A different take on wearing PJs outside the house

[Smartiesmaltesers]

I started reading a thread about wearing PJs to the supermarket and just commented on it. Admittedly I haven't read the whole thread yet or any similar threads.

I just wanted to offer a different perspective on this that perhaps people may not have considered, and I would be really interested to know what others think. I've never started a Mumsnet thread before so I hope I'm doing it right.

I have fibromyalgia, sciatica and about six different mental health conditions that severely impact my life. I try very hard but I barely function.

I find getting dressed extremely difficult and stressful no matter how much help I get from the mental health team or how hard I try. PJs are far more comfortable for me than regular clothes. Leaving the house is like climbing Mount Everest. Having the stress of getting dressed AND leaving the house or going to a Zoom call makes me avoid doing these things.

If lots of other people started wearing PJs and dressing gowns outside or on Zoom calls, I would feel it was acceptable for me to do it too without feeling judged. I did once go out in my pyjamas and a coat for a walk at night but felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me.

I would bet a lot of people with mental health conditions and/or physical heath conditions feel the same as me and avoid going out or joining Zoom calls for this reason when it could in fact be beneficial for us to do these things.

In fact I feel so strongly about this that I would like to make wearing PJs outside a thing!

AIBU?

I , as a pyjama wearer would like to say very clearly that you can judge me all day long . Your opinion of me, matters not a jot. I could not care less about you and find it very sad that you are so overly invested in my pastel shades of patterned pyjamas. I bet my odd socks and crocs would really make you clutch your pearls.

I rarely go out as I have multiple health issues but I sleep in comfy clothes (leggings, harem pants, baggy tshirt etc...) rather than PJs that way if I have to go out, answer the door, get rushed to hospital etc... Im suitible without getting changed.

Its far more practical too as there more verity and the are often far comfier than actual PJs and I also wear slip on balled shoes instead of slippers.

Its really not hard, I wouldnt go out in PJs.

I don’t see what the issue is with people wearing what they like out and about, obviously as long as they are covered up. How is a pair of pj bottoms any different to a pair of trousers? It doesn’t necessarily mean they have been wearing them all night and all day? I don’t wear pj’s in bed, I do wear them around the house, when I get home from work I put them on or a pair of lose fitting yoga trousers. I don’t go out in PJ’s but o don’t care what others want to wear out as long as they are not flashing too much skin.

@ChiefBabySniffer

I , as a pyjama wearer would like to say very clearly that you can judge me all day long . Your opinion of me, matters not a jot. I could not care less about you and find it very sad that you are so overly invested in my pastel shades of patterned pyjamas. I bet my odd socks and crocs would really make you clutch your pearls.

No pearl clutching just a recognition of your lack of respect for others whilst expecting them to show respect to you.

@ChiefBabySniffer

I , as a pyjama wearer would like to say very clearly that you can judge me all day long . Your opinion of me, matters not a jot. I could not care less about you and find it very sad that you are so overly invested in my pastel shades of patterned pyjamas. I bet my odd socks and crocs would really make you clutch your pearls.

You could wear a tutu and a tiara and no one would give a toss in London, let alone clutch pearls.

I don't think Yabu to wear what's comfortable to get on and off and to wear .
However getting washed and dressed ,in lounge wear,does surely make you feel better?
Believe me,the air is blue on some days,but I feel better for having achieved something and am in a better frame of mind to achieve more.
I would say no to making pjs everyday wear.

@justanotherneighinparadise

I suspect it’s not about not having any loungewear it’s the discomfort and mental effort that is required to ‘get dressed’.

But everyone has to take clothes off and put other clothes on on a regular basis. So they just need to find comfortable daywear.

I don’t see what the issue is with people wearing what they like out and about, obviously as long as they are covered up. How is a pair of pj bottoms any different to a pair of trousers?

I don't believe that you don't see the issue, or the difference. I'm willing to bet that of all the people here complaining that its unfair to judge are going anywhere in their pyjamas. Admit it, you simply know its not done and you do not do it.

