To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

I would absolutely not allow her to visit.

Initially I read your thread title and thought "seems a bit mean", I sold a horse I'd had from a 3 year old until he was 11, and I'd be sad if I was told that I couldn't visit him ever again, but I maintain very sporadic (probably averages out at less than once a year) contact with his owners and have visited once in the 5 years or so that they've had him, so I'm hardly bombarding them, and they actively encourage me to let them know when I'm in the area (they're about a 3hr drive away, but I have family in the area). They're wonderful people, I know he's very happy and loved, and I'm very content with that and don't need any more than that. To me, that's quite a normal level of interest in a horse who you once owned and feel fondly about. The way this woman is reacting is really unhealthy and, like others, I would be very concerned about her turning up all the time and interfering once she knows where your horse is kept.

On the way you keep them front, your system sounds much more healthy for the horse than being stabled all the time. Again, I think most sensible previous owners recognise others may do things differently but ultimately don't care so long as the horse is well, but this woman doesn't sound like she'd be happy to accept that either and it's honestly not worth the stress of interacting with people intent on changing your methods if you don't need to.

I would thank for her interest and assure her he is okay.

Say your life is busy and accommodating her is too difficult and wish her well.

@Daytimetellysucks

Trespassing is a civil matter. Yes. Unless it involves a crime. One of which would be harassment and another is stalking, which is a crime

But trespassing to feed/stroke someone else’s horse, isn’t currently a crime.

Which is why we’re having a bloody nightmare with random members of the public trespassing in my horses field to feed them - the police cannot do anything about it.

But this is not a random member of the public Hence your difficulty

If the OP was able to show a litany of messages despite her being clear - this would be seen as harassment

@AryaStarkWolf

I have never owned a horse but I was curious as to what a track system was so I looked it up, sounds like a much better idea to me, more natural. Probably a stupid question but if you don't shoe them, does that mean you can only ride them on certain terrains or how does that work?

My oldie is on a track system and it is great. She has chronic arthritis so it keeps her moving while grazing and she’s also fatter than I’d like.

Both mine are bare foot - one always has been so her hoofs are rock hard so can go pretty much anywhere

I took the shoes off my oldie when she retired, she needed hoof boots for a few months when on hard ground, but they soon hardened up - she just mooches between field and stable and the odd in hand walk with me down the lane

@HeronLanyon

God I’ve never Understood how horsey people pass horses around like this ! That poor horse. Anyway she sounds very pushy. Given her final message I’d be wary of saying yes to a visit. I’d kind of think she may visit him when I wasn’t there etc. Such a shame because I want to say yes of course let her visit him. agree with pp - ‘he’s fine, I’ll keep you in the loop if i do decide to sell him’. And if you sell him DO get in touch with her.

Nor me. The poor animals. Horsey people are plain weird

Because we are talking about a horse!!

@covetingthepreciousthings

Because I took in a dog that was being looked after by a third party as the owner said he was too boisterous and chewed things (he's never chewed anything and is quite chilled out really so I've no idea what she was on about...) so she wanted him re homed.

The previous owner spotted me out walking him the day after I picked him up and had taken him to the vet - he wasn't chipped and hadn't had jabs etc so I'd sorted that and insurance. And she was UTTERLY BATSHIT. Literally jumped out at me from behind a hedge and threatened to break my neck if I gave the dog away. Then she harassed me on facebook everyday for weeks asking for updates about 'her' dog.

I finally told her to fuck off and she threatened to find my house and take the dog from the garden/take him from me if she saw us out walking. I had to get the police involved and it was the most ridiculous nonsense you've ever seen.

Turns out she'd done this a few times; sold horses and then decided she wanted them back, given away dogs and harassed the owners etc.

I was idly wondering if she'd struck again

@Lentillover1900

Unless it involves a crime

This is a total misinterpretation of the law. Trespass does not become a criminal offence merely because it “involves a crime”. It may be a criminal offence in a limited set of circumstances as defined by a limited number of statutes. None of which apply in this case.

Given you linked to the CPS advice you should probably try reading it

I've just googled the track system. It looks as though it would be mentally as well as physically stimulating for the horse.

One of the things I have to keep telling myself about dogs (I've never had a horse), is that just because someone doesn't keep their dog the way I choose to keep mine, it doesn't mean they are a monster!

So - if someone kennels their dog outside, as long as that kennel is big enough, comfortable and warm - then the dog is fine. Not everyone wants to share a bed with a pack of f*rting spaniels!

It is the same with your horse. A might have had him snugly in a stable every night, wrapped in a blanket and with a bedtime bucket of Guinness, and sung him to sleep each evening - but that doesn't mean that that's the only way to keep a horse healthy and happy.

Nobody sends 104 messages, gets one visit and then disappears off happily. One visit will end up as lots of visits, comments on how you are looking after him, possibly even going along to see him without letting you know.

You have to wonder whether those posters supporting a visit would be quite cool with their husband's ex-girlfriend dropping round for a quickie for old time's sake. After all she did love him, and love is the most important thing, right? What will a little kindness cost you?

Laughed aloud at this!

