A different take on wearing PJs outside the house

[Smartiesmaltesers]

I started reading a thread about wearing PJs to the supermarket and just commented on it. Admittedly I haven't read the whole thread yet or any similar threads.

I just wanted to offer a different perspective on this that perhaps people may not have considered, and I would be really interested to know what others think. I've never started a Mumsnet thread before so I hope I'm doing it right.

I have fibromyalgia, sciatica and about six different mental health conditions that severely impact my life. I try very hard but I barely function.

I find getting dressed extremely difficult and stressful no matter how much help I get from the mental health team or how hard I try. PJs are far more comfortable for me than regular clothes. Leaving the house is like climbing Mount Everest. Having the stress of getting dressed AND leaving the house or going to a Zoom call makes me avoid doing these things.

If lots of other people started wearing PJs and dressing gowns outside or on Zoom calls, I would feel it was acceptable for me to do it too without feeling judged. I did once go out in my pyjamas and a coat for a walk at night but felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me.

I would bet a lot of people with mental health conditions and/or physical heath conditions feel the same as me and avoid going out or joining Zoom calls for this reason when it could in fact be beneficial for us to do these things.

In fact I feel so strongly about this that I would like to make wearing PJs outside a thing!

AIBU?

o when you say, "let go of every single standard of behaviour and let every individual do exactly as they please at all times", you actually don't have agency to do anything about it anyway, other than to post words and humph-emojis?It's completely impotent, isn't it?

No, of course it isn't! I as an individual have little sway, but as a part of society of course I do, we all do. That's how society works, its what is is. We have social customs, social standards, mores and norms. We ARE ALL influenced by the judgements of others, there are lists of things we just don't do, or must do, because they are socially unacceptable or socially expected.

Things like not conducting our daily business in pyjamas. It's all very well saying, it's fine, it makes no difference, as long as you are covered up, but you know damn well you aren't going to your kids school or your work in your pyjamas. It's just not done, and you don't do it.

Don't be so naive.

My daughter is PDA; pathologically demand avoidant, a profile of autism. She finds it really difficult to get dressed; spends most of her time in the house either naked or in pyjamas or a onesie.

Her day clothes are comfortable too, i.e. leggings and T-shirts, but she still finds them less comfortable than pyjamas, and the demand of getting dressed (however it is phrased) is often possible for her to meet.

So she also goes out less than we would if it was considered acceptable to wear them in public (going out is another demand for her, but sometimes she would be able to do it if she didn't also have to get dressed).

*not possible

OP, you’ve got to decide what is better for your health. If never leaving your house, except for essential medical appointments, will make you feel worse then just go out in your pyjamas.
People will judge but I think it’s unlikely that anyone would actually say anything to you.
I’d wear plain black pjs if I were you. Avoid cartoon prints.

Maybe invest in comfy loungewear that doubles up as both, then you don't have to think about it.

@Branleuse

OP, if you are suffering from all those different difficulties in your life, then the last thing you need is to overly concern yourself with other strangers opinions on your clothes.

Saying that, when I was in the midst of newborns and PND and grief, my best strategy was wearing leggings/yoga pants or black joggers and Tshirts all the time, so noone knew if id slept in it or not and I could get changed whenever I could grab the energy and motivation, rather than feel I had to first thing. Those clothes are just as comfy as pyjamas, yet they just look like leisurewear rather than nightwear and you wont get the side-eye from people.
This wont be forever x

I agree to a point but as social beings, our interactions with other people, our feelings on the impression we are giving in the world etc are not seperate from our mental health, they are part of our mental health. I dont see how it could make someone feel better - and may well make them feel worse - if they go out into the world dressed in ways which are considered socially unacceptable and likely to arouse judgement or give an impression of poor self-care. I'm not quite saying 'fake it til you make it' or that full face of slap and high heels are required but dressing in a way which shows self care, self respect etc is not superficial, it is another cornerstone/indicator of mental well-being

but people only know that they are PJs is they have PJs patterns on them

So buy pjs that don't look like pjs and no-one will notice.

