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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask if anyone else seemed to spend their childhood permanently thirsty and/or needing the toilet?

255 replies

Cheeseandlobster · 22/03/2021 15:33

I remember another thread a while ago that touched on this and I was surprised I wasnt the only one.

I was born late 70's and my parents used to take us on lots of trips to random towns on the train, often changing trains in London. They would never bring or buy a drink until we had arrived and walked around a bit. Then they would buy one big bottle of fizzy drink which we all shared, often after salty fish and chips. I remember being more thirsty than I have ever been as an adult. They bought me a drink once when I cried as I was so thirsty and I was pleading with them saying I would pay them back with my pocket money.

Additionally they were obsessed with not missing connections for trains and we were never allowed to stop to use the toilet so I also spent a lot of time absolutely desperate for the toilet, again where I was nearly crying with the pain but not allowed to go unless there happenned to be a toilet on the train

I swore when ds was born he could always have a drink or use the toilet no matter what we were doing. And now I am older I am just incredulous they let us suffer this way.

They were toxic in many many ways, but was this normal for the 80's? Was anyone else deprived of a drink or toilet facilities for prolonged periods of time?

OP posts:
LibertyMole · 24/03/2021 03:32

Typical late seventies lunch box...

To ask if anyone else seemed to spend their childhood permanently thirsty and/or needing the toilet?
ElphabaTheGreen · 24/03/2021 04:47

@Greygreenblue

I was born in the early 80s in Aus to English parents. I don’t remember being thirsty and not being allowed to drink. But over here death from dehydration is a thing.

I do remember that mum used to give us endless cordial to the point I only drunk water at school, and only when finished my juice box/bottle with cordial in it.

We also had many water fountains and lots free access and yes water did go everywhere and on everyone but it was outdoors and warm so....

These days people take their kids individual water bottles everywhere. On odd occasion I have forgotten my children behave like it is the end of the world, even if we will be home in 2 minutes...

See, I’m an 80s Aussie kid as well and we never carried water, ever, despite it being actually hot for months, not nudging pleasantly warm for three days of the year like the UK. We had water fountains in school and it was all packed lunches so school didn’t provide any additional fluids. I was never thirsty, but I’m one of those that can go an entire day without a drink and not notice. I might have a coffee, but that’s for the caffeine, not the drink! The obsession with carrying water bottles really only started in the early 2000s IIRC. It was very ‘Hollywood’ to carry a water bottle from about then when Elle Macphearson made her staggering announcement that she drank TWO LITRES of water a DAY! (Which now appears to be the bare minimum.)

Kids are massively behavioural with drinking, as reflected by the teachers on here who get irritated by students constantly sucking on water bottles. I carry a small bottle of water in my handbag because I have to take medication every few hours - it is not to ‘hydrate’. DS1 (8yo) will play happily at home all morning, with free access to cups and the sink, and not touch a drop. We go out, and suddenly he’s begging for my water bottle. No, I do not let him have it, because, from experience, he will drink it down to the dregs, my medication alarm will go off, and I’ll have nothing to take my pills with. No, I will not carry a bigger, heavier water bottle to accommodate him, when he hasn’t planned ahead knowing we were going out and not drunk all morning. I made him wait for a drink until we got home once and the child who was so desperately parched while we were out bypassed the sink as soon as we got home and went straight for his Lego Hmm

And yes, I also restrict what he drinks with dinner. He’s a fussy little bugger and will guzzle literally a pint of milk to fill himself up to avoid eating what I’ve put in front of him. He’s allowed half a small cup of milk and that’s it. If he still insists he’s ‘full’ (after one piece of sweetcorn and a sniff...) he has free access to water, but no milk, no other food, not when I’ve busted my arse after a full day of work making a planned, nutritious and tasty meal for four people.

And no, I never carry snacks for the DCs. We have regular, substantial meals, rarely more than 4 hours apart. There is absolutely no need for toting snacks about.

Oblomov21 · 24/03/2021 05:27

I don't think that's normal.
But no one drank water like they do these days. No kids drank water at school. I don't believe everyone was dehydrated. Now you can't go 2 minutes without some kid needing a sip from a water bottle. Both extremes can't be right!

Inthevirtualwaitingroom · 24/03/2021 05:42

the elderly, late 90s, woman i cared for told me water was for the poor when i offered her water, she had squash. no elderly people i looked after would have water, unless we made them!

justanotherneighinparadise · 24/03/2021 05:51

I do remember not being given lunch a lot and being hungry. Not so much being thirsty though.

MrsChuckBass · 24/03/2021 06:36

I'm an 90s child and I'm surprised at what some others are writing who grew up in the same decade Shock
DM was a single mother and worked full time, we always had free access to snacks and drinks and anyone looking after us was told to give us three meals, snacks and drinks throughout the day.
As for withholding access to the toilet that abuse in my opinion

LagneyandCasey · 24/03/2021 08:33

I hated long journeys as a child. I was always a nuisance for asking for the toilet. Many times I had to wee in lay bys. My brother and I would argue over who had to sit behind my dad in the car as he had the window open all year round and the person behind him would freeze, and when he smoked that person got smoke right in the face. We spent many hours in the car while he was in pubs or houses. I didn't realise it at the time but he was visiting women. One day my dad put our cat in a box in the boot of the car and dropped her off at someone's else. I never saw her again and he just said she was better off with another family. It broke my heart. I can't imagine ever doing that to my dc who adore our cat. It was incredibly cruel. I didn't even say goodbye to her.

