To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

I would allow her one visit
I would make clear in writing that just the once and no further contact
I would bar her number if she attempted contact again
If she visited again, it would be transposing and I would call the police

Trespassing

@Lentillover1900

* You wouldn’t be able to shut down further visits.*

Of course you would. It be trespassing. I’d involve the police

You could involve the police as much as you want, but all you’d be doing by allowing “one” visit would be opening the door to multiple visits whenever she wants; you’d never know when she’d just turn up and it would be a very long drawn out process with the police. Could go on years.

How naive are you 😂

You sound lovely

Once she knows exactly where the horse is kept, there is nothing the OP could do to stop her coming to see him whenever she wants.

@Lentillover1900

* You wouldn’t be able to shut down further visits.*

Of course you would. It be trespassing. I’d involve the police

I’m having enough trouble stopping random members of the public trespassing in my field to feed my horses at the moment

I don’t think someone who is this determined is going to let a simple matter like trespass stop her rocking up whenever she felt like it.

Also, even when we had someone actually coming on to the yard to feed the horses when they were in their stables, the police viewed it as a civil matter and wouldn’t get involved

Trespassing is a serious offence and one that is fairly black and white ie my property and you’re on it without my permission
It would not be long drawn affair

You sound rather mean. A loved this horse and obviously would have kept him if circumstances allowed, and is still very attached.

Maybe contact the buyer who bought the horse from A to see if As co tact was excessive and intrusive? If not then what harm will it do to allow a few visits. Poor horse doesn't sound to have had much stability since leaving A

Do not allow her to visit. She is harassing you. Be polite but firm. Good luck!

* Also, even when we had someone actually coming on to the yard to feed the horses when they were in their stables, the police viewed it as a civil matter and wouldn’t get involved*

I’m a paralegal
That is very strange
It’s not a civil matter
I mean you could literally just quote the law at them

@Lentillover1900

Trespassing is a serious offence and one that is fairly black and white ie my property and you’re on it without my permission It would not be long drawn affair

Oh yes it would. It’s very hard to involve the police for trespassing and actually get movement on it regardless of how serious an offence you believe it to be.

You are very, very naive to think a) one visit will be enough and b) if she tries trespassing the police will put a stop to it.

I hope your message works

Don't allow a visit, you have no way of knowing or controlling how often she visits or what she does with him once she knows where he is.
Ask your horse contacts to be careful not to give her any information and to let you know if she is asking around locally
Maybe put up a security camera if you don't already have one

My daughter is a horsey person, rides every day, so I'm around horse a lot. I agree with the minority of posters who said "have a heart and let her visit". She is not going to steal the horse. She knew where it was before (at C's) and didn't steal it. Given that her and C are now friends means she can't be some crazy horse-stealing bunny boiler.

Also, the horse means little to you, but everything to her, so I think it's just mean to keep them apart.

Dear x,

It is not and will not be possible for you to visit now or in the future. I do not wish to be contacted by you or by anyone on your behalf again. T is in his forever home and is happy an healthy. Any form of further contact from you or on your behalf will be treated as harassment as reported to the Police along with any trepass on my properties. I am blocking you on all social media. Please do not try to seek my address from any source as this will also be reported as harassment. Any letters forward will be destroyed unopened.
Z

@XelaM the horse doesn’t mean little to the OP, he just doesn’t mean as much as her horse in a lifetime, she still loves him!

It's a tough one as she is so attached to him, however how you now keep him vs how she did might cause issues, she might view your lack of rug and 24/7 turnout as neglectful and may then start being even more of a pain.

Send her a video of him living a lovely life and then cut contact.

Poor horse!

He had a wonderful (I'm sure) first 9 years with an adoring owner who was forced by circumstances to sell him.

His next few years were him being pushed from pillar to post and repeatedly sold on, and I'm sure his equine heart ached for his first Mum back. I'll bet he missed her enormously.

Bur now he has a chance of living the rest of his life with another owner who adores him, and who is working hard to build up the bond between them so that it is just as strong and deep as that first one with A.

