To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

I have to disagree with @AmberItsACertainty , there are 2 types of horse owners , the type that consider them pets in the same way as a cat or dog and never sell and the type that do sell . Nothing wrong with the latter type but IMO as someone who doesn’t sell once you sell then it’s none of your business what happens to that horse - which is why nothing I’ve ever owned has been sold on .

Just skim read the thread but it seems as per usual we've got a load of be nice, be kind, don't be mean and I would let her posts even though entertaining this frankly bonkers woman and her demands does not suit the OP, is already inconveniencing her and will inconvenience her even further and cause problems with how she interacts with the horse. Some people are such utter doormats no wonder they get walked all over.

Your message, no matter how blunt, was right, OP. You owe this woman nothing, she has no right to the horse or your time. If she persists, tell her to stop harassing you and block any and all communication from her.

The "I will be driving around aimlessly" really gives me the creeps.

She is telling you she is quite prepared to drive around your area looking until she finds you.

I couldn't cope with that.

Of course there's the horses who shouldn't be sold, the old/sick/lame and those with behavioural issues due to past trauma or their innate temperament, and should instead be PTS. But people don't like to think about that (or pay for it), so many that shouldn't be are sold on too.

Totally agree! I would far prefer that people have their old/sick/lame horses PTS if they can’t look after them anymore than try to sell them or rehome them. 5 minutes on the dodgy dealer pages on FB will tell you that far too many oldies end up going round and round bin end dealers. It is far kinder to PTS.

When my old lady’s arthritis got the better of her, I retired her and she has a home for life with me, but should the worst come to the worst, then sadly PTS is the only way I can guarantee her future.

I’ve sold one horse - my DD’s lead rein/first ridden pony when she out grew him - he loved his job and was only 10, retiring him at his age wasn’t suitable for him. I knew no one small enough to ride him so we sold him to a family where he’s been happily teaching another little girl to ride. Her mum is my friend on FB, I like the odd post when I see it and he seems to be having the time of his life

By the volume of messages its quite clear that one visit won't be enough. Please don't engage with her anymore. She seems to be the type of person that will get what she wants by grinding you down. Block and enjoy your boy.

She is not your responsibility, her behaviour has made sure of that.

Don’t let her visit !
I allowed previous owner ( several owners down the line ) to visit and she assumed that meant she could ride him. Even assumed I would leave my expensive saddle unlocked at the yard for her .
And she wasn’t half as batshit as your lady !

@Lentillover1900

Trespassing is a civil matter. Yes.

Unless it involves a crime

One of which would be harassment and another is stalking, which is a crime

* Stalking is illegal and can include being followed or constantly harassed by another person - for example being sent unwanted emails.*

That's why it so.easyforfarmets todeal with hare courses, right🤣

I've never had a horse (though I love them) so hadn't heard of the track system so I looked it up. It sounds fantastic and a very sensible way to keep horses. Why are they Marmite?

Re your actual issue, you've had great advice so nothing to add other than that you're doing the right thing by saying no.

@LadyOfTheFlowers

The "I will be driving around aimlessly" really gives me the creeps.

She is telling you she is quite prepared to drive around your area looking until she finds you.

I couldn't cope with that.

Me too, it's essentially saying I'm coming anyway to see my horse.

@Lentillover1900

Head against wall indeed.

Are you are claiming that trespass is a criminal offence as defined by statute?

Or that the act of being in someone’s land is not trespass but could constitute harassment which itself is a criminal offence?

I agree with the poster who suggested you don’t give legal advice which you’re clearly not qualified for.

Adding my voice to those saying it can be difficult for non-horse people to understand the selling on of horses.

As has been said children will outgrow ponies, people’s situations change - having kids, losing jobs, etc. If you own a particularly talented horse it can be a waste to just hack him around country lanes when he’d thrive in a competitive home. People can lose their nerve and feel that their horse is suddenly “too much” for them, etc.

And don’t get me started on the novices that go and “over horse” themselves with the first horse they buy - I work in racing and it’s unreal the number of people who think taking on an ex-racer as their first horse is a good idea!

Hope your message puts an end to it. My friend used to keep hers on a track system, as did her neighbour and it worked brilliantly. I’d rather see them out and moving around than stabled. Lots don’t agree including the lady I have mine with. To her a muddy mane is a case for neglect!