When they did the Top Gear 'Dad's cars' segment last week I had to make an excuse to leave the room. It just reminded me of how neglectful my dad was and the painful memories around car journeys.

My dc used to get full on picnics in the car, lots of stops and I'd wind up the window if they were cold.

MrsWP · 24/03/2021 08:39

@ElphabaTheGreen

Why not just take another small water bottle out for your son?

I'd never deny my DC water.

And blaming an 8yo for not "planning ahead" is ridiculous.

doadeer · 24/03/2021 08:41

I grew up in 90s none of this was the case for me that sounds awful!

DrSbaitso · 24/03/2021 08:46

No, I will not carry a bigger, heavier water bottle to accommodate him, when he hasn’t planned ahead knowing we were going out and not drunk all morning. I made him wait for a drink until we got home once and the child who was so desperately parched while we were out bypassed the sink as soon as we got home and went straight for his Lego

Kids are not generally massively in tune with their needs. That's why they would eat ice cream for every meal if they could. Blaming an eight year old for not "planning ahead" and refusing to take a bottle of water out for them is not good parenting. I'm sure he could carry it himself in a small backpack.

I don't know what point you are trying to make, @ElphabaTheGreen, but the fact that you put 'hydrate' in inverted commas as if the need for fluid is some made up New Age nonsense, really says it all. It sounds to me as though you've likely messed up your body signals so you wouldn't actually recognise thirst when you feel it unless it's extreme. Comparable to undereaters or even overeaters who have messed up feeding their bodies so much and for so long that they don't recognise hunger properly either.

It's not a good thing. At eight, your son still relies on you for guidance. Let him have a drink while you're out, ffs.

DrSbaitso · 24/03/2021 08:50

And perhaps he drinks a pint of milk at dinner time because he's so thirsty, having not drunk all day...

WoolieLiberal · 24/03/2021 09:23

@WindmillsOfMyMind6

I didn’t realise until I talked to other people about it later in life after it stopped that some people’s parents were absolutely savage about bed wetting in the 80s, including punishing the child for it, making them clean it up and humiliating them.

My parents just gave me the option of carrying on wearing giant disposable nappies that were specially available from Chemists in those days. There was no humiliation or compulsion involved. It was just a convenient way to deal with it and I was never made to feel bad about it.

Nowadays it’s accepted as a normal part of growing up (though in my case and DD’s I now know it was artificially sweetened cordials that made it go in so long!).

How times change...

hahameow · 24/03/2021 09:29

We could always get water in the house but there were never more than three things in the fridge. It was mostly empty. My mum only ever bought exactly what we needed for dinner and nothing more. I was ALWAYS looking for food. No snacks or plenty of ingredients for sandwiches etc.

I don't know if this has anything to do with her being an end of war baby. Never had an issue with the toilet as we never went anywhere!

ElphabaTheGreen · 24/03/2021 09:34

@DrSbaitso

And perhaps he drinks a pint of milk at dinner time because he's so thirsty, having not drunk all day...
No, he deliberately fills himself up on milk so he can say he’s ‘full’ to avoid eating something he doesn’t want to. I’ve told him he can have as much water as he likes instead and strangely he doesn’t take me up on the offer. As soon as I clocked what he was doing and put a stop to it, he started eating (and learning to like) more of what was put in front of him.

He’s very, very bright. He packs his own suitcases, he lays out his own clothes for school, he gets his household chores done in anticipation of being able to have screen time. I don’t doubt for one minute that he is capable of interrupting what he is doing to have a drink when he knows we’re going out and that my water bottle is off limits. No, I will not lug around an extra bottle for him. I refer you back to the example in my post above where he whinged at me for my water bottle while we were out or wanted me to buy him a drink, yet as soon as we were near a ready source of more boring liquid (no more than 15 minutes later) he suddenly wasn’t thirsty anymore. I know my own child, thanks.

hahameow · 24/03/2021 09:34

I'm an 80's Aussie kid too but you've lost the plot. Eight year olds don't plan ahead for drinks.

DrSbaitso · 24/03/2021 09:43

@ElphabaTheGreen, you are right that drinking often has a habitual element to it, like eating and toileting, but you are not right that an eight year old child, as bright as he may be, should be going all day with barely any fluid.

If he doesn't like water, that's a common problem with various possible solutions, but it doesn't mean that he isn't in need of drinks! If his mother doesn't drink and thinks "hydrate" requires inverted commas to express what a silly concept it is, why would he, at eight years old, be expected to know better? Do you think the example you set has no influence on him?

