A different take on wearing PJs outside the house

[Smartiesmaltesers]

I started reading a thread about wearing PJs to the supermarket and just commented on it. Admittedly I haven't read the whole thread yet or any similar threads.

I just wanted to offer a different perspective on this that perhaps people may not have considered, and I would be really interested to know what others think. I've never started a Mumsnet thread before so I hope I'm doing it right.

I have fibromyalgia, sciatica and about six different mental health conditions that severely impact my life. I try very hard but I barely function.

I find getting dressed extremely difficult and stressful no matter how much help I get from the mental health team or how hard I try. PJs are far more comfortable for me than regular clothes. Leaving the house is like climbing Mount Everest. Having the stress of getting dressed AND leaving the house or going to a Zoom call makes me avoid doing these things.

If lots of other people started wearing PJs and dressing gowns outside or on Zoom calls, I would feel it was acceptable for me to do it too without feeling judged. I did once go out in my pyjamas and a coat for a walk at night but felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me.

I would bet a lot of people with mental health conditions and/or physical heath conditions feel the same as me and avoid going out or joining Zoom calls for this reason when it could in fact be beneficial for us to do these things.

In fact I feel so strongly about this that I would like to make wearing PJs outside a thing!

AIBU?

@Smartiesmaltesers nothing wrong with starting a thread even if it causes a bit of debate, that's what AIBU is all about. If you do like the sound of Dudeism and dig The Big Lebowski I honestly find them a really cool supportive group of people.

[quote DudeistPriest]@Smartiesmaltesers nothing wrong with starting a thread even if it causes a bit of debate, that's what AIBU is all about. If you do like the sound of Dudeism and dig The Big Lebowski I honestly find them a really cool supportive group of people.[/quote]
Thank you, I'm joining!

@Smartiesmaltesers

Apologies to everyone for being a pain and sorry for starting the second thread which has now been deleted. I was asked why I'd started another thread. I have schizoaffective Disorder which causes me to get episodes of psychosis and hear voices/feel that people are talking about me all the time, etc. It's bike and I fight with it every second of every day. I realise that I should be posting on mental health boards and not bringing my problems to Mumsnet. Sorry everyone x

You have absolutely no need to apologise OP, some of what has passed back on forth on this thread has been robust - my own contrubutions included - but the vast majority was well intentioned and in the spirit of encouraging you to adapt your clothing rather than possibly risk feeling worse by worrying about people's potential judgement which is simply a fact of life. There is no point in pretending that there is going to be a wholesale shift in society towards everyone and anyone wearing pyjamas out and about so that those who feel they have to feel better about it. It would be an unkindness to suggest otherwise. Standards have arguably slipped so far that most people dont want them to slip even further. I'd pay good money to see my teenage son in anything other than tracksuit bottoms and a hoody, its so depressing to see this be the norm

@ZeroFuchsGiven

That's your response to a post from someone who clearly lives life in a significant amount of pain? confused

Yes it is my response and anyone in pain or not would get the same response, I don't believe that unless you are seriously ill and bed bound that you own no other clothes suitable for going out in other than nightwear,

Ok, well you believe what you will, and the rest of us will roll our eyes at you.

I have a member of my team who cannot pull tops over her head, and cannot brush her teeth or hair on bad days. She has fibromyalgia. I fought and fought for her to be able to work from home on days where she physically can't get dressed. I don't give a shit what she's wearing, she's smart and creative and fun to work with.

Roll away, I stand by what I said, I find it impossible to belive ANYONE does not own clothes comfy enough to go out in other than night clothes. Infact it is bizarre.

ZeroFuchsGiven it's not so much the clothes that's the issue but they physical act of getting changed. Moving arms in to funny angles, pulling and twisting and bending.

Sending you hugs @Smartiesmaltesers, it really sounds like you are very strong to be dealing with everything you are and also for posting about it here. It has certainly made me consider my thought process when I judge anyone for anything.

Also I may now watch the big lebowski, I needed a good movie recommendation 😀

ZeroFuchsGiven it's not so much the clothes that's the issue but they physical act of getting changed. Moving arms in to funny angles, pulling and twisting and bending

But they have to get the pyjamas on and off unless they are so poorly they can’t even do that. In which case they can’t walk round the supermarket picking stuff of shelves.

