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Original poster

To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

1000 replies

BlueEyesWhiteDragon · 21/03/2021 20:42

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

OP posts:
Clymene · 22/03/2021 17:09

I'm glad your horse is difficult to find OP. I suspect she's already been driving around looking for him to be honest.

Like you said, she can probably figure out where you live.

You've now told her clearly that she's not welcome so hopefully she will give up on her bonkers quest.

And there are lots of good reasons why people might want to sell their horses @Floralnomad - you're not doing any favours to an outgrown pony by leaving it stuck in a field. Horses are not like dogs and cats.

Pooky1489 · 22/03/2021 17:11

Bloody hell....at first I was thinking you should perhaps let her go and see him - after all, I'd love to see my first pony again (not our choice to sell on...Sad)

However
Do not let this woman know where you live or horse is stabled. 104 messages to someone she, essentially, doesn't know is way over the line of acceptable and if I'm honest, a bit scary. If I were you and this was my horse in question, I'd be saying "I'm sorry but I don't feel comfortable with anyone visiting, especially not in the current climate and please don't repeatedly message me, as I've received 104 messages from you in the last month. He is in a happy, secure home and if I ever did decide to sell him on, I would let you know".

EggyPegg · 22/03/2021 17:13

@krustykittens

EggyPegg I spent £6,000 on shelters for my ponies. They only seem to use them when it's hot. Otherwise, they will stand right next to them, heads down, rain-soaked, the picture of misery and not go inside them. I am sure the neighbours are sick of me leaning out of my bedroom window and shouting, "Six grand. SIX GRAND! Go INTO the shelters, you prats!"
This is amazing.

Meanwhile the ponies are thinking 'gosh, this is lovely and cool and feels like a massage too. What's she shouting about?'.

Daytimetellysucks · 22/03/2021 17:13

I'd be hopeless as a horse owner, I'd need someone sensible to guide me and stop me bringing it home to sleep

I dashed to the yard about 11pm one night in horrendous weather to bring them in - if horses could speak, they would have told me to fuck off.

We’ve worked out a nice routine between us - our OAP likes her stable at night, but god forbid you suggest a duvet day, even if the rain is horizontal

PhilCornwall1 · 22/03/2021 17:13

The way this person is so insistent on visiting the horse, I'm beginning to wonder if it's Shergar!!

Perhaps after all these years, the mystery is solved!! 😮

AryaStarkWolf · 22/03/2021 17:13

@krustykittens

EggyPegg I spent £6,000 on shelters for my ponies. They only seem to use them when it's hot. Otherwise, they will stand right next to them, heads down, rain-soaked, the picture of misery and not go inside them. I am sure the neighbours are sick of me leaning out of my bedroom window and shouting, "Six grand. SIX GRAND! Go INTO the shelters, you prats!"
People forget that horses were wild animals (and still are in some parts (rare) of the world)
DinoHat · 22/03/2021 17:16

Yes it’s even more difficult to say you’d never sell a horse than any other animal as they are so expensive to maintain.

DinoHat · 22/03/2021 17:16

Yes let horses be horses! Drives me mad the pampering some horses get!

krustykittens · 22/03/2021 17:19

AryaStarkWolf I don't forget, which is why my ponies live out 24/7 and are unshod if they can be. It is, however, utterly fucking galling when they refuse to use shelter and stand about looking miserable, inciting walkers into a blind rage and threats of reporting me to the RSPCA because they should be tucked up in a nice warm stable. This is why horsey women are nuts - our charges have driven us completely over the edge.

AryaStarkWolf · 22/03/2021 17:21

@krustykittens

AryaStarkWolf I don't forget, which is why my ponies live out 24/7 and are unshod if they can be. It is, however, utterly fucking galling when they refuse to use shelter and stand about looking miserable, inciting walkers into a blind rage and threats of reporting me to the RSPCA because they should be tucked up in a nice warm stable. This is why horsey women are nuts - our charges have driven us completely over the edge.
aw no Grin I love horses but honestly couldn't commit that much time to having one
Daytimetellysucks · 22/03/2021 17:22

Mine stand by the gate, in the mud, a look of abject misery on their faces.

I feel sorry for them, go to get them in, only for them to fuck off, bucking and farting, splattering me with mud in their wake.

Fuckers. Stay out in the rain then! I don’t care!

MyPantsAreInsideOut · 22/03/2021 17:22

Someone has probably already mentioned it (I've mostly read OP's posts) but I wonder if A's behavior could possibly be the reason that C sold the horse to Dealer 1. A sold him to C and maybe couldn't let go, making a nuisance of herself to C?

Thing is also, she doesn't ask really, does she?
She appears demanding and prone to making assumptions of she wants, you must provide.

How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A

Not asking, pretty much telling. Putting niceties like are you okays and xxx don't change that.

I am also very suspicious the between the ears video is a way to look for landmarks and at what conditions he is exposed to. I mean, the horse she loves so much and longs to see wouldn't be visible in that style of video, would he.

I would not be entirely surprised if A was looking for something to report you to animal welfare for or to make threats about so she can force a sale. I wouldn't say that if it were not for the harassment level of texts. The messages make A sound like a massive problem bomb waiting to explode.

Cavagirl · 22/03/2021 17:22

I work from home so if shes googled my number she'll have the address

I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly!

From everything you've written I strongly suspect she's already been out having a look for him, been unable to find him, and is now chasing you for the exact location.

I'd leave her unblocked tbh, with this type forewarned is forearmed!