If you really do drink as little as you say you do, you're probably so used to being dehydrated that you don't know what it's like not to be and you no longer recognise thirst. That's your issue, but fgs hydrate your child properly and don't palm it off because he's eight years old and can't think of his needs as well as a grown up is supposed to be able to do.

WishICouldThinkOfAGoodName · 24/03/2021 09:48

No that wasn’t ‘normal’ in the 80’s...

DrSbaitso · 24/03/2021 09:50

You say you don't want to carry around more water, but why wouldn't you buy a drink while out for a child who says he's thirsty, when you know he hasn't drunk that morning? What point are you trying to prove?

ElphabaTheGreen · 24/03/2021 10:47

@DrSbaitso

You say you don't want to carry around more water, but why wouldn't you buy a drink while out for a child who says he's thirsty, when you know he hasn't drunk that morning? What point are you trying to prove?
He asks for it in maybe one trip out in every twenty when we’re no more than 15-20 minutes from home. You would really spend money on a drink rather than making a perfectly healthy child wait? If we’re hours from the easy/free option of course I would get him a drink. Where did I say I wouldn’t?

And your comment above about him having ‘barely any fluid’ Confused Your assumption/exaggeration for emphasis and couldn’t be further from the truth.

And yes, I think ‘hydrate’ as a noun is a wanky term. You carry water to ‘drink’, FFS.

ElphabaTheGreen · 24/03/2021 10:48

Sorry, ‘hydrate’ as a verb, not noun.

StanfordPines · 24/03/2021 11:13

And yes, I think ‘hydrate’ as a noun is a wanky term. You carry water to ‘drink’, FFS.

I do agree with you there.
Drinking is fine.

DrSbaitso · 24/03/2021 11:14

@ElphabaTheGreen

We go out, and suddenly he’s begging for my water bottle. No, I do not let him have it, because, from experience, he will drink it down to the dregs, my medication alarm will go off, and I’ll have nothing to take my pills with. No, I will not carry a bigger, heavier water bottle to accommodate him, when he hasn’t planned ahead knowing we were going out and not drunk all morning. I made him wait for a drink until we got home

Do you not wonder why he drinks it to the dregs? Could he be thirsty??

So you don't buy him a drink; you "make" him wait, which means you did have a way of getting him some fluid and don't, presumably to teach him... something. So indeed he has had barely any fluid by your own account, because you say yourself he hadn't drunk all morning and you don't let him drink when you're out. At eight years old, that's not all on him!

I would rarely need to spend money on a drink because I always carry water and my child can drink from it as often as she wants. It's not some massive heavy thing that I can't carry in my bag. If you're carrying one anyway for your medicine I truly can't see why you can't take a slightly larger one. Or just make him carry one in his own bag if that really is too much for you. He's eight and you're the parent.

yes, I think ‘hydrate’ as a noun is a wanky term.

Er, well, it's both a noun and a verb. The noun is a type of chemical compound, the verb means to absorb water. I think you meant you dislike it as a verb, but either way, it's a real word with a pretty normal meaning, and the fact that you think it's "wanky" is indeed the exact point I was making: that it shows you don't appreciate the importance of keeping fluid levels up. And you don't.

Which is your choice, for you. But the example you set affects your child and you're setting him up for dehydration and lack of understanding about thirst and fluids. I mean heck, you actually have water with you, but he can't have it!

Look, I know I've pissed you off and this is an Internet discussion, so you're not going to want to say anything that you think I'll like hearing. So never mind that. But please, please, I beg you, start hydrating your child properly. There is loads of advice online on how to encourage reluctant drinkers (again, examples matter: that's why he does actually want to drink when he sees you do it, and anyway there's nothing wrong with drinking on habit if it keeps you hydrated properly), what to do if they don't like water and so on. You don't need to tell me you're doing it if you think it'll make me feel like I've "won" or something. Just get your child to drink properly and stop raising him to think it isn't important or that at eight years old, he should know and be solely responsible for all his needs and "plan ahead" himself. He needs you to do it with him. Please do it.

ElphabaTheGreen · 24/03/2021 11:17

DrSbaitso You are making massive, massive assumptions based on a flippantly posted snapshot. My child drinks plenty. Just calm down.

Ariela · 24/03/2021 11:22

Completely different here. My Dad had written out little cards for each route we would take, and on those were scheduled loo stops. The little cards were just the right size to fit in a slot above the ash tray (they didn't smoke). We always had enough picnic and drink for an army. I can still remember the distinctive smell of cheese and tomato sandwiches made with wholemeal bread. Damp and slightly squashed because so many had to fit the tupperware container.
We drank our squash (poured from a large container ) in stacking blue/grey, and white melamine cups. What would be called retro now.
We had a navy tartan picnic rug we sat on. Most of our picnics would be somewhere pulled off the main road, down a little side road and finding a nice grassy quiet spot to park off the road and have lunch.

StanfordPines · 24/03/2021 11:23

He asks for it in maybe one trip out in every twenty when we’re no more than 15-20 minutes from home.

15 minutes. The child can wait 15 minutes for a drink. He is not going to die from dehydration in 15 minutes.