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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if anyone else seemed to spend their childhood permanently thirsty and/or needing the toilet?

255 replies

Cheeseandlobster · 22/03/2021 15:33

I remember another thread a while ago that touched on this and I was surprised I wasnt the only one.

I was born late 70's and my parents used to take us on lots of trips to random towns on the train, often changing trains in London. They would never bring or buy a drink until we had arrived and walked around a bit. Then they would buy one big bottle of fizzy drink which we all shared, often after salty fish and chips. I remember being more thirsty than I have ever been as an adult. They bought me a drink once when I cried as I was so thirsty and I was pleading with them saying I would pay them back with my pocket money.

Additionally they were obsessed with not missing connections for trains and we were never allowed to stop to use the toilet so I also spent a lot of time absolutely desperate for the toilet, again where I was nearly crying with the pain but not allowed to go unless there happenned to be a toilet on the train

I swore when ds was born he could always have a drink or use the toilet no matter what we were doing. And now I am older I am just incredulous they let us suffer this way.

They were toxic in many many ways, but was this normal for the 80's? Was anyone else deprived of a drink or toilet facilities for prolonged periods of time?

OP posts:
CryptoFascist · 22/03/2021 16:24

We were only allowed one drink a day at school, a cup of weak squash at lunchtime. I think it was a strategy to prevent us needing to use the toilet. Asking to use the toilet was strictly forbidden during lessons, and this attitude seemed to be prevalent across society at the time, as though children wanted to use the toilet for mischievous reasons?! There was never anything to drink at home except the sort of cheap squash that made me thirstier due to horrible chemical ingredients.
I was permanently hungry as we weren't allowed snacks and food was basic and often undercooked to the point of being inedible. I'd be yelled at and/or hit if I was caught taking a piece of cheese from the fridge. Remember having to wipe myself on torn up newspaper often as my parents preferred to spend their money on cigarettes. I grew up in the 80/90s.

EmmaGellerGreen · 22/03/2021 16:29

My parents certainly never bought drinks when we were out, far too expensive. I can’t remember being thirsty but then I can’t remember using public toilets other than on scheduled stops at motorway services.

Original poster
Cheeseandlobster · 22/03/2021 16:34

@SummerInSun

To all the people who have had a similar experience as the OP, have you ever now as adults asked your parents why they didn't encourage you to drink water / take water to drink?
I am no contact with my parents now. However had I tried to raise it I have no doubt they would have minimised it. I raised something much more serious just before I went no contact and the response was breathtaking
OP posts:
Iwantacookie · 22/03/2021 16:35

Oh yes or my dm would produce a vile cheese sandwich and bottle of warm squash and announce if I was hungry/thirsty that was the choice.
I was in my 20s before I discovered I DO like sandwiches it's just my dm couldnt make a decent one.

EggysMom · 22/03/2021 16:37

Why do I think the two might have been related - less to drink means less likely to need to go to the toilet ...

I was brought up in the 70s and early 80s; yes it was entirely normal for us to go hours without a drink. I always had access to a plastic cup by the kitchen sink for water, but just wasn't in the habit of drinking much and my parents didn't encourage it. The schoolday was punctuated by a brief mouthful or two from the water fountain mid morning and/or mid afternoon, and one glass of squash at lunchtime.

I still find it hard to drink a lot even now, the idea of carrying water around with me and constanty refreshing myself is a struggle even though I know it is good for me.

SofiaMichelle · 22/03/2021 16:37

I was at school in the late 70s and the 80s and I'm sure we weren't allowed drinks other than one at lunchtime.

I'm certain of it as I remember how thirsty I would be during the day, especially in summer.

I particularly remember during one very hot summer term at primary school, some older boys were making cups out of folded hand towels for us all to take into the toilets to get water from the sink for a drink because we didn't know how to properly cup our hands to get a drink of water.

ShastaBeast · 22/03/2021 16:53

I don’t remember it being that bad. It wasn’t normal to take water with us like it is now. I need it too. We definitely buy more drinks and snacks for our kids than we had in childhood, although there are more healthy options now. Finding toilets was tough but it still is now, perhaps worse with the loss of public loos. We tend to plan a visit to a cafe or restaurant which was rare when we were kids.

Lots of day trips to cities wasn’t normal for us either, or now. Kids don’t tend to enjoy them. We plan outings around the needs of the whole family. I’d never dream of taking them clothes shopping like my mum did.

Crunchymum · 22/03/2021 17:12

I was born in early 80's and this absolutely wasn't normal behaviour.

Souther · 22/03/2021 17:20

We never used to go anywhere so I didnt have this issue.
Again if we ever did go somewhere I wasnt a really thirsty child.
I hated drinking . I used to come for lunch from school. And they used to have to force me to drink half a glass of fizzy drink. I hated the stuff.
I could go hours without drinking. My daughter is the same. She takes her water bottle to school every day and comes back with it still full. She also has a bladder of Steel. I think she goes the whole school day without going to the toilet.

cheninblanc · 22/03/2021 17:23

I'm a late 70s child but remember my mum sending me a flask of warm juice in winter to school and I had school milk too. I was never thirsty. My parents once had a day out and lunch was skipped in favour of an early pizza hut treat but that was only the once. My parents loved eating out and still do tbh

GreyhoundG1rl · 22/03/2021 17:24

Odd, all the people denied drinks. Didn't water come out of taps back then?