Thankfully your land is land within land within land land and away from roads paths and prying eyes.

One visit would give her the exact location, once she knew where your horse and land location were, she would visit him unannounced and without permission freely.

So you are doing the right thing OP 🌺

@Daytimetellysucks

Trespassing is a civil matter. Yes. Unless it involves a crime. One of which would be harassment and another is stalking, which is a crime

But trespassing to feed/stroke someone else’s horse, isn’t currently a crime.

Which is why we’re having a bloody nightmare with random members of the public trespassing in my horses field to feed them - the police cannot do anything about it.

I've seen some heartbreaking reports of horses and ponies choking on the inappropriate crap that people feed them.

And even if it's "proper" horse food - you wouldn't like some random stranger giving your child sweets, so what do you think it's ok to feed a half a dozen pony nuts to someone else's horse?

To poster who think horse people are strange for passing horses around - horses get sold for lots of reasons. Ponies get outgrown but are too young to be retired, owners circumstances change and they can't pay their huge bills, sickness, change of job means no time etc. Perfectly valid reasons for selling on animal because it is done in their best interests. The notion that owners of smaller animals do not re-home or pass on for good or bad reasons is a bit of a joke, considering how full rescue centres are and the amount of ads trying to pass on older animals there are on the likes of gumtree.

@BlueEyesWhiteDragon

has she replied at all 😳

I mean I'd just say you recently bought this phone and this isn't Dragons number anymore.

[quote PegasusReturns]@Lentillover1900

Unless it involves a crime

This is a total misinterpretation of the law. Trespass does not become a criminal offence merely because it “involves a crime”. It may be a criminal offence in a limited set of circumstances as defined by a limited number of statutes. None of which apply in this case.

Given you linked to the CPS advice you should probably try reading it [/quote]
Oh good heavens. Head wall.

The limited set of circumstances includes harassment

I think the fact that she threatened to drive around hunting the horse out if you didn't provide your address was the last straw. Thank god you've told her and hopefully she backs off.

[quote PegasusReturns]**@Lentillover1900

Unless it involves a crime

This is a total misinterpretation of the law. Trespass does not become a criminal offence merely because it “involves a crime”. It may be a criminal offence in a limited set of circumstances as defined by a limited number of statutes. None of which apply in this case.

Given you linked to the CPS advice you should probably try reading it [/quote]
Indeed.

@Lentillover1900 you previously said this:

Trespassing is a serious offence and one that is fairly black and white ie my property and you’re on it without my permission

Several people pointed out it's a civil matter.

You yourself posted links to the legal position which go completely against your claims.

You really shouldn't claim to be legally trained if you're not.

@Daytimetellysucks Thanks for the information

It’s exasperating

Trespassing in this case would be clear cut to demonstrate harassment. The police would be involved because the trespassing would need the circumstances that would make it a crime

Absolutely no way would I be inviting her to my property. She sounds absolutely crackers.
Whatever the circumstances were, she sold him on. She had an agreement with the person she sold him to, but then it was a dealer. So that's it.

I think if you give her an inch she will take a mile. She will turn up whenever she likes and that's going to be really awkward if you do things differently.

I would also be having firm words with whoever told her it was you that now has him. That's a really breach of your privacy/trust.

I suspect he was passed on to a dealer because the person who bought him from her was completely exasperated with her as you quite rightly are.

To the people not understanding why horses get passed on. It's not the same as a dog or a cat, for example. Not everyone considers a horse part of the family in the same way, to some they are primarily a working animal and they have a horse mainly so they can ride, but even those of us who do consider them family will still sometimes sell a horse. Horses cost on average around £60 per week absolute minimum once you've added up all the annual costs and divided by 52 to get a weekly amount. This is for a cheap easy keeper horse. If you start adding someone else to look after it because you can't be there twice a day every day for around an hour each time, fees for competitions coaching sessions and horsebox transport, shoes, ongoing health problems needing medication etc then it becomes a lot more expensive. That's thousands of pounds per year even for an easy keeper.

That's a lot of time and money if you're not enjoying or interested in horse ownership/riding any more. A horse can live for 20-30 years. An infected cut can cost you £1000 in the blink of an eye for just a few vet visits, stitches, antibiotics. An operation for a common condition upwards of £3500, plus aftercare and rehabilitation which you'll either have to do yourself (like a part time job type hours) or pay for someone else to do. It's too much to expect people to keep horses until the end of their days if their heart is no longer in it or they (the human) health is fading. There's all the scared people who've bought the wrong horse for them or who just aren't suited to having sole care of any horse, it's not beneficial to the horse to stay with these people with their behaviour getting more and more out of control. There's the people who are desperate to keep their horses no matter what, but if you lose your job the expense of a horse can quickly get out of hand. To label all horse people as weird or heartless because they can't keep one from birth to death is unreasonable.

Of course there's the horses who shouldn't be sold, the old/sick/lame and those with behavioural issues due to past trauma or their innate temperament, and should instead be PTS. But people don't like to think about that (or pay for it), so many that shouldn't be are sold on too.

Shes bonkers! And you are way too nice