To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

Does it have a fringe on the top?

ChiefClerkDrumknott you're not in the Scottish Borders are you? I have never driven before and I have no idea where to start!

I've got a Shitland. No kneecaps are safe. He also likes biting arses.

I would offer an update every 3 months

January: has spent the day in the field, eating.
April: field again. Eating.
July: another day in the field.

Ex-owner in July: WHY IS HE NOT EATING?! HAS HE GOT STOMACH CANCER? HAS THE VET BEEN OUT? I MUST SEE HIM FOR A FINAL FAREWELL!

YOU AREN'T LOOKING AFTER HIM PROPERLY, YOU BITCH!

@thetemptationofchocolate

I've got a Shitland. No kneecaps are safe. He also likes biting arses.

Remind me to avoid him.

I have a veery biteable arse. It has been many years since DH took a nibble at it, but random dogs and geese seem to find it irresistible!

hes not the one. Hes A one if that makes sense. Tbh if he wasnt what I needed right now I wouldnt be averse to loaning him to her if she is indeed in a position to have him back

I'm so in the minority here. But my voice is also a voice : )

So ... he's the one, for her. I think he deserves to be the one. I see owning horses or dogs or cats or any other creature to be a kind of privilege, and we need to do right by them.

This boy needs to be home. And you should loan him to her or work out a payment plan or whatever, because TBH not her but the horse deserves this.

He's not someone's kid. He's hers. So just do the decent thing.

You can get something else. If you say you'd loan him to her, then money can't even be much of a problem. Consider just finding something else - maybe even enlisting her energy in finding it - and letting this boy go home.

(putting up my umbrella now for all the flack I'll get for saying what I think ; )

@Parkerwhereareyou

hes not the one. Hes A one if that makes sense. Tbh if he wasnt what I needed right now I wouldnt be averse to loaning him to her if she is indeed in a position to have him back

I'm so in the minority here. But my voice is also a voice : )

So ... he's the one, for her. I think he deserves to be the one. I see owning horses or dogs or cats or any other creature to be a kind of privilege, and we need to do right by them.

This boy needs to be home. And you should loan him to her or work out a payment plan or whatever, because TBH not her but the horse deserves this.

He's not someone's kid. He's hers. So just do the decent thing.

You can get something else. If you say you'd loan him to her, then money can't even be much of a problem. Consider just finding something else - maybe even enlisting her energy in finding it - and letting this boy go home.

(putting up my umbrella now for all the flack I'll get for saying what I think ; )

😂 he’s the one she can’t afford. Fucking hell people are insane.

I’ve got two horses. My mare is my equine soulmate, my absolute horse of a lifetime. So special. My gelding is adorable, I love him to bits, but my mare is the one. Doesn’t mean my gelding isn’t loved and spoiled just as much as my mare though. He’s got a fantastic life and will be here for as long as he lives. And he’s a very happy bunny.

Why should OP get something else.

The owner couldn't afford him 4 years ago and chat afford him now.

The horse deserves a home with someone who can afford to give him the care he needs. All the love in the world isn't going to pay his vet bills.

@krustykittens Unfortunately not, I’m down in South Wales. If you go on Facebook both the Scurry Driving Association and the Scurry & Trials Association have pages. I know the latter are having a training day for beginners soon. I’ll have a look and see if I can get the details. One of my horses is from the secretary of the S&T group, so I can ask her if there’s anyone she can recommend in your area 🙂

@Parkerwhereareyou

hes not the one. Hes A one if that makes sense. Tbh if he wasnt what I needed right now I wouldnt be averse to loaning him to her if she is indeed in a position to have him back

I'm so in the minority here. But my voice is also a voice : )

So ... he's the one, for her. I think he deserves to be the one. I see owning horses or dogs or cats or any other creature to be a kind of privilege, and we need to do right by them.

This boy needs to be home. And you should loan him to her or work out a payment plan or whatever, because TBH not her but the horse deserves this.

He's not someone's kid. He's hers. So just do the decent thing.

You can get something else. If you say you'd loan him to her, then money can't even be much of a problem. Consider just finding something else - maybe even enlisting her energy in finding it - and letting this boy go home.

(putting up my umbrella now for all the flack I'll get for saying what I think ; )

Have you been taking those horsey drugs like ketamine

Haha the tails (see what I did there) of shitlands do make smile. Do you reckon its ingrained in their DNA?

Cant remember who asked but I sent

^Hi A. I'm sorry but that does not work for me. Being completely honest the number of messages I've had from you is overwhelming and not something I can or am wiling to deal with going forward. I'm happy to have a more "normal" old owner exchange where we message each other a couple of times a year. However if we cannot do that then I would need to block you and/or report you for harassment which I would prefer not to do. I know you miss him and regret selling him and I do appreciate all the photos and stories of him - its been genuinely lovely to learn about his history. However he is not for sale, loan, part loan etc. I also love him greatly and he brings me joy in a way my others don't. I need to focus on building our relationship with each other and our future. With that in mind in person visits are not something I am willing to do. Ill send you some photos of our beach ride (covid permitting) later in the year. Xx^

I felt sticking the bit on the end was a mistake but I felt too awkward finishing it on such a abrupt way otherwise.

