think you have to prioritise your life for them. They'd be even more unhappy if you had to pull out last minute because that £1000 you'd saved was needed elsewhere- new boiler, lost job etc. I'm glad I don't know anyone like this!!

I’d put money on them ‘sharing’ the cost so this has now increased with you not going. Surprising how many brides assume everyone can make it!

My DD was in Marbella 18 months ago and the drinks were £15 a pop!! I kid you not!

You dodged a bullet there!!

I hate the entitledness of some brides.

Who honestly thinks they are that important a non family member would fork out -£1k on them?

I had a picnic and boat ride at lunch then a meal for dinner with a few drinks. There was 8 of us including my Mum, aunt, sister and a couple of close mates.

£50-£75 a person and a lovely day was had.

Honestly, I'd question a friendship where I couldn't say no to spending a fuckton on them.

[quote Strawbfields]@MarieDelaere hey, we have a group chat and when I voiced my concerns (along the lines of "look, I can't take 6 days off work for a hen party when I'm already taking 2 days off for the wedding and I also can't afford to spend £1000 on a jolly abroad because we are in the process of house hunting" I was basically told by the grooms mother that I have a year to save for it, and the bride "desperately wants to go abroad, no ifs or buts" [/quote]
She can desperately want to go abroad all she likes.

There is always compromise. If she don't compromise on location, then she'll have to compromise on the company she gets out there.

Have skim read and seen that you've been removed. You're well shot.

@Strawbfields

Hey ladies, so I've been removed from the group chat. This is the message I just got from one of the other bridesmaids

"Thanks for letting us know. No worries, shame you can't make it when you have a year to save but fine. We are going to remove you from the chat now as we are keeping this chat specifically for those attending the hen. If we decide to do a UK one, we will add you to that nearer the time. Spoken to Gemma* this morning and she's raging that you've pulled out so I prob wouldn't message her for a few days. Cheers"

I am mortified and embarrassed but on their part, not my own. What absolute cows! I think I'll be washing my hair on the day of the wedding at this rate lol

Wow. I don't think I could be friends with people with this sort of attitude. Wouldn't be my type of people at all..

@WhatATimeToBeAlive

Why don't people just go out for a meal and a few drinks any more? It's getting ridiculous.

Quite.

That's what I did for my hen night. Dh did the same when we got married. A few drinks, a meal/food, a bit of dancing perhaps and then home afterwards as inn dame city as we lived. No expensive hotels, flights, train journeys, etc. Friends slept over or were able to go home if local. No one needed to book and use limited holiday days from work, and we didn't invite random extras, just close friends and family. Didn't do dressing up and 'games' either.

The thing is too that when I hear about all this happening from younger friends, family and colleagues there almost always happens to be an issue or some drama. It's never quite the perfect night/weekend that social media would make it appear.