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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be expected to pay full adult cost for each of my kids on a short break

136 replies

Sadie1975 · 22/03/2021 09:17

Bit of background: I come from a close family (brother and sister and me) and whilst they had children quite young, I was mid-thirties by the time my first came along.

Over the last 28 years (since I was 18) whenever we have all gone out as a family, costs were always split between all the adults in attendance and I've never had an issue with this. So e.g. 8 adults out for dinner with 4 kids and meal is split 8 ways (or 4 ways per couple). This even continued to when their kids were older and having 3 course adult meals...

Now their children are all grown up and mine are young, I had thought the precedent for this was set and tbh we do mostly split the cost of meals between the adults although I always pay a proportion for my kids and they always accept the money Hmm

Anyway we're looking to go away as a family for Xmas. 9 adults will be there and my 3 children. The cost of the accommodation however has been split 12 ways and we are expected to pay 5 lots. So cost of house is £2,250 and £187pp - so £375 per couple but we are expected to pay £937...

AIBU to be slightly annoyed at this? I know 3 days away is not the same as a meal out and I have said I would happily pay a proportion for my 3 kids (like £225 per portion so we'd pay £675 and each couple pays £450) but the difference of £562 seems too much! Obviously there will be food and booze on top of this cost so all told we'll probably be paying £1200-1300 for 3 nights away when I feel we could pay that for a hotel room where we get breakfast included and someone else making our beds...!

I have raised this with my sister and have been made to feel like I'm the one who's out of order but I really don't think I am, so now I feel like not going which will only serve to upset my kids Confused

OP posts:
EileenGC · 22/03/2021 09:20

Do the kids need their own beds? Could the accommodation have been cheaper if your 3 children weren’t coming? If yes to any of these two questions, then YABU.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 22/03/2021 09:21

I think the cost of the accommodation should be split by rooms. So if there are 8 bedrooms and your family use two bedrooms, you should pay 1/4.

With food and drink I agree it should not be split equally. Your children should pay less.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 22/03/2021 09:21

How many rooms do you need? That’s how I would split it.

Flev · 22/03/2021 09:21

How many rooms will you need for your children? It would seem fairer to me to work it on a room basis, as the more rooms you need, the more expensive the property you need.

AntigoneLost · 22/03/2021 09:21

I think paying per room used sounds fairer in this situation

justanotherkid · 22/03/2021 09:22

My family also did this to me.... including stopping buying pressies at age 18, when I stopped buying all pressies stopped - so my young kids now don't get any.
It stinks and I was gutted to see their true colours.
YANBU, they made the rule, now they need to abide by it.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/03/2021 09:23

How many bedrooms will each family use? Are all the adults siblings/partners/parents or is there some grown up kids too?

cansu · 22/03/2021 09:24

It should be by room. How many rooms will your family need?

Blurp · 22/03/2021 09:26

We had similar with DH's family... children under 12 didn't count until we were the only ones who had them.

I always felt splitting by room was the best option, since that's what increases the price anyway - a holiday rental charges for how many rooms it has, not by how many people are there. So I was always in favour of just having a holiday by ourselves everyone paying according to how many rooms they used.

HelloDulling · 22/03/2021 09:27

Should def be split by bedrooms.

Easterbunnygettingready · 22/03/2021 09:27

I go away with dh and 3 of my working dc. I also have younger dc... Costs are split 5 ways. The earning people cover the dc... Never had any complaints.. Food is the same.

Wiredforsound · 22/03/2021 09:30

YABU. You are expecting your brother and sister to subsidise your family. It’s one thing, as you say, to pay for an extra meal but you’re asking your brother and sister to stump up an extra few hundred pounds each to pay for your kids to go on holiday. You’re right, it would be better to go to a hotel.

Easterbunnygettingready · 22/03/2021 09:30

Your dsis is a bit of a cf isn't she? Spell it out straight how things were for her and her dc years ago..
Or your holiday will be tainted with resentment
.

MondeoFan · 22/03/2021 09:32

Is everybody earning? So it's your 3 kids and 6 adults? Is that right?

CherieBabySpliffUp · 22/03/2021 09:33

Another vote for dividing the cost of accommodation by the number of rooms.

Norwaydidnthappen · 22/03/2021 09:35

As others have said, you should each pay for your own room. If you can get away with one room between you all then that’s what you pay for. Crazy to pay adult prices for children and I wouldn’t pay that much for 3 days away unless it’s somewhere rather extravagant and definitely abroad...

Numbersarefun · 22/03/2021 09:35

Hmm....
We often go away with all my family, but usually someone pays for the house and then we sort of split the food between adults.
This year, all being well, we are going away at the end of August and each family has offered the amount they can pay for the house and fortunately my Dad can make up the rest.
I guess we’re lucky that we can all manage without doing things exactly and no one minds. We’re not a very money oriented family, but mostly enough to get by.

Original poster
Sadie1975 · 22/03/2021 09:35

The house chosen has more rooms than we actually need and whilst my 3 kids would happily share a room or could be in with us, it would seem silly to do this if there are rooms available IYKWIM.

Also the problem splitting by room is that my niece is on her own therefore she would have to pay in effect 2 lots for her room which I know my sister wouldn't be happy with...

I suppose it just seems a bit off that I would be paying £187 for my 4 year old to have 3 days away...I honestly think if I had all teenagers I wouldn't be so fussed as I'd feel they would get the benefit of the rooms but young kids don't really mind where they sleep and might in all probability come in with us anyway! Grin

OP posts:
EggysMom · 22/03/2021 09:36

Divide the accommodation by room

Divide the food by number of adults (to allow for adult children) with kids counting as a half.

VettiyaIruken · 22/03/2021 09:36

I would stop going on holiday with them.

When their children were young you were 'subsididing' them and that was ok but now you're the one with children it's suddenly not fair for them to do what they expected you to do for them?

Fuck that.

It should be the same rule now as it was when they were the ones benefitting from said rule!

Original poster
Sadie1975 · 22/03/2021 09:37

Quite honestly we are not a money orientated family and I've always been more than happy covering the costs of my nieces and nephews when they were young - it just feels a lot of money for 3 days away...

OP posts:
GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/03/2021 09:39

Accommodation should be split by room, as pps have said.

I do think a holiday a bit different to a meal as there are far greater sums involved.

dementedpixie · 22/03/2021 09:39

So is it a single property that you would pay a set price for regardless of the number of people going?
If so, it should be split between the adults and not the children

Saz12 · 22/03/2021 09:40

Split it by room.If the DC all have a room each then it doesn’t make a difference to you, if they all share one room that’s fine.

The eating-out stuff? Don’t offer to pay for DC, just your own adult meals. If they ask then discuss it.

Food and drinks got the holiday? Say “oh no, Dc wont eat as much as that, and won’t have the fancier stuff, don’t factor them in, we’ll shop for their food”. But if they will eat adult sized portions, or will eat adult amounts of the expensive food (eg more of the meat and less of the potatoes)then you maybe just need to pay their way.

Your siblings maybe feel that they were “subsidised” as they had children so young and couldn’t afford to eat out otherwise. I’m not saying I agree with them!

Letshavesometea · 22/03/2021 09:40

I wouldn't pay that. Per room is standard price. Or I would go but sure my own accommodation in the same area.