Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

Taking child benefit from exdh

148 replies

Twobigsapphires · 21/03/2021 21:28

Has anyone has any experience of this and what I may expect. I have three teen dc with exdh. Amicable split 8 years ago, 50/50 contact. I agreed that he could claim the child benefit when we split as he was the a much lower earner than me and to be honest I felt guilty for instigating the split. We agreed to pay cost of kids expenses 50/50.

As the years have gone on he paid less and less towards the dc major expenses. 3 years later eldest dc decided to live with me full time and 18 months ago younger two did the same.

Fast forward to today and they have no overnight contact with their dad. He no longer works after losing his job 5 years ago. They sporadically visit him sometimes once a week, sometimes not for weeks on end. They care a lot for him but it’s clear he doesn’t really bother with them too much and they mostly visit him when they feel obliged to, are bored and fancy and change of scenery (lockdown and all that) or want something (teenagers!).

I have never claimed any maintenance off of him but would now like to claim the child benefit. It’s probably too late for my eldest as he’s off to uni in September.

Here’s the Aibu. I don’t need the money. I have a good job, mortgage free and a Dh who also financially provides for the dc. But, we are not rich, we have only just paid our mortgage off due to an inheritance. My exh left me in 10k or debt which I have been paying off since our divorce at £300 a month and he has paid nothing towards it as he’s not been working, this has meant that I’ve had no means of having savings until now. I’d like to use the child benefit money to save for uni for my youngest dc. Currently exdh is not contributing anything to their upbringing.

I know if I claim the money he will be left much financially worse off and may have to move to a cheaper area. I believe he claims child tax credit for them as well.
I guess the bitterness of me paying for it all is just eating me up a bit.

Doesn’t anyone know how easy it will be to get the child benefit in my name? Child benefit office advise to put a claim in and they will give him the option to surrender it. Well he won’t. Then what?

Sorry for the long post.

OP posts:

gonewiththegin · 29/03/2021 21:32

The money is for the children, if he has no expenses for them he shouldn’t be receiving it and he cannot just refuse to surrender it. You can prove the children are with you full time. He probably shouldn’t be claiming tax credits on their behalf either as again he would need to see them regularly to have entitlement.

That being said I am sure he will be unhappy to give it up but his children aren’t a pay check. He should be ashamed to have been receiving it all this time.

gorillasinthemist · 29/03/2021 21:41

Of course you should claim the money for the benefit of your children whom you pay for with no contribution from their dad. He is committing fraud and you are assisting him.
He is choosing not to work and to live in a 4 bedroom house when he can easily downsize as the children haven't lived with him in years. His poor financial situation is his responsibility.
As a tax payer, I resent him claiming money he is not entitled to which should be for the benefit of your children.

RachelRavenRoth · 29/03/2021 21:44

He threatened to not see the children again. Why would you hear that and not contact cb and take the money?

winterchills · 29/03/2021 21:55

Absolutely take it back! It's for the children not him

RandomMess · 29/03/2021 21:56

He doesn't see the DC anyway!!!

His gravy train will run out.

He has inadvertently admitted he is committing benefit fraud - he is getting way more than just CB hence the "I will be made homeless"

If you don't claim CB for them you are also supporting him in fraudulently claiming benefits.

Easterbunnygettingready · 29/03/2021 22:03

Agreed he has made you an accessory.. Any future hassle he could try and use this against you. End it now. Give it to charity if you don't need it.

Wibblewobble99 · 29/03/2021 22:22

Op I’ve only read your comments but not the whole thread but what’s occurred to me is what if he gets caught? From what you’ve said about him I’d be really worried he would throw you under the bus saying you were complicit. I know you have an abusive message and hopefully that would be a good defence as to why you didn’t feel you could take action but I’d still be worried. Is there anyway you could get anonymous advice?

FortniteBoysMum · 29/03/2021 22:35

Your not claiming from him, he is currently taking what is rightfully your children's money for his own personal gain. Your taking back what is legally theirs.

Leeds2 · 29/03/2021 22:37

I'm sure you have your reasons OP, but I really don't understand them.

Noshowlomo · 30/03/2021 09:53

Wow he’s a bit of a knob isn’t he

itsasin77 · 30/03/2021 10:02

Op you are now just facilitating his benefit fraud.
That money is for the children, not to keep a roof over his head! As well as whatever other benefits he is still getting and not entitled to. That’s tax payers money! And Fraud.
Get a grip please and do the right thing for your children, this is theirs not his whether you need it or not.

JustSleepAlready · 30/03/2021 10:37

Apply for chb in your name. If ex doesn’t surrender they will make the decision. Chances are he will get caught illegally claiming tax credits for kids , so his miney is going to stop anyway. He should get tax credit via job seeking or if he’s sick, ESA. chb can be payable to the September following your child’s 18th if they are in non-advanced higher education. ( not doing honours or degree etc).

KD99 · 30/03/2021 10:59

tough. The money is for the kids not him. Bonkers you have put up with it so long.

PineappleCat · 30/03/2021 11:16

I would just report it as fraud to DWP and let them sort it out. It is fraud and it'll happen anyway..

Whythesadface · 30/03/2021 11:28

Just put in a claim and sod him.
Your children never see him, and he is bullying you.

I0NA · 30/03/2021 11:38

If he gets caught for benefit fraud then he will use your messages to show that you helped him commit the fraud. You are now an accessory to a crime and you’ve helpfully put in in writing.

You might think you are being kind and nice but you are not. It’s not your money you are giving him - it’s public fund that are for your KIDS.

If your kids don’t want the money then it belongs to others. You know, all the genuine benefit claimants who can’t get the money they need because of people like you who facilitate fraud.

Whythesadface · 31/03/2021 20:01

It's the person claiming the money who is charged with fraud.
You do not live with him, so your not responsible in any way for his claim. He signs the forms every July and he will be the person he told them which collage your eldest went to.

RandomMess · 31/03/2021 20:10

As I said claim form the youngest two, means he will still get ££££ UC until the end of August when the eldest no qualifies for CB.

Gives him time to sort his life out which he will have to do at some point anyway.

TinkerPony · 31/03/2021 20:47

Fill in those forms now.
You owe him nothing.
Get the CB back to put into your children accounts to do what they please.
Its for the children.
Not to feather his pocket no way.
nonsense honeless card doh he have to downsize fact.
Enough is enough.

Laeta · 31/03/2021 22:29

I'm sad to read your update.

He's absusive scum.

Do the kids know he's stealing their child benefit?

There is no moral dilemma here, what he's doing is fraud and your kids are losing out.

I'm sorry that he still is the power to make you feel bad and that you are still scared of him. But glad he's out your life.

Does your dh not mind subsidising him?

Undisclosedlocation · 31/03/2021 23:01

Your poor children. A deadbeat dad that doesn’t care about them and a mum who won’t stand up to his bullying abusive theft from them for a quiet life
Report him and stand up for your children’s rights

Dullardmullard · 31/03/2021 23:42

@RandomMess

He doesn't see the DC anyway!!!

His gravy train will run out.

He has inadvertently admitted he is committing benefit fraud - he is getting way more than just CB hence the "I will be made homeless"

If you don't claim CB for them you are also supporting him in fraudulently claiming benefits.

This with bells on Get claiming the CB sod him

Lollypop4 · 01/04/2021 00:03

I have'nt read all the replies but to be blunt...
You should've never given the child benefit to him anyway.
He sounds like a loser tbh. Its shitty he has'nt given you the money back already. What a scrounger he is

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6