To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

@Sirzy

She had him for 9 years. The fact the poor horse has been passed from pillar to post since then probably makes he feel even worse that she had to rehome him for whatever reason.

Personally I would make it clear I had no intention of selling but that it was ok for her to visit occasionally as long as she lets you know in advance

^ this Poor horse being passed around so much.

Yikes, I don't blame you for feeling overwhelmed with her contact, especially if things haven't been going well for you outside of this.

I'd agree with PP that if you dont have CCTV at your Yard then you need to put it in. I appreciate you don't think she'd steal him, but you also didn't think she'd message this much, and thought she'd get the numerous hints you sent her. She hasn't, and I don't think they were subtle. In particular when she realised she'd been blocked, she then tried to go around that via the horse passport people. That shows that she doesn't care about your feelings. I'd guess that she knows damn well that she is texting too much, and being generally OTT, but doesn't care because what she wants matters more.

Honestly, I understand you wanting to be nice, I hate upsetting people too, but I think what this woman needs is a clear back off. If that doesn't work, then I'd make it clear legally speaking that she's harassing you and report any further contact beyond that. I don't think she's going to back off quietly, although I hope for your sake that she does.

'a generic something I was looking to buy'- what, like a table?

Personally I'd be kind.

It’s not kind though, it’s foolish. The woman has shown a complete lack of boundaries. It’s also unkind in a way as it encourages her and, given her lack of boundaries which actually goes over into harassment with 104 messages (or whatever), may provide the potential lead her into a legal cease and desist situation by necessity.

Please stop contacting me. The volume of messages that I've had from you is making me uncomfortable. I do not wish to sell him, and I am not interested in visitors from strangers. Horse is very well and happy
This from a PP is the perfect answer.

I would be kind but in a firm / no nonsense way.

I actually think your own messages you e put on here twice with a sentence saying
'I do feel the need to now tell you to stop contacting me, after seeking advice your contact with me/ in relation to me is classes as a criminal offence'.

You sound so lovely @BlueEyesWhiteDragon and she is so lucky her horse is now yours.

I'm not sure I'd give a promise of contact as she'll probably be messaging you saying
It's nearly been 6 months
It's nearly Christmas etc.

Under no circumstances let her know your yard details and I'd look at making your home details Ex directory.

She no doubt adores this horse but has to accept he is no longer hers.

She sounds like an absolute bunny boiler and it's time you were firm with her. She sold the animal and while it's sad that she regrets it , that's just her tough. Its legally now your property which you dont want to sell , share or build a friendship over. This woman is playing on the face that you are soft and can obviously tell you hate confrontation.a nice message will not get her to go away . Unfortunately you need to be up straight and direct and tell her to go away.

Gosh I am so surprised that people think after sending you 100 plus messages you should let her see him! She might never leave you alone once she knows your address. I would also speak to the non urgent police helpline to lodge a note of this incase things esculate as its become harrassment.

You sound like a really lovely person OP but I agree with others that you need to be very firm and less nice to get the message home.

If A was an ex boyfriend/bloke you’d met once you’d (I’d) be calling the police by now. This person is way overstepping the mark and as much as I empathise with her, this isn’t her horse now and she has to respect your boundaries and privacy now.

I’d imagine seeing the horse wouldn’t be as nice as she thinks it would be anyway, I’d be tortured personally.

You’ll be doing her a kindness in the long run (and yourself) ending all contact once and for all.

@bringbackfonzi

'a generic something I was looking to buy'- what, like a table?

No, like a working animal that needs to be able to do a specific job.

I think this sounds perfect, op.
From how she's been going on the last few months, I'd reckon one visit wouldn't be enough and she'd even start rocking up announced when she knows where you live.
The assumption alone she can just come visit without asking you is too much, let alone her then knowing your address and no doubt popping in when she pleases cause she was "passing".

Your planned message sounds perfect, that is!

@youshallnotpass9

Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly!

Is where you keep him a fairly easy place to spot, because this would make me nervous, that regardless of what you say, she might well do this anyway, trying to find him.