DrSbaitso · 22/03/2021 17:26

I don't think that particular behaviour was "normal", but parenting standards in general seem to have been pretty shit in the 80s. Lots of hitting and authoritarianism. So it doesn't surprise me.

Insomnia5 · 22/03/2021 17:30

@GreyhoundG1rl

Odd, all the people denied drinks. Didn't water come out of taps back then?
Obviously yes. If you’d have read the comments you’d have seen that children were denied drinks on journeys and days out. And others whose parents massively restricted them for reasons such as not spoiling their appetite or wetting the bed
CinnamonStar · 22/03/2021 17:39

I grew up in the 80s.

I recall it not being usual to carry drinks or snacks round, or to eat or drink between meals.

At school we had a drink with lunch and access to a water fountain at break times.

When we went out for the day we would take a picnic. There would be plenty to eat and drink for lunch (I had a Snoopy thermos, I recall).

After we had eaten, it would all be put back in the boot of the car, we didn't carry it round.

Before setting of for home, we would all have another drink from our flasks, and maybe an apple or something. And we would use the public toilets. Then the flasks would be replaced in the car boot again - we didn't have them for the journey.

MajorMujer · 22/03/2021 17:48

I was born in the early 70's and never had this happen to me, but saw it with friends families. I had renal reflux and a mum who was a HCP so was encouraged to drink freely and empty my bladder as soon as I needed to. In fact she once arrived at my primary school like Stormin Norman because the teacher wouldn't let me go to the water fountain the day before.
My DH on the other hand remembers being in physical pain on long drives to visit family because his father would never , ever stop.

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 22/03/2021 17:51

child of 60s/70s, never had water.
didnt really go out in the way that you are describing.
at home i drunk tea with lots of sugar
or orange squash.

swapsicles · 22/03/2021 17:51

Cinnamon star that was my exact experience, drinks just weren't carrier around everywhere like it is now, also buying drinks out was expensive.
I really didn't much as a child as I didn't want to use the loos at school and didn't like public loos much either, wasn't restricted at home though

hellywelly3 · 22/03/2021 17:52

My poor dad has major anxiety about going to the toilet numerous times before we go on any journey. This was due to not being able to go as a child and sometimes wetting himself. He used to get a bit stressed if we asked to go as children looking for somewhere to stop the car.
I think it’s awful when people don’t let their kids use the loo when necessary. At work in retail you hear poor kids pleading with their “parents” to go to the loo. I always go over and tell them where the nearest loo is, it normally shames them into taking them.

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 22/03/2021 17:52

i remember on holiday we were to a big attraction and my aunty and mother said to drink now, while we were at the car, there was no question anyone was going to carry around the big bottle of drink, we had to drink before the attraction.

110APiccadilly · 22/03/2021 17:56

I was born in the late 80s and I would say my parents were fairly strict (but definitely not abusive). I don't remember ever being told I couldn't go to the loo or have a drink. Though I also don't remember having drinks while out and about, or being thirsty. Maybe I just wasn't, or maybe being given a drink wasn't something remarkable enough to remember.

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 22/03/2021 17:58

i still dont drink water now,
my dc, in their twenties, all have water bottles,
people i work with in their twenties, also drink water or squash.
the rest of us get by with coffee and tea!

WeeWillyWanky · 22/03/2021 18:02

@SofiaMichelle

I was at school in the late 70s and the 80s and I'm sure we weren't allowed drinks other than one at lunchtime.

I'm certain of it as I remember how thirsty I would be during the day, especially in summer.

I particularly remember during one very hot summer term at primary school, some older boys were making cups out of folded hand towels for us all to take into the toilets to get water from the sink for a drink because we didn't know how to properly cup our hands to get a drink of water.

That was sweet of the boys. How kind!

I went to Primary school in the 70s and had a drink at lunch but we'd just drink the water from the taps in the toilets if we were thirsty at playtime, or if the queue for the drinking fountain was too long.
I'm a Primary teacher now and it annoys me how the children seem to need constant access to drinking water and can't seem to go more than 10 minutes without sucking on their water bottles.

DudeistPriest · 22/03/2021 18:02

Wow I am shocked so many people had this problem! I always had enough to drink and was allowed to use the toilet whenever I needed to. At home and school I was fine. We didn't often drink water I didn't really like it. Mostly had squash or juice, sometimes fizzy drinks.

AliceAbsolum · 22/03/2021 18:03

Yes. I remember begging for a drink on days out but being told no. Why? It makes no sense.

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 22/03/2021 18:05

at primary school we had a water jug and cups at lunch time,
milk in the morning.