A different take on wearing PJs outside the house

[Smartiesmaltesers]

I started reading a thread about wearing PJs to the supermarket and just commented on it. Admittedly I haven't read the whole thread yet or any similar threads.

I just wanted to offer a different perspective on this that perhaps people may not have considered, and I would be really interested to know what others think. I've never started a Mumsnet thread before so I hope I'm doing it right.

I have fibromyalgia, sciatica and about six different mental health conditions that severely impact my life. I try very hard but I barely function.

I find getting dressed extremely difficult and stressful no matter how much help I get from the mental health team or how hard I try. PJs are far more comfortable for me than regular clothes. Leaving the house is like climbing Mount Everest. Having the stress of getting dressed AND leaving the house or going to a Zoom call makes me avoid doing these things.

If lots of other people started wearing PJs and dressing gowns outside or on Zoom calls, I would feel it was acceptable for me to do it too without feeling judged. I did once go out in my pyjamas and a coat for a walk at night but felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me.

I would bet a lot of people with mental health conditions and/or physical heath conditions feel the same as me and avoid going out or joining Zoom calls for this reason when it could in fact be beneficial for us to do these things.

In fact I feel so strongly about this that I would like to make wearing PJs outside a thing!

AIBU?

@WaltzingToWalsingham

Sorry you're having all these problems, Smarties, but encouraging everyone to wear PJs outside makes it a race to the bottom, and I don't think it is the answer.

Firstly, it's unhygienic to wear PJs when out and about. If you have worn them in bed, they're likely to have various bodily secretions on the fabric, which will dry and flake off. If you're one of the estimated 40% of people currently infested with threadworms, you will be shedding their eggs as you move. Since a supermarket is a food selling area, often with unwrapped fresh food on display, this is unhygienic. Really, it's advisable for people to have a wash in the morning when they get up, but if you can't do this then you should at least get dressed.

Secondly, getting dressed will lift your mood and help you feel more motivated in other areas. It's good for you. I do appreciate that things can be difficult with fibro and sciatica, but daywear doesn't have to be uncomfortable. You can choose loose tops or t-shirts, leggings, jogging bottoms, a skirt with an elasticated waist - even loungewear is fine. Just not pyjamas outside of the house, please!

What a load of rubbish. 😂😂😂😂

I mostly wear these or black leggings to bed, unless it's a very warm night. Plus a long or short sleeved loose t-shirt. I have about 6 pairs of those Starfish slim leg trousers as I also wear them to the gym, plus they are perfectly acceptable as day wear with a tunic type top, although I generally prefer Uniqlo leggings trousers for that. Really the biggest difference between my day wear and night wear during lockdown is that I wear a bra during the day.

They do know we are carers and there to look after them. Some say when we go and see them, sorry if I woke you up.

Ok you’ve asked... I’m don’t agree with you. I also think it’s unhygienic, looks unclean and yes I’d judge. I’m currently in loungewear for work and it feels like black pj bottoms.
I’m sorry that you are unwell, and I have immune diseases too so I’m sympathetic, but I do think we should try to meet normal societal norms of getting dressed.

@RavingAnnie

To all the people suing but buy clothes that are essentially EXACTLY THE SAME as pyjamas but because of the print or colour they are deemed acceptable outdoor wear and pyjamas aren't? Please listen to yourselves!

As long as you are covered and your clothing is appropriate practically for the weather it shouldn't matter a bit.

As someone like the OP with chronic illnesses who finds getting through each day a struggle you realise that these ridiculous cultural "rules" with no practical or logical basis are really unimportant in the whole scheme of things.

I to ink it's far more unpleasant a character trait to be judgemental than to be a person who wears pyjamas outdoors.

Do what helps you get through your day OP. There's always someone with their judgy pants on waiting to judge you whatever you do. .

I guess it's just about OP's comfort and confidence more than anything. It would be nice to solve all the awful problems of society we live in. But that's a big ask!