Why does wearing pj’s outside mean you have no respect for others? It’s ok for a man to wear a dress out and about? Ok for goths to wear black? Ok for people to wear Disney jumpers? 🤣 but not PJ’s?

aren't going anywhere, that is

@WeAllHaveWings

Swap your PJs you go to bed in for lounge/fitness wear, leggings or even black PJ bottoms so they look like trousers

Wear a t-shirt to bed

Swap slippers for sliders, uggs, crocs

Swap housecoat for a big cosy long length cardigan/sweatshirt

Switch the camera off in Zoom, or move it to only show neck upwards.

Presenting yourself to the world in obvious PJs is just going to make your feel low and attract attention it sounds like you could probably do without. Why would you choose to do that to yourself? (rhetorical question)

How the hell do you propose to know more about what I am feeling than I do? Can you explain it to me? I'm a very happy person. I'm also incredibly confident in my self and do not need to change my ways in order to be happy. I already am. Very likely because I don't give a toss what you or anybody thinks about my clothing choices.

@Smartiesmaltesers - I have just skimmed the thread - I've read all your answers, and some of the posts by other posters.

I just wonder if you could find soft clothing that would be both comfortable for you to sleep in, and would look like normal clothing, so would be suitable to wear outdoors.

So rather than having pyjamas that you also used as clothing, when out and about/on zoom calls, you had clothing that you used as pyjamas, on the days when you are too tired to change between daywear and nightwear.

I would like to normalise not judging other people for what they are wearing.

@ChiefBabySniffer

I , as a pyjama wearer would like to say very clearly that you can judge me all day long . Your opinion of me, matters not a jot. I could not care less about you and find it very sad that you are so overly invested in my pastel shades of patterned pyjamas. I bet my odd socks and crocs would really make you clutch your pearls.

Are you wearing your pyjamas outside everywhere you go or do you accept there's places where they aren't acceptable? If they aren't acceptable in those places why are they acceptable in supermarkets?

I wear a uniform in work, the majority of it (except my jacket) is clean on every single shift as I accept I work with food and therefore need to be clean and dress appropriately (no jewelry, hair out of face, safe footwear) for the situation. It just frustrates me that customers don't necessarily pay me the same respect I pay them in every way (greetings, appropriate language, managing expectations) and one of the easiest ways for me to judge how reasonable a customer will be without even speaking to them is how they look (angry, happy, sad and clothing), if you aren't dressed appropriately (including bare chested hairy sweaty men in summer) then we are already likely off to a bad start.

Why does my place of work mean I should not receive the basic respect of people dressing appropriately for being out in public? There's so many other choices for getting groceries at the moment that the choice to come into a supermarket and do a big shop while wearing pyjamas seems like a deliberate decision.

I read the thread and I honestly can't get worked up about it. There seemed to be a general consensus that it was "grim" because the wearer obviously hadn't "washed their bits". I haven't witnessed that many pyjama wearing people outside, but the ones I have seemed very well groomed and I made the assumption that these are a dress for outside (whether you agree with it or not) rather than them having just rolled out of bed.

Why is lounge wear OK but clean pyjamas aren't? Surely that's just a social construction? In Morocco a few years ago we visited a women's cooperative factory making argan oil and all of the women were wearing microfiber fleeces pyjamas under their white coats. We had a bit of a chuckle about it and then accepted that they are just clothes.

Honestly OP if weari g pyjamas makes you feel better just do it.

Yeah I second normalising not judging people for what they choose to wear.

[quote JackieTheFart]@DaisyWaldron can you share a link to your comfies? I’ve got Hush harems coz I’m dead posh but they’re expensive.[/quote]
Yes, please, do share a "comfies" link!

Big hugs @Smartiesmaltesers Mumsnet can be a terrible place to share disability stuff. I hope the ableism on this thread hasn’t upset you too much.

@ChiefBabySniffer

I , as a pyjama wearer would like to say very clearly that you can judge me all day long . Your opinion of me, matters not a jot. I could not care less about you and find it very sad that you are so overly invested in my pastel shades of patterned pyjamas. I bet my odd socks and crocs would really make you clutch your pearls.