Most 'lounge wear' is just pjs in different colours.

My dd has only worn pj type bottoms for the whole of lockdown. Of all of them, only one actually looks like pjs.

I don't think they areany more unhygienic than clothes.

I have allodynia and completely get this. Some days anything touching the back of my legs feels like burning. In the summer I live in shorts but the winter is a problem. Leggings, tights, jeans all hurt and actually so do jogging bottoms and pj bottoms. The pj's just hurt less because they are lighter and soft. It sucks and actually puts me off going out. Even writing this I am sitting in just underwear indoors because it's a bad day.

YABU

I have been in a similar position and have a floor-length Mac that is useful for going out when I can't face getting dressed.

I’ve got a few conflicting thoughts about this.

First, I probably don’t even notice if other people are wearing pajamas in the supermarket. Like a pp, I do, however, notice slippers and dressing gowns. And, yes, I judge.

I recently bought the most incredibly comfortably pair of paisley trousers and a super soft tshirt. DH (who is not known for his fashion sense or for even having opinions on such a topic) said they look like pajamas and I might not want to wear them outside the house. I considered his opinion. And then I ignored it.

I don’t really care what people think because 1) they are not pajamas, 2) I don’t wear them to bed and 3) they are seriously comfy!

I identify with you as I have fibro as well as lupus, arthritis and some anxiety and depression. Getting dressed can be a real pain. However I find that I feel much better physically and mentally in plain black leggings and a band t shirt or similar and they’re just as comfy.

@Northofsomewhere

I mentioned on the last thread that I work in a supermarket and see people in at all times of day (I have shifts between 6am and 9pm), I don't think the majority of people where pyjamas have physical or mental health issues. Obviously there's many invisible problems and no one shares this info with me but I think the people are too numerous and the type of feeling I get from them by their mannerisms and attitude.

I also just feel it's extremely rude to come into anyone elses workplace (mine included) dressed inappropriately - sleepwear is inappropriate anywhere except home. I don't mind so much if people are clearly dashing in with their coat thrown over their pyjamas to grab some milk and bread. It's the full family shop at 4pm on a Thursday that seems a little odd and as though they had the option to come appropriately dressed but elected no to.

I understand and empathise with people who really struggle and for which it may be a choice between getting dressed and doing the family shop but these aren't the vast majority of people wearing pyjamas in supermarkets. Also, why is it just supermarkets - why not the hairdresser, clothes shopping or the dentist? Why is it ok to go into my workplace dressed for bed but not other places?

I agree with you. Would all those saying it's acceptable to go out in pyjamas, dressing gown and slippers think it fine to be served by someone wearing them? Or do they expect people who work in supermarkets, hairdressers, doctors surgeries, dentist surgeries, clothes shops, chemists etc., to be dressed appropriately?

Imo it shows a total lack of respect for others, particularly the people who work in supermarkets where this seems most prevalent, to turn up dressed for bed.

@Smartiesmaltesers

If you regret starting the thread & if it's not helping you, you can hide it!

@Smartiesmaltesers

If you regret starting the thread & if it's not helping you, you can hide it!

@steppemum

but people only know that they are PJs is they have PJs patterns on them

So buy pjs that don't look like pjs and no-one will notice.

Most 'lounge wear' is just pjs in different colours.

My dd has only worn pj type bottoms for the whole of lockdown. Of all of them, only one actually looks like pjs.

I don't think they areany more unhygienic than clothes.

I agree - I don't really understand the whole concept of PJs - sure the top with its fiddly buttons and collar is less comfy than a T shirt?

If you wear a T shirt to bed and pull on leggings or harem pants or some such when you get up, how is that harder or less comfortable than wearing PJs? Indeed I would argue the top is probably comfier and less faff. So I would assume anyone wearing what was obviously PJs in public thought they looked good or was trying to make a strange point, as I really can't see any purpose in anything that is obviously a PJ - it is an inflexible and not especially comfortable or useful garment.