There are so many clothes that are identical in terms of ease to get on and off as pyjamas. There is no excuse. If someone wants to wear pyjamas around a supermarket just own it and say that’s what you want to do. People are going to judge because it’s nightwear and looks weird, attention seeking and minging though.

I agree, Olympic. It's slovenly looking.

OlympicProcrastinator but not f you only have the mental fortitude/ pain tolerance and physical energy to dress once a day, then some people would prefer to go out in PJs than sleep in day clothes.

I am physically disabled and getting dressed to go out takes a lot of time, effort and some pain. I can't for example reach down to put on trousers so have to sit and put them on with my grabber - sometimes it takes a couple of attempts not to get both legs in one trouser leg. I only currently leave the house to see the nurse at the surgery once a week. Otherwise when I get up I put on a clean nightdress and jumper which is comfortable and if someone unexpectedly rings the doorbell, I look half decent.

I've now bought a couple of skirts with elasticated waists which I can easily put on over my head and pull down which makes things a great deal easier.

I go to the surgery on my mobility scooter and on really cold days there's nothing I would love more than going wrapped in my cuddly dressing gown (which makes me look like an eskimo) but I just can't do it, nor could I go out in pyjamas or nightdress.

@dotdashdashdash - it must be possible to find day clothes that are soft enough and comfortable enough to sleep in - or plain pyjama bottoms teamed with a plain t-shirt - which would still be pyjamas, but wouldn't look out of place, if worn outdoors.

I think it’s about self care more than societal norms. Getting dressed and groomed is a sign you’re not neglecting yourself, that you’re having a shower and brushing your teeth, washing your hair etc.

PJs make the distinction between what you wear in bed and what you wear during the day. Getting dressed implies you’ve showered etc.

Why not get some comfortable indoor clothes you can wear outdoors? Eg black joggers or leggings with a tunic top and long soft waterfall cardigan? Ugg type boots for comfort?

Then it doesn’t matter if you sleep in the joggers and tunic.

Some people simply cannot get showered and dressed every morning, @HikeForward - people have described their experiences on here - I am sure they know that it is about self-care etc etc, but when they genuinely cannot manage, they need viable options so they can carry on with life.

Have you ever looked at the spoons analogy? Basically, you start the day with a certain number of spoons, and everything you do ‘costs’ a spoon or spoons. For people in normal health, they have plenty of spoons, and daily tasks are cheap in ‘spoon’ terms, but when someone has a chronic condition, they start with fewer spoons, and the simplest of tasks ‘cost’ many more spoons than they do for healthy people. So people who are chronically ill have to decide how best to spend their limited spoons budget - and if you have to go out for something essential that you can’t put off (medical appointments, picking up prescriptions, essential shopping etc etc), or work, or go on a zoom call, you know that is going to be costly in spoons, so maybe you know in advance that you don’t have enough spoons for that and for getting dressed.

Some people simply cannot get showered and dressed every morning

I think we all understand this, but struggle to understand how you can be unable to get dressed but able to do a load of shopping in Tesco. Simple logic suggests if you can't put on pants you can't get on a bus or drive to a supermarket and complete your shopping.

I’ve heard of the spoons analogy, but more for chronic physical health conditions like COPD or arthritis. You have a finite amount of energy so must pace yourself and choose how to spend it.

Despite this, patients are still encouraged to wash regularly (say every 24 hours) for hygiene reasons and their mental well-being. There are many aids, adaptations and carer support packages available to make washing and dressing easier.

If a shower uses too many ‘spoons’, a person can still wash their face and apply deodorant in the morning. Or wear comfortable leggings/joggers/tunic they can both sleep in and go out in, and save the bath or shower for the next morning.

Washing and dressing gives structure and routine, which can be very helpful with most mental health conditions.

@jellybellybanana

Some people simply cannot get showered and dressed every morning

I think we all understand this, but struggle to understand how you can be unable to get dressed but able to do a load of shopping in Tesco. Simple logic suggests if you can't put on pants you can't get on a bus or drive to a supermarket and complete your shopping.

The rest of the post you are quoting from mentioned spoon theory. If you only have so many spoons, you might not have enough to both get dressed properly and go shopping. So it will be between get dressed but lack the spoons to go shopping, or go shopping but lack the spoons to get dressed.