I would also speak to the person who gave your email address and say under no circumstances to give any more of your personal details out

It sounds like she already has a good idea where OP lives. I would definitely log it with 101. Hopefully the yard has CCTV.

Horse events must be like one big episode of long lost family for horsey people !

Be straight and Assertive she can vist occasionally along as its arranged in Advance with you Only !

Or
.she can only vist you Once Only so she can see for herself that the horse is doing well!

Be straight with her that she needs to really stop this Constant Texting as you feel that that it is Harassment there is simply no Need for it !

You’ll never hear the end of it if you let her visit, she’ll end up turning unannounced to feed him all the time.

It’s time to be assertive and ask her to stop contacting you.

Don't let her visit. It will never stop. She's clearly obsessed. You need to tell her No. and the number of messaging she sends you find harassing.

MadMadMad message is perfect.

6 years ago I sold my lovely horse due to change of circumstances. The woman who bought him is lovely, inviting me to see him and keeping in touch. But I have never asked her to do this. He is not mine anymore and I expect nothing other than he's happy and healthy, which he is. If she sells she's told me she will let me know but otherwise I will not ask her questions about him because he's not mine anymore.

This is what selling a horse is supposed to be like! You don't get to still visit or hear about them by right. If the new owner lets you know or invites you then great but it's not an expectation.

You assured her that he was well and happy and kindly sent her pics. That should have been enough!

I am shocked that she TOLD you she was coming to see him. At that point I think I would have informed the police. It's all gone way beyond normal behaviour. This person isn't taking your life into consideration at all. It's all about her and what she wants and you do NOT want someone like that in your life!
I'm wondering if she is quite well.

Wow. She sounds really intense. At first I felt sorry for her but reading your posts I really think you should just stop avoiding conflict and tell her to go away!

Don't offer to keep in touch with her, this will just carry on if you do, she obviously isn't able to manage her emotions related to this horse. It's sad but at the end of the day he's yours now and she needs to move on.

Given the amount of emails and her determination to see the horse I wouldn’t encourage her. I envision her turning up to ride your horse as and when she feels like it. I wouldn’t like so many emails and her persistence.

Yes I was joking when I said just sell him to her but ... in your situation, the thought would have crossed my mind. Just because I do genuinely feel sorry for her and I'd start feeling like I've got someone else's horse.

I know she sold him, and then could afford to buy him so C did, and now can but it's too late as you have him. I totally agree that 103 messages is wtf and that she can't just say where are you as otherwise she's going to be driving around with carrots desperately searching.

But in my experience of having horses, we have always tried to be understanding of the attachment people have. Circumstances change. She is obviously very cut up. It will feel like someone has her child. I know she just has to deal with and F off but in that situation, I'd be considering all options.

That's just me. You lot will say I'm stupid, too kind, not even kind just an idiot, nobody owes her anything, call the police, etc.

We actually sold a pony snd eventually bought her back because from the second she left the yard, we missed her. It was awful. So I guess I empathise/sympathise.

Anyhow, yes the straightforward normal response is to make this very clear: sorry but he's mine, need to be able to get on with him without constant communication with you, I'll let you know if ever selling him it if anything happens. Bye.

I'm wondering if this is why the horse has been sold so often 🤔 if you told her the horse had passed away would she demand you cremated him and sent them too her? She does sound a little ott

She obviously really really loves the horse, I imagine in the same way that a dog or cat lover loves their animal. She probably thinks of him as her boy as she had him from six months old until aged nine. She also probably feels really guilty that she let him go and since that time he has been sold and re-sold many times, so nobody has obviously loved him like she did.

I think that life is about more than money, and if you could take the financial hit I would let his very loving first owner have him (obviously at a cost). She will obviously smother him with love and attention.

If you switched this scenario to a pet dog, then I think that many more people would be able to relate to it and would probably agree that if possible she should have him. As you have said you don't love him in the same way, let him go to her and let him have the best life for him.

I know that I am in the minority on here, but can just imagine that if this my dog, and she was sold on several times, then I would feel heartbroken too. 😞😞 Perhaps tell her what price you are looking for and give her the opportunity to save up to buy him back? You can then buy another horse to meet your riding requirements.