To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

I'm a bit divided on this one, 104 messages does seem a bit crazy but I had a lovely horse who I sold to a young girl when she was 20, I was heading off to uni at the time.

I used to visit occasionally, and they actually called me years later to let me know she was getting on and I might want a last visit before she went off to the pasture in the sky. I was extremely grateful, I was living overseas by this time and they had heard I was back visiting the uk.

It was lovely to see her fat and grumpy as ever in their back paddock.

Gubanc, if you were referring to me in your previous post, I am definitely not a friend of the old owner! Not a horse person at all. I know nothing about the horse world, however, was disgusted a few weeks ago by the horse trainer and jockey posing for pictures on dead horses. I do feel a little sad that horses don't generally seem to be treated with the same love as dogs.

beingsunny that’s wonderful and how it should be where all respect each other.
Here’s to ‘fat grumpy’ in that pasture in the sky.

I would be even firmer with your message - I wouldn't put "don't have the capacity to accommodate visits" as I suspect she will say oh that's fine, you don't need to be there, she'll just turn up on her own. I get the sense she will seek any potential chink in what you say, and keep drilling away at it. You need to be abundantly clear that she is not permitted to visit under any circumstances, including driving round to try and find him on her own.

You need to be able to demonstrate that you've been crystal clear in case it ever goes further.

She is incredibly entitled to essentially tell you that she's coming to find him without your permission, and that you need to hand over the address of where he's kept in order to help her out. Don't be too nice. It might be sad for her but that doesn't give her the right to harass, stalk and pursue you in the way she has. Because it is harassment.

@stayathomer

No, like a working animal that needs to be able to do a specific job. I used to work with horses and I still hate the horsey world for this, so unfair to the ones that are passed from yard to yard because of ability, especially when you think of the fantastic life a horse that is loved goes to. So sad

I do think this horse was unlucky in going through so many owners in a comparatively short period of time, but I don’t think it always has much to do with a horse being loved. If an owner for some reason can’t hold onto an outgrown animal, or one that turns out not to be able for the specific job they were needed for, or thinks it’s unfair for a young, healthy animal to be retired because they can no longer ride it, then it can be hard to ensure it’s future, especially if it’s not an obvious loan horse.

@HoppingPavlova
This is a better message. As with any stalker type you have to be blunt and firm and assert clear lines. I know you want to be softer but she’s shown obsessive and very bizarre behaviour. As others have said - if you rehome a dog or cat there is no expectation that there’s any contact after. That’s the point, they are someone else’s.
It is hard to be firm but if you don’t draw a line and make her see the behaviour is unacceptable it will just continue. You’re already worrying about her visiting and judging your care of the horse, that is your horse so you shouldn’t have to have these worries at all.
It might help her recover and move on too in the knowledge he’s in his forever home & she has the boundaries in place to know that the only contact comes from you and not her going forward.

The OP sounds a lovely person and this has built up and built up to ridiculous levels.

And I bet you, it will only get worse. Do Not Let Her Visit. For people like this it's 'give her an inch and she'll take a mile'

What aware person would send this amount of messages? It is beyond crazy and believe me, people like this can turn. Next minute she'll be bad mouthing you and reporting you, because you let her visit once, and she wants to visit weekly or daily!

It's better to bite the bullet now and take the flack whilst she doesn't know where you are the horse physically are. It will only escalate if you don't put a stop to it.

SausageBeanz earlier post was brilliant

Your message to her needs to be very blunt and unambiguous, do not leave any notion that you will change your mind and allow a visit. This woman obviously not respecting normal social boundaries and is scarily obsessed. Do not keep in touch.

You need to put an end to this now. Something like

'I am sorry you miss (the horse) but i would appreciate if you stopped contacting me now. When I bought (the horse) I did not wish to continue contact with previous owners and thus is all too much. I can assure you he is looked after and has his forever home. Unfortunately I won't be replying to any further messages from you.

As well as the message definitely do what others have suggested and contact other local horse owners and your “friend” who passed on your email address and make them aware that they are not to pass on your address.

It would be nice if you could allow her a visit but like most people I suspect it wouldn’t just be one visit and she’d eventually be expecting to ride him often and probably turning up and grooming him and feeding him without your knowledge.

Poor horse has been shipped around. I would have perhaps been inclined to facilitate yearly visits but like most people, the 104 messages plonks her straight into bunny boiler territory for me and I'd want no further contact.

I'd be worried the horse will 'disappear' if she gets wind of your address, or you'll wake up to flat tyres and bricks through your windows. Just tell her to cease and desist.

I would be furious with the friend for passing on your email.

I would not dream of doing that in a million years without checking with the person first. You need to tell her what you've been subjected to and give her a rocket.

This woman is obsessed with her old horse. It will only get worse and worse because that's what happens with obsessive people like this.

You need to be firm in your response and unfortunately, you also need to block her and never be in contact with her again.

