A different take on wearing PJs outside the house

[Smartiesmaltesers]

I started reading a thread about wearing PJs to the supermarket and just commented on it. Admittedly I haven't read the whole thread yet or any similar threads.

I just wanted to offer a different perspective on this that perhaps people may not have considered, and I would be really interested to know what others think. I've never started a Mumsnet thread before so I hope I'm doing it right.

I have fibromyalgia, sciatica and about six different mental health conditions that severely impact my life. I try very hard but I barely function.

I find getting dressed extremely difficult and stressful no matter how much help I get from the mental health team or how hard I try. PJs are far more comfortable for me than regular clothes. Leaving the house is like climbing Mount Everest. Having the stress of getting dressed AND leaving the house or going to a Zoom call makes me avoid doing these things.

If lots of other people started wearing PJs and dressing gowns outside or on Zoom calls, I would feel it was acceptable for me to do it too without feeling judged. I did once go out in my pyjamas and a coat for a walk at night but felt like everyone was looking at me and judging me.

I would bet a lot of people with mental health conditions and/or physical heath conditions feel the same as me and avoid going out or joining Zoom calls for this reason when it could in fact be beneficial for us to do these things.

In fact I feel so strongly about this that I would like to make wearing PJs outside a thing!

AIBU?

I mostly wear leggings or joggers and knitted cotton t-shirts or tunics. There's almost no difference between what I wear and pjs, so wouldn't it be possible for you to wear clothes that feel as comfortable as nightwear but don't look like it?

@ShutUpAlex

I get it OP. I have bipolar and on my bad days if it meant getting dressed my kids wouldn’t not end up at school. People should get a life and stop judging others. Don’t see how my pyjamas that e been in for 7 hours are any more unhygienic than my normal clothes that I’ve been in for 12 hours.

Indeed.

I shower at night so my underwear is clean on 8 hours ago, not the same ones I’ve worn for days!!

I mentioned on the last thread that I work in a supermarket and see people in at all times of day (I have shifts between 6am and 9pm), I don't think the majority of people where pyjamas have physical or mental health issues. Obviously there's many invisible problems and no one shares this info with me but I think the people are too numerous and the type of feeling I get from them by their mannerisms and attitude.

I also just feel it's extremely rude to come into anyone elses workplace (mine included) dressed inappropriately - sleepwear is inappropriate anywhere except home. I don't mind so much if people are clearly dashing in with their coat thrown over their pyjamas to grab some milk and bread. It's the full family shop at 4pm on a Thursday that seems a little odd and as though they had the option to come appropriately dressed but elected no to.

I understand and empathise with people who really struggle and for which it may be a choice between getting dressed and doing the family shop but these aren't the vast majority of people wearing pyjamas in supermarkets. Also, why is it just supermarkets - why not the hairdresser, clothes shopping or the dentist? Why is it ok to go into my workplace dressed for bed but not other places?

YANBU. Your situation sounds incredibly difficult. I never understand the threads where people are moaning about others wearing pyjamas to the supermarket. If I saw someone doing this it literally wouldn't bother me at all. What someone else chooses to wear has zero impact on me.

I have ME and when it’s bad I need help to shower and dress and the effort to change clothes can take all the energy I have for that day. I’m a single parent with a dog and a full time job so sometimes work gets done from bed, in my pjs! I have “loungewear” that looks clothes’ish enough that no one would be too worried. I have slip in crocs and have been known to take dog out for a 5 minute wee in my pjs on a really shit day. I don’t enjoy it, would rather be washed and dressed but sometimes it’s just not an option.

So that's about 1% of people wearing pyjamas outside who have a valid reason. Just as about 1% of the people who don't wear any form of face coverings in supermarkets or on public transport have a genuine reason not to do so.

As for a Zoom call, oh dear your camera is broken, what a pity.

This. I think it's difficult for someone who is not experiencing any of the issues that op does to understand just how hard it can be to just get changed out of pjs into day clothes.

I absolutely understand how hard it is to get dressed (systemic inflammatory arthritis with arthritis in the hands which makes picking a tissue from a pocket and attending to the activities of every day living very difficult - which includes dressing, adjusting clothes to use the lavatory etc.).

I would also advocate changing clothes on a regular basis wherever possible. I don't like my ultra relaxed, shapeless wardrobe but I wear what I can manage and save more elaborate outfits for when I know I'll have some reliable assistance.

I'm kind of regretting starting this thread but I did ask so that's on me! Thanks for the replies. I've decided now that I will never leave the house in pyjamas and will only ever go out if I absolutely have to (eg medical appointments). I don't want to feel worse about myself than I already do. It would be easier if people didn't keep trying to encouraging me to go out. I know they do it to be kind and to help me. Going out NEVER makes me feel better. Everything looks and sounds weird too because of the depersonalisation and that makes it even worse. I have spent years and a lot of money I earned when I was well enough to work doing self help programmes, having therapy, doing CBT, medication, every weird and wonderful therapy under the sun, you name it, I've probably tried it and I will never stop trying. I've been admitted to two psychiatric hospitals as an inpatient and have ongoing support from a mental health team. I think perhaps this post has become more about mental health and less about pyjama wearing. I feel like I want to wear a massive sign every time I leave the house saying 'I am severely mentally ill, please don't judge me if I look or sound weird'. Sorry for the essay. I must be having an episode!

I wear Pjs to work and while at work.

What's your job @vodkaredbullgirl, my job allowed pjs sometimes (night shifts, specific "fun" type days) and whilst we aren't expected to wear professional clothes it would be massively frowned upon if we just made a habit of it.

