Taking child benefit from exdh

[Twobigsapphires]

Has anyone has any experience of this and what I may expect. I have three teen dc with exdh. Amicable split 8 years ago, 50/50 contact. I agreed that he could claim the child benefit when we split as he was the a much lower earner than me and to be honest I felt guilty for instigating the split. We agreed to pay cost of kids expenses 50/50.

As the years have gone on he paid less and less towards the dc major expenses. 3 years later eldest dc decided to live with me full time and 18 months ago younger two did the same.

Fast forward to today and they have no overnight contact with their dad. He no longer works after losing his job 5 years ago. They sporadically visit him sometimes once a week, sometimes not for weeks on end. They care a lot for him but it’s clear he doesn’t really bother with them too much and they mostly visit him when they feel obliged to, are bored and fancy and change of scenery (lockdown and all that) or want something (teenagers!).

I have never claimed any maintenance off of him but would now like to claim the child benefit. It’s probably too late for my eldest as he’s off to uni in September.

Here’s the Aibu. I don’t need the money. I have a good job, mortgage free and a Dh who also financially provides for the dc. But, we are not rich, we have only just paid our mortgage off due to an inheritance. My exh left me in 10k or debt which I have been paying off since our divorce at £300 a month and he has paid nothing towards it as he’s not been working, this has meant that I’ve had no means of having savings until now. I’d like to use the child benefit money to save for uni for my youngest dc. Currently exdh is not contributing anything to their upbringing.

I know if I claim the money he will be left much financially worse off and may have to move to a cheaper area. I believe he claims child tax credit for them as well.
I guess the bitterness of me paying for it all is just eating me up a bit.

Doesn’t anyone know how easy it will be to get the child benefit in my name? Child benefit office advise to put a claim in and they will give him the option to surrender it. Well he won’t. Then what?

Sorry for the long post.

If he refuses, they make the decision for you

What will benefit your children more? To be honest if he will have to move further away and sees the children left or cant afford to do any activities with then then I'd be inclined to let it lie. If you think they will still see him the same amount and still do the same activities then I would.

Fuck that. I can’t believe youve left it this long!

YANBU that money is to benefit the children not your ex husband. You have clearly worked hard and been responsible for years and he hasn't. Why should he benefit more as a result of his own selfishness?

And don't let him claim the child tax credits either.

To be honest I’d leave it.

To clarify, he doesn’t spend anything on the dc. When they visit it’s for half an hour after school or on their way back from the park / shop etc. Sometimes in the holidays they will go for a few hours. I think he has fed them twice in 18 months. I believe he gave them £30 on their birthday but that’s it.

He has struggled with a lifetime of depression and has become a recluse since losing his job. I know the kids worry about him and I think I have been worried they if I go after the money he will kill himself or something and I’d never forgive myself.

The thing is the money won’t be there forever will it? I mean he’s going to lose it for eldest next year anyway right and then the others in the next few years.

When we divorced we sold the family home and split 50/50 with the proceeds. He bought a house that was more than adequate for the dc to stay over so he has space for them. He mortgaged up to the eyeballs and then left his job. I know that he needs that money and the £500 odd quid a month tax credits to pay his mortgage and bills.

But yes, you’re right, the dc will only benefit from that money if I claim it. But god knows what will happen to their dad.

Claim the money. It's fraud him claiming it anyway, just imagine him having to pay back thousands upon thousands plus a fine etc. You're doing him a favour, besides that it's for the children.

In your position my ds wrote a statement stating he lived ft with me. That his df never paid /bought him anything.. Exh lost his claim.

If he won’t surrender it they will just take it off of him as you can presumably prove the children now reside with you. He shouldn’t still be claiming it anyway- it’s child benefit ie for the children.

"My exh left me in 10k or debt which I have been paying off since our divorce at £300 a month and he has paid nothing towards it as he’s not been working,"

I was going to comment to say just leave but after reading that about the debt I would.
Job loss or not there's no excuse for leaving someone with your debt to pay off and not offering ANYTHING towards it. Even if it's £1 at least it's an effort.
I would only use it to pay for something for the kids however. Like you said. costs towards uni etc.

The money is for the children not for him.

£1 a week I meant to say,

Hi
I believe (and I could be incorrect) that any child in education is entitled to claim CB until
the age of 20. That's another two years for your eldest abs then more for your other children.
This equates to roughly £2600 a year for the next 2 years and then roughly £1800 a year afterwards decreasing when your youngest leaves full time education.

Why, if he has no contact and not outgoings for his children while he revive the payments intended to provide for them.

I appreciate this sounds harsh to 'take it away' but it's for your children not him, this will help them.

Do either you or your husband earn over 50k? Remember the child benefit is withdrawn proportionately up to earnings of 60k when it is not payable at all.

Maybe I’m being harsh about the debt. It was joint debt from when we were married, but it was due to him quitting his job and leaving us with bills to pay. He did pay £50 a month towards it for a couple of years, then quit his job and hasn’t paid anything towards it for 5 years.

All the dc school, doctors and dentists address is here with me. But presumably he could change that back? I’m not sure how I’d fell asking my dc to write a letter to say they live here, I don’t want them dragged into it really.

I was wrong about them getting it at Uni
Sorry.
I should have googled more .
Still 1800 a year is for the kids at home not him.

@OhamIreally no, both Dh and I earn under 50k.

@Clammyclam I think you get it until they are 19.

So he's been getting a couple of hundred quid a month for the past 18 months for kids he sometimes sees and doesn't have overnight along with paying no maintenance and left you to clear the debt he should have shared and you feel guilty for removing that couple of hundred quid?;sod that; what a freeloader.

First instance I’d say you should definitely claim it, but will your dc get more financial assistance at uni if they “live” with their dad and could you afford to support them at uni if they don’t get loans b’cos of yours and dh earnings?

Yes he’s been claiming it for 8 years, 5 of which my eldest has been with me all the time and 18 months of which all three of them have. I know he was claiming tax credits for them too.
I know he won’t be able to pay his mortgage without that money.
I’ve been scared to rock the boat as we’ve never had any fall outs post divorce. I’m scared of him to be honest.

Could you ask him to start giving teens £10 pocket money a week by bank transfer? That would be most of the child benefit.

Clues in the name, child as in child benefit

If they are with you you claim it. Just contact them and they will tell you what to do

Hmm he wont be able to pay mortgage and would have to move. Would this mean teens see him even less?

@cracracatlady yes I believe dc would get a grant if he claimed he lives with exdh but would be entitled to a loan regardless.
To be honest I have enough to fund dc through uni with what is left of my inheritance. I’d like the child benefit to save up for younger dc uni.