OP would probably worry less about her appearance if she were to wear neutral loungewear rather than something that looks obviously like pyjamas.

Sure, it would be nice if society was less judgmental, but unfortunately we have to work with the reality of it! It shouldn't matter, but it obviously does to OP - she said she's feeling judged and it is making her feel uncomfortable to go out, so people who've suggested plain loungewear are offering a sensible solution.

The thing is, lots of nightwear/loungewear doesn't even look like pyjamas.

If you want to, you can totally buy nightwear that just looks like soft cotton tops and joggers / leggings. No one will be the wiser. I often do this myself.

I don't actually care what other people wear to the shops, they can wear tartan pyjamas if they like.

But I think if we're honest, it's possible to disguise nightwear as casual wear, so it all seems a bit attention seeking to me.

As long as you are covered and your clothing is appropriate practically for the weather it shouldn't matter a bit

Maybe it shouldn't, but it does. And telling Op it doesn't is unhelpful. People will judge, people will assume there are serious issues there. Pretending otherwise is just lying to someone clearly vulnerable and setting them up for trouble.

OP, if you are suffering from all those different difficulties in your life, then the last thing you need is to overly concern yourself with other strangers opinions on your clothes.

Saying that, when I was in the midst of newborns and PND and grief, my best strategy was wearing leggings/yoga pants or black joggers and Tshirts all the time, so noone knew if id slept in it or not and I could get changed whenever I could grab the energy and motivation, rather than feel I had to first thing. Those clothes are just as comfy as pyjamas, yet they just look like leisurewear rather than nightwear and you wont get the side-eye from people.
This wont be forever x

Why don't people buy clothes that are comfortable? Just why not?

@HotCrossBumsticks

people should feel free to live according to their needs and we should stop judging how other people live

Yes, lets let go of every single standard of behaviour and let every individual do exactly as they please at all times. No judgement allowed!

I keep seeing this on this site. That posters will say, "I judge", but what does it actually mean?

That you (generic you) disapprove of something that somebody else says or does - but that you wouldn't ever dream of saying anything because a) most people in the UK seem to be confrontation-shy and b) because its actually not your business.

So when you say, "let go of every single standard of behaviour and let every individual do exactly as they please at all times", you actually don't have agency to do anything about it anyway, other than to post words and humph-emojis?

It's completely impotent, isn't it?

This is what social media has done. Given a voice to the whingers because as far as we might not like people parking in P&C spaces, wearing pyjamas outside, etc., we're not going to do anything about it anyway because we don't want to be rounded on, be called names or make an issue of something. So we moan online.

Unless you're a judge in real life, with a mandate and gavel to sort people out, your judgement has no more impact than a fart; briefly unpleasant, absolutely forgettable...

Swap your PJs you go to bed in for lounge/fitness wear, leggings or even black PJ bottoms so they look like trousers

Wear a t-shirt to bed

Swap slippers for sliders, uggs, crocs

Swap housecoat for a big cosy long length cardigan/sweatshirt

Switch the camera off in Zoom, or move it to only show neck upwards.

Presenting yourself to the world in obvious PJs is just going to make your feel low and attract attention it sounds like you could probably do without. Why would you choose to do that to yourself? (rhetorical question)

@Haffiana

Why don't people buy clothes that are comfortable? Just why not?

Because then there would be no AIBU thread.

"the estimated 40% of people currently infested with threadworms"

What?

I think yes just go with things that look like loungewear so might inspire less judgement. I live near a shop used by many students though and occasionally see one in there in a dressing gown and shoes they’ve literally thrown on, I do find that just a bit gross. I’d never however even notice someone in plain pj bottoms, trainers and a coat,

not immediately assuming that someone out doing something outside in their indoor clothes is feckless and lazy, doesnt mean we are letting go of every single standard of behaviour. I mean, Im assuming that the people who occasionally nip to the shops or do the school run in their slippers, isnt also spitting at strangers or stealing stuff. Theyre just a bit scruffy.
I dont think its gonna take off as a trend. As OP said, sometimes people are battling stuff and life is already shit enough

@Haffiana OP isn't necessarily talking about physical comfort.