Pompom2367 · 22/03/2021 17:22

Op you have been very patient and done the right thing

krustykittens · 22/03/2021 17:26

Before we built the shelters, we had nowt and we had an Icelandic mare who couldn't bear the heat at all. Seriously, we live in Scotland and the summers up here were still unbearable for her. She broke my heart standing by the gate of the summer field, begging to come in and the only place we could keep her safely fenced was the end of the driveway that had large double gates she couldn't jump and that was shaded beautifully by mature trees. She would lie down, with her back against the gates and sleep the heat of the day away. Of course, this meant we couldn't open them so we had to put a note on the gates. "Pony asleep against gates, please ring this number if you need to speak to us. Any deliveries, please use the stool on the right and make sure you don't hit her with parcels. Otherwise, we will collect them." Thankfully, our postie loves our animals and is very accommodating. But people wonder why my left eye twitches...

Classicbrunette · 22/03/2021 17:27

I don’t know much about horses, but could you take him somewhere to meet her on the downs for example so she can see him. She won’t need to know your address, but she gets to see him, and who knows, you might get on with her ! or not, then you can judge weather to stay in touch or not.

Just a suggestion 😁

MyPantsAreInsideOut · 22/03/2021 17:29

Sorry, for clarity, not saying she would find anything to report you for, just that she might be looking for something she can twist to use against you, even if it's just a difference in management style she doesn't like.

ApplesPearsAndCrumble · 22/03/2021 17:31

@krustykittens

Before we built the shelters, we had nowt and we had an Icelandic mare who couldn't bear the heat at all. Seriously, we live in Scotland and the summers up here were still unbearable for her. She broke my heart standing by the gate of the summer field, begging to come in and the only place we could keep her safely fenced was the end of the driveway that had large double gates she couldn't jump and that was shaded beautifully by mature trees. She would lie down, with her back against the gates and sleep the heat of the day away. Of course, this meant we couldn't open them so we had to put a note on the gates. "Pony asleep against gates, please ring this number if you need to speak to us. Any deliveries, please use the stool on the right and make sure you don't hit her with parcels. Otherwise, we will collect them." Thankfully, our postie loves our animals and is very accommodating. But people wonder why my left eye twitches...
Oh I love that. 'Pony asleep against gates'. :)
krustykittens · 22/03/2021 17:32

AryaStarWolf They are wonderful animals to have in your life but unless you have a lot of money to hire in help, they are very time consuming and do become a lifestyle. I am lucky because both my daughters ride so we split the work between us and we have our ponies at home, so they can live out most of the time (no mucking out!!!). But they do become addictive - when we were on livery yards I was shocked at how some people would beggar themselves to keep their horses. Some might call it dedication but when you can't afford to put food on the table or pay your bills, that is something else altogether.

shockthemonkey · 22/03/2021 17:32

Horses are more interested in sheltering from the wind than the rain - hence will happily stand next to a shelter on the lee side rather than go inside. Also they fear being penned in by their field mates so really like the walk-in-walk-out shelters where a clear exit is in reach at all times.

Bankingdemon, the horse would probably be mildly interested to see its previous owner, but not upset by it. I go visit my retired boy once in a while and he definitely recognises me but does not think me at all important any more. The reaction is kind of "oh, it's you... have any carrots?" then he shuffles off to graze or roll.

Veterinari · 22/03/2021 17:33

@BlueEyesWhiteDragon

I've already had words with the girl who shared the email but more in a dear god don't tell her anything else way. Whilst she shouldn't have shared it without checking in all fairness before this I didn't know the levels of communication that would be coming my way so I would have allowed it to be given to A initially.

Having thought about it more as I read responses though I do wonder if though part of the reason she is so desperate to see him is because she knows he's kept very differently and I think she finds it difficult to accept he's OK in such a different lifestyle. Given I'm not sure I can out myself more, mine are kept on a track system, and whilst there is large areas of grazing for them in and amongst the tracks its low quality grazing rather than a lovely green field. Track systems (round here anyway) seem to split the community like Marmite. I'm also very defensive of it (the track) as there has been some judgement especially once my old girl passed as I didn't revert to a field once her specific requirements were gone - it was set up for her - but I saw an improvement in all the horses not just her which is why I decided to keep it.

I don't know how I could set her mind at ease with that though because the pics I sent of him he looks great, in good condition, shiny coat, well muscled not fat, alert, obviously content. I've sent videos of him rolling, snoozing, grooming the others, us out for a ride (thats the video she wanted a view between his ears type thing) and I keep coming back to will one visit be enough and I don't think it will be.

Horses are evolved to live primarily outside on poor quality grazing, exactly as you're keeping him.

There are significant health and welfare issues associated with lush grazing, over rugging and boxing. So whilst many traditional horse owners still do all this it's often because of cultural expectations or a misunderstanding of horse welfare needs.

It sounds like he has a great life with you @BlueEyesWhiteDragon definitely don't feel like you should justify your decisions to her.

WisnaeMe · 22/03/2021 17:36

I also goggled the Track method, sounds very clever. I might need this myself 😳

WisnaeMe · 22/03/2021 17:36

GOOGLED even 🤣

Redtartanshoes · 22/03/2021 17:38

Yes track method would help my lard arse...

Fridge in the garden... gin shelf in the garage.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 22/03/2021 17:38

Just skim read the thread but it seems as per usual we've got a load of be nice, be kind, don't be mean and I would let her posts

I would add that to encourage someone in an obviously unhealthy obsession is NOT kind. You are pandering to what is, effectively, a mental illness.

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