If you offer a yearly update, she will start in a few weeks/months with 'Can I have my update please. You promised you would update me, and I want the update now'.
Then if you do, she will want an 'early update' because she's been worried and had a dream that the horse was ill. Then she'll want another one because a friend of a friend told her that she saw the horse and he was not groomed and looked unkempt. Then she will hear a rumour you had sold the horse.

It will go on and on.
Do not offer yearly updates.

I'm fairly sure I've seen this girls posts on social media. If it is her, the way she portrays it is that she's desperate to trace her old horse, does anyone know where he is, i "just want to know he's ok".

Does this happen a lot in the horsey world? Just thinking back, and last year or so there was very similar posts going round local social media here, trying to trace a horse desperately to see if it's ok.

@Roussette

I would be furious with the friend for passing on your email.

I would not dream of doing that in a million years without checking with the person first. You need to tell her what you've been subjected to and give her a rocket.

This woman is obsessed with her old horse. It will only get worse and worse because that's what happens with obsessive people like this.

You need to be firm in your response and unfortunately, you also need to block her and never be in contact with her again.

If you offer a yearly update, she will start in a few weeks/months with 'Can I have my update please. You promised you would update me, and I want the update now'.
Then if you do, she will want an 'early update' because she's been worried and had a dream that the horse was ill. Then she'll want another one because a friend of a friend told her that she saw the horse and he was not groomed and looked unkempt. Then she will hear a rumour you had sold the horse.

It will go on and on.
Do not offer yearly updates.

Totally agree about yearly update and about friend giving email address!

Ridiculous suggestion to sell him. Horses aren’t cars. The purchase price alone isn’t reflective of the initial investment made on a horse, often feet need a little work, teeth checks, initial physio checks, new tack - which will unlikely fit another horse very well. Then it takes time getting to know them before you can properly start enjoying them. Why risk getting a horse you don’t get along with to keep someone else happy? Ultimately OP is keeping him well and has no idea that the old owner will do the same and this isn’t just some fantasy of hers to have him back.

Absolutely no visits, you will never get rid of her.

Once they are sold, they aren't yours anymore. Brutal if you have been forced to sell but not your problem. Breeder of mine asked if they could have first refusal if I ever sell which is fair enough but tbh they can't enforce that.

If you compete at all I'd keep that off social media as well, crazy bint be turning up and wanting to groom for you.

I would usually say a visit occasionally is fine but there was a post on fb (possibly the dodgy horse dealers page) where a similar scenario happened, old owner visited then stole the horse so no I would definitely never disclose address after reading that old owner may not have this intention but I'd be nervous.

Maybe agree to send an update once a year on horses birthday to let old owner know horse is well with a few (area unidentifiable) pics?

Does the person who passed on your email know what’s happened since and that on no account should she tell horse stalker where you live?

Your emails are far too wishy washy and open to interpretation by someone who is clearly very focussed on getting regular contact with the horse. Go with one of the much shorter clearer examples by PPs.

This is why I loaned my horse of life time and didn’t sell her (I have sold others) she is nearing retirement and I want to ensure she has a dignified end (sounds morbid). I don’t want to lose sight of her. It’s sad the old owner had to sell but it isn’t for OP to compensate, she bought a horse in good faith. Old owner should have raised funds to buy market value when she had the chance.

OP I'm afraid I think your message isn't clear enough and there are too many question marks and maybes that will just cause her to carry on. I'd just cover the key points:
-No she can't visit, now or in the future
-She needs to stop messaging you constantly or you'll be forced to block all contact
-He is well looked after and will not be for sale

That's all I'd cover. You need to send one message and be done with it, not start a conversation which I think your original message does.

So what if all the previous owners all start wanting to text and phone you and visit ...
This is harassment
I would of blocked her ,changed my number and reported to the police long ago.
Your getting walked over .

Normally I would say ler visit. However.. the 104 messages suggests that she has not got over selling him and poss needs to grieve . This could go either way.. seeing him may settle things and she does sound determinted and fixated wen she says you had nor replies to her text.. not thinking that you could be busy or whatever. Seeing him.may resolve things...But if she knows were you are would you feel comfy if she kept commimg back.. or was sat in her car lookimg at him etc..
Id think carefully as tho I would want to be kind she is an unknown quantity.
How about middle ground of sending a picture of his happy face saying he is well and content and that you hope this helps as you understand she misses him but that you dont want to start letting her see him as that would not work for you .

I admit I know absolutely nothing about horses- I’m a guinea pig woman and have 5 of them living in a huge indoor cage that takes up half my kitchen / diner, which many would think is insane- but this sounds crazy! This woman is completely harassing you. Send the message and then report her to the police if she continues.

Hope you sent the message and she gets the point.

Also
Horse needs to bond with you ,not be confused seeing an old owner .
This needs stopping ASAP ,before she finds where the horse is ,and started turning up whenever it suits her .
I’d be getting an injunction personally