It's about having the mental strength to get dressed/changed everyday.

@Gwenhwyfar

**"the estimated 40% of people currently infested with threadworms"

What?**

Yeah, it’s bollocks. No ones done big uk data on thread worms because they’re so harmless. So 40% according to the poster who is too busy bleaching her veg to check her stats.

I've suffered severe depression at one stage of my life, and been unwell with the symptoms of cPTSD at another (the stage where my symptoms became very severe; I'd probably had it most of my life without realizing it). I do know that in these conditions simply getting a shower and washing your hair can feel like running a marathon sprint. And I sympathise.

No, I wouldn't want going out in nightwear to become a normal, accepted standard. I didn't do this when I was at my lowest (acknowledging that not everyone is the same) and would not have gone out in clothes I'd slept in for many hours regardless of whether I'd showered the night before or not. Personal hygiene IS important; not to observe this could be very offensive to others (not least to myself). Saying that, if it's really a serious struggle for you Branleuse above offers some compassionate and practical advice - not least her reassurance that this too will pass, and you will move onto better times eventually.

I do think that there's simply no need to go to the Sainsbury's wearing a dressing gown or slippers rather than your coat and shoes when putting these on takes seconds. Why would anyone do this unless they were deliberately making a statement?

So very sorry to hear how much you are struggling with all those conditions: I hope you are getting the help you need and will soon come through them. All positivity to you

Tesco has some lovely white loungewear. No way would I be able to tell it's loungewear. I'd happily wear that at home and pop out in it.

www.liverpoolecho.co.uk/whats-on/shopping/gorgeous-tesco-loungewear-set-hundreds-20039109

I care not what people wear - not even pyjamas. But I do think if you are able to go outside and do something, no matter how difficult that is for you, you are entirely able to put some joggies on if you feel judged in pyjamas.
As someone who was chronically unwell for a number of years, putting clothes on was way less effort than going out and going to the supermarket. If I hadn't managed the clothes I wasn't going to manage the rest.

So 40% according to the poster who is too busy bleaching her veg to check her stats.

I blinked twice then. I thought for a minute you'd written 'bleaching her vag'. That's what I get for running overdue on my specsavers appointment ...

" I don't mind so much if people are clearly dashing in with their coat thrown over their pyjamas to grab some milk and bread."

Ah, because this is what I have done. No milk for tea in the morning so put on a long coat over PJs. Up to the early 2000s you could get coats to the ankle so nobody would know you were wearing PJs. They don't seem to be available any more, but if your PJs were plain black nobody would know anyway.

I have lived in loungewear and leggings with oversized shirts for the last year, and I'm realising now that it is difficult for me to switch the mindset back to the tights and dresses that I used to wear. They are uncomfortable to wear now. But that doesn't mean PJs outside should be normalised, IMO.

Loungewear, yes. PJs, no.

@Gwenhwyfar

"the estimated 40% of people currently infested with threadworms"

What?

It's not currently infested. There's a difference between having them chronically, having them intermittently, having one short-term episode etc. And the age-group most affected is the very young:

Enterobius vermicularis, also known as threadworms or pinworms, are the most common helminth infestation in the UK and usually present in children. As many as 40 per cent of young children in the UK could have suffered an infestation at some time.

www.gponline.com/basics-management-threadworms/gi-tract/article/1073433

The answer to disability isn’t everyone pretending to be disabled. If op can’t get dressed that doesn’t mean everyone should stop getting dressed to go to the supermarket!

Some people will judge pyjama wearing at the supermarket unkindly, some people will accept they don’t know the full story and reserve judgement or be sympathetic. None of those views are particularly extreme.