However if A comes to see and interact with him now, all of the first emotions will flood back for him. He won't have a chance to properly bond with the OP - all he will remember is how happy he was then, and he will become unsettled and possibly even depressed. A will, through her selfishness, destroy his chance of a happy and contented life with OP. The more she visits him, the less he will be able to settle comfortably, and the more he will yearn for her. (I'm sure A knows this and is thrilled that she could be her ex-horse's Only True Love)

It's very selfish of her. She knows he is loved and cared for - that has to be enough. This is a horse that she sold, not a child who was abducted. She needs to let go of her own distress, knowing that he is well.

OP says she couldn't afford market value even if the horse was for sale - how then, could she expect to keep him? Horses are phenomenally expensive to run - insurance, vet's bills (not always covered by insurance), farrier's bills, feed bills, livery, grazing . . . she couldn't afford to keep him before - I doubt she could realistically afford to keep I'm now. If she had had that much spare cash she would have been putting it by so that if he did become available for sale , she could offer enough for the owner to take her offer above any other.

OP - I feel for you. You must be exhausted with all of this.

Wow. It has been a difficult year for everyone, and I think you should let A visit the horse.

(I bet this turns up as a Daily Mail / Morning TV item next week)

Shed never be away from your door, do not let her near you or the horse. The horse is an animal that needs care not a bloody toy that when people are fed up they just sell him. Tell her to bugger off and no you are not selling the horse the horse has been passed pillar to post since the day he was born. Do not let her near your home, she seems a stalker, 103 emails, I'd be telling her to piss off or better yet getting the police onto her for harassment.

OP, you’ve been far too polite and not clearly set your boundaries. She has used the inch she’s been given to take a country mile. You need to stop being so polite and start saying what you mean- which is that her frequent messaging and demands are unwelcome and you want them to stop. You also do not want her to visit. Don’t couch it in platitudes, say what you mean. And then stop replying/block her. Any attempts on Facebook etc to find you, just let admin know the situation. Hopefully, she’ll get the message sooner rather than later.

I would not let this woman visit once. She clearly lacks boundaries- she’s sent over 100 messages, hounds op if she does not reply and when OP blocked her she plastered it all over Facebook and even went through the passport agency to get contact. She has now TOLD OP that she is visiting (and bringing a friend) and demands an address- she hasn’t asked OP’s permission if she might be allowed to visit. That is simply over the top and does not suggest someone who “just wanted to know that T was safe and well”- she knew that after the first time she contacted OP and received photos/ reassurance that he was well and in a forever home. It is clear that she wants VERY regular updates and to be able to visit. I suspect she would like to have the other benefits of ownership- grooming, riding etc.

And it won’t stop at one visit, will it? Once she knows where he is, she’ll be popping in whenever she feels like it- who knows whether she’ll even tell OP she’s coming (on evidence so far she certainly won’t ask permission). I also doubt it will stop at a quick pat and a carrot.

As for people suggesting op should sell her horse to this woman, at below his market value, to “be kind”? That is, dare I say, not very kind to OP (who has had a tough year by the sound of it- she has said her life “imploded” in December and this horse is making life a bit better for her- she has said both quite clearly) and quite a ridiculous suggestion. Why should op sell a horse that she enjoys and cares about (even if he is not her “horse of a lifetime”)? Bonkers. And also quite possibly not in the horses’ best interests either- the previous owner sold him for a reason and can’t afford to buy him back even if he was for sale- which he is not- is there any reason to suppose she can afford to keep the horse now and for the foreseeable? The horse has a loving home with OP- probably for life according to OP. I suspect the horse has a more secure home with OP. The ex-owner, however, was no moral or legal right to harass OP, have access to the horse nor the option to have him back at OPs expense (both financially and practically/emotionally).

To the posters saying let her visit the horse, are you not reading the sold back and forth! You wouldn't do that to a dog, why would you do that to a horse? Don't you think horses don't get attached to their owners either? Horse must have issues with trust not knowing where he's going or who with.

If you do decide to send her a photo, do make sure that there are no identifying features or landmarks in the background that could be used to locate him.

www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/trespass-and-nuisance-land

This is the guidance from the CPS about trespass. It is civil matter but there are features which could bring in into the remit of the Police.

Not sure I can really offer any help but I think the way you approach things remind me of me! All kind hearted to start with, then people push and push for more and you have to stand up to them and it's awkward. Much easier to say no to start with, but I'm not there yet with that and I'm 48. Good luck with the mad horse woman. Hope she reigns it in!