To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

Answering her texts has made her text MUCH more.

Allowing her one visit... well are you ready for these to become twice daily?

Perhaps you should explain that your recent housemove has taken up so much of your time that it has been difficult to find time to reply. :) Now that you are settled in the Highlands, Dhorse is very happy and sends a swish of tail to her. The phone signals are terrible in the area - I expect that it will be impossible to reply after today.

shockthemonkey We bought horse arcs to avid penning and bullying - you wouldn't believe the amount of horsey people that ask me what they are when they pass by our yard and then scoff at them as being totally useless, because they don't have a back wall. Horsey people just don't seem to like change. I haven't used the track system yet, OP, because so far I haven't needed to, but I think they are a great idea. Far better than keep a horse stabled and starving!

@Classicbrunette

I don’t know much about horses, but could you take him somewhere to meet her on the downs for example so she can see him. She won’t need to know your address, but she gets to see him, and who knows, you might get on with her ! or not, then you can judge weather to stay in touch or not.

Just a suggestion 😁

Not picking on you particularly, but all the people suggesting this - it's not sensible. She's basically a stalker. OP doesn't need old owner knowing which locations are within reasonable driving distance of the yard, what OP looks like or the reg number of her car/horsebox.

Yes, the demand to have a video taken from between his ears on a ride sounds like she is looking for landmarks. Very creepy.

This thread gets weirder and weirder!

@krustykittens

Yes, the demand to have a video taken from between his ears on a ride sounds like she is looking for landmarks. Very creepy.

Or she's indulging in a fantasy where she's the rider. The camera is usually on the riding helmet so you see what the rider sees including the reins and horses head at times.

Not picking on you particularly, but all the people suggesting this - it's not sensible. She's basically a stalker. OP doesn't need old owner knowing which locations are within reasonable driving distance of the yard, what OP looks like or the reg number of her car/horsebox.

Agreed, and it's not like it's a minor thing either to travel your horse somewhere, it's a hell of a lot of effort to go to for the sake of some woman OP owes bugger all to.

At the very least (and most innocent) it is controlling batshittery to demand that someone makes a video of their ride and sends it to you.

I've just been reading about tracks as hadn't heard of it before and it sounds like a brilliant way to keep horses to be honest. Far more natural than stabling them.

That’s true Amberitsacertainty. I didn’t think of the number plate thing ! and it could create more problems !

Block the crazy mare

The horse died sadly. Goodbye

I'd be cross with the girl who 5old him you had him as that has caused this.

I've just seen this is eight pages long already so I'll go and read before I say more.

In brief, YANBU to not want his ex owner visiting. Especially with how obsessed they have been!

@DailyCandy

The horse died sadly. Goodbye

Bloody hell DailyCandy. I thought he had . And just as I posted I felt crap with the timing.

You’re under no obligation to let her see the horse. She’s crazy horse lady
104 messages she’s completely over the top. No need for niceties or manners just say no

I kmow what you mean. We've had it with my daughters pony. Previous people want to come and see her and ride her and borrow her and weve said no. Thst they sold her on for whatever reason and she is ours now

@BlueEyesWhiteDragon

I've already had words with the girl who shared the email but more in a dear god don't tell her anything else way. Whilst she shouldn't have shared it without checking in all fairness before this I didn't know the levels of communication that would be coming my way so I would have allowed it to be given to A initially.

Having thought about it more as I read responses though I do wonder if though part of the reason she is so desperate to see him is because she knows he's kept very differently and I think she finds it difficult to accept he's OK in such a different lifestyle. Given I'm not sure I can out myself more, mine are kept on a track system, and whilst there is large areas of grazing for them in and amongst the tracks its low quality grazing rather than a lovely green field. Track systems (round here anyway) seem to split the community like Marmite. I'm also very defensive of it (the track) as there has been some judgement especially once my old girl passed as I didn't revert to a field once her specific requirements were gone - it was set up for her - but I saw an improvement in all the horses not just her which is why I decided to keep it.

I don't know how I could set her mind at ease with that though because the pics I sent of him he looks great, in good condition, shiny coat, well muscled not fat, alert, obviously content. I've sent videos of him rolling, snoozing, grooming the others, us out for a ride (thats the video she wanted a view between his ears type thing) and I keep coming back to will one visit be enough and I don't think it will be.

I think that track systems are the best way of keeping horses. Mine is let out to graze for three hours a day- it’s shit and not natural but I have to go with what the livery yard allows. I hate seeing horses kept in for so long.

Not read all the replies- only yours and a few others but I absolutely would not be reporting her for harassment- that’s ridiculous. I think lots of horsey types are bonkers but I do wonder if letting her have one visit and making it clear that you are going to be firm from then on might end this.

She is probably winding herself up on the dodgy dealer FB site. Often these things de escalate when you meet in person.

@Redtartanshoes

Yes track method would help my lard arse...

Fridge in the garden... gin shelf in the garage.

🤣😂

And actually I am in a similar position, once I am allowed I am going to let her visit because she is getting in a right state about it. I will report back if she tries to steal my mare.

@Foolingaround

And actually I am in a similar position, once I am allowed I am going to let her visit because she is getting in a right state about it. I will report back if she tries to steal my mare.

oh no 😱

Don’t let her know where you live, she’ll be popping up left right and centre.

This is so well beyond the bounds of normal that I would be building up evidence of stalking / harassment. It is clearly bothering you so that is exactly what it is.

We sold on my forever horse, or rather mainly passed him on with a small price to reassure us he was valued, to the owner of the next field to where he was kept. I was going to university and he needed to be ridden and challenged. In the holidays I would pop by for a cuddle (not just a forever horse but one we had rescued from a trekking centre who had bought him from a nearby jumping yard for the owner to ride but then left him with fistulous withers from a badly fitting saddle. We had to bring back from near death, weeks of treatment, only successful when vet used the then new treatment of leeches to clear up the infection). I could not have loved him more after all we went through. He was a character but so willing and such a lovely ride.

I was absolutely thrilled and surprised when the owner spotted me and offered me the chance to ride him again. It never occurred to me to ever ask. It was glorious but such an unexpected privilege. I would never have asked and certainly would not have contacted her beforehand. It was enough that we knew he was cared for for the rest of his life, and ridden out in the countryside he knew.

She has definitely jumped the shark from the normal reaction which would be to let go and just be glad the horse is in a good forever home. Letting her get away with any more deranged behaviour is going to result in more but worse. Think of how she could escalate this if her deranged approaches get indulged, to making life so difficult you sell the horse she clearly still thinks of as emotionally her possession, to her cheaply. Much better to say this stops now with legal wording if there is any more come back after today's email.

Not only would I not be giving her my address, I would be sending a cease and desist email and considering installing security cameras where the horse is kept.

She won’t be satisfied with one visit, or even regular visits. She will want to ride him. Once she knows where he is, she will come whenever she fancies.

Am I the only one wondering whether B sold the horse on after two years because she couldn’t keep up with the contact A was demanding?

Someone might already have posted similar to this but I’d reply

“Hi A just to confirm that horse is fine and will be with me for life.
I am not comfortable with a visit especially due to corona and with bio security for the EHV outbreak.
If the situation changes I will contact you. “

Dont expand don’t explain don't engage. Copy and paste to her as many times as needed no matter what she answers back.

I’d probably block her now, you’ve entertained it long enough and I don’t believe she’d ever be happy that she had sufficient contact.