I went through a similar period after DS was born, and DH replaced all my pyjamas with ones that didn’t look like so obviously like pyjamas, so even if I didn’t get changed I’d still look good. If you can afford it then definitely use this as an opportunity to upgrade your pyjama game - silks, cashmeres, flannel or fleece lined leggings are the absolute best.

I don't think it's good for mental health for it to be ok not to get up and get ready to be honest. It's much healthier for people to get up, have a shower and get ready to face the day. It's actually often part of mental health advice to make an effort to get up and dressed. Hospitals treating very depressed people encourage them to not sink into a routine of lying in bed/ not getting dressed - so no I don't think just giving up on getting dressed is helpful for people. And I think it's also quite self- indulgent to think it's ok not to get dressed out of pyjamas. I'm very invested in mental health issues actually but I just don't agree with you on this one. Mental health aside, it is slovenly to go out in pyjamas. It really says a lot about someone when you see them with pyjamas in Tesco. Often same people not wearing a mask, not social distancing, openly coughing...it's often those with no regard for others and little care for manners. Might sound snobby but it's absolutely true.

I think the difference is, at least to me, how they are worn. Pyjamas with a jumper/coat over the top and Ugg’s/trainers etc on feet is one thing, and I probably wouldn’t notice tbh, it’s the slippers and dressing gowns that get me. Firstly skippers must wear through/get wet/be too thin to walk outside in, and secondly it does tend to shout ‘look at me, I’m wearing pyjamas’ to me. It’s a statement that person has chosen to make.

Op, don’t be daft about never going out again, but wear a jumper not a dressing gown when you do

I work nights in a Dementia care home. It is suppose to show the resident that it is night time and we are all going to go to bed.

How is it any less hygienic than wearing the same clothes for 3/4 days like some people do? Not me, I’m ocd!
Next you’ll be suggesting we all need to prove we’re wearing clothes that have been worn for less than 5 hrs to enter a food shop!

@vodkaredbullgirl that's fine, it's nighttime and for a purpose.

Massive difference to going about your daily business around town!

I work nights in a Dementia care home. It is suppose to show the resident that it is night time and we are all going to go to bed

How bizarre. One imagines it would make one feel more like "why are there no professionals here to look after us, who are these people in their pyjamas?"

God, sounds like you have a lot to deal with, I think you should do whatever makes you comfortable and you are happy with!

Personally, I couldn’t care less what people wear and I don’t think I would even notice if someone was in PJs. I have enough things to worry about in my life to be offended by anyone else’s outfit choice.

I think if you are feeling awkward about what people think though, you should just start wearing dark PJs and no one will notice anyway.

I think YABU. I too am quite severely disabled with chronic physical and mental health issues so I do know what you mean. However I do spend a lot of my day in loungewear and sometimes fall asleep in it and get up in it again. That would be more acceptable than pyjamas, a lot of loungewear is comfy enough to sleep in.

@HotCrossBumsticks

I work nights in a Dementia care home. It is suppose to show the resident that it is night time and we are all going to go to bed

How bizarre. One imagines it would make one feel more like "why are there no professionals here to look after us, who are these people in their pyjamas?"

I take it You have never worked in a Care home for EMI?

Op, can you get pyjamas that look like lounge wear. The reality is it is just the pattern and colour. So instead of wearing, for example, something in a pastel shade with fluffy sheep on you’d wear the same item without the pattern. No one then can tell the difference between wearing pyjamas and lounge wear. A hoodie instead of a fluffy dressing gown.

I think you know deep down that going out in your pyjamas is never going to be a thing, for their own mental health people in the majority prefer to get washed and dressed. But you have options, nightwear doesn’t need to look like nightwear, it can be the exact same shape, fit, and material. Just minus the pyjama type pattern.

I'm too sensitive for Mumsnet 😂

I wish people weren't so judgmental about these things. I haven't had a chronic/ long term illness myself and can't imagine what it must be like, but I do feel for you.

If I see someone out and about in clothes that obviously look like nightwear, I do tend to wonder if they are OK or if there is something wrong. Often it is a busy mum or in some cases a drunk person. But everyone is on their own path so I try not to judge and, if they seem OK, I just get on with whatever I am doing. I suppose it's human nature to notice, though?

So maybe for that reason it would be better to get some comfortable, neutral loungewear type clothes that are just as comfortable? So not like blue and white stripey pyjama bottoms, but just some plain black joggers that you can also sleep in?

It would just be for you so you don't have to worry what people are thinking about you! I hope you won't stop going outside at all for this reason because it's easy to combat with neutral-looking loungewear.

@Brendabigbaps i don't think it takes much imagination to see the difference.

If someone turns up at the school gates with their kids every morning I'd assume that they just rolled out of bed without getting washed or having changed their underwear which is pretty lazy/grim. Having had those dark days a shower is also the last thing i can be arsed doing so if MH was the reason given I wouldn't think they'd showered/changed before need the night before either.

Atleast getting dressed would suggest some basic hygiene - of course they could be sleeping in them but most won't.

To all the people suing but buy clothes that are essentially EXACTLY THE SAME as pyjamas but because of the print or colour they are deemed acceptable outdoor wear and pyjamas aren't? Please listen to yourselves!

As long as you are covered and your clothing is appropriate practically for the weather it shouldn't matter a bit.

As someone like the OP with chronic illnesses who finds getting through each day a struggle you realise that these ridiculous cultural "rules" with no practical or logical basis are really unimportant in the whole scheme of things.

I to ink it's far more unpleasant a character trait to be judgemental than to be a person who wears pyjamas outdoors.

Do what helps you get through your day OP. There's always someone with their judgy pants on waiting to judge you whatever you do. .