The rest of the post you are quoting from mentioned spoon theory. If you only have so many spoons, you might not have enough to both get dressed properly and go shopping. So it will be between get dressed but lack the spoons to go shopping, or go shopping but lack the spoons to get dressed

I know the theory, and I think its rather silly, when getting dressed is a tea spoon and doing the shopping is a massive ladle.

I would never wear jamas outside and if i had a debilitating illness i would make my clothes jams like in comfort such as leggings and a top . It does you good to make an effort in small ways that you can as it realeases positive brain reward hormones to raise the mood, and most people i know of ( in work sense) who cannot dress are supported by aids and adaptations or carers
to do so.
For those saying jamas are unhygenic .. are you saying that you change into a fresh pair of jamas each day ?

@jellybellybanana

The rest of the post you are quoting from mentioned spoon theory. If you only have so many spoons, you might not have enough to both get dressed properly and go shopping. So it will be between get dressed but lack the spoons to go shopping, or go shopping but lack the spoons to get dressed

I know the theory, and I think its rather silly, when getting dressed is a tea spoon and doing the shopping is a massive ladle.

It depends on why someone has limited spoons. I think I have said in either this thread or the other about PJs in shops that I have been sleeping in my clothes because my depression is bad at the moment. I can use my spoons to get showered and in fresh clothes, or I can use them to rock up to the supermarket stinking and dishevelled. I need to get my meds, and I need pet food. If I shower, I first need to clean the bath, and I need to find clean clothes. That takes spoons. The path of least resistance is to just go out and get my shopping. When I am depressed though, I really don't care if I look like shit or if I stink... I just am not capable of caring. I am not worth the effort... getting showered etc would be like polishing a turd in my eyes. I hope that made sense... that is my own experience anyway.. other people's will be different.

@Jeeperscreeper

I would never wear jamas outside and if i had a debilitating illness i would make my clothes jams like in comfort such as leggings and a top . It does you good to make an effort in small ways that you can as it realeases positive brain reward hormones to raise the mood, and most people i know of ( in work sense) who cannot dress are supported by aids and adaptations or carers to do so. For those saying jamas are unhygenic .. are you saying that you change into a fresh pair of jamas each day ?

@Jeeperscreeper you said 'if' you had a debilitating illness, implying that you don't. So why do you feel qualified to tell those who do have debilitating illnesses what will 'do them good'?

For many, many people (and yes, I am one of them) it's not as simple as 'just making an effort'.

@jellybellybanana

The rest of the post you are quoting from mentioned spoon theory. If you only have so many spoons, you might not have enough to both get dressed properly and go shopping. So it will be between get dressed but lack the spoons to go shopping, or go shopping but lack the spoons to get dressed

I know the theory, and I think its rather silly, when getting dressed is a tea spoon and doing the shopping is a massive ladle.

I think it's more a case of more tiring activities take more spoons, rather than having anything to do with different sizes of spoon.

I think it's more a case of more tiring activities take more spoons, rather than having anything to do with different sizes of spoon.

Maybe it would be better to use a gamer term... 'energy'... you have to use energy to do all your tasks. You get given a limited amount and it takes time to recharge.

@XenoBitch

I think it's more a case of more tiring activities take more spoons, rather than having anything to do with different sizes of spoon.

Maybe it would be better to use a gamer term... 'energy'... you have to use energy to do all your tasks. You get given a limited amount and it takes time to recharge.

Yeah, I think that sums it up well. I have chronic fatigue and pain issues, admittedly not as badly as some, but bad days are very much a case of rationing out what little energy I start the day with in order to not finish the day in an exhausted heap.

And if you only have enough energy for getting dressed or for going to the shop, and you have run out of essentials, I can see how someone might choose to go to the shops in their pjs - if the only other choice is dressed but too exhausted to go out.

If I knew I might find myself in that position, I would make sure my pjs looked like casual clothes. And I wouldn’t judge someone else in a similar position who went out in their pjs.

I don’t know what it is like to have a debilitating physical,condition, but I do suffer from depression, and some days it is all I can do to get up, wash my hair and get dressed - I am just lucky that dh is pretty damn marvellous, and does an awful lot for me, so I can just collapse, some days.