I wouldn't - he'd probably go missing...

I think it's sad OP that you are apologising for finding HER behaviour too much... It is too much! You are not responsible for her wellbeing. She can do one, she needs to get over the fact the horse isn't hers anymore. If she carries on perhaps tell her the horse died.

Well done OP. It's not easy.

I don't know anything about horses - would this be unsettling for him? When you're focused on trying to build a strong bond, would it be unhelpful to reintroduce someone from years ago?
(And yes, totally agree with all the other posters saying she'd never be happy with just one visit and your message was spot on)

I love the idea of the track system - it's so much more natural and interesting for a horse to able to be on the move. I really dislike stabling them as much as some people do, it's so unnatural.

I've never had a horse (though I love them) so hadn't heard of the track system so I looked it up. It sounds fantastic and a very sensible way to keep horses. Why are they Marmite?

The negative comments I’ve had from it have mainly been because they see it as new fangled/fashionable and should therefore be discounted.

I find it a helpful way of managing my OAPs weight, but also keeps her moving which stops her stiffening up.

DD uses a bitless Micklem bridle which is also new fangled nonsense so coupled with the track system I’m just a fashion victim 😄

@Floralnomad

I have to disagree with *@AmberItsACertainty* , there are 2 types of horse owners , the type that consider them pets in the same way as a cat or dog and never sell and the type that do sell . Nothing wrong with the latter type but IMO as someone who doesn’t sell once you sell then it’s none of your business what happens to that horse - which is why nothing I’ve ever owned has been sold on .

It's easy to say you'd never sell, but I don't think it's just about being a certain 'type'.

I don't have horses but a lot of my relatives do. When my uncle lost his job, the family even downsized their home before selling the horses - but eventually when someone's choosing between affording the mortgage or owning a horse, even people who see a horse as a pet have to sell.

Same with people who are too ill or elderly to look after their horse, or similar. It's not always a choice.

Also, I’ve found that non-horsey people don’t get it - they see a pretty bare field and assume the poor thing is being starved.

We had someone take their fence down last summer - and left the electric tape flapping on the ground

I move my electric fence around so old bits get rested, new bits get grazed before it gets too long.

She has 2 hard feeds a day and as much soaked hay as she wants - she is definitely not starved

So true, Siepie. Even the most low maintenance horse costs a lot to keep. I have never sold but I work hard on my ponies manners and education so if the day should come where I need to sell, they will be able to find good homes easily. Any that would be difficult to rehome due to age or behavioural issues I would rather PTS at home. I pray that day never comes but I can't guarantee it.

There are options with horses other than selling , getting a sharer , loaning etc .

@Daytimetellysucks

I've never had a horse (though I love them) so hadn't heard of the track system so I looked it up. It sounds fantastic and a very sensible way to keep horses. Why are they Marmite?

The negative comments I’ve had from it have mainly been because they see it as new fangled/fashionable and should therefore be discounted.

I find it a helpful way of managing my OAPs weight, but also keeps her moving which stops her stiffening up.

DD uses a bitless Micklem bridle which is also new fangled nonsense so coupled with the track system I’m just a fashion victim 😄

Ah. It's part of the 'it'll never catch on' school of thought.

Thanks for explaining. I'm a soft touch with animals and always feel a pang when I see sheep/horses/cows out in all weathers and want to give them somewhere cosy and warm to be. Then I remind myself that I'm putting my human needs onto them and that they're most likely perfectly content.

I'd be hopeless as a horse owner, I'd need someone sensible to guide me and stop me bringing it home to sleep.

EggyPegg I spent £6,000 on shelters for my ponies. They only seem to use them when it's hot. Otherwise, they will stand right next to them, heads down, rain-soaked, the picture of misery and not go inside them. I am sure the neighbours are sick of me leaning out of my bedroom window and shouting, "Six grand. SIX GRAND! Go INTO the shelters, you prats!"

@krustykittens

EggyPegg I spent £6,000 on shelters for my ponies. They only seem to use them when it's hot. Otherwise, they will stand right next to them, heads down, rain-soaked, the picture of misery and not go inside them. I am sure the neighbours are sick of me leaning out of my bedroom window and shouting, "Six grand. SIX GRAND! Go INTO the shelters, you prats!"

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