OP - ditch the PJs & stock up on soft T shirts and leggings and make your life easier.

The going out and wearing of pyjamas are surely 2 seperate points, albeit linked? When you say you worry for a week before an appointment, is that more regarding the going out and appointment itself, or simply getting dressed? Of course wearing clothes might be more challenging than leaving the house, but I would have thought the opposite was true? Some loungewear is actually comfier than PJ's as tend to have less seams, and be made specifically for being up and about yet comfy rather than lying in bed.

YABU even going through chemo I would make the effort to get dressed. Surely going to the supermarket takes much more effort and as others have said loungewear is just as comfortable as pyjamas.

I second what others are saying.
You can get some really nice loungewear.
Loungewear is basically pyjamas but look more like a tracksuit?
I have every sympathy with you but some thing I dont understand is, in my experience people with MH problems absolutely hate drawing attention to themselves in public.
So wouldnt it be better to not wear pyjamas? You wouldn't draw as much attention to yourself. Or wear the loungrwear.
I hope you don't take that wrong way.
Like I said I'm just trying to understand.

@BronwenFrideswide. That's a really good point, it's like the people working in supermarkets arent worthy of basic hygiene and respect, I seriously doubt anyone would show up for a meeting with a teacher or a solicitor or go to the dentist, doctor or hospital appointment dressed in pyjamas. I maintain looking decent and appropriate in public is about two things - self-respect and respect for others. I have been at funerals where nieces and nephews of the deceased turn up in tracksuit bottoms, I would argue that this shows a lack of respect on both fronts. And before anyone cries poverty, these were people with very expensive wardrobes of clothes but it was beyond them to nip into Primark and buy a pair of trousers for 10 pound.

My daughter sleeps in her clothes. Maybe that's an alternative solution.

I agree with the pp who said many people will not be able to comprehend being too unwell to get dressed. The comments about forcing yourself to make the effort and you will feel better for it are well meaning but irrelevant here. On the days OP has the energy to force herself to wash and dress she of course will. The realities of having a long term chronic health problem (and they rarely stop at one) is needing to choose between simple tasks, daily and for years on end. Make some toast or have a wash? Order your weekly food shop or get dressed? Call your mum or go for a ten minute walk? The reality for many is that the energy required for a quick wash and change of clothes means no energy left to actually then leave the house. It's a tough gig and I've been there.

As for pjs outside, I agree with posters who suggest some comfy clothes that can act as pyjamas but also go unnoticed outdoors so if you need to forego an outfit change you can. Putting your coat and shoes over plain black bottoms will not turn any heads as opposed to going in tesco wearing a onesie and slippers!

@Bluntness100

Op, can you get pyjamas that look like lounge wear. The reality is it is just the pattern and colour. So instead of wearing, for example, something in a pastel shade with fluffy sheep on you’d wear the same item without the pattern. No one then can tell the difference between wearing pyjamas and lounge wear. A hoodie instead of a fluffy dressing gown.

I think you know deep down that going out in your pyjamas is never going to be a thing, for their own mental health people in the majority prefer to get washed and dressed. But you have options, nightwear doesn’t need to look like nightwear, it can be the exact same shape, fit, and material. Just minus the pyjama type pattern.

So what you object to odd the colour and the pattern of the ops perfectly usable Comfy pjs? They should replace them with an identical cut, but plain fabric in a bold colour.

Who exactly benefits from that?

@Smartiesmaltesers your life sounds very hard and you have written about your difficulties so eloquently. Thank you for sharing.I hope that one day you will feel more able to engage with the wider world and enjoy the sun on your face. As far as I’m concerned you can wear what you like.

@ChiefBabySniffer surely the benefit is it's easier to just wear plain fabric loungewear rather than create a movement of people wearing pyjamas outside and on Zoom calls so OP doesn't feel judged? She says:

If lots of other people started wearing PJs and dressing gowns outside or on Zoom calls, I would feel it was acceptable for me to do it too without feeling judged.

To add, I really don't care what people wear out and about.