Letting A have him has been suggested before and whilst I won't flame you for it I have said I got him for a purpose - which is to get me riding again. If I was able to ride my others firstly I wouldn't have got him and secondly then the money wouldn't be an issue as such as I would still be riding and I would happily loan him out. However giving T to her now (either on a loan or selling at a third of what i paid for him) will leave me unable to afford another and so unable to ride. I'm not willing to do that. Also as an aside he's not treated any worse here because he's not my "one". He's loved. He has time spent with him fussing him, pampering him, just hanging out with him. He knows who I am and comes running over when he sees me probably for the food but whatever so its not like he's languishing for his old owner. This is his home now.

@Parkerwhereareyou

hes not the one. Hes A one if that makes sense. Tbh if he wasnt what I needed right now I wouldnt be averse to loaning him to her if she is indeed in a position to have him back

I'm so in the minority here. But my voice is also a voice : )

So ... he's the one, for her. I think he deserves to be the one. I see owning horses or dogs or cats or any other creature to be a kind of privilege, and we need to do right by them.

This boy needs to be home. And you should loan him to her or work out a payment plan or whatever, because TBH not her but the horse deserves this.

He's not someone's kid. He's hers. So just do the decent thing.

You can get something else. If you say you'd loan him to her, then money can't even be much of a problem. Consider just finding something else - maybe even enlisting her energy in finding it - and letting this boy go home.

(putting up my umbrella now for all the flack I'll get for saying what I think ; )

I think we found A

Do keep us updated OP, i’m invested now! I thought C was her daughter until you said otherwise and I actually thought I knew A. Turns out there’s more than one of them...

Sorry, crossed posts. I wonder what she’ll come back with

Horses don't care if they are "the one" - they care about being safe and healthy and living a good life. And frankly this chap has a better life now than when he was having to live indoors most of the time with original owner. All animals also deserve to be owned by someone who can afford their upkeep - it's not kind giving an animal to someone who potentially can't pay the vet bills (and my god do horses generate vet bills!)

I'm also intrigued what she will come back with!

@Parkerwhereareyou Are you on glue?

That was a really good message and very clear, without anything inflammatory. It doesn't require a response from A either.

And to that pp who suggested OP should just let the horse go to its 'home' - don't forget that A has already failed to give him a home for life, she allowed a situation whereby he has had multiple owners, so how could OP be sure that it wouldn't happen again down the line? The only way OP can guarantee this horse has a home for life is by keeping him herself.

@Parkerwhereareyou

hes not the one. Hes A one if that makes sense. Tbh if he wasnt what I needed right now I wouldnt be averse to loaning him to her if she is indeed in a position to have him back

I'm so in the minority here. But my voice is also a voice : )

So ... he's the one, for her. I think he deserves to be the one. I see owning horses or dogs or cats or any other creature to be a kind of privilege, and we need to do right by them.

This boy needs to be home. And you should loan him to her or work out a payment plan or whatever, because TBH not her but the horse deserves this.

He's not someone's kid. He's hers. So just do the decent thing.

You can get something else. If you say you'd loan him to her, then money can't even be much of a problem. Consider just finding something else - maybe even enlisting her energy in finding it - and letting this boy go home.

(putting up my umbrella now for all the flack I'll get for saying what I think ; )

That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever read, I think.

Well, it's certainly up there.

He's a horse. he's happy, he's healthy, he's well-looked after, he's loved. He would not benefit from going to someone who is out of their gourd and can't afford to keep him. Nor from going back into being stabled far more of the time. He's got a great lifestyle with OP.

His ex owner needs to move on.

Oh my! 🤪

@Parkerwhereareyou

You can get something else.

This just says it all. A horse is not a 'thing', Parker.

[quote Lacucuracha]@Parkerwhereareyou

You can get something else.

This just says it all. A horse is not a 'thing', Parker.[/quote]

It's very common among the horsey fraternity to use 'something' as a way of description. E.g. "I'm looking for something new." when referring to buying a horse. It's just the way we are, doesn't mean anything negative towards horses.

I wonder how long it will be before C starts with the flying monkeys (unless it is as others have suggested and that's the reason she sold him in the first place)

Bullshit does this horse deserve to be sent back to a life in a stable with someone who thinks he is their "one". He deserves to live as natural a life as possible and right now it's the OP who is offering that and not the previous owner.

I despise all this "bond" rubbish. It makes people think their "special feelings" are mutual and unique. They are neither. What matters is the quality of the management they get and how much their owner is prepared to put the horse's needs first.