Great that you have such confidence in yourself, and seemingly a fairly low opinion of and lack of regard for other people. Clearly you see yourself as zany, a maverick and all those people who make the effort to wear clothes and matched socks are just boring (pearl-clutching of course!) stiffs. Or they are the great majority of people who whatever is going on in their lives manage to dress appropriately and respectfully and as adult himan beings rather than characters from In the Night Garden. If they thought anything at all about how you presented yourself, they would probably feel sorry for you

@Northofsomewhere Wow, what a sad little life Jane.

@HotCrossBumsticks

o when you say, "let go of every single standard of behaviour and let every individual do exactly as they please at all times", you actually don't have agency to do anything about it anyway, other than to post words and humph-emojis?It's completely impotent, isn't it?

No, of course it isn't! I as an individual have little sway, but as a part of society of course I do, we all do. That's how society works, its what is is. We have social customs, social standards, mores and norms. We ARE ALL influenced by the judgements of others, there are lists of things we just don't do, or must do, because they are socially unacceptable or socially expected.

Things like not conducting our daily business in pyjamas. It's all very well saying, it's fine, it makes no difference, as long as you are covered up, but you know damn well you aren't going to your kids school or your work in your pyjamas. It's just not done, and you don't do it.

Don't be so naive.

Well I asked you what is it that you actually do in terms of expressing your judgement?

I'm not remotely swayed by what I read on mainstream social media because - and apologies if this sounds a bit sniffy but - it's mostly comprised of people with nothing better to do at that point (and I'm including myself in that). It's not a snapshot of population, it's a stratified sample of it.

I'd no more wear pyjamas outside than go out in the nude. In the same way that hearing police sirens makes me feel momentarily less safe, seeing people in nightwear in shops isn't the norm and jars for a minute. Then I stop thinking about it.

This thread and its twin went on for hours and hours, and achieved nothing. People who are unable to wear day clothes outside won't just start doing that because, judgemental people on the internet said it was a 'race to the bottom'.

I think perhaps you're over-estimating the impact of your judgement and quite frankly, I'll keep my naivety over your arrogance any day.

There's always that exception to any rule. Unfortunately people will think what they like when they don't know the ins and outs of various peoples lives. My 6yo is autistic and has all kinds of difficulties with ordinary everyday things. I've had many socially awkward moments eg. Her throwing a glass across a restaurant or pushing ahead of a queue or screaming her head off at airport security. Here's the thing though..the world is still the world it is, people still have standards of living and acceptable social boundaries regardless. The world will never be perfect and neither should it be actually! I certainly don't want to live in a world where we accept children breaking glasses in restaurants 'just in case' we have judged something wrong! It will only give excuses to people who just don't give a shit!

Pyjamas are too casual for outside the house in my opinion. That said you should wear what you need to wear regardless what others think. Including me! Why do you care?! Standards are for people who can afford to have them!

@XenoBitch

I would like to normalise not judging other people for what they are wearing.

I would like to normalise having respect for others in the environment they work in by not turning up dressed as if you are just about to go to bed or have just rolled out of it.

I would like to normalise having respect for others in the environment they work in by not turning up dressed as if you are just about to go to bed or have just rolled out of it.

If you want to work in shop where there is dress code for the customers then I would suggest getting a job at Harrods.

@Northofsomewhere

Can you please tell me how , if you work in a busy supermarket, you have the time to assess every customers clothing for "suitability " prior to serving them? And should you be half way through serving me and then realise im wearing a carebears tshirt ( you can't see my legs at the check out) then would you ask me if they were pjs? Or would you just automatically change your behaviour? Because your job requires you to be professional. My patronage of that means that I am always polite, use manners, smile, etc and then I pay for my purchases and leave. So how does my clothing affect your job? And I would be happy to stop shopping at your place of work because tbh you sound like an over converged jobsworth